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Posted: 9/17/2004 7:06:19 PM EST
[Last Edit: 9/17/2004 7:32:52 PM EST by JSteensen]
Hey guys. As Im preparing to enter the Army, Ive been thinking alot about long term life goals. How hard does being in the military make it for being able to start/raise a family? I understand the freqent long term seperations...Just to clarify, Im not currently involved with anyone romantically, I just want to hear what there is to hear for future reference.

So yeah, chime in at will.

John

(EDIT: Title)
Link Posted: 9/17/2004 8:35:19 PM EST
Well I leave for BCT next month, and it ISN'T doing my relationship with my girlfriend much good really. We have a 9 month old girl too.

She's a lot younger than I, and is just scared to make the commitment to the military life, which I understand.

YMMV
Link Posted: 9/17/2004 10:21:54 PM EST

Originally Posted By JSteensen:
Hey guys. As Im preparing to enter the Army, Ive been thinking alot about long term life goals. How hard does being in the military make it for being able to start/raise a family? I understand the freqent long term seperations...Just to clarify, Im not currently involved with anyone romantically, I just want to hear what there is to hear for future reference.

So yeah, chime in at will.

John

(EDIT: Title)



I don't know how things are but I knew several enlisted families on food stamps when I was in the USMC. The concensus back in those days was that it's a good carreer for a family man if you are an Officer.
The man to ask around here would be FREEFALLE6. He has a fine family and has been deployed quite a bit over the last couple of years.
Link Posted: 9/17/2004 11:19:02 PM EST
Don't worry about it, if you're not involved now. You'll have an easier time if you start a relationship after you've been in for awhile. You'll know how much you're making, and what you rate. But, high op tempo and deployments do make anything serious take a lot of work from both sides.
Link Posted: 9/18/2004 12:45:49 AM EST
I would reccomend waiting until you get out, or reenlist


right now you really have no idea the strain it would put on a marriage
Link Posted: 9/18/2004 6:14:30 AM EST
It sucks for the kids. I got to see my father on a regular basis- once or twice a year- until I was 6 or 7. Lived in a bunch of shitty places, and with relatives until I was 8 or so.
Link Posted: 9/18/2004 6:18:12 AM EST
I loved it. My dad was Army till I was 17. When I was little I really liked moving and meeting new kids, didn't really miss old friends until I was like early teens. Having to go through 2 high schools wasn't the greatest but I have awesome memories of MAC flights to alaska, and road trips that never ended. Good and bad but if the kids are young not too bad.
Link Posted: 9/18/2004 6:55:59 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/18/2004 7:23:28 AM EST
It's a great place to raise a faqmily. I have 4 kids. The problem a lot of lower ranking married soldiers is living behond their means. You will not be able to afford that new 2004 Mustang along with a house full of new furniture, etc. Stay away from the local finance companies at all cost. You will go down a road of debt you may not be able to recover from. Money is the biggest reason for divorces in the military. Live within your means and you will do fine.

I wasn't able to afford a new vehicle until I was a single E6/SSG.
Link Posted: 9/18/2004 10:11:49 AM EST
Thanks guys. Figured no better people to ask then those who are doing it or have done it.

John
Link Posted: 9/20/2004 4:41:31 AM EST
Link Posted: 9/20/2004 8:40:42 AM EST
When I was active duty and married, I saw plenty of married guys get divorced because the First Sgt. was over "checking up" on their wives when they deployed or some guy from the base or work was humping their wife while they were gone. In retarded women logic, it is because "they are lonely" or "you don't take care of me". 85% of one shop I worked with was divorced, some two or three times. I happen to think you find one decent women for every 20 sluts that marry a GI. No place is any safer than anywhere else.

If you find yourself lonely after basic and AIT, go wack off and email home. Plenty of guys marry because they want BAQ, are away from home and lonely or they are crazy for poon after their first piece of it.

You can run on about how "bitter" I sound, but in five years you will understand. That will be when you discover the second child is not really yours, you are nearly bankrupt and she is as fat as a pig and still thinks she is God's gift to men.

On a lighter note, if you can pick a base, try for something in an affordable area, with regional outdoor and sports activities you like and with a unit that does something you enjoy. Avoid the northeast unless you are from there. Europe is nice if you are willing to travel a little and learn to speak a little of the local language.
Link Posted: 9/20/2004 2:05:35 PM EST
Link Posted: 9/21/2004 11:26:12 AM EST
Alot will depend on you and your spouse. Alot of spouses can not hack the long hours,missed holidays,birthdays,anniversaries,etc. I saw alot of marriages break up and some after they had been married for quite awhile. It can be a great thing. You'll see different parts of the world and the US. It is all in how you make it. Granted some of the installations are not in the best of places,but you can definately make the best of it. Good Luck.
Link Posted: 9/21/2004 7:13:56 PM EST
It's absolutely what you make of it. I've been active duty for 9 years now and I've been married for 5 of those. My wife and I both love the Army. My kids are too young yet to realize some of the hardships, but I hope that they will look back on their life in the Army as positively as I do.

