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9/19/2017 7:27:10 PM
Posted: 4/7/2006 3:54:49 AM EDT
I recently started working at one of the local gunshops. I know working in a gunstore I am going to come into contact with more men then women and this is "thier area". Well yesterday I had two different men make comments about me. The one man even said before hand, he doesn't mean any harm by it. However it still bothered me. The other man is just a dirty old pervert. I didn't even comment after he said what he said.
I normally can hold my own with men and their comments, but being an employee now makes it a little harder to just say what I want.
Any ideas how to handle sexually neglected men perverts who don't know how to control their mouths?
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 4:28:26 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrsGungho:
I recently started working at one of the local gunshops. I know working in a gunstore I am going to come into contact with more men then women and this is "thier area". Well yesterday I had two different men make comments about me. The one man even said before hand, he doesn't mean any harm by it. However it still bothered me. The other man is just a dirty old pervert. I didn't even comment after he said what he said.
I normally can hold my own with men and their comments, but being an employee now makes it a little harder to just say what I want.
Any ideas how to handle sexually neglected men perverts who don't know how to control their mouths?




MrsGH, I feel your pain here. I've worked in predominantly male workplaces for 6 years. It can be very difficult for me to hold my tongue when I hear something that offends or irritates me. I'm normally very strong willed and speak my mind... which of course, can get one in trouble with their bosses.

As for the dirty old pervert, realizing he means absolutely no harm is essential and makes it easier for one to let the comments slide. Feel free to interject a small insult, etc. should his comments get totally out of line.. he can't really complain. 99% of the time if they can dish it, they can take it.

As for the one that really bothered you.. I'm not entirely sure what kind of comment he made that you found so offensive, if it were directed at your knowledge and ability or your physical appearaance... You can make the usual attemps, talk to him and tell him that it bothered you and you would appreciate it if he didn't do it again.. Dish it back to him in minor doses that are least likely to get you in any trouble.. not going overboard here is essential. Make more of a witty comment in response as opposed to an out and out "You pig, bastage, blah blah blah". Try not to let your emotions overcome you here. Or if he's not your boss and you are not comfortable talking to him you can do this..

Make a list of the things that he says that truly offend you. Pick a number that you will let slide before you take it to the boss/owner, whoever, to talk to them about his behavior. After he reaches your preset number, tell the boss and cite the specific examples. Let the boss deal with the situation after that.
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 4:43:07 AM EDT
I about half way remember an old exchange from a movie that might help.
It’s got Tom Selleck in it and he says something rude to a lady and finished it off with the comment; “and free mustache rides for the ladies” and winks at her. The lady replies “real ladies do not accept free mustache rides”. I am paraphrasing here.

Speaking from a guy’s point of view sometimes some of us think it’s cute and if you want it to stop the best way seems to be to simply ask the guy not to talk to you that way. Tell him it’s not cute and it’s not funny and you’re not going to accept his rude behavior. If he does it again ask a male employee to talk to him.
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 4:56:11 AM EDT
Subtle mockery works for me. They go away knowing they've been stung, but not quite sure how it happened.

Is he an actual customer, or just one of those idiots who hang around the gunstore all day (boring the shit out of the people who work there) because they have nowhere else to go?
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 5:04:37 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Ginger:
Subtle mockery works for me. They go away knowing they've been stung, but not quite sure how it happened.

Is he an actual customer, or just one of those idiots who hang around the gunstore all day (boring the shit out of the people who work there) because they have nowhere else to go?



He is an actual customer. I was calling in his nics check when the UPS guy started banging on our backdoor. The other employees were busy so when I finished the check I excused myself and let him in. When I came back the pervert said "Those jeans really make your ass look nice."
I finished his paperwork quickly and told him he could leave. And if the above was not enough he looks me dead in the eye and says, "You smile just the right way sweety and I'll never leave."

ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Ok So I am off to work, hopefully it will be a better day.
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 5:19:36 AM EDT
Yep. This is a typical exchange. Expect him to try to “twist you off” each time he comes in. A lot of the women he is use to dealing with (barmaids) throw his lines right back at him and he thinks this is acceptable to do to all women in “his” places. If you don’t think it’s acceptable you need to tell him in no uncertain terms and you have to do it the next time you see him or it will turn into a game and you will never get the horse’s ass to shut up! I can see it pissed you off and so can he. All you have to do is make him see it’s wrong. In his mind he goes to a place he enjoys and since you started working there he can get an extra measure of satisfaction by saying something rude to you and making you turn red.
He gets some perverted satisfaction from it.
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 5:26:48 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 5:53:02 AM EDT
I too work in an all male business (contracting), and have very few problems... but they do occur.

I use blunt firm rebuff: "That was out of line. Now back to your (contract, order, project, purchase, transaction, information, etc)." Delivered as if I am swatting a fly, and it is just a nuisance.

Remember that the creeps get off on upsetting you. They don't really think they are going to get anywhere, they just want to make you squirm. Act like it is very, very boring, like shooing away bothersome kindergardners. Don't show any "upset". The key word is to get across that you are very BORED.

Don't show any classically female weakness. What they want is female type gyration: blushing, screaming, acting embarrassed and upset. If worse comes to worse a vigorous 'command voice': ""You're outta line. Now get out" does the trick. Cold, hard, direct. That has worked for me, but I reckon the only thing I would ever escalate with would be the word "NOW!!!" while producing in hand the wherewithal to back it up.

These perverts also get off on "witty repartee", like ridicule. It is attention, and conversation, after all. I don't give it too them. As few words as possible, and don't give them any thrills. Just direct orders. Remember, we are on our turf, and they are in our space.
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 6:42:09 AM EDT

Originally Posted By MrsGungho:

Originally Posted By Ginger:
Subtle mockery works for me. They go away knowing they've been stung, but not quite sure how it happened.

Is he an actual customer, or just one of those idiots who hang around the gunstore all day (boring the shit out of the people who work there) because they have nowhere else to go?



He is an actual customer. I was calling in his nics check when the UPS guy started banging on our backdoor. The other employees were busy so when I finished the check I excused myself and let him in. When I came back the pervert said "Those jeans really make your ass look nice."
I finished his paperwork quickly and told him he could leave. And if the above was not enough he looks me dead in the eye and says, "You smile just the right way sweety and I'll never leave."

ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Ok So I am off to work, hopefully it will be a better day.



Try acting a little distracted and say "I'm sorry, what did you say?", like you didn't hear them. It's a way of calling them on it without being rude and most people are too embarrassed to repeat themselves in that situation - and if they DO repeat the offensive remark, just respond with "Oh." and a little rolleyes as if to say, "Yeah, whatever" followed by, "Have a nice day" and an obviously fake smile. (I used to bartend you wouldn't believe some of the assholes I had to deal with...)

Hope you have a better day today!
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 6:51:13 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Ginger:

Originally Posted By MrsGungho:

Originally Posted By Ginger:
Subtle mockery works for me. They go away knowing they've been stung, but not quite sure how it happened.

Is he an actual customer, or just one of those idiots who hang around the gunstore all day (boring the shit out of the people who work there) because they have nowhere else to go?



He is an actual customer. I was calling in his nics check when the UPS guy started banging on our backdoor. The other employees were busy so when I finished the check I excused myself and let him in. When I came back the pervert said "Those jeans really make your ass look nice."
I finished his paperwork quickly and told him he could leave. And if the above was not enough he looks me dead in the eye and says, "You smile just the right way sweety and I'll never leave."

ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Ok So I am off to work, hopefully it will be a better day.



Try acting a little distracted and say "I'm sorry, what did you say?", like you didn't hear them. It's a way of calling them on it without being rude and most people are too embarrassed to repeat themselves in that situation - and if they DO repeat the offensive remark, just respond with "Oh." and a little rolleyes as if to say, "Yeah, whatever" followed by, "Have a nice day" and an obviously fake smile. (I used to bartend you wouldn't believe some of the assholes I had to deal with...)

