We all know that Jimmy John’s delivers sub’s so fast you’ll freak….but evidently they are human and can occasionally make mistakes.

Monday night, a young gentleman decides to order some subs to be delivered to his home. Jimmie John’s brings the sammiches and mistakenly puts avocado on the wrong one.

This causes an epic meltdown by the customer who demands new sammiches. The delivery driver apologizes and agrees to get the correct sammiches, and asks for the ones he just delivered to bring them back and is told get fucked by the polite young man. Delivery driver tries one more time to get the messed up sammiches back in order to get the order corrected and is once again told no.

Delivery driver returns to the store and tells the manager what happened. The customer calls the store this time to complain and demand the correct sammiches be delivered free of charge. The manager tells the customer they will be happy to bring the correct order, but they will need the previous delivery back when they bring the new sammiches. The customer tells the manager to get fucked and hangs up the phone.

Our calm and thoughtful young gentleman then drives up to Jimmie John’s and begins to scream at the manager and everyone in the store that they will give him a full refund AND free sammiches without avocado.

The manager refuses to give a refund without the previously delivered sammiches that caused this whole ruckus. This unreasonable demand sets our young gentleman into such a rage that he runs outside to the trash can rips the lid off, and drags the whole thing into the store and begins throwing the trash everywhere.

Jimmie John’s Manager decides to call the police at this point and tells the young man this. The young man decides he wants to be elsewhere when the police arrive and jumps into his car which is parked in front of the store,( not in a spot, just stopped in front.) Two Jimmie John’s employees decide to follow him out and take a picture of his car’s license plate with a cell phone camera.

Calm, rational young man decides this wont be happening and drives forward towards the two employees at a high rate of speed, (“He Fuckin peeled out man!”) and strikes one of the employees in the leg hard enough to break the leg and knock her to the ground. He could have backed up and not struck anyone, but chose to drive right at them.

Our genius then drives straight home.
To the same place the original delivery had just been made 15 minutes prior.
Which Jimmie John’s had a record of.

So we went to go see him.

Our young man was arrested for Felony Assault and spent the night with us. His car was towed from his driveway.

He did not get new sammiches.
He did not get a refund.

He did get a pizza hot pocket though. We feed them to all our prisoners.

No, I didn’t go up to Jimmie John’s and get a fresh Jimmie John’s wrapper for his hot pocket.
But I wanted to.

When our young man was released pending application of warrant, he went right home and grabbed a pellet gun, held it to his throat, and threatened to kill himself…He’s now at a hospital on an involuntary commitment for observation for a few days. Evidently he might have some anger issues….

Those were some expensive sammiches….

And its not even Friday yet……Cant wait to see what the weekend brings.

Man, you made me hungry for a Beach Club.

Deej?   He hates Jimmy Johns.

In before deej...
 

This is the worst dinner pic thread EVER.

I'll take a number 5 please

it was not me.

If anyone ever told me they were going to kill themselves while holding a pellet gun to their head, my response would be "Ok, I want to see this."

One of the many reasons I wouldn't do well in the LEO field

The Jimmy Johns wrapper would have been a nice touch. Probably would have sent hiim right over the edge while still in the jail.

MPD165

Suicide by pellet gun?  

In light of the origins of this poor, poor man's troubles, I say we outlaw, or, at least regulate the sale of avocados. Maybe a waiting period. Dangerous things they are.
 

I was masturbating feverishly until I got to the part where the employee was hurt.

You feed the inmates Hot Pockets?  For some reason I find that hilarious.

Dude, I don't wanna start a cop bashing thread, but you feed prisoners hot pockets? That's cruel and unusual, borderline abuse. That's some real life Abu Ghraib shit, man.

The Night of the Avocados

I would've slapped some avocado on that pizza pocket.

Free pizza hot pockets!?

I guess I'm a sucker for paying for mine

Wonder if it was this kid

Kid freaks when mom deletes his World of Warcraft account

Sad, bath salts?
 

Well written sir!

The wrapper on the hot pocket wouid have been a nice touch.

The drunk driver that hit the car my nephew was in (killing two , critically injuring 3, including my nephew),  got ham and eggs every morning in jail  while his broken jaw was wired shut.

Of course he couldn't eat them, but he did get to smell them.

Hot Pockets, you say.

Happy 4th.

I have the day off.

Yayyyyyyyyy

Wasnt Deej.....I dont like Jimmie John's either....

