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11/20/2019 5:07:11 PM
Posted: 10/29/2006 9:50:08 AM EST
www.consumerist.com/consumer/cellphones/in-case-of-nuclear-strike-your-cellphone-insurance-is-void-210878.php


Your cellphone is not insured against loss in a nuclear crisis or a warzone.

Reader Jonathan found this out when skimming his Cingular contract, with cellphone insurance administered by Asurion, who supply insurance for every major cellphone carrier.

Asurion certainly has thought up some imaginative warranties and exclusions delimits.

Let's read that sexy legalese, inside.


We will not pay for Loss caused directly or indirectly or resulting from events, conditions or cause of Loss identified in this Section II. Such Losses are excluded regardless of any other cause or event that contributes concurrently or in any sequence to the Loss.

L. Any Loss or damage caused by or through or in consequence, directly or indirectly, of Nuclear Hazard, meaning any weapon employing atomic fission or fusion; or nuclear reaction or radiation or radioactive contamination from any other cause; but we will pay for direct physical Loss caused by resulting fire, if the fire would be covered under this Certificate.

Loss caused by or resulting from war, including undeclared or civil war; warlike action by a military force, including action hindering or defending against an actual or expected attack , by any government, sovereign or other authority using military personnel or other agents; or insurrection, rebellions, revolution, usurped power of action taken by government authority in hindering or defending against any of these.


And that's why you always read the fine print. To mine comedic gold.



Link Posted: 10/29/2006 10:22:52 AM EST
Same with my homeowners insurance.

Talk about covering all your bases. However, if aliens attack, the insurance companies will be fooked.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 10:23:24 AM EST
This is an injustice.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 10:32:23 AM EST
Those bastards will screw you coming and going.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 10:38:54 AM EST
What do they know that we don't?
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 10:42:51 AM EST

Originally Posted By NeoCon007:
Those bastards will screw you coming and going.



Yeah, it means that when I deploy I will have to get an issued cell phone.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 10:46:20 AM EST

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:
What do they know that we don't?


They know that a nuclear attack is possible. However they have no way to adequately calculate the odds of one happening or the resultant damage. Since you are looking at an event that could cost them billions to cover they decide to simply exclude acts of war or nuclear attacks.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 10:48:10 AM EST
That's cool with me. In the event of a nuclear attack, I am refusing to pay my cell phone bill any longer, so there!
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 10:49:50 AM EST
They seem to have thought of everything.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 10:52:22 AM EST

Originally Posted By Pangea:
That's cool with me. In the event of a nuclear attack, I am refusing to pay my cell phone bill any longer, so there!


In the event of a nuculear detonation, I'm blowing up their building.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 11:34:10 AM EST

Originally Posted By Pangea:
That's cool with me. In the event of a nuclear attack, I am refusing to pay my cell phone bill any longer, so there!


In the event of a nuclear attack, I'm shooting any bill collectors dumb enough to still come to my house.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 11:36:06 AM EST

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:

Originally Posted By Pangea:
That's cool with me. In the event of a nuclear attack, I am refusing to pay my cell phone bill any longer, so there!


In the event of a nuclear attack, I'm shooting any bill collectors dumb enough to still come to my house.


Be sure to make it a good torso or head shot.

Gut-shot bill collectors are a pita to clean.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 1:25:28 PM EST

Originally Posted By TheCynic:
Same with my homeowners insurance.


Mine, too. It was pretty amusing to see that in the policy.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 1:30:09 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/29/2006 1:30:38 PM EST by cluster]
isnt this a reason war wasnt "declared"after 9-11 ?

so insurance comps would pay up .. other wise they would of washed thier hands of the whole thing and said.. look at the fine print we dont cover acts of war ..

Link Posted: 10/29/2006 1:31:19 PM EST

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:

Originally Posted By Pangea:
That's cool with me. In the event of a nuclear attack, I am refusing to pay my cell phone bill any longer, so there!


In the event of a nuclear attack, I'm shooting any bill collectors dumb enough to still come to my house.


query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=950DEEDB143DF93BA15750C0A96F948260

Nuclear War Plan by I.R.S.

AP
Published: March 28, 1989

LEAD: It will take something more than a nuclear attack to wipe out taxpayers' obligations to the Internal Revenue Service.

