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Posted: 10/2/2004 2:09:50 PM EST


Buddy of mine (my age) sent his kid to college recently and it got me thinking...

I had my first when I was 35..I am having my third(last) next year shortly before I turn 40. Seems like there's some good and bad to this....I have gotten my "partying" out of the way. My career situation is fairly secure (more money) and I am apt to make fewer of the mistakes that I did in my 20's..

The bad seems a little more obvious..May not live to see all the weddings/grandkids..Won't be as active as the younger Dads in 15 years etc.

I have no regrets but I was interested in what others had to say
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 2:14:15 PM EST
You did it the way I did. I'll be 59 when the last child goes to college...I'm 55 now and I finally enjoy the 1st 3 kids as adult people.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 2:15:19 PM EST
I had my first when I was 29 and the second 2 years latter.I had my growing up done and a house paid for. I would have started sooner and had another maybe.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 2:21:08 PM EST
If you have a child after 40, well it's kind of selfish. Are you going to be around for the kid when he's older? Or are you going to be 6ft under when he hits 30.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 2:21:53 PM EST
I'm rather happy I had mine young, I'll be able to enjoy my retirement.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 2:23:21 PM EST
My dad was 47 when he had me(mom was 39..they met late in life). I wish he was younger so that he could have played more sports with me. He chased me around the house, played kick, tossed the ball to eachother, ect, but he couldn't really be as active as a younger guy would have been.(We lived in the country with 10 acres, so we had lots of room.)

Seems like the dream would be to marry between 18 and early 20's while being a mature, respectable husband who is able to lead, but not overbearing, and have kids in like 2-5 years. Thats how it use to be anyway...

Well...I will give you old dads with young kids one tip: Stay in shape. Your kids will love you for it.

chicken
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 2:30:32 PM EST
I say have them over 30. I know other people who say have them young so you can enjoy your later years when you're retired and can afford to do things. They say that the kids will be on their own and out of your hair. Not so really. Once you have children, you have children for life. Then grandchildren. You will never enjoy the same care free lifestyle that you did before you had children.
Have them over 30. You should have sewn your wild oats, You should have a solid career. You should be less selfish, more mature and more patient. I was married at 30, first child at 34 and second at 40. Things are working out great for me, so far.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 3:12:23 PM EST

Originally Posted By Sukebe:
I say have them over 30. I know other people who say have them young so you can enjoy your later years when you're retired and can afford to do things. They say that the kids will be on their own and out of your hair. Not so really. Once you have children, you have children for life. Then grandchildren. You will never enjoy the same care free lifestyle that you did before you had children.
Have them over 30. You should have sewn your wild oats, You should have a solid career. You should be less selfish, more mature and more patient. I was married at 30, first child at 34 and second at 40. Things are working out great for me, so far.



I agree with you. +1.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 3:18:03 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 3:18:32 PM EST
Have a couple by the time you are 21, no later than 26 if you go to college, then you'll have time to save for retirement in your forties.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 3:20:40 PM EST
My mom was in her early 30s when she had me and 35 when she had my sister and 29 when she had my brother.

CRC
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 3:22:56 PM EST
We've waited. Of course, I am only 33 and she's 27. She says maybe when she's 32-33. Then it will probably be one -- maybe 2.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 3:26:02 PM EST

Originally Posted By HeldHostage:
I'm rather happy I had mine young, I'll be able to enjoy my retirement.



Is the trade off of working your butt off during your younger years to provide for your kids worth being able to "enjoy life" when you old, tired, worn out, and not as agile as you were during your younger years worth it?

I'm not even thinking of kids at the moment but the same argument comes down to "living it up" now while I'm young and able to, or should I be "saving it up" so I can "enjoy retirement"? If you look at my Discover Card thread you can see which path I've chosen. But I'm always wondering if that's the best choice.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 3:28:33 PM EST
I think you should be over 30 to have a kid and well established in your job, the cost of living these days is too high to start young and un prepared.

a lot of young people that have kids when they are 18 or early 20's always seem to be living on the edge, it shouldnt be a burden.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 3:33:07 PM EST
Dont know, I dont have any kids....and I am 38...

