Posted: 4/26/2001 1:45:26 PM EDT
A shepherd was tending his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new Jeep Cherokee appeared out of a dust cloud, advanced toward him
and stopped. The driver, a 22-year-old young man wearing a Brioni suit,
Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and a YSL tie, leaned out of the window and
asked our shepherd, "If I can tell you exactly how many sheep you have in
your flock, will you give me one?"
The shepherd looked at the young guy, then at his peacefully grazing flock,
and calmly answered, "Sure."
The young man parked his car, whipped out his notebook computer, connected
it to a cell phone, surfed to a NASA page on the Internet where he called up
a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, then opened up a
database and some Excel spreadsheets with complex formulas. He finally
printed out a 150-page report on his hi-tech miniaturized printer, turned
around to our shepherd and said, "You have here exactly 1,586 sheep!"
"Amazing! That's correct! Like I agreed, you can take one of my sheep," said
the shepherd. He watched the young guy make a selection and bundle it into
When he was finished the sheepherder said, "If I can tell you exactly what
your political persuasion is, where you're from and whom you work for, will
you give me my sheep back?"
"Okay, why not," answered the young man.
"You're a Democrat from Palm Beach and you're working for Jesse Jackson,"
said the shepherd.
"That's correct," said the young man. "How did you guess that?"
"Easy", answered the shepherd. "Nobody called you, but you showed up here
anyway. You want to be paid for the solution to a question I already knew
the answer to. And, you don't know crap about my business because you just
took my dog."
Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to get his wife's test
Receptionist: "I'm sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a
mix-up. We have a problem. When we sent the samples from your
wife to the lab,the samples from another Mrs. Smith were sent as
well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife's. Frankly,
that's either bad or terrible news."
Mr. Smith: "What do you mean?"
Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for
Alzheimers disease and the other for AIDS. We can't tell which
one is your wife's test results."
Mr. Smith: "That's terrible! Can we do the test over?
Receptionist: "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they
won't pay for these expensive tests more than once.
Mr. Smith: "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your wife
off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home,
don't fuck her."