I'm a Subway guy myself....

Any of the caliber .25 guns, 9mm/.357, or a cal. .50 Quakenbush will kill a person with fairly easily.

Full moon crazy.

More than likely. I'm pretty sarcastic, too. Of course, I'd be the type to haul around a 3'x4' dry erase board and write down why I pulled somebody over and then face it towards traffic:








 

Its the thought that counts.....

In other news, Jimmy johns food still sucks.

WWJD ?

( What Would Jerrod Do ? )

We feed ours hungry man microwave meals.



That shit starts smelling good after a long shift....



I've been tempted.



 

Its not like its MY idea personally....that's what gets bought for them, that's what they get fed...

Breakfast = Egg'nBacon pocket
Lunch = Ham'nCheese pocket
Dinner = Pepperoni Pizza pocket

We dont have dedicated CO's, whichever officer is riding the sector at the time is responsible for feeding the "guests".

Believe it or not, there is actually a fine art to properly cooking Hot Pocket's using the Dept. Microwave.

Too long and it turns into molten lava where the ends coagulate into an inedible brick.
Not long enough, and its either an all day popsicle, or the ends are perfect and the middle is still cold and chunky.
We're only talking a difference of a few seconds here.
Adding to the complexity is that the time necessary for proper Hot Pocket cooking changes with the amount of Hot Pockets in the Dept Microwave.

Based on trial and error, I have concluded the following:

1 Hot Pocket = 2 mins 30 secs
2 Hot Pockets = 3 mins 30 secs
3 Hot Pockets = 4 mins
4 Hot Pockets = 4 mins 30 secs

These are the times I use and I generally receive the most compliments from our "guests" regarding the meals. (Note, that is not a scientific based poll. It is based solely on the prisoners..uh, "guests" I've spoken to thru the meal slot at meal time. For all I know they're lying in the hopes that I'll either reward them with an additional perfectly cooked Hot Pocket or another Juicy Juice in the "Grape" color.)

I raffed......

But I didnt have an avocado.

Shoulda gone to Jimmie John's.....

Maxxll,

Thanks for doing the right things the rest of us would just shoot people over.  Despite all the shit we give you & your brothers, we really do appreciate it.

I guess Jimmy John's wasn't kidding when they say they're so fast you'll freak.  If you take your own butter, & spread some on a fresh Slim #1, you have the closest thing to a Jambon et Fromage french bread sammich from Paris that you can get here.

Gig 'em,

backbencher

A damn shame his jaw was injured in the accident....

Hopefully your nephew is okay now....

Jimmy John's. Good shit. So good, apparently, that you will go crazy for one.

I loves me a Hunter Club!

Backbencher,  
There is alot of paperwork involved in shooting people...more paperwork than this whole debacle involved.
Also the Chief frowns upon shooting people unnecessarily...(especially when they're willing to do it themselves)...

But thanks, I appreciate it.

The red portion on the other hand has me wondering...

What exactly do you mean by "your own butter"?
Is this code for something?

Wasn't Deej for sure, Jimmy Johns don't deliver to his house.

They always fuck you at the drive through home delivery
 

Was the avocado being held as evidence?

Should have left a pistol in a closed room with one bullet in it & send him in!

No.
1...Only one sammich had avocado on it. This sammich was unable to be located during the arrest and subsequent search incident to arrest. Admittedly, due to recent SCOTUS rulings, we were only able to look in the immediate vicinity of the young man's location at the time we arrested him. My Lt felt that going through the whole trouble of trying to get a search warrant for a sammich containing avocado was unnecessary. Especially when the first thing the young man said when he saw us at the door was "How bad is her leg?"

2...The Evidence Officer gets all sorts of cranky and hostile when you put things like avocado's into an evidence locker for him to get a week later when he comes off of vacation. He ends up sending a "NastyGram" (hatemail disguised as email) to you, your supervisor, and the Chief asking why in fuck someone thought it was a good idea to put something like an avocado into evidence.
Chief then "requests" (Demands) a written memo as to why such foolishness occurred.
Again more paperwork....generally frowned upon almost as much as shooting people unneccessarily.

Ah, the paperwork.  Thanks for reminding me not to consider that career choice again.

No, no, seriously - a Slim 1 from JJ w/ fresh creamy COW MILK butter (you sicko) on the bread, close your eyes & you're in Paris, eating a jambon et fromage from a brasserie.

Gig 'em,

backbencher