There is a young woman that I have known for about 2years, through extended family friends.  She has recently come back to school in my geographical state, however, I am still in a state of indecision.  

I am a nice guy, in decent shape, a little redneck once in a while, and somewhat of a workaholic.  The workaholic part is where I think she was dissapointed with me.  I asked her out for coffee, then got called in to work for an emergency meeting.  I guess I could have cancelled it, but I didn't.  I haven't been able to do anything since.  We still talk once in a while, and keep in touch, but I can't get her to do anything fun.  

She is the ultimate, likes guns, grew up in the country, is a professing Christian, smart and very good looking.  

It could be I am going about it the wrong way.  I have asked her to do some stuff where we have a mutual interest, skiing, nice evening out, etc.  What I am thinking of doing, is just showing up at her apartment with flowers, compliments, and a honest apology with hopes of a relationship.  Would this be too creepy?

Any suggestions?

Also, what should I ask her out to do?  I have thought of what I want to do, spend an afternoon in the mountains exploring + picnic, skiing, dinner & movie.  The mountain day trip is a little much I am thinking, and the dinner & movie is too normal.  I am in a quandry about what to do.  

-Confused in Colorado

I sincerely doubt she would dump on you if on your first date you were called in for an emergency.  However I would recommend going to see her.  Turning your cell phone off and inviting her for a walk.  Give her your attention.  Even if its just for a few hours.  If she's worth it, you'll make the investment.

Best of luck,  Patty

IMHO just 'showing up' may not be creepy, but might end up akward. As human animals we tend to write a script for situations such as that; but, we have no way of making sure the other person has received their copy of the script so they know how to act compliant to what we painted as the ideal outcome.  Maybe send pretty flowers (not roses) to her home or work with an invitation to a cell phone free, afternoon that includes nothing but her, minature golf and ice-cream. It's sweet, fun, light/casual.  

Quoted: IMHO just 'showing up' may not be creepy, but might end up akward. As human animals we tend to write a script for situations such as that; but, we have no way of making sure the other person has received their copy of the script so they know how to act compliant to what we painted as the ideal outcome.  Maybe send pretty flowers (not roses) to her home or work with an invitation to a cell phone free, afternoon that includes nothing but her, minature golf and ice-cream. It's sweet, fun, light/casual.

Ha!  I am an engineer, and I could flow chart this sort of conversation to death in my head.  Not bad in a business meeting, but not ideal in a relationship.  It should be fun, not a chess game.

I think I just need to get her some flowers and say hi.  I will see what happens from there, mini golf or a walk both sound like viable options depending on how the conversation goes.  Now the problem is catching her, I really don't know when she will be around.  We both have busy schedules.  I don't want to come off as a stalker, always waiting around her door on a free afternoon...  

I asked her out for coffee, then got called in to work for an emergency meeting. I guess I could have cancelled it, but I didn't. I haven't been able to do anything since. We still talk once in a while, and keep in touch, but I can't get her to do anything fun.

I completely missed this part.

Sorry, but you're done, pal.  Her mind's made up.  Best to just move onto the next one.

I'm sorry, but it's the truth, and I don't want to see you wasting your time and attention on a woman who doesn't deserve it.

I would say send her flowers, find out her favorite type and send those (I love wild flowers and lillys those would make my completely melt, (let alone flowers...sigh...h.gif oh ya talking about you...) write a cute card, saying hi, hope you are having a great day, women never get flowers from men who are just friends so she will see the clear signal you want to be more with her.  Send them to her work, that way you know she will be there to get them. See if she calls you after that, if she doesn't call her the next day to see if she did get them and then plan a get together.

I short walk in the park, or coffee to see each other, then maybe plan a more offical date. Like the idea of minature golf and ice-cream.

You definatly need to call before coming over though! That is big plus to women, plus it shows her you respect her time and space.

1+ on a no cell phone time together!!! it will show her that you think she is very important. And that you want to spend time with her!

Hope it works our very nicely!

Keep us posted!

~lulu  

Quoted: There is a young woman that I have known for about 2years, through extended family friends.  She has recently come back to school in my geographical state, however, I am still in a state of indecision.   I am a nice guy, in decent shape, a little redneck once in a while, and somewhat of a workaholic.  The workaholic part is where I think she was dissapointed with me.  I asked her out for coffee, then got called in to work for an emergency meeting.  I guess I could have cancelled it, but I didn't.  I haven't been able to do anything since.  We still talk once in a while, and keep in touch, but I can't get her to do anything fun.   She is the ultimate, likes guns, grew up in the country, is a professing Christian, smart and very good looking.   It could be I am going about it the wrong way.  I have asked her to do some stuff where we have a mutual interest, skiing, nice evening out, etc.  What I am thinking of doing, is just showing up at her apartment with flowers, compliments, and a honest apology with hopes of a relationship.  Would this be too creepy? Any suggestions? Also, what should I ask her out to do?  I have thought of what I want to do, spend an afternoon in the mountains exploring + picnic, skiing, dinner & movie.  The mountain day trip is a little much I am thinking, and the dinner & movie is too normal.  I am in a quandry about what to do.   -Confused in Colorado

Just curious, by the sounds of it, you've been making multiple attempts to get her to go out since you bailed on her for coffee. Is that correct?

