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Posted: 9/18/2009 7:09:34 AM EST
WoW.com's prestige in the community has afforded us the opportunity to speak to major Horde and Alliance leadership figures on any subject, and we're letting you, the reader, Ask A Faction Leader!

We recently spoke to Genn Greymane, King of Gilneas and leader of the Worgen, and he shed some light on several key issues, such as how hot Vereesa Windrunner is, why losing the Blood Elves was no big loss, and how to treat mental illness in the undead. This week, we've got incredibly popular Orc leader and captain of the Horde's Warsong Offensive, Garrosh Hellscream. Sitting in with him is Overlord Varok Saurfang, right hand of Warchief Thrall.

Our first reader question:

Dear Garrosh,
There is a growing number of Horde members who believe "a basic campfire" would make a better Warchief than you. What's your response?
Thank you,

Garrosh responds:

Ah, a coward who refuses to name his allegiance. Undoubtedly an Alliance pig! After all, only an Alliance pig could ever even consider that there are loyal sons of the Horde who wouldn't support me as Warchief. But if there are, then this ... this Abesik Kampfire should state his intentions to my face if he wishes to challenge me in my bid for Warchief! I will grind his bones to dust with the blunt end of my axe! I will see what this traitorous dog is made of.

Saurfang responds:

No, no, Garrosh. A basic campfire. You know, cooks food, you feed it wood ––

Garrosh responds:

*snort* Old man, his skills as a chef do not mean that he is a warrior, and I care not what his diet is. I will defeat him in single combat and he will serve as an example to those who would challenge me. LOK'TAR! BLOOD AND THUNDER!

Overlord Hellscream,
Hypothetical: Some adventurers doing some exploring in southern Tanaris happen upon a crystal weapon of great power, and bring it to you for guidance. It is realized that said crystal, upon shattering, would kill every member of the Alliance. Every man, woman, child, human, dwarf, gnome, whoever flies the Alliance banner, would die upon the crystal's shattering. Would you break it?

Garrosh responds:

Would I break it! Of course I would break it, and if my warriors didn't shatter the crystal then and there, then I would certainly kill them as well! There should be no hesitation in destroying our enemies. One is born Horde. Being Alliance is a choice ... much like speccing Subtlety or being a male Blood Elf. One should be prepared for the consequences of that choice, like having birds and lions all over your armor or being obliterated instantaneously by a big glowing crystal for no reason.

So Garrosh I'm going all Horde with the faction switches now in play. I'm wondering if this is a bad decision since I know practically no one on the horde side, but you all seem to have the better mounts, locations, etc. But all in all, Alliance sucks! And Horde rule! But I still want a worgen Death Knight...but I already have a Blood Elf Death Knight with all the war mounts and I don't want to change realms...you see my problem? What should I do?

~ ßarbossa
Death Knight of the Ebon Blade

Garrosh responds:

Peh! While the Alliance will undoubtedly look upon those who have betrayed the Horde to join the Alliance with great pride, the Horde cares not for your capricious change of loyalties! I will not consider your rehabilitation complete until you've leveled a Troll Priest to 80. This will show your dedication to our cause ... should you survive. Death Knights are not true sons of the Horde anyway, though, so feel free to betray us. You're very likely specced Unholy anyway, and we have a ton of Warlocks already.

Saurfang responds:

It's unwise to send loyal warriors of the Horde away. You just want that legendary axe. Greed is unbecoming of a true son of the Horde.

Garrosh responds:

It just looks so cooool, you know? Got, like, skulls, and spikes. Dad would've loved it. Would've killed, like, everybody with it.

Saurfang responds:

Ah, yes, Grom Hellscream. Not an orc well-known for killing everybody.

Hey Garrosh,

It seems like you would be the best person to ask about this. Jaina and Varian have practically been joined at the hip all expansion. Have you noticed Thrall getting jealous?

Just curious,

Garrosh responds:

The Warchief is agitated. He paces. He broods in his chambers. It is that witch!

Saurfang responds:

We keep saying, "Thrall, just, you know, go ask Garona on a date or something, come on, man." It's embarrassing.

Garrosh responds:

He keeps having our mages open portals to Theramore and just closing them and not using them. This is not the behavior of a Warchief! Someone needs to step up and snap him out of this craze ... or replace him.

Saurfang responds:

I'd settle for him just taking down all those photos of Varian and Jaina with Varian's face scribbled out of them.

Mr. Hellscream
Considering the rampant amount of illegal activities occurring in the world of Azeroth, from counterfeit gold, theft, and back-room political deals, what are your views on the current situation and how Thrall and the rest of the Horde leaders are handling it?
Furthermore, if you were to become the new chieftan, how would you address the threatened economy, the growing disputes between the members of the horde, diminishing natural resources, and of course, the political climate between us and the Alliance, namely Varian Wrynn?