Hope you have a better day today!



An old but GOOD customer service trick I learned years ago when dealing with rude types....In this case, if he repeats it I would reply "Thanks...my HUSBAND thinks so too." as sternly as you can muster.
Usually, they get the hint REAL quick that you are not playing around and everyone is happy.
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 7:00:06 AM EDT

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:
In this case, if he repeats it I would reply "Thanks...my HUSBAND thinks so too." as sternly as you can muster.
Usually, they get the hint REAL quick that you are not playing around and everyone is happy.



That's another good one.

The sad thing is, this is probably his idea of witty repartee. I don't think that type get much practice talking to a real woman..
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 7:04:50 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Ginger:

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:
In this case, if he repeats it I would reply "Thanks...my HUSBAND thinks so too." as sternly as you can muster.
Usually, they get the hint REAL quick that you are not playing around and everyone is happy.



That's another good one.

The sad thing is, this is probably his idea of witty repartee. I don't think that type get much practice talking to a real woman..



Damn blow up dolls...they make us real dolls work harder....
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 7:09:58 AM EDT

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:

Originally Posted By Ginger:

Originally Posted By PlaymoreMinds:
In this case, if he repeats it I would reply "Thanks...my HUSBAND thinks so too." as sternly as you can muster.
Usually, they get the hint REAL quick that you are not playing around and everyone is happy.



That's another good one.

The sad thing is, this is probably his idea of witty repartee. I don't think that type get much practice talking to a real woman..



Damn blow up dolls...they make us real dolls work harder....



I think a blow up doll's conversation skills are probably too much for that type - still, they seem to like him at the 1-900 number he calls. If he could only figger out why his phone bill is so high.....
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 7:46:55 AM EDT
I would vote with Sp1grrl on ignoring it if at all possible. All of my clients are men. Most are very respectful, nice gentlemen but some are immature brats. I ignore what I can. I have a personal policy if you invade my space [i.e. touch me or get too close] I'll shove you back - literally if need be.

Playmore's suggestion of "My husband thinks so too" is a good one. That answer back with the impression that you're not a snob but not available either.

If it gets out of hand I take them to the side and say "Listen, I enjoy your comraderrey but do not appreciate the sexual innuendos. Can we take a step out of the gutter please?" This nearly always works. If it doesn't then I stop doing business with them.

Lastly be a little sympathetic. Its easy to understand why these men baffoon themselves over you.

Patty
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 11:17:00 AM EDT
Boy you guys are nicer than I could be. I would try the ignoring like the others have said, but me being me and even when I was in the Army my mouth would get the better of me, and I'd mostly likely tell them where the sun don't shine. In some not so nice words either. Joys of being the only female in an all male shop for a year and a half.
Good luck and try what the others have said, hopefully the creep will get the hint.
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 11:45:19 AM EDT
You will be happy to know that I have spent the last 30 min. looking for my "view from a tall building pic" and I can not find it.

And if you really feel this way I will not come into the store anymore.
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 1:25:08 PM EDT
I don't have a bunch of experience with this kind of thing but. Your boss thought enough to Hire you probably because of your knowledge in the field not as a result of how “Those jeans really make your ass look”. Have you asked him what his policy is? Most gun shops I have been in are fairly no nonsense and if a male were in the same situation the boss would back him. I helped a female coworker put a supervisor in her pumps by asking him “If the same thing happened to you and it was a gay guy how would you respond?” It worked. I don't know if this helped or not but I hope so.
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 2:40:58 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/7/2006 2:45:56 PM EDT by FITTER]

Originally Posted By MrsGungho:

Originally Posted By Ginger:
Subtle mockery works for me. They go away knowing they've been stung, but not quite sure how it happened.

Is he an actual customer, or just one of those idiots who hang around the gunstore all day (boring the shit out of the people who work there) because they have nowhere else to go?