It will take something more than a nuclear attack to wipe out taxpayers' obligations to the Internal Revenue Service.

An addition to the Internal Revenue Manual, which is supposed to guide the conduct of all I.R.S. employees, declares that if the bomb is dropped, ''operations will be concentrated on collecting the taxes which will produce the greater revenue yield.''

An I.R.S. spokesman, Johnell Hunter, said today that the new section -titled ''National Emergency Operations'' - had been added to the manual in response to a directive to Government departments from the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

Within 30 days of an attack emergency, the agency would expect to resume assessing and collecting taxes. At that time, the manual states, many employees might find themselves reassigned to carry out essential functions ''regardless of and without any effect on the current positions or grades of the employee.''

''On the premise that the collection of delinquent accounts would be most adversely affected, and in many cases would be impossible in a disaster area, the service will concentrate on the collection of current taxes,'' the manual says.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 2:30:22 PM EST

Originally Posted By cluster:
isnt this a reason war wasnt "declared"after 9-11 ?

so insurance comps would pay up .. other wise they would of washed thier hands of the whole thing and said.. look at the fine print we dont cover acts of war ..


I dont really think so, cause who would we declare war against? To this day "at least technically" we dont know who did this. You really couldnt hold Afghanistan responsable for 9--11 even if they DID harbor OBL.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 2:33:47 PM EST
im actually surprised they dont have a specific emp clause in there somewhere.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 2:35:18 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/29/2006 2:37:17 PM EST by Paveway_]
Nuclear Hazard exclusions are pretty common actually.

There are also classifications of "terrorism" based off legislation passed from 911 for the insurance industry. I think nuclear and bio/chem are excluded b/c the gov is supposed to pay for those losses. I'm not positive tho.
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 5:19:03 PM EST

Originally Posted By Airwolf:

Originally Posted By Swindle1984:

Originally Posted By Pangea:
That's cool with me. In the event of a nuclear attack, I am refusing to pay my cell phone bill any longer, so there!


In the event of a nuclear attack, I'm shooting any bill collectors dumb enough to still come to my house.


query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=950DEEDB143DF93BA15750C0A96F948260

Nuclear War Plan by I.R.S.

AP
Published: March 28, 1989

LEAD: It will take something more than a nuclear attack to wipe out taxpayers' obligations to the Internal Revenue Service.

It will take something more than a nuclear attack to wipe out taxpayers' obligations to the Internal Revenue Service.

An addition to the Internal Revenue Manual, which is supposed to guide the conduct of all I.R.S. employees, declares that if the bomb is dropped, ''operations will be concentrated on collecting the taxes which will produce the greater revenue yield.''

An I.R.S. spokesman, Johnell Hunter, said today that the new section -titled ''National Emergency Operations'' - had been added to the manual in response to a directive to Government departments from the Federal Emergency Management Agency.

Within 30 days of an attack emergency, the agency would expect to resume assessing and collecting taxes. At that time, the manual states, many employees might find themselves reassigned to carry out essential functions ''regardless of and without any effect on the current positions or grades of the employee.''

''On the premise that the collection of delinquent accounts would be most adversely affected, and in many cases would be impossible in a disaster area, the service will concentrate on the collection of current taxes,'' the manual says.


*starts loading magazines*

The only thing worse than salesmen is the IRS and the ATF!
Link Posted: 10/29/2006 5:28:39 PM EST
[Last Edit: 10/29/2006 5:30:48 PM EST by Dave_A]

Originally Posted By cluster:
isnt this a reason war wasnt "declared"after 9-11 ?

so insurance comps would pay up .. other wise they would of washed thier hands of the whole thing and said.. look at the fine print we dont cover acts of war ..



No, the reason war was not declared is (a) we would have to name names of countries and governments to declare war on (when we are not allways going after countries and governments, and we did not have a complete these-are-all-the-bad-guys list), (b) it would require explicit congressional authorization, which the peacenik-party (even after 9/11) would not agree to give, and (c) a declaration of war triggers alliances that various possible targets have with other nations, such as Russia....

Having the President just order the military to attack without a declaration (100% constitutional, regardless of what the demotarians say) solves all of this...

Declared war is a thing of the past.
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