Garrosh responds:


My Darling Little Hellscream,

So, how are things? I hope everything is going well for you and my grandson back on Azeroth. Have you been taking your vitamins? I hear it's cold up in Northrend - did you get those mittens I sent you? The weather here in Nagrand has been cold lately, too. And if it snows here, would you mind being a dear and coming back to shovel the driveway? It's been a while since you visited. Speaking of which, how come you never call me? You know, Thrall calls me every evening just to check up on me. Maybe you could be a little bit more like him, hmmm? Your Greatmother isn't getting any younger, you know.

Oh, and while you're out in Azeroth, would you mind picking up a few groceries?


Greatmother Geyah

Garrosh responds:

I have sent her two messengers since I left! Two! I've hardly ignored her. I cannot spend my days worrying over the state of an old woman! My priorities are in perfect order.

Saurfang responds:

He's come a long way, he really has. He even made a to-do list the other day.

Garrosh responds:

Yes! Yes, I did. Look:

1. Destroy Alliance
2. Destroy Scourge
3. Destroy previous record for most Brewfest Pretzels eaten
4. Destroy old kitchen wall and use French lighting to really open the room up
5. Destroy preconception that male orcs aren't good dancers
6. Destroy Send Greatmother Geyah a letter

I've even bumped her up to above "Destroy (to be announced)."

Greetings, Garrosh,

What is your opinion of the goblins and how do you think that they will fare as members of the horde?

-Alarias of Silvermoon

Garrosh responds:

The Horde has long been at a disadvantage. There are strategies that we were ill-equipped to execute due to the composition of our armies; areas that we could not strike! Well, with the Goblins in our ranks, those areas, such as kneecaps and shins, will fall to the might of the Horde! We will be victorious! LOK'TAR!

I would urge anyone who doubts the warrior spirit of the Goblins to look at one simple fact: green skin. Who else has green skin? Yes, that's right. Just think about it.

Saurfang responds:

Your skin is brown, though, that doesn't even make any ––

Garrosh responds:

A trick of the light. An Alliance lie! Swamp gas! A wizard did it! Infinite Dragonflight!

Dear Garrosh,

I've decided to write to you for a simple purpose. On one hand, I like King Varian Wrynn a lot. He seems like a confident and determined guy. On the other hand, I have a feeling for Orcs that I cannot hide; being myself a Draenei, that's a sin, isn't it? That makes me sad. So, I was wondering if you could get me any advice on what to do.

P.S: Got any cute female friends?

Garrosh responds:

Cloven-hooved Draenei scum, romantically pursuing the most perfect race on Azeroth or anywhere else? This is an affront on all that the Horde holds dear, and I will not assist you in muddying our bloodline. You should definitely not send your cutest sister to my room with a personal copy of your letter to plead for advice. Especially not one who wears Black Mageweave attire with "Varian sux, Garrosh rules" written on the back. My advice for you is not to do any of those things. I definitely don't think Draenei women are attractive and I won't like it at all.

Saurfang responds:

. . .

Dear Garrosh,
My recent activities in Ulduar have lead me to conclude that powerful titan weapons could lay just off the southern coast of Tanaris. Have you ever considered tying a large rock to your waist and going diving
for them? The area is shark infested so I recommend you throw a few buckets of chum in the water first to distract the sharks.

Garrosh responds:

Finally! A true son of the Horde that wants to assist his future Warchief in annihilating the Alliance scum that assault us at every turn. Saurfang, alert my naval commanders! We sail to Steamwheedle Port at dawn! LOK'TAR OGAR! THROM-KA!

Saurfang responds:

I don't think th–– Wait. What the hell am I saying? Yes. I'll just go ahead and do that.

That's all for our audience with Garrosh Hellscream and special guest Overlord Saurfang! Next week, we'll be speaking with Prophet Velen, leader of the Draenei! If you have questions for Velen, whether you need advice or have questions about interdimensional travel or anything in between, send them via email to sacco@wow.com with the subject line "AAFL".
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 7:13:05 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 7:15:37 AM EST
1.) Play WoW
2.) Read tl;dr
3.) Didn't laugh
4.) Insert appropriate pic
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 7:17:03 AM EST
Originally Posted By KillerTux:
1.) Play WoW
2.) Read tl;dr
3.) Didn't laugh
4.) Insert appropriate pic

ah must be alliance scum..
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 7:19:43 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/18/2009 7:20:14 AM EST by KillerTux]
Originally Posted By Fat_McNasty:
ah must be alliance scum..

I got a "couple" 80's on Arthas(US) Horde

Link Posted: 9/18/2009 7:26:26 AM EST
Fracking Horde... couldnt find their own asses using both hands, a map and a pack of hunting dogs...

I can take Hellscream with a nekkid level 1 cloth wearer with no mana...

Level 80 Draenei Shaman
Sisters of Elune
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 7:32:45 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 7:37:04 AM EST
Well bless your heart that is just a riveting tale.
Link Posted: 9/18/2009 8:14:10 AM EST


Link Posted: 9/18/2009 8:46:08 AM EST
Meh, Alliance Scum here.
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