SOme good advice has already been given so I'll just reinforce some of it.

1. Wait until after your first term! Money is the #1 killer of Military marriages. Once you get your E-5, start looking for a wife if you think you're ready.

2. Don't marry ANY woman that you meet on base. You'll understand after your first couple of trips to the NCO/E-club.

3. If you meet a girl out in town that knows rank, BAH rates, and the deployment schedule of your Unit......RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Stay single and enjoy your first few years in the service as a single Soldier. Remember, it is your duty to screw as many foriegn chicks as possible
Link Posted: 9/22/2004 8:45:52 AM EST
[Last Edit: 9/22/2004 8:47:19 AM EST by Lightning_P38]
Link Posted: 9/29/2004 4:33:19 PM EST
When I was a Company Commander, my junior soldiers had problems (some LT's and Senior NCO's as well). Leatherneck hit the nails on the head. I will add one thing I saw. Most of the failed marriages I dealt with were soldiers who got married young, and had children right off the bat. People develop into their adult persona between the ages of 17 and 24. The woman you marry at 19 or 20 may not be the same person at 24 or 25. If yuou get married early on, I would advise you wait until you have children. You and your wife need to spend time together doing things ya'll want to do before kids come along and become the center of your life. furthermore, as junior soldier it is tough to make it on the mney with just you and a wife, kids can cost quite a bit too. the advice about waiting until you re-enlist or make E-5 is very good advice.
Link Posted: 9/30/2004 7:53:52 AM EST
Hell no. Just my 2 cents.
Link Posted: 9/30/2004 9:04:45 AM EST

Originally Posted By rifleman2000:
Hell no. Just my 2 cents.



Care to elaborate why? lol

I did see one of my best friends (and his slightly younger sister, who became my first girlfriend) get raised in the Army, moving around alot and all that fun stuff, dad was a LT. COL. if I remember right.

They looked forward to moving each time. See new things, meet new people. Hell, its been too long, I need to stop out St. Louis way on my way to boot and see them, lol.

John
Link Posted: 9/30/2004 1:37:29 PM EST
Well I'm a Army LTC(RET)'s son and a SSG in the Army I've been married for almost 8 years and my wife was in for almost 6 of those her Dad is still an active duty chaplain. My wife just recently got out and is going to school so she can become a teacher (teacher's and nurse's make great army wife careers). I can tell you for sure that there will be hardships and turmoil but it's nothing you can't work through. The biggest thing is when your home you need to be at home. The friends I had that were mad at there dads were the one's whose Dad's would come home for awhile and go out with the guys not spend time with the kids. The army marriages I see break up are the ones where the service member comes home and doesn't do anything with his family the biggest thing is to make sure you maximize the time you do have. My wife and I got married VERY young she was 18 and I was 20 however we still don't have kids as we wanted to wait until we had a strong marriage and were more financially secure. The bug has got us both now but I'm in Korea getting ready to go to Iraq and she's in college so were gonna continue to wait. It can work but if you didn't grow up like that it will take some getting used to. Oh and just for refrence, all of us kids are well adjusted and normal. I'm a SSG in the army. My sister is an Optometrist (one of the best in her field too). My wife served almost 6 years while getting her associates and is now working 30 hours a week and going to school 15 hours a semester plus teaching sunday school at the church. My older Brother-in-Law is an engineer in Florida (I think for pratt-whitney), He is married with 2 great kids. My younger Brother-in-Law is attending college for Graphics Design in Florida and recently got engaged to a great girl and they seem to be doing great. So the stories about "Army Kids" being maladjusted are straight bullshit. Don't worry about the first piece of split tail that comes along if you meet a great girl fine but like "leatherpuke" said if you meet a girl that knows more about the military than you do run away your probably her 4th or 5th GI and she won't even remember you after she has gotten your money and probably gotten you chaptered out of the army.
Link Posted: 9/30/2004 2:14:14 PM EST

Originally Posted By leatherpuke:
It's absolutely what you make of it. I've been active duty for 9 years now and I've been married for 5 of those. My wife and I both love the Army. My kids are too young yet to realize some of the hardships, but I hope that they will look back on their life in the Army as positively as I do.

SOme good advice has already been given so I'll just reinforce some of it.

1. Wait until after your first term! Money is the #1 killer of Military marriages. Once you get your E-5, start looking for a wife if you think you're ready.

2. Don't marry ANY woman that you meet on base. You'll understand after your first couple of trips to the NCO/E-club.

3. If you meet a girl out in town that knows rank, BAH rates, and the deployment schedule of your Unit......RUN AWAY RUN AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

4. Stay single and enjoy your first few years in the service as a single Soldier. Remember, it is your duty to screw as many foriegn chicks as possible



This post should be briefed to every new soldier in the Army. OUTSTANDING job!
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