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Posted: 1/1/2006 3:59:16 PM EDT
A family friend gave my 4 and 6 year old girls some Bratz dolls for Christmas. My kids are not allowed to have Bratz. How do I politely tell our friend that the girls can't use her gifts? I would rather be truthful, but need suggestions on how to put it nicely without looking like I'm passing judgment on my friend's taste.
For those of you who don't know what Bratz are, this is what they got:  Update! Well, our friend was over today. I thanked her for the nice wine racks she gave us. Then my 4 y.o. came home from school and my friend asked how she liked the dolls. My daughter said, "I like them, but Mommy is going to make us give them away!"  This was after I had carefully coached her the other day just to say, "I like them, thank you." In one ear, out the other. Anyway, my friend turned to me, eyes wide, and asked, "Why??" I explained how I had not let the girls have those kinds of dolls because of their scanty clothes, lots of makeup, and "brat" attitude. She said she didn't even think about it; she'd just heard they were popular. I said, "Yeah, but look what else is popular these days - shirts that say 'My boyfriend's out of town' and pants with 'Juicy' across the seat." So it did not go as planned and I think maybe her feelings got hurt.  Oh well, hopefully we'll all get past it soon.
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Posted: 1/1/2006 4:17:55 PM EDT
[#1]
Just tell them the truth... You are the one parenting your kids and you are the one deciding right and wrong. Just tell them you appreciate it, but that your kids are not necessarily involved in all the latest "crazes" that you don't deem appropriate. Or you can just donate them and tell your friends the dog ate 'em!  eta grammar corrections. |
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Posted: 1/1/2006 4:20:23 PM EDT
[#2]
If there not open just take them back and get something else. I doubt your friend will ever notice, if she does just tell her your girls are not interested in them and instead of them going to waste you got them something that needed. I'm sure Wal-Mart stocks "slutz" dolls and you should not need a receipt.
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Posted: 1/1/2006 7:32:30 PM EDT
[#3]
MrsG I've had to do this before and though uncomfortable it wasn't that big of a deal looking back. I just explained that we exchanged the inappropriate gift [in this case some Harry Potter stuff] for something else. It was no big deal and we never received any HP stuff anymore.
Patty |
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Posted: 1/2/2006 12:06:52 AM EDT
[#4]
Thats a hard one.
It would depend on how comfortable you are telling these people that their gift was inappropriate for your daughter. If you can easily talk to them, then I would let them know. If not, I would thank them, and either exchange them, or donate the dolls to charity. |
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Posted: 1/2/2006 4:36:08 AM EDT
[#5]
Personally, I would simply ask for the receipt and tell them you'd like to exchange the gifts because your kids simply want something else. That way, you're getting the job done without looking like a "holier than thou" type. I don't personally care for Bratz dolls myself.
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Posted: 1/2/2006 4:40:38 AM EDT
[#6]
I agree |
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Posted: 1/2/2006 5:46:27 AM EDT
[#7]
It would depend on how close this friend is to you. If they are a close personal friend, especially one who frequents your home, then I would explain to them the reason you find the gift inappropriate and then exchange the gift. If this is just a casual friend, which it probably is since they don't know of your objections to the slut dolls, then I would just exchange the gift and not even mention it to them. (Most businesses here do not require a receipt for exchanges made right after Christmas.)
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Posted: 1/2/2006 9:15:17 AM EDT
[#8]
Just out of curiosity why is Harry Potter inappropriate at your house? I honestly have never seen the movies or read the books, not much into fantasy stuff. Is it the witchcraft angle that I have heard others upset over or something I'm missing? |
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Posted: 1/2/2006 8:00:23 PM EDT
[#9]
I agree with you on this. My nieces are obsessed with the Bratz dolls & it makes me crazy. Not only are they the homely-ist looking things, they are dressed highly inappropriate. I don't have daughters, but I would exchange them too. Just let your friend know why its inappropriate to you, and exchange the gifts. |
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Posted: 1/2/2006 9:43:39 PM EDT
[#10]
A prohibition on Harry Potter? Why? |
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Posted: 1/2/2006 11:02:14 PM EDT
[#11]
You should definantly tell your friend exactly why you don't think the gifts are appropriate. It may offend them a little, but people need to realize that bratz dolls are a horrible influence for young girl. My sisters and I have all agreed that those things are evil and we will never get one for our neice.
