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Posted: 4/21/2007 7:45:35 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/21/2007 10:36:06 PM EDT by pattymcn]
My daughter went to prom tonight. I couldn't have been more pleased with her date. A very nice boy who treated Whitney like a lady. Whitney on the other hand was no where near stellor in her actions. In fact she was down right embarrassing.

We live in a small town with no resturants so for dinner I cooked and the boy and his family over. It was very nice and though obviously not as private the kids chatted and seem to have a good time.

The boy helped Whitney to her seat and did all the things you would expect from a young man. However my daughter did not act like a lady and did not respond to the appropriate ques. It really made me feel as if I failed as a mother to teach my daughter to be a lady.

I always felt as if I modeled good practices for her. I taught her to be polite and I remind her to sit up straight, to keep her elbows off the table [ I had to tell her three times at dinner ] My husband rarely opens doors for me but when men do I always say thank you and I know I've taught Whitney to be respectful and appreciative. But here's the kicker -- when Erick her date went to open the door for her the first time she didn't so much shove him away but she made it clear that she would get the door. I was very embarrassed and I took Whitney aside and told her to let him open the door for her and she said it was embarrassing. I told her it was the proper thing to do but she refused.

I'm not sure how to deal with it from here on out. I guess I can't make her act like a lady.

Patty
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 7:47:56 PM EDT
Sounds like he is getting some brainwashing from the public school system via the "feminist teaching" movement.

Link Posted: 4/21/2007 7:49:46 PM EDT
She's at that age where they know everything.

I'm sure she will be fine in a few years, and remember the manners she was brought up with.

Until then, wine.

LOTS of wine.



Link Posted: 4/21/2007 7:50:22 PM EDT
Worrying is your job. Do the best that you can with them and trust them to do the right thing. She will find her way.
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 7:50:55 PM EDT

Originally Posted By 4xDawn:
She's at that age where they know everything.

I'm sure she will be fine in a few years, and remember the manners she was brought up with.

Until then, wine.

LOTS of wine.





Now that's advice I can take! I hope you're right and I hope the boy asks her out again. He is very nice and very cute.
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 7:55:04 PM EDT
If it was your daughters first interaction with a boy-friend, then me thinks she may have been a little nervous and was putting up some "defenses"??

Don't worry, if she grows up to be as nice and polite as you seem to be, she'll be fine and you did your job well

--VT
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 7:58:42 PM EDT
Thank you VT. I was raised by my grandparents and I always feel as if I haven't lived quite up to my grandmothers standards in the lady department. [She was such a lady - she could insult another woman with such tanacity that they would take it as a compliment!]
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 8:00:54 PM EDT
I agree with VT as wel.
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 8:01:47 PM EDT
Patty, shes at her house, with her mom, and a date, his folks, and probably was a bit awkward for her. I think she may have been grandstanding. you know she was probably a bit embarrassed and all. Cut her some slack..
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 8:13:42 PM EDT
At least you like the prom date. Most parents do not. I agree with many of the other posters, much of your daughter's actions are most likely due to her age (hey, we we're all teenagers once). Hope she had a good time.

Take care!

Somewhat off subject: I started college at a community college that had a set of double doors. The doors were not side-by-side, but were the first door, then the second door about 15 feet after the 1st. One day, I was leaving the builiding and I stopped halfway out the door to hold the door open for an attractive female behind me. She stated, "I can get it myself!" I said, "okay," and released the doorhandle, essentially slamming the door into her. She then called me an asshole and I asked her if she believed in chivalry or equality. I received a pissed off look after that.
Interesting note, I walked through the same door several times (as did multiple others), and one time did not hold the door open and received a dirty look. Damned if you do, damned if you don't, I guess.
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 8:24:25 PM EDT
She wasn't embarrassed that he opened the door for her. She was embarrassed because the door needed to opened to let the wind out that had been passed while you were in the kitchen.

(Notice how I coyly avoided the question of whom may have passed said wind.)
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 8:29:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/21/2007 8:37:24 PM EDT by pattymcn]
I can't stand women who refuse or are impolite to gentlemen.

I should note something funny - I had to drive the kids to the Prom [I have to wait for them to get done too] Whitney's date was very interested in our pick up. Its a 1946 Chev pick up. He asked if I would drive them in it. [My daughter hates the old pick up]. So I told him sure but he would have to push it start! When it came time to leave he takes off his jacket [he's wearing a tux] so he can push start the old pick up! Whitney could have shot us both!

*ETA* moof!
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 8:30:21 PM EDT
1946 pick? that right there is cool!
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 8:36:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Valkyrie:
Patty, shes at her house, with her mom, and a date, his folks, and probably was a bit awkward for her. I think she may have been grandstanding. you know she was probably a bit embarrassed and all.


That would be my guess.

