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Posted: 5/18/2002 10:25:00 AM EDT

>In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through
>stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
>
>On a Sear's hair dryer:
>Do not use while sleeping.
>(darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
>
>On a bag of Fritos:
>You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
>(the shoplifter special)?
>
>On a bar of Dial soap:
>"Directions: Use like regular soap."
>(and that would be how???....)
>
>On some Swanson frozen dinners:
>"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
>(but, it's "just" a suggestion).
>
>On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
>"Do not turn upside down."
>(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
>
>On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
>"Product will be hot after heating."
>(...and you thought????...)
>
>On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
>"Do not iron clothes on body."
>(but wouldn't this save me more time)?
>
>On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
>"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication."
>(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if
>we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
>forklifts.)
>
>On Nytol Sleep Aid:
>"Warning: May cause drowsiness."
>(and...I'm taking this because???....)
>
>On most brands of Christmas lights:
>"For indoor or outdoor use only."
>(as opposed to...what)?
>
>On a Japanese food processor:
>"Not to be used for the other use."
>(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
>
>On Sainsbury's peanuts:
>"Warning: contains nuts."
>(talk about a news flash)
>
>On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
>"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
>(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
>
>On a child's superman costume:
>"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly."
>(I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
>
>On a Swedish chainsaw:
>"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals."
>(Oh my God...was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
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