BTW, the pics you posted are pretty tame compared to what I saw at toys r us this christmas |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 8:38:34 AM EDT
[#12]
Because she said so. Half-joking, half-not.  FWIW, my eyes skipped over the words "Harry Potter," so that when I got to her "HP" abbreviation, I thought she meant "High Power". I was going to ask if her kids were recoil-sensitive or recoil-averse until I re-read it. 
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Posted: 1/3/2006 8:40:16 AM EDT
[#13]
MrsG.,
You should know the answer to this without asking. The appropriate thing to do is trade them in for ammo. Anyone who can't understand that they gave the wrong gift after they have been told what the Bratz were traded for isn't really a friend.
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Posted: 1/3/2006 9:12:06 AM EDT
[#14]
I love this site. PS: I work in the toy department, so I have to put away those half-nekked, bug-eyed, monkey lipped, skank ho dolls every day. I just want to burn them. What the F is wrong with a company that markets a "luscious laptop" and a "find your perfect mate" journal to 5 year olds. I don't want my 5 yr old knowing what a "mate" is, let alone trying to find the perfect one nor do I want her trying to be "luscious".  And so as not to sound holier than thou to anyone, if ya want your kid playing with half-nekked, bug-eyed, monkey lipped, skank ho dolls that's fine by me. Enjoy. However, I don't want my kid playing with half-nekked, bug-eyed, monkey lipped, skank ho dolls, no offense intended to you, that's just my taste.  PS, grammar is overrated. |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:25:13 AM EDT
[#15]
 Perse...ya kill me... |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 10:31:40 AM EDT
[#16]
All I can say to this is THANK GOD I HAVE A SON. (and my girls are wayyy past the doll stage) |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 11:07:17 AM EDT
[#17]
Hopefully, my precious little girl is too much of a tomboy when it comes time for kids her age to want these crappy things. I'm not a biker or anything, but I think she may be (will post pic later). |
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Posted: 1/3/2006 2:40:16 PM EDT
[#18]
once again, perseph gives perfect sigline material
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Posted: 1/3/2006 7:31:14 PM EDT
[#19]
So are you saying that she "gives great sigline," so to speak?
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Posted: 1/4/2006 2:57:18 AM EDT
[#20]
Because she said so. Half-joking, half-not. Dear God I hated when my mother would say that, because I said so, I really don't plan on using that one with my son. So far I have been pretty good about explaining things to him and not just saying NO. I guess we don't get an answer on the Harry Potter thing? |
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Posted: 1/4/2006 7:33:39 AM EDT
[#21]
I can not answer for Patty about her objections to Harry Potter but many parents do not like the witchcraft/ wizardry and what it represents contained in the movies and books.
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Posted: 1/4/2006 10:02:55 AM EDT
[#22]
I say that...ALOT. I have 2 boys who will one day tower over me (my 8 year old is a mere 10" shorter) So saying, "because I'm bigger than you and can snap you in half" isn't gonna work long. As far as Harry...I like Harry. I always like an underdog. Bug-eyed skanky ho dolls, not liking so much. But since I have boys, it's a non-issue. I hope.
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Posted: 1/4/2006 10:33:54 AM EDT
[#23]
So who will G.I. Joe get busy with while on leave? 
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Posted: 1/4/2006 12:27:33 PM EDT
[#24]
I dunno...ask Sarge.
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Posted: 1/4/2006 1:07:02 PM EDT
[#25]
Prolly shouldn't be putting this out in the public domain, but....... After my sister was born, folks gave us tons of Barbies. Of course, newborns can't really play with Barbies, so they went into the closet for "storage" (also, some in her toybox). G.I. Joe team members (such as Flint, Snake-Eyes, Beach Head, etc) would get really tired on their various missions and would need to unwind. That's where Barbie and her pals would come in.  I remember once my mom walked in and the look on her face was priceless:  .After she gained some semblance of composure, she asked "WHAT is G.I. Joe doing to Barbie?!?"
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Posted: 1/5/2006 8:03:45 AM EDT
[#26]
We are not suprised by this revelation, Jake. Not in the LEAST!
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Posted: 1/5/2006 8:47:53 AM EDT
[#27]
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Posted: 1/5/2006 1:18:41 PM EDT
[#28]
I don't know what the etiquette is, but I'm with you. Bratz look like a bunch of slut dolls to me. Little Miss Wedge will not be playing with those.