BUT I had a good friend, my best firend, I have ever had in my life, him and his wife adopted all of 3 of thier kids, late in life.

Thats a good thing, BUT the bad part is he passed away at the age of 55, with the youngest child still in the home, I beleive she was 12 at the time.

Hard to say, I mean you could pass away at anytime, young or old, BUT I just can see form what it has put his family through, that no, I would not be having kids at my age this late in life.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 3:41:50 PM EST
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 4:42:34 PM EST
I had mine at 24. He's starting college next year, and I will be 42. Got the two ex-wifes out of the way, so in a year I'll be pretty much free to go and do any thing I want.

I think having that kind of freedom is more enjoyable at 40 and up, because you know who you are, what you want and can afford it. As opposed to the 18-30 range.

I can't imagine having a newborn and a couple of pre-schoolers around the house at my age.

Link Posted: 10/2/2004 4:54:11 PM EST


Doesn't matter if you're young or old, just make sure you're over your selfish stage in life. Before you get married, you have to be able to think of your wife first and you both have to be willing to sacrifice for your kids. If you are "Me! Me!Me!" at 23 or 43, you'll be a lousy dad. (And husband)

Link Posted: 10/2/2004 4:59:28 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/2/2004 5:00:23 PM EST by Yojimbo]
The best time to have kids is when you and your spouse have matured enough and have gotten out of the "me, me, me and party all the time" stage.

My wife an I had our kids at a pretty young age, I was 25 and she was 20, but we were ready for it. Right now we are expecting our fourth and last child at the end of this month. That will make for three boys and one girl. My wife and I enjoy family life and couldn't imagine life without our kids. Children truly are a blessing...

Dang Bubba, cross post...
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:20:03 PM EST
advantages to both ways. My parents got married when Dad was 26 and Mom was 19. First kid (me) when she was 21, finished by 24. They're still young enough to go running around all over the world.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:26:58 PM EST
I laugh when I think of some 40 year old that should be looking forward to grandparenthood getting up in the middle of the night to take care of some crying infant! Or think of the pain involved with a 50 year old camping out on the ground in a pup tent with his 12 year old! My kids (three of them) will be grown and gone by the time I am in my early fourties and I will be free to have my second honeymoon with the wife! Hubba Hubba! Still enough energy for some playtime! Planerench out.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:33:20 PM EST
hmmmm lemme see...LOL Blackriflefever planted his lovely spermies when i was 16...less than a month later i turned 17...had our son 3 months before my 18th bday...i guess i'll just be a cool mom
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:37:10 PM EST
My dad was 34 when I was born, my mom was 24. he was ready, she wasn't.
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:42:51 PM EST
What nonsense! I'm 46 and can out run my soccer team of eight year olds! I can work em for hours and while they're pooped at the end of practice, I'm still going strong.

The only difference I see, or feel, I should say, is in the morning. I don't recharge as fast as my 20's.

Wife unit had little Ramjet in our 30's. We were established, had a solid foundation and could provide for our child. It's worked very well so far.

Heck, you guys sound like at 70, it's push up the dasies. Not me boy, My family has made it to there late 80's and early 90's. (my luck, I'll get hit by a bus. )
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:52:38 PM EST
Young would've been nice but it took me 28 years to find the right lady. We had our first at (me) 30 and second at 32. That was 24.6 years ago
M
Link Posted: 10/2/2004 5:59:51 PM EST
My dad was 55 when I was born. Sucked. He died at 73 when I was 18 years old. By the time I was old enough to do anything he had quit hunting or really doing anything so I never learned anything from him (well, learned anything that helped) growing up. Having kids in your 30s is fine, past that would be kind sucky I'd think.
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