If so, it sounds like she's clearly not into you. Turn the tables. Even if she flaked out before on you, and you're a little hesitant, if she called up and asked to go shooting with you, you'd be there RIGHT NOW, wouldn't you? Yes?

Well, there you go. If she was into you, thought there was something there, she would have gone out with you by now. When you're interested in someone, little crap doesn't get in your way.

mrs. swingset (as the female consultant to my reply) agrees.

Darn you and your infallible logic!  You are right Swingset.  I have always chalked it up to our schedules.  I guess I am still a bit optimistic.  

I wanted to try something a bit more serious than my previous dates with her.  To be honest, I have been completely myoptic this past year with work and school.  I have been a bit eccentric and self centered.  Life for me is a bit calmer now and  I want to think that one more try wouldn't be a waste.  

What is dissapointing for me, and why I have kept in contact, is that she is the first real young lady that I have met.  I actually find myself respecting her for her charachter, and not just her figure.  This is where almost all girls I meet fall short.  Most of the girls that I meet are high maitnence or slutty.  

Ask her to go to church with you Sunday, then a nice breakfast.

Quoted: Ask her to go to church with you Sunday, then a nice breakfast.

You sir, are a Genius!  This is a great idea!  Why didn't I think of it myself?  


This is perfect!   I don't know why it is hard for me, and all the guys I work with (engineers) to think about social stuff.  I can rebuild an engine, tune a carb, design a basic turbine, and shoot an Elk all in the same evening, but social stuff just dosen't compute.  

You may also risk creeping her out if you keep forcing the issue. Women can sniff out the over-eager guy like a rotten carcus in the sun....and it's generally about as appealling a smell.

If she's not reciprocal to going to church/breakfast, or stalls, or stammers, or offers an excuse why not forget it and move on. She's probably not going to deliver a hammer-blow honest "no I'm not interested in you", because she'll want to spare your feelings, but she will artfully dodge you or reluctantly agree.

Women aren't engines, they cannot be tinkered or fixed into running when there's no fuel. They are a volatile chemical, to which you hurl your own blend into. If there's a reaction, good or bad, it's not something you can easily change. Generally, when the mix isn't right and one person says "not happening" the best and only real option is to say "alrighty then" and find your happiness elsewhere. Sticking around where you'll never create sparks is a recipe for frustration (for both of you).

My .02

Quoted: You may also risk creeping her out if you keep forcing the issue. Women can sniff out the over-eager guy like a rotten carcus in the sun....and it's generally about as appealling a smell. If she's not reciprocal to going to church/breakfast, or stalls, or stammers, or offers an excuse why not forget it and move on. She's probably not going to deliver a hammer-blow honest "no I'm not interested in you", because she'll want to spare your feelings, but she will artfully dodge you or reluctantly agree. Women aren't engines, they cannot be tinkered or fixed into running when there's no fuel. They are a volatile chemical, to which you hurl your own blend into. If there's a reaction, good or bad, it's not something you can easily change. Generally, when the mix isn't right and one person says "not happening" the best and only real option is to say "alrighty then" and find your happiness elsewhere. Sticking around where you'll never create sparks is a recipe for frustration (for both of you). My .02

Has anybody ever said you have the best damn analogies period?  It is perfect, engines can be tuned and rebuilt to whatever end, given time and resources.  I guess that is why they say its "chemistry."  That chemistry turn of phrase has never made sense to me until now.  

You are right though, it either works or it dosent.  She is away from town on school break, but I will probably get in touch with her in a week or so when she returns.  (Denvers med school has weird breaks)

If sparks don't fly or I get turned down again, it won't be worth any more effort.  

Quoted: Has anybody ever said you have the best damn analogies period?

I am the mighty king of analogies.

Complimenting me is like putting cow shit on weeds. It helps them grow, but did you really want them to? And, did you want a weed that smells like cow turds?

Oops, there I go again with an analogy.

Quoted: Quoted: Has anybody ever said you have the best damn analogies period? I am the mighty king of analogies. Complimenting me is like putting cow shit on weeds. It helps them grow, but did you really want them to? And, did you want a weed that smells like cow turds? Oops, there I go again with an analogy.

.

You should show up at her doorstep with a beautiful boquet of flowers held at your waist.  When she takes them from you you should have your nads out of your fly.  Just your nads though.  Chicks love this !

If she gives you a rash of shit and says something like "what the hell are you doing" or such, you should just reply "I'm just hanging out"

At the risk of throwing cow shit on the weeds: Swingset said it all much better than I could.  Take his advice.  