He is an actual customer. I was calling in his nics check when the UPS guy started banging on our backdoor. The other employees were busy so when I finished the check I excused myself and let him in. When I came back the pervert said "Those jeans really make your ass look nice."
I finished his paperwork quickly and told him he could leave. And if the above was not enough he looks me dead in the eye and says, "You smile just the right way sweety and I'll never leave."

ARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! Ok So I am off to work, hopefully it will be a better day.



You were processing his NICS? How about this: "Sorry, Sir... the NICS computer seems to be down." or even: "Sorry, but your background check didn't go through."

They have no right to talk to you like that, and it's not "their" area. No way does your job description require you to put up with this if you choose not to, especially these days.

BTW, was he buying the gun from you by chance, or did he purposely buy it from you because he wanted to talk to the "purty young thang?" Perhaps you could use this to your advantage, especially if you work on commission. I have known female auto sales babes who were quite successful using this approach. It was all in a day's work, and they were very professional about it (no, not in THAT way... ).

ETA: Reading back over that, I probably wasn't being much help. The "My husband thinks so, too" approach would probably be the best answer.
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 2:53:16 PM EDT
first, i agree with FITTER--im sure your boss hired you because you know what your talking about, not your ass--ask him to help you out

before reading the repiles, my thought was to say, loudly "IM SORRY, SIR, I DIDNT HEAR YOU--SAY AGAIN!!?!?" forcing him to either say it loud enough someone else would hear and tell him off, or he'd be embarrassed and STFU

playmore's idea of telling him your husband thinks so too is a good one also
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 3:53:21 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/7/2006 3:53:54 PM EDT by MrsGungho]
Thank You everyone for the advice. I talked with the manager today about it as the owner is out of town. He says it is in NO WAY acceptable and if he ever hears it, or he is in the shop if it happens again flag him down and he will escort the customer out of the store. Sale or not. This person is not a "regular", but he does stop in about once a month.
For the most part, most of the customers have been very respectful and polite when I deal with them. We do have our "regulars" who have known me for some time and we do cut up. Never in a sexual tone though.
Today was better. Had a record sales day so it was a real good day!

ETA: I don't work on commision so I just made the same piddly amount as usual.
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 4:20:51 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MrsGungho:
Thank You everyone for the advice. I talked with the manager today about it as the owner is out of town. He says it is in NO WAY acceptable and if he ever hears it, or he is in the shop if it happens again flag him down and he will escort the customer out of the store. Sale or not. This person is not a "regular", but he does stop in about once a month.
For the most part, most of the customers have been very respectful and polite when I deal with them. We do have our "regulars" who have known me for some time and we do cut up. Never in a sexual tone though.
Today was better. Had a record sales day so it was a real good day!

ETA: I don't work on commision so I just made the same piddly amount as usual.



Woot! That rocks!
Link Posted: 4/7/2006 4:55:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MrsGungho:I talked with the manager today about it as the owner is out of town. He says it is in NO WAY acceptable and if he ever hears it, or he is in the shop if it happens again flag him down and he will escort the customer out of the store. Sale or not.


That's awesome! Sounds like you work for some great people. I'm glad you got that ironed out.

Link Posted: 4/7/2006 5:18:05 PM EDT
I am glad the manager is stepping up. If I was your boss I would do the same thing, and make it clear that the guy was not welcome back. It is just part of making a safe workplace for the employee.
if the boss wouldn't then they are a pos.
Link Posted: 4/8/2006 5:12:40 AM EDT
Great news! Glad to hear that your boss is supporting you.
Link Posted: 4/8/2006 5:25:18 AM EDT
Link Posted: 4/8/2006 8:22:28 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Ginger:
Try acting a little distracted and say "I'm sorry, what did you say?", like you didn't hear them.


My technique of looking them dead in the eye with an "ExCUSE me?" is generally effective too.
Link Posted: 4/9/2006 10:04:39 AM EDT
Go Gab! You shouldn't ever have to worry about them perceiving you as a snob. If men don't know they are pushing it a little too far, they should be informed. From experience, if you don't cut them short or if you get cutesy, they just keep on. I really like Ginger's and Gab's suggestions.
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