Link Posted: 4/21/2007 8:58:36 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
I can't stand women who refuse or are impolite to gentlemen.

I should note something funny - I had to drive the kids to the Prom [I have to wait for them to get done too] Whitney's date was very interested in our pick up. Its a 1946 Chev pick up. He asked if I would drive them in it. [My daughter hates the old pick up]. So I told him sure but he would have to push it start! When it came time to leave he takes off his jacket [he's wearing a tux] so he can push start the old pick up! Whitney could have shot us both!

*ETA* moof! smiley.onegreatguy.net/neener.gif


See if the other parents will make a trade
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 9:00:33 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Hebrew_Battle_Rifle:

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
I can't stand women who refuse or are impolite to gentlemen.

I should note something funny - I had to drive the kids to the Prom [I have to wait for them to get done too] Whitney's date was very interested in our pick up. Its a 1946 Chev pick up. He asked if I would drive them in it. [My daughter hates the old pick up]. So I told him sure but he would have to push it start! When it came time to leave he takes off his jacket [he's wearing a tux] so he can push start the old pick up! Whitney could have shot us both!

*ETA* moof! smiley.onegreatguy.net/neener.gif


See if the other parents will make a trade


The thought crossed my mine. Boys are so much easier than girls!
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 9:01:41 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
I can't stand women who refuse


Yeah, I kinda hate that too.


I'm sure you did just fine raising her, Patty.
Teenagers, by nature, are a pain in the ass.
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 10:39:55 PM EDT
I'm not too sure. I just got home from bringing her home. Her date came and knocked on my door and told me he had a great time and thanked me for letting him take Whitney to the Prom. He said he was tired and had to work in the morning but Whitney did not want to leave.



I went and got her and told her I was very ashamed of her. She thought about it for a while and apologized. She was having fun and didn't want to leave. I hope she apologizes to her date.

It isn't easy being a parent!
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 10:45:06 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
My daughter went to prom tonight. I couldn't have been more pleased with her date. A very nice boy who treated Whitney like a lady. Whitney on the other hand was no where near stellor in her actions. In fact she was down right embarrassing.


Forget about all that stuff. The only question that matters is at any time did you hear him humming or singing the following lyrics:

"stacy's mom has got it goin on
she's all i want and i've waited for so lo-o-ng
stacy can't you see you're just not the girl for me
but i know it might be wrong
but i'm in love with stacy's mom"

Link Posted: 4/21/2007 10:46:12 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

It isn't easy being a parent!


... Quite possibly one of the main reasons I chose long ago not to be one. I commend you pattymcn
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:00:46 PM EDT
I too have to admire you Patty. As a 22 year old I sometimes wish that more girls were actually ladies. I thank you for what you are doing, and eventually your daughter will realize that mom was right. Until then enjoy the wine
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:06:18 PM EDT
Shit I dont want to even goto prom..........
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:06:28 PM EDT
thank you lymie and of course W_W!

Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:09:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/21/2007 11:11:29 PM EDT by PeteCO]
You did threaten the boy in the usual and customary manner, yes? I know he sounds like a nice kid, but you know...just for good measure. If I have ever have a daughter, I won't consider my mission complete until any prospective dates have a brown stripe in their underwear.

I wouldn't consider the door thing a big deal, if nothing else she is being assertive which is something many kids her age are not.
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:11:02 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/21/2007 11:11:22 PM EDT by Hydguy]

Originally Posted By mattja:

Originally Posted By pattymcn:
My daughter went to prom tonight. I couldn't have been more pleased with her date. A very nice boy who treated Whitney like a lady. Whitney on the other hand was no where near stellor in her actions. In fact she was down right embarrassing.


Forget about all that stuff. The only question that matters is at any time did you hear him humming or singing the following lyrics:

"stacy's mom has got it goin on
she's all i want and i've waited for so lo-o-ng
stacy can't you see you're just not the girl for me
but i know it might be wrong
but i'm in love with stacy's mom"



I tend to agree.. I think your daughter had it in her mind that her prom date had the hots for her mom... (as do many here!!)
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:12:42 PM EDT
The poor guy. Your daughter sounds like she knows what she wants; I just hope the guy was expecting that -- I take it they're not a couple.
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:14:42 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

I'm not sure how to deal with it from here on out. I guess I can't make her act like a lady.

Patty


Patty ,She has to be a lady to truly act like one.
You did not fail her, maybe she failed herself.

Oh, and I have seen your pic and read your posts. You do seem to be a lady to me.
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:16:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/21/2007 11:17:26 PM EDT by M4MikelA3]
She was probably just anxious to get to prom so she could take some pics and leave and have sex.



