Posted: 2/28/2001 10:45:55 AM EDT
No offense intended to men, catholics, priests, children, or women named Maria. I just thought this was funny.
Maria is a devout Catholic:
She gets married and has 17 children. Soon after the last child is born
her husband dies.
A few weeks later she remarries and over the following
years has another 22 children with her second husband. After the last child is
born her second husband also dies.
Within a month Maria is engaged to be married a third time. Unfortunately she becomes very ill and dies. At her wake, the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, looks up to the heavens and says, "At least, they're finally together." A man standing next to the priest asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?"
The priest says, "I mean her legs."
I'm laughing. [:D]
I think I know her??? [:D] LOL
How about this one?
How to identify where a driver is from:
1. One hand on wheel, one hand on horn: CHICAGO
2. One hand on wheel, one finger out window: NEW YORK
3. One hand on wheel, one finger out window, cutting across all lanes of
traffic: NEW JERSEY
4. One hand on wheel, one hand on newspaper, foot solidly on accelerator:
5. One hand on wheel, one hand on nonfat double decaf cappuccino, cradling
cell phone, brick on accelerator, gun in lap: LOS ANGELES
6. Both hands on wheel, eyes shut, both feet on brake, quivering in terror:
Ohio, but driving in CALIFORNIA
7. Both hands in air, gesturing, both feet on accelerator, head turned to
talk to someone in back seat: ITALY
8. One hand on 12 oz. Double shot latte, one knee on wheel, cradling cell
phone, foot on brake, mind on radio game, banging head on steering wheel
while stuck in traffic: SEATTLE
9. One hand on wheel, one hand on hunting rifle, alternating between both
feet being on the accelerator and both feet on brake, throwing McDonald's
bag out the window: TEXAS
10. Four-wheel drive pick-up truck, shotgun mounted in rear window, beer
cans on floor, squirrel tails attached to antenna: ALABAMA
11. Two hands gripping wheel, blue hair barely visible above windshield,
driving 35 on the Interstate in the left lane with the left blinker on:
12. And lastly where are you if take all these people and put them in the
same place: You got it COLORADO!
Here's one --
A man goes to the White House and asks to see President Clinton. The Marine on duty tells the guy that Clinton isn't President any more, please leave.
The man does as asked.
The next day he comes back to the White House and asks to see President Clinton. The marine on duty again reminds the guy that Clinton is not President and to please go away.
The man complies, yet the next day he comes back again, and once again the same Marine is on duty. The man again asks to see President Clinton and the thoroughly exasperated Marine thunders, "WHY DO YOU KEEP COMING HERE
ASKING FOR HIM? CLINTON IS NOT PRESIDENT ANYMORE!!!"
The man smiles happily and says, "I know, I just like hearing it."