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Posted: 10/23/2022 10:25:45 PM EDT
[#1]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By dbmers: I am so done. I’m such a loser that I have to,post here because I have NOONE. My life has been nothing but failure after failure leading to this point. I really don’t want to live anymore. The only thing keeping me here are my pets. I wish I didn’t have them so I could just check the fuck out. I’m 58 unemployed and my money is almost gone. Looking at being homeless. I just got a denial letter from the prison. I was counting on that. I needed that it would have been life changing for me. With my experience they were going to pay 27 an hour. Maybe my pets would be better off with someone else. I cant recall any joy or happiness my whole life. My childhood was only tolerable when my abusive father was out to sea with the navy. I’ve been fired more times than I can count. Haven’t had a GF in 30 years. Absolute waste of oxygen. Life just throws out carrots on a stick for me then yanks it away when I feel the slightest excitement. I can’t do this anymore. IM sent. I hope you like it. |
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Posted: 10/24/2022 11:14:15 PM EDT
[#2]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By bulldog1776: I could really use some prayers. I've been dealing a lot with anxiety, fear, