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10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 8/12/2005 8:42:08 PM EDT
The phone rings at KGB headquarters.

"Hello?"

"Hello, is this KGB?"

"Yes. What do you want?"

"I'm calling to report my neighbor Yankel Rabinovitz as an enemy of the State. He is hiding undeclared diamonds in his firewood."

"This will be noted."

Next day, the KGB goons come over to Rabinovitz's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no diamonds, swear at Yankel Rabinovitz and leave.

The phone rings at Rabinovitz's house.

"Hello, Yankel! Did the KGB come?"

"Yes."

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yes, they did."

"Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my vegetable patch plowed."

Sgtar15
Link Posted: 8/12/2005 8:45:31 PM EDT
Stick to making doll skits, your joke-fu sucks.

<­BR>

btw, your an idiot
Link Posted: 8/12/2005 8:46:25 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/12/2005 8:48:40 PM EDT by sgtar15]
Two military policemen were chasing a fleeing draftee from The military base. The draftee ran into the courtyard of a convent. He saw a nun seated on a round bench beneath a tree, quietly reading a book.

He said to her, "Quick sister, please hide me I don't want to be drafted and the M.P.'s are chasing me!"

She lifted up her skirt and said, "Quick hide under here." The two policemen came by and asked if she had seen anyone. She replied, "No."

After they left she told the young boy to come out and that everything was going to be OK. He thanked her and said, "You have a nice set of legs for a nun!"

She replied, "If you reach up a little farther you'll find a nice set of balls too. I'm not going to be drafted either!"
Link Posted: 8/12/2005 8:47:16 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:


btw, your an idiot



Lick my garbage pail punk

Sgat1r5
Link Posted: 8/12/2005 8:47:30 PM EDT
The first joke was funny
Link Posted: 8/12/2005 8:48:32 PM EDT
So sarge, what is black and sits at the top of the stairs after a house fire?

­

<­BR>

A parapalegic
Link Posted: 8/12/2005 8:49:59 PM EDT
When I was in St. Petersburg a few years ago, I passed the old KGB building, which was only about four stories high. The local I was with said that the old joke used to be that it was the tallest building in the city.

When asked why, the answer was "Because you could see all the way to Siberia from the top"

Not really "ha ha" funny, but funny in a historical way I guess.

btw - I though both of sarge's jokes were funny!
Link Posted: 8/12/2005 8:50:44 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
So sarge, what is black and sits at the top of the stairs after a house fire

A parapalegic



sicko.

What are the three ways you can tell someone is an idiot.

Sgat1r5
Link Posted: 8/12/2005 8:51:37 PM EDT

Originally Posted By sgtar15:

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
So sarge, what is black and sits at the top of the stairs after a house fire

A parapalegic



sicko.

What are the three ways you can tell someone is an idiot.

Sgat1r5




You came up with the first one I see.
Link Posted: 8/12/2005 8:51:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/12/2005 8:52:46 PM EDT by HeldHostage]
Military decided to adopt a new retirement plan.. they were offering up a one time settlement based on body measurements, $1000 per inch.

First guy goes up to be measured and they ask "How would you like to be measured?" He states, "From the tip of my toes to the top of my head!"

"Alright, that's 72", here's $72,000"

Second man steps up and they ask, "How would you like to be measured?" He puts his arms straight up in the air and says "Tip of my toes to the tip of my fingers!"

"Alright, that's 83", here's $83,000"

Third guy walks up, bit of an old timer.. and is asked "How would you like to be measured?" He states, "From the head of my dick to the back of my balls!"

Shocked they ask, "Sir, now you do realize this is per inch correct??" He states "Yep."

Man gets down to measure and says "Holy shit, where the f**k are your balls???"

Old timer states.....

"Back in Vietnam!"

----------------------------------------------------------

Paul and Mary Ellen get together weekly in the retirement home to chat and keep one another company. One day Paul asks Mary Ellen, "It hasn't worked in a very long time and I know I wouldn't be able to do anything with it........ but would you please just hold it for me?"

Mary Ellen's slightly uncomfortable about this but after some gentle prodding from Paul she finally agrees.

So, every week for the next 2 months Mary Ellen and Paul get together and as they chat, Mary Ellen simply holds "him".

One day Mary Ellen walks in to find Betty holding Paul!

"What on earth is going on??? I thought this was our special arrangement!"

"Mary Ellen! Why, I never expected you to find out about this...... I'm so sorry!!"

Mortified Mary Ellen asks "What on earth does she have that I don't?????"

To which Paul replies with a grin "Parkinsons!"

ETA:

Not KGB but still damn funny
Link Posted: 8/12/2005 8:52:40 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MrClean4Hire:
You came up with the first one I see.



bitch.

Sgatr15
Link Posted: 8/13/2005 12:41:45 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 8/13/2005 12:42:36 AM EDT by TheOtherDave]
What's the one thing that will keep a fly from landing on a Syrian?

<­BR>






Pride.
Link Posted: 8/13/2005 12:45:44 AM EDT
What does an Afghani woman and a hockey player have in common?

They only shower after their third period.

Two Iraqi women are perusing the vegetable market when one of them stops to dig through a bin of potatos. Holding two large specimens up to her friend, she proclaims: "These remind me of my husband's balls!" Her friend gasps and says "Your husbands balls are THAT BIG?"

"No, they're that dirty."
Link Posted: 8/13/2005 5:04:16 AM EDT
Error 404 Funny Not Found

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