I agree, swingset is spot on.  If it dosen't work, it dosen't work.  

Why don't we just abolish the forum, and just ask Swingset about romance and sappy writing projects, ask DrFrige about anything HVAC, DK-Prof about wooden shoes, Aimless about lawyer stuff, and Troy about everything else.  It would be much easier.  

Swingset makes Dr. Phil, Joyce Brothers and Dr. Ruth all look like punk beeeotches.

Quoted: Swingset makes Dr. Phil, Joyce Brothers and Dr. Ruth all look like punk beeeotches.

Swingsets infallable insight into the female psyche leads me to believe he has a Vagina...

Or  possibly be an Hermaphrodite.....

Either way he knows entirely too much about womenz....

[Seinfeld]"Not that there's anything wrong with that"....[/Seinfeld]

Quoted: Quoted: Swingset makes Dr. Phil, Joyce Brothers and Dr. Ruth all look like punk beeeotches. Swingsets infallable insight into the female psyche leads me to believe he has a Vagina... *snip*

Nothing could be further from the truth. I know many of us ovary holders and none have as high a level of insight as Swingset. Lead on Jedi Master.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Swingset makes Dr. Phil, Joyce Brothers and Dr. Ruth all look like punk beeeotches. Swingsets infallable insight into the female psyche leads me to believe he has a Vagina... *snip* Nothing could be further from the truth. I know many of us ovary holders and none have as high a level of insight as Swingset. Lead on Jedi Master.

I am waiting for a "Dr. Swingset" show.

Quoted: Quoted: Swingset makes Dr. Phil, Joyce Brothers and Dr. Ruth all look like punk beeeotches. Swingsets infallable insight into the female psyche leads me to believe he has a Vagina... Or  possibly be an Hermaphrodite..... Either way he knows entirely too much about womenz.... [Seinfeld]"Not that there's anything wrong with that"....[/Seinfeld]

Trust me here, if I had a vagina I'd be the happiest boy on earth. I have always been a do it yourselfer, and a slot machine would be the ultimate accessory....tho I am creeped out by the maintenance, frankly.

To be honest, my insight into womenz comes from I think a legitimate source. I was raised by my mom (my dad died when I was a baby). She never remarried, and my formative years I think were tilted. So, I tend to see the female perspective in relationships and most situations. Now, some would call me a panzified momma's boy, but that's splitting hairs.

My wife will tell you I'm the most "girl" guy ever. I'm a talker, I can shop till most women would call it quits, and I like chick flicks. In fact, she said if I didn't stand while I pee, she would divorce me as that small affectation would make her a lesbian. I still like guns and engines and messy things, but I'm equally at home watching Lifetime network. Kooky, huh?

That vagina idea's got me thinking tho, it really does. If I could swing that and still keep my normal tackle, I would be completely self-sufficient. With as many times as ARFcommers have told me to go fuck myself, I would finally be able to work that out.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Swingset makes Dr. Phil, Joyce Brothers and Dr. Ruth all look like punk beeeotches. Swingsets infallable insight into the female psyche leads me to believe he has a Vagina... Or  possibly be an Hermaphrodite..... Either way he knows entirely too much about womenz.... [Seinfeld]"Not that there's anything wrong with that"....[/Seinfeld] [snip]>Trust me here, if I had a vagina I'd be the happiest boy on earth. I have always been a do it yourselfer, and a slot machine would be the ultimate accessory....tho I am creeped out by the maintenance, frankly. That vagina idea's got me thinking tho, it really does. If I could swing that and still keep my normal tackle, I would be completely self-sufficient. With as many times as ARFcommers have told me to go fuck myself, I would finally be able to work that out.<[snip]

Your also a hella good sport!!!......

Quoted: There is a young woman that I have known for about 2years, through extended family friends.  She has recently come back to school in my geographical state, however, I am still in a state of indecision.   I am a nice guy, in decent shape, a little redneck once in a while, and somewhat of a workaholic.  The workaholic part is where I think she was dissapointed with me.  I asked her out for coffee, then got called in to work for an emergency meeting.  I guess I could have cancelled it, but I didn't.  I haven't been able to do anything since.  We still talk once in a while, and keep in touch, but I can't get her to do anything fun.   She is the ultimate, likes guns, grew up in the country, is a professing Christian, smart and very good looking.   It could be I am going about it the wrong way.  I have asked her to do some stuff where we have a mutual interest, skiing, nice evening out, etc.  What I am thinking of doing, is just showing up at her apartment with flowers, compliments, and a honest apology with hopes of a relationship.  Would this be too creepy? Any suggestions? Also, what should I ask her out to do?  I have thought of what I want to do, spend an afternoon in the mountains exploring + picnic, skiing, dinner & movie.  The mountain day trip is a little much I am thinking, and the dinner & movie is too normal.  I am in a quandry about what to do.   -Confused in Colorado

Your on the friend list move on and lose interest.