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Posted: 10/9/2004 10:31:41 AM EST
Say you've been friends with a guy for along time but decided you didn't want to be just friends anymore. How would you drop the hint if you wern't going to just out right tell him? I think I might be dealing with this right now. Because of all the stuff thats gone on between us, I'm not sure whats up. Like now when we see each other there like if were talking she'll put her hand on my arm or leg, or like she'll come walking by me and brush up against me, but there was no real reason to even have to get all close. She's also been calling me a heck of a lot more to hang out. We see each other on an almost daily basis, couple mins here and couple there, but we haven't been hanging out as much over the last year or two as we used to. That was my choice as her and I hanging out put some strain on her relationship with her boyfriend(stupid jealous prick) , and I didn't want to fuck that up. Last night we were hanging out and she informed me that her and him are no more(wonder how long thats going to last this time) In fact even the fact that we were hanging out last night has got me wondering WTF. She was going to go out with her girls last night, but decided to blow them off to hang out with me. Hell I ditched out on the guys last night to spend time with her and to tell you the truth I don't even know why the hell I did that.

I was talking to her brother's girlfriend(her brother and I are friends) the other night(she brought it up) and I was saying maybe it's just that since her and dude broke up she just wants to start hanging out more like we used to. But she doesn't see it that way, and she has seen it so.............
I need more opinions thats why I'm posting this here.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 10:46:46 AM EST
sounds like shes interested in seeing where your relationship may go--do you want it to go someplace else?


Link Posted: 10/9/2004 11:01:48 AM EST
I would say wade into this very carefully. It sure sounds like she wants to see where things can go, but one word of advice, if you decide to see where things go, things don't work out, where does that leave your friendship? Is the risk of loosing the friendship because it doesn't work out romantically worth it?
First I would suggest just talking to her about it. Not sure how to start the conversation, but try. See what she has to say.
Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 1:44:30 PM EST

Originally Posted By diabolical_chicken:
sounds like shes interested in seeing where your relationship may go--do you want it to go someplace else?






I think no, but really I don't know.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 3:10:44 PM EST
Dunno

<---- has no guy friends.
<---- given up on that concept.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 3:19:37 PM EST
Me thinkz she wantz you, you want her, so give her a little sumthin sumthin and see how it goes

Seriously it does sound to me that she might be hinting around to you. If you are good enough friends, could you just maybe ask her if she thought she ever might want to be more than friends with you? Maybe she will just come right out and say what's on her mind. Either way, then you'll know for sure!

I have mostly guy friends and I wouldn't think of doing the things that she has been doing to you to them. Eiw! I think it sounds like it's at least worth a try! Can't go wrong when you have a great friendship to start off with.
Link Posted: 10/9/2004 4:55:32 PM EST
It sounds like she wants to be more than just friends. Now you have to decide if that is what you want. Personally if it was me I would just ask. You also have to weigh the options if you decide to see where this might go do you want to risk losing a good friend.I think you both need to talk about it and decide from there. I wish you luck. Let us know how it goes.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 3:57:26 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/11/2004 4:01:37 AM EST by Grateful_Cowgirl]
Just one little piece of advise from one who knows...

BEWARE OF FRIEND SEX!!!

It never turns out how you think it will. Never.

GC
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 5:35:52 AM EST
IT’S A TRAP!!!

Link Posted: 10/11/2004 5:52:33 AM EST

Originally Posted By wedge1082:
IT’S A TRAP!!!
img28.exs.cx/img28/4176/ackbar-trap1.jpg



Thanks for the replies Ladies.

Wedge, I think yer you might be right.......
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 2:53:12 PM EST
We've all pretty much agreed that she's most likely interested, but ... you don't know if you are. You are unsure... is that fear of a serious relationship or ambivalance toward having one with her? Either way, you haven't expressed a readiness to "deal" and are showing a thoughtful nature by quizzing us about it. Because of this, I think you can draw your own conclusions.

Suspect rebound, ultra-vulnerability, and treat her with respect and a little distance if you don't have the discipline to refrain from physical contact for a good while. It's probably better for her to hash her feelings out with her girlfriends and to regain her footing before jumping in with anyone. Unfortunately, she might just bounce into someone else's life if she's rebound prone.

I'm not sure about approaching her right out the way most of the recommendations are... I'd be mortified if a guy friend did that to me. I'd rather he just graciously stepped aside for a little while if he weren't interested. Since she's apparantly making advances, you are no longer in "friendship" status, so you can't help her during this time like a confidant would.

All the advice in the world can't replace your judgement though, so please don't take any advice just because someone has a vague understanding of your situation, because all of us have some additional perseption of the situation that could affect our recommendations. You know this, of course, but I always want to temper my advice with some statement like that so... there it is.

Link Posted: 10/11/2004 3:44:42 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/11/2004 3:46:45 PM EST by GabbasaurusRex]
I was in the same situation (from the girl's point of view). I became friends with him right as his last relationship was going to hell. We became really good friends for quite a few months, and things started to develop, but neither of us were sure how the other one was feeling.

Finally I just had enough and kissed him one night.

We've been together for 7 months now. You never know, dude.
Link Posted: 10/11/2004 3:55:58 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/11/2004 3:56:58 PM EST by codycoyote]

Originally Posted By MrsGungho:
I would say wade into this very carefully. It sure sounds like she wants to see where things can go, but one word of advice, if you decide to see where things go, things don't work out, where does that leave your friendship? Is the risk of loosing the friendship because it doesn't work out romantically worth it?
First I would suggest just talking to her about it. Not sure how to start the conversation, but try. See what she has to say.
Good Luck with whatever you decide to do.



I have to agree with this point. I have waded into this pool before. In the end not only did I lose a girlfriend, but I lost one of my best friends. You might be able to hang out with each other and talk about anything/everyhting now. But when your dating, something changes, She is no longer the same as when you were "friends". Same goes for you, Just going outwith the girls can send chills down your spine, and same with her. Tread softly, she might be looking at you for rebound as well, and that would be worse than a real attemp at a relationship. There are an infinate amount of possibilities, only time and conversation can tell you the answers.


My God, I've been watching to many soaps and talk shows.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 5:04:55 AM EST

Originally Posted By daydreamer:
We've all pretty much agreed that she's most likely interested, but ... you don't know if you are. You are unsure... is that fear of a serious relationship or ambivalance toward having one with her? Either way, you haven't expressed a readiness to "deal" and are showing a thoughtful nature by quizzing us about it. Because of this, I think you can draw your own conclusions.

Suspect rebound, ultra-vulnerability, and treat her with respect and a little distance if you don't have the discipline to refrain from physical contact for a good while. It's probably better for her to hash her feelings out with her girlfriends and to regain her footing before jumping in with anyone. Unfortunately, she might just bounce into someone else's life if she's rebound prone.

I'm not sure about approaching her right out the way most of the recommendations are... I'd be mortified if a guy friend did that to me. I'd rather he just graciously stepped aside for a little while if he weren't interested. Since she's apparantly making advances, you are no longer in "friendship" status, so you can't help her during this time like a confidant would.

All the advice in the world can't replace your judgement though, so please don't take any advice just because someone has a vague understanding of your situation, because all of us have some additional perseption of the situation that could affect our recommendations. You know this, of course, but I always want to temper my advice with some statement like that so... there it is.




is that fear of a serious relationship- A little of this
ambivalance toward having one with her? - and a little of this.

But mostly it's the potential re-bound thing, if there is one thing I've learned it's that rebound relationships don't last, at least not for me.
As far as the distance thing. I've been doing that for the last 2 years, but it's like the more distance I try to keep, the more she tries to close it. We've seen each other once since I made the original post, just a quick hi and that was about it. Of course she was with the dipshit at the time to and I was leaving so it's not like I wanted to hang around and talk besides I had shit to get done, and they had a few things that they needed to talk about. I think another part of it is that as much as she says she doesn't want to be with him, she can't seem to let him go. And really until she makes up her mind, I'm not trying to get involved any deeper than I am now. So I think I shall just stay the course so to speak and leave things be till she decides what she wants.


codycoyote BTDT too, back in college. What a fucked up situation that turned out to be.

Link Posted: 10/12/2004 5:32:49 AM EST
Excellent decision! You are a wise man
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 6:04:31 AM EST
eat it. own it.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 6:07:01 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/12/2004 6:07:37 AM EST by daydreamer]
Is she jerking your heart around?
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 7:32:31 AM EST

Originally Posted By daydreamer:
Is she jerking your heart around?



Nope at least I don't think so. The only way she'd be able to do that is if I allowed it to happen. Which I don't. It's not like I'm sitting around waiting on her to decide she wants to be with me or not. Infact I met this really nice woman the other day. She wants to get together this weekend but I'm going to be out of town, bummer, but there is always next week, or even tonight, or tomarrow........

As a friend once said, the game goes both ways, if she wants you, let her do something about it.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 7:48:27 AM EST
one word.

rebound.
Link Posted: 10/12/2004 5:00:08 PM EST
I was once a timid guy just like you...then I read a thread here on Arfcom "How to pick up chicks"....



Why the hell aren't you talking to HER instead of talking to us? WE don't know this girl...YOU DO! As a typical guy who pretty much needs a BRICK TO THE FOREHEAD to catch on to any kind of subtle hints, (and I wish I was still trying to be funny) I nearly missed my chance at Mrs. Colt. If I was in your shoes, and knowing what I know now, I'd just treat her like a real person and talk to her. If she's interested, she'll tell you. If not, you'll have something to laugh about.

My daddy always told me (and I never understood what the hell he meant until I fell into a swimming pool in December and proposed to my wife) that it's easy to be a man when dealing with women. The hard part is to let them see the little boy. Don't be afraid to make a polite move if you think she might appreciate it...the worst she can say is that she only wants to be friends, and if you don't ask her about it, you're going to wonder 'What if?' for the rest of your life.

