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9/19/2017 7:27:10 PM
Posted: 3/23/2006 12:37:03 PM EDT
So my sister calls me this morning and immediatly launches into the "oh woe is me!" My boyfriend is spending too much time "in meetings with his "ex-wife"" Now he wants to "slow it down" so "he can be a better man for her."(my sister)
I listen like a good brother for about 15 minutes and she is getting more and more upset. "How can he do this to her?" Doesn't she know that "God wants them together!"(I suspect "God" doesn't have alot to say about this. My sister has always been pretty controlling.) She's virtually crippling "her son"(but that's another story)
Anyway I tell her that everytime we speak, she relates something negative about "her relationship." Perhaps she should just walk away, let him do his "healing" and if it is meant to be, it will happen.( I suspect that her "beau" has realized that "he doesn't have to buy the cow......" and "what have I got myself into!"

Then, "You don't understand! We're so good together."

Yeah, That's why she calls me every other day complaining about him.

So I took a deep breath, told her "I love you, sis" but this can't be good for you. I bet your BP is through the roof! I know you don't want to be alone but perhaps he is not the man for you." I told her to let him go and concentrate on being the best you can be.
She seems to be so hung up on "the getting somewhere" she doesn't know how to enjoy the journey. IYKWIM
She's been hanging on for the couple of weeks. She told me they are at each others throats, argueing all the time. I told her it was time to end it. I think he's been trying to do just that.(He even called me two weeks ago and apoligized and said "It's all my(his) fault." I told him I figure my sister is an adult and "I didn't believe anything is all one persons fault."

What say ye, Cyber-counselors?

Hessian-1(Yeah, I'm still in love!)
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 1:10:05 PM EDT
She's hanging onto what they once had, not what they have now. She's telling herself that if it used to be that way, they can make it that way again.

One person alone will not save a relationship. To quote Jack Johnson, "Lovin' somebody don't make them love you."
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 1:51:29 PM EDT

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
She's hanging onto what they once had, not what they have now. She's telling herself that if it used to be that way, they can make it that way again.

One person alone will not save a relationship. To quote Jack Johnson, "Lovin' somebody don't make them love you."



That sums it up nicely.
I agree with Gabby.
Link Posted: 3/23/2006 2:11:22 PM EDT

Originally Posted By drache:

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
She's hanging onto what they once had, not what they have now. She's telling herself that if it used to be that way, they can make it that way again.

One person alone will not save a relationship. To quote Jack Johnson, "Lovin' somebody don't make them love you."



That sums it up nicely.
I agree with Gabby.



Me too.
But will add: there isn't ANYTHING you can do or say that will make her see that. I've never met ONE person who ever saw what those around them did when it came to their love lives.
Hence the divorce rate.
Link Posted: 3/24/2006 5:04:00 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/24/2006 6:09:28 AM EDT
I agree with Gabby and Playmore.
Link Posted: 3/24/2006 9:05:34 AM EDT
She called me again this morning ranting and lamenting. I repeated my advice to her and told her to calm down. Everything's a crisis to her!
Sis: "I've got an interview and can't take my son to baseball tryouts tuesday!" "Can you take him?"
Me: "Can Dad take him?"(I'll be out of town tuesday)
Sis: "He's not supportive enough!"
Me: "Well, just talk to him, and tell him your concerns. After all you're both adults"
Sis: "I don't see why (boyfriend) can't take him!"
Me: "Do you think he is going to be more supportive that his grandfather?
"Do you know anyone else that can take him?"
"Can you change your interview?"
Sis: "No!" Nobody cares about(xxxxxx)!" Nobody cares about kids anymore!"
Me: "I wish I could do it but I'll be out of state. (FWIW I live 64 miles from my Dad & sister)
"Perhaps you could call one of your friends."

I love my sister but dysfunctional is dysfunctional! I have never observed my nephew even having an interest in sports. I know she is trying to be a good mother, but geez! How about some priorities! I think it's more important for her to get a job to support 'her son" than to make sure he gets to "little league."
If anyone ever points this out to her she immediately launches into the "Oh Woe is me!" "My son doesn't have a Dad!" "I work so hard, etc."
(I don't blame the boyfriend for distancing himself. I guess I'll try to be the "good brother" and stay positive.
H1
Link Posted: 3/24/2006 9:12:00 AM EDT
You sound very level-headed and I feel like you are on the right track. She is indeed an adult, and is not thinking very well now.

I do hope you can make time to be with her kid(s), who must be in need of a sturdy and emotionally mature male figure in their lives.
Link Posted: 3/24/2006 9:57:24 AM EDT
I think she is "coming to grips" with the boyfriend situation. She told me this morning "(boyfriend) is a real asshole!" "He has time to do all the things he wants to do, but when it comes to me, he's busy!"
I told her, "Sis, if it walks like a duck & quacks like a duck; most likely it's a duck!"
(I don't think she was impressed, but I think she got my meaning though.)
H1
Link Posted: 3/24/2006 1:35:15 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Hessian-1:
I think she is "coming to grips" with the boyfriend situation. She told me this morning "(boyfriend) is a real asshole!" "He has time to do all the things he wants to do, but when it comes to me, he's busy!"
I told her, "Sis, if it walks like a duck & quacks like a duck; most likely it's a duck!"
(I don't think she was impressed, but I think she got my meaning though.)
H1



Link Posted: 3/25/2006 7:29:16 AM EDT
Sometimes you just have to know when to let go (I guess that applies to both of you). It sounds like your sister is a self-centered bitch who thinks she is the most important person in the world. Maybe if she changed her attitude she could find a decent man. Or maybe she has already found a decent guy but he just doesn't want to be around her because she is so controlling and self-centered. My heart goes out to your nephew.
Link Posted: 3/26/2006 7:38:57 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Ogre_4070:
Sometimes you just have to know when to let go (I guess that applies to both of you). It sounds like your sister is a self-centered bitch who thinks she is the most important person in the world. Maybe if she changed her attitude she could find a decent man. Or maybe she has already found a decent guy but he just doesn't want to be around her because she is so controlling and self-centered. My heart goes out to your nephew.



I've often felt this way. Unfortunately, you can't chose your family.

Hessian-1
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