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Posted: 1/6/2006 8:41:44 AM EDT
[#29]
Don't sweat it... When I was 16 (6'3") I came home drunk from a football party and my Mom (5' even) started giving me a raft of shit. I said something to the effect of, "I can do whatever the f--- I want to ..." when I got hit by the bitchslap from hell. She cracked me in the face and I never saw it coming. Then she shoved me over a coffee table onto the floor and stood over me screaming like a graveyard banshee. This all woke up Dad, who came downstairs, picked me back up and started bouncing me off the walls. I felt like a hockey player in a bench-clearing brawl where my team didn't come over the boards. I never raised my voice to my Mother again. Ever. She's scary. And I concur with the Slutz Dollz. Take them back and use the money to buy an American Girl. They're overpriced, as are their accesories, but my girls loved them and folks always know what to get them for presents. My 11yo's doll, Amanda, just got an invite to a birthday party for another American Girl doll owned by her best friend. They're really into this stuff. |
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Posted: 1/6/2006 11:04:05 AM EDT
[#30]
Not to hijack the thread, but I was just informed by my wife that Little Miss Wedge took her Barbie doll and put it in her X-wing and was flying it around the living room.
I don't think I have ever been happier.
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Posted: 1/6/2006 12:56:51 PM EDT
[#31]
In short, your momma introduced you to her "pimp hand" and your daddy was batting clean-up.
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Posted: 1/6/2006 12:57:36 PM EDT
[#32]
I'd be damn near in tears. Right now, my daughter's too young to play w/ the SW and/or G.I. Joe toys, but someday soon, someday soon............ |
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Posted: 1/9/2006 8:37:54 PM EDT
[#33]
Bump for updated first post.
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Posted: 1/9/2006 8:47:18 PM EDT
[#34]
does your friend have kids? i am guessing not let me be the first to say us non-moms dont always look at things the way a parent would ask my sister and BIL
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Posted: 1/9/2006 8:51:02 PM EDT
[#35]
Yeah, she has two daughters and a son. Her daughters are both college age (although the older one has a baby [but not a husband]). I've seen her girls quite a bit in low-rise pants and crop tops. I think it's just a difference in lifestyles, but I can't let my girls have inappropriate toys to keep my friend's feelings from being hurt. And my kids aren't old enough to know the difference between Bad Lies and Little White Lies, so there apparently wasn't a graceful way to sidestep. |
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Posted: 1/9/2006 9:11:35 PM EDT
[#36]
Well, at least everyone went home safely.
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Posted: 1/10/2006 3:09:32 AM EDT
[#37]
Out of the mouths of babes.
Sorry it didn't go as you had planned, but at least now it is in the open. |
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Posted: 1/10/2006 3:52:19 AM EDT
[#38]
Yeah...but some things are better off left unsaid. Coming from a post whore like me, that may not have the impact it should, but it's true. Hopefully it'll all work out and not leave any sore feelings. 
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Posted: 1/10/2006 5:20:17 AM EDT
[#39]
you are 100% correct. and I should have put a after out of the mouths of babes.
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Posted: 1/10/2006 6:43:38 AM EDT
[#40]
I understand your reasoning for not allowing the Brat dolls stuff. My daughter fortunately escaped those by age...however, now I have to deal with the real clothes stuff.
I also understand the Harry Potter ban as I have heard this from parents (witchcraft, wizards, etc. is not in the Christian ideal of things). OK, But I wonder if these same parents (primarily the Bratz banning ones) would stop their children from playing with guns, gi joes (mostly liberals on these two), toy motorcycles (for the gang image), Lord of the Rings (wizards and magic are included as well as monsters), wrestling toys, etc. Not bashing, just wondering. |
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Posted: 1/10/2006 6:56:18 AM EDT
[#41]
I had the same wonder myself. My youngest is putting together puzzles right now and watching the Incredibles (which has a gun fight in the first scene, torture and kids in peril later in the film).  I say ban all toys. And films and books. Do it for the Children. |
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Posted: 1/10/2006 7:17:38 AM EDT
[#42]
Not a ban, just a personal choice (right or wrong) in parenting.
While we're on the topic, though, I was watching PBS (Playmore..... it's the American BBC ) this weekend and they had this guy who was a tulip breeder in Holland or wherever. They were talking about the patience required in tulip husbandry. Artificial pollination, cross what you think will make a good cross, wait 7 years for the result, 90+% of what you cross will be crap. They were talking about the enormous time investment and patience it took........Parenting is even harder. Innumerable variables, nature vs. nurture (as a continuum, not an either/or dichotomy), and then you have to wait 17-30 years to see if they turn out all right. Not really any second chances, and the margin for error is small, at best. Not a commentary on any one particular approach/method, just an observation. |
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Posted: 1/10/2006 7:23:44 AM EDT
[#43]
Damn...you're NOT just another pretty ARFCOMMER! I hear ya. It's truly the toughest job out there. You gotta let them grow, yet you gotta keep them safe. You want them to learn and not be naive yet you want them not to learn too much too fast. Fine line to walk. My eldest will be 9 and has decided that he will NOT use the ladies' room when it's just he and I in a restaurant or the mall or whatnot. You know how hard it is for me to stand by the men's room door and not panic every time I see a weirdo go in there after he does? One day, I see myself getting arrested.  |
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Posted: 1/10/2006 7:50:42 AM EDT
[#44]
Personally, if I had daughters, there would be no Bratz dolls in my house ever. It's all about the attitude they represent (an attitude of promiscuity, wild partying, and being a b*tch just because you can). I allow Harry Potter even though I am Christian because I have read all the books, seen the movies, and feel that it does not undermine the values I am teaching my children. G.I Joe is fine in my house, as are the Incredibles as they portray the "good guys" fighting the "bad guys", but I ban senseless arbitrary violence. I also refuse to expose them to images of scantily clad women and overtly sexual themes. It's a judgement call on my part, and I may have made the wrong one, only time will tell. For now, though, it is my job as a parent to make these calls and not let the world make them for me. |
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Posted: 1/10/2006 7:54:34 AM EDT
[#45]
My daughter is one of the most strong-willed women I know (yes, already, but she comes from a line of them -- my grandma makes Carol Keeton Strayhorn's* "One Tough Grandma" slogan seem like false advertising). She is always testing me and pushing her limits.
When people ask what my disciplinary philosophy is, I say: "I try to walk a fine line between 'ensuring she can interact in society' and 'not breaking her spirit'." Failure is not an option. Jake. * Texas Comptroller who is running for Governor. Texans like MrsGloftoe, et al, will know who I'm talking about. |
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Posted: 1/10/2006 8:01:33 AM EDT
[#46]
I agree. The issue is that what you define as "arbitrary violence" isn't the same as what someone who is buying your kid a gift would define as the same. Know what I mean? I think Dee, you, me and all parents have a right (crap, a RESPONSIBILITY) to say "THIS is ok, THAT is not," and have your THIS and my THAT be the same thing. Know what I mean? While I find Harry to be fine and Bratz not, you may feel differently. And I think that's ok...but without knowing, appropriate gifting becomes harder. I think what Dee was trying to do was get outta this situation without having to explain her feelings so that she would not make her friend feel bad. |
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Posted: 1/10/2006 8:24:45 AM EDT
[#47]
Parents teach (or try to) their values to their kids. So you ban whatever you deem appropriate - which means you can have ban all, none or any combination of the afore mentioned things. You can ban slut dolls and still allow the kids to play with guns. Not bashing either.
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Posted: 1/10/2006 8:58:42 AM EDT
[#48]
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Posted: 1/10/2006 10:20:16 AM EDT
[#49]
we always ask the parents what the kids want, need or would like to have. That pretty much solves it all. I have always found Board Games to be particularly good gifts.
Of course, there is always the standby DRUM SET. bwahahahahaha |
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Posted: 1/10/2006 10:28:55 AM EDT
[#50]
I am trying to stay away from exposing my kids to sexual innuendo. At this age they're like sponges, and they will soak up behavior and regurgitate it most expediently. I don't want my kids to be brats, wear skimpy clothing, and trowel on makeup. Monsters and magic and soldiers are all part of childhood. Playing with toy guns I don't allow, because we are trying to teach gun safety and would rather have them shoot the real things properly. Motorcycles/gangs? That's a new one for me. I don't think everyone who rides a motorcycle is in a gang, or even looks like they might be. However, all the Bratz dolls that I have ever seen are dressed like little tramps. See the difference? I also don't let them do the "Girls rule, throw rocks at boys" crap, wear revealing clothing, or anything else that's going to give them a false sense of female entitlement. |
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