Link Posted: 10/12/2004 5:03:37 PM EST
I was once a timid guy just like you...then I read a thread here on Arfcom "How to pick up chicks"....



Why the hell aren't you talking to HER instead of talking to us? WE don't know this girl...YOU DO! As a typical guy who pretty much needs a BRICK TO THE FOREHEAD to catch on to any kind of subtle hints, (and I wish I was still trying to be funny) I nearly missed my chance at Mrs. Colt. If I was in your shoes, and knowing what I know now, I'd just treat her like a real person and talk to her. If she's interested, she'll tell you. If not, you'll have something to laugh about.

My daddy always told me (and I never understood what the hell he meant until I fell into a swimming pool in December and proposed to my wife) that it's easy to be a man when dealing with women. The hard part is to let them see the little boy. Don't be afraid to make a polite move if you think she might appreciate it...the worst she can say is that she only wants to be friends, and if you don't ask her about it, you're going to wonder 'What if?' for the rest of your life.


Did I mention that I drink and gamble?

Link Posted: 10/20/2004 8:31:17 AM EST
Ok I feel the need to resurect this thread.

Things are getting, well not strange or anything, but more back to how they used to be. She called me up Monday to try and drag me out with some friends, but I was dead from a weekend carbine class and working a 12hr shift Monday. Tuesday, she called again wanted to hang out, so we did. I just called her to see if she wanted to catch a movie later this afternoon, but she works at 5 so no go, but she still wants go see a movie either tomarrow(and she wants me to come watch her play pool tomarrow night too) or Friday, or even try and catch one when she gets out of work tonight, or just hang out if we don't go see a movie. I have to be back to work at 3am for another 12hr shift. Friday evening I'm leaving to go to Madison for the weekend to go see the Badger Vs Northwestern game. She wants me to stop over after I get out of work, and before she goes to work so we can get something planned....

I ran into her Ex monday night, we used to be good friends, and he told me they weren't together anymore hmmm........


I just don't know what to think. So i'm just gunna go with the flow see what happens and roll with it. There are after all only two possible outcomes right, one thats good and one thats not so good.
Link Posted: 10/20/2004 8:43:13 AM EST
you 2 sure do hang out alot together.. even in my single days I didn't hang with my friends that much.
Link Posted: 10/20/2004 9:05:43 AM EST

Originally Posted By MrsGungho:
you 2 sure do hang out alot together.. even in my single days I didn't hang with my friends that much.



We actually haven't hung out this much in about 2 years. at most it was maybe 1 time a week and even than it wasn't just her and I it was always with friends and she had a boyfiend at times and I had a girlfriend at times.

We've hung out more this month so far than we have the last three months combined. And most of that is her calling me wanting to hang out(not that I mind). It's pretty much gone from a little here a little there to she wants to hang out everyday. It probably doesn't help that I'm a sucker for redheads.

She was actually disapointed to hear I was going out of town again this weekend. She called me while I was on my way to the carbine class friday to see if I wanted to go out friday night.....

Can ya see why I'm confused about all this though? In the last 11 days it's gone from spending a little bit of time together here and there to all of a sudden she whats to hang out everyday(again not that I mind). But it's the "why" thats getting to me.
Link Posted: 10/20/2004 10:47:42 AM EST
[Last Edit: 10/20/2004 10:49:04 AM EST by daydreamer]

Originally Posted By photoman:
Can ya see why I'm confused about all this though? In the last 11 days it's gone from spending a little bit of time together here and there to all of a sudden she whats to hang out everyday(again not that I mind). But it's the "why" thats getting to me.



I thought you were pretty confident about why, but weren't so interested sure in how you felt about this particular red head. It sounds like you enjoy her company.

Link Posted: 10/20/2004 3:05:38 PM EST

Originally Posted By daydreamer:

Originally Posted By photoman:
Can ya see why I'm confused about all this though? In the last 11 days it's gone from spending a little bit of time together here and there to all of a sudden she whats to hang out everyday(again not that I mind). But it's the "why" thats getting to me.



I thought you were pretty confident about why, but weren't so interested sure in how you felt about this particular red head. It sounds like you enjoy her company.




im with daydreamer--reference my original post


what do YOU want???? then worry about what SHE wants...
Link Posted: 10/20/2004 4:10:06 PM EST

Originally Posted By diabolical_chicken:

Originally Posted By daydreamer:

Originally Posted By photoman:
Can ya see why I'm confused about all this though? In the last 11 days it's gone from spending a little bit of time together here and there to all of a sudden she whats to hang out everyday(again not that I mind). But it's the "why" thats getting to me.



I thought you were pretty confident about why, but weren't so interested sure in how you felt about this particular red head. It sounds like you enjoy her company.




im with daydreamer--reference my original post


what do YOU want???? then worry about what SHE wants...



He wants her...but he's a guy so he'll go to his grave without admitting it
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