ETA...she's getting to the age where she can do as she pleases. You've done your job and now it's almost time for her take over. She doesn't HAVE to conform to anyone else's idea of what a "lady" is supposed to act like if she doesn't want to.
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:16:46 PM EDT

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
You did threaten the boy in the usual and customary manner, yes? I know he sounds like a nice kid, but you know...just for good measure. If I have ever have a daughter, I won't consider my mission complete until any prospective dates have a brown stripe in their underwear.

I wouldn't consider the door thing a big deal, if nothing else she is being assertive which is something many kids her age are not.


No I didn't threaten the boy. I did play a few bars of "That summer" Okay just joking. I'll try to act like a lady now.
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:22:49 PM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

Originally Posted By PeteCO:
You did threaten the boy in the usual and customary manner, yes? I know he sounds like a nice kid, but you know...just for good measure. If I have ever have a daughter, I won't consider my mission complete until any prospective dates have a brown stripe in their underwear.

I wouldn't consider the door thing a big deal, if nothing else she is being assertive which is something many kids her age are not.


No I didn't threaten the boy. I did play a few bars of "That summer" Okay just joking. I'll try to act like a lady now.


Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:31:48 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/21/2007 11:32:33 PM EDT by Painter]
So is the young man in question a boyfriend or just a date for the prom?

Sounds to me like she doesn't want him to be a boyfriend,
and is making sure that he knows that he doesn't have a chance.
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:34:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Painter:
Sounds to me like she doesn't want him to be a boyfriend,
and is making sure that he knows that he doesn't have a chance.


I agree.


Also, whenever I see the thread title I keep thinking it's about the new Saliva song
Link Posted: 4/21/2007 11:53:34 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/22/2007 12:09:33 AM EDT by garanditis]
.
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 12:51:48 AM EDT

Originally Posted By pattymcn:

It isn't easy being a parent!


No. It isn't.

Its actually easier when they are little, I'd take a 2 year olds temper tantrum over a teenagers tantrum ANY day.

Around 13, they turn into head spinning, opinionated monsters, who want to do everything themselves, (and exactly the opposite of whatever we think) Even when we know they are making a mistake, its SO hard to let them make those mistakes.

My favorite phrase EVER was "You are trying to ruin my LIFE!!"

Yeah. I gave birth, breastfed you, spent all my free time taking you to parks, t-ball games and play dates...drove you to and from school for YEARS so you could attend an advanced school, spent thousands of dollars on sports teams and clubs, lessons...went to every game, meet, and award ceremony you ever attended, took you to the dentist, doctor...And YES, you're RIGHT!! I just now decided to ruin your life!

I tend to laugh most of it off.

My oldest has become a very solid person. I spent the past few years battling with him, but the groundwork and moral code was already in place. They do come around.

Laugh it off Patty. Your daughter will be fine, after a few years of dumbass.



Link Posted: 4/22/2007 12:56:54 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Valkyrie:
Patty, shes at her house, with her mom, and a date, his folks, and probably was a bit awkward for her. I think she may have been grandstanding. you know she was probably a bit embarrassed and all. Cut her some slack..


As well as she's a big girl, maybe she just felt that she could get the door. Not necessarily a feminist "omg, i CAN GET THE DOOR!!!" but a "I'm not an attention whore, you dont need to put a jacket down on the ground for me" type of woman.

Link Posted: 4/22/2007 1:04:35 AM EDT
Btw not trying to be a perv, any pics of the cute couple tonight, Patty?
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 4:07:40 AM EDT
Sounds like she just didn't want to be there with him. <shrug> As though she had to settle for him as her date.
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 4:19:33 AM EDT
I wouldnt worry about.. I think it is the guys fault as much as the girls these days. I had a date over a few weeks ago. For the background i am 21 she is 22 went to the smae highschool and we are hanging out a bit but keeping it real casual. Well we were gonna head to the liquor store to get a bottle of wine and sit in frount of the fire place and listen to music and have a decent time. Well we head outside and i go to open the passanget side dorr of my car for her. she just walks by and sits in the driver seat... look a little and says "I cant drive stick"..... i give her a and she realizes what has taken place and i was just getting the doory for her... we both laugh our asses off and apparently her Ex BF was an asshole and never got the door for her...
Link Posted: 4/22/2007 4:40:22 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Painter:
So is the young man in question a boyfriend or just a date for the prom?

Sounds to me like she doesn't want him to be a boyfriend,
and is making sure that he knows that he doesn't have a chance.


Yup, however, she was incredibly rude when she stayed at the prom when he had to leave. She needs to learn some etiquette, while it might be of little use right now, it will stand her in good stead in the future.

The door thing is politeness in action, if one can't accept an act of politeness directed towards them, I doubt that they will exhibit it towards others. Accepting an act of politeness graciously is a sign of character and confidence and others DO notice.

And the schools are destroying politeness with their PC malarky about equality, everybody being the same and other hooey.
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