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Posted: 8/2/2002 10:17:44 AM EDT
[#1]
ROFLMAO!!!!!!
excellent! |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 10:32:08 AM EDT
[#2]
These three K9 handlers (a local cop, a customs agent and an FBI agent), were talking about how great their dogs were.
The local cop said, "Watch this!" and took his dog over to a pile of luggage. The dog sniffed at the bags and responded on one. The bag was opened and in it was found a hand grenade. The customs agent said, "That's nothing. Let me show you what mine can do." He then took his dog over to the luggage and his dog immediately grabbed one of the bags and pulled it out from the pile. The bag was opened and in it was found a small bag of cocaine. The FBI agent just smirked and said, "You guys are strictly amateur night." He then cut his dog loose and said "Go to it!" His dog promptly went over to the other two dogs, fucked both of them and isssued a press release. |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 11:15:33 AM EDT
[#3]
Quoted: "I'm gonna soak up the sun, I've got my .45 on so I can rock on." The first time I heard that song, that is [i]PRECISELY[/i] what I was thinking. |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 1:42:00 PM EDT
[#4]
Quoted: Quoted: "I'm gonna soak up the sun, I've got my .45 on so I can rock on." The first time I heard that song, that is [i]PRECISELY[/i] what I was thinking. you sure its not the 45 record she's talking about. You know the little singles ones that came out and were half the size of a standard record. |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 3:02:57 PM EDT
[#5]
[b]TREMENDOUSLY[/b] funny!
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Posted: 8/2/2002 4:07:45 PM EDT
[#6]
Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: "I'm gonna soak up the sun, I've got my .45 on so I can rock on." The first time I heard that song, that is [i]PRECISELY[/i] what I was thinking. you sure its not the 45 record she's talking about. You know the little singles ones that came out and were half the size of a standard record. Actually, in an interview Sheryl Crow said that she was referring to her SPF45 sunscreen, but a guy can dream, can't he? |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 5:42:30 PM EDT
[#7]
btt, cuz I know McUZI's around somewhere.
EDITED to add - Woohoo! Post #800! |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 5:48:58 PM EDT
[#8]
LMAO!
That's a good one... (PS- That joke is more applicable to State employees. I am technically a "federal" employee, and we are even lazier [:D]) (PPS- The Government Agency I work for has just completed constructing the gas chamber to repay you for such disobediance) |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 5:53:50 PM EDT
[#9]
Quoted: LMAO! That's a good one... (PS- That joke is more applicable to State employees. I am technically a "federal" employee, and we are even lazier [:D]) (PPS- The Government Agency I work for has just completed constructing the gas chamber to repay you for such disobediance) So I take it you went to Denver huh? what about that girl? |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 5:54:33 PM EDT
[#10]
Quoted: (PPS- The Government Agency I work for has just completed constructing the gas chamber to repay you for such disobediance) Watch your back and don't go 'jogging' in any parks. You know what happened to the LAST sexed-up prisons intern who did that. Oh, yeah. Gary called. |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 6:18:21 PM EDT
[#11]
Quoted: So I take it you went to Denver huh? what about that girl? Actually, I am still in Florida. I am just seeing which looks better next to my name... Last week it was MD, US This week it is CO, US As far as homegirl, we're still hanging out. |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 6:29:28 PM EDT
[#12]
I thought they said you had to go to D.C. for the job. They're letting you pick? Dude, go to Colorado. D.C. is a pit.
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Posted: 8/2/2002 6:33:04 PM EDT
[#13]
Quoted: I thought they said you had to go to D.C. for the job. They're letting you pick? Dude, go to Colorado. D.C. is a pit. I would be stationed in either MD or CO. If I get the MD station, I would be working on projects in DC, Northern VA, and MD If I get the CO station, I am going to be all over the place. |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 6:50:48 PM EDT
[#14]
Here's one. On a Sunday afternoon this guy brings his dog into the bar,the patrons were watching a NASCAR race. The guy says, my dog is a HUGE Dale Ernhardt fan, watch what happens when he sees him come around turn 4. Just then the camera gets a shot of Dale powering out of the turn. The dog goes wild, barking and jumping up and down! The guy's in the bar say MAN! that's great! What does he DO when Dale wins? The man says, I don't know, I've only had him for a year. I heard this one when Dale was on his losing streak.
AB DERIP [USA] |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 8:01:18 PM EDT
[#15]
These jokes are reminding me of another one that, while you all have probably already heard it, is worth repeating. And who knows, maybe a few of you haven't.
Three sargents from three different countries, England, Canada and America, were bragging that their troops were the bravest. To settle the arguement, the Brit said, "I'll show you that England has the best troops. PRIVATE!" A private walked up and saluted. "Private, take that pistol and shoot yourself in the head!" So the private did so and blew his brains out. "Ahh, that's nothing." Said the Canadian. "PRIVATE!" A private walked up. "Go to that cliff and jump off!" So the private did it, and was torn up on the sharp rocks below. "I've got you all beat." Said the American, "Watch this. PRIVATE!" A private ran up. "Private, get in that airplane, fly up to 10,000 feet, and jump out without a parachute!" The private said, "F#@k you, sir!" "See?" Said the American sargent, "Now THAT'S brave!" |
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Posted: 8/2/2002 10:29:22 PM EDT
[#16]
Quoted: An engineer, an accountant, a chemist, and a [red]unionized[/red] worker were arguing over whose cat was smarter. The Engineer said he could prove his was smartest. "Slide Rule, do your trick!" The cat picked up a pencil, got a piece of paper, and drew plans for a simple but efficient engine. The accountant called his cat over. "Spreadsheet, do your thing". Spreadsheet went into the other room and came back with a box of donuts. He laid the donuts out on the table and divided them into equal groups. The chemist said his cat was smart too. "Beaker, show them your trick". Beaker went into the fridge, got a bottle of milk, and using a measuring glass, poured out equal measures of milk into four glasses. The [red]union member[/red] saw all this and then called his cat over. "Coffee break, do your thing". His cat peed on the drawing, ate the donuts, drank the milk, sexually harrassed two of the other cats, claimed that he hurt his back doing so, filed a grievance alleging unsafe working conditions and a claim for workman's compensation. That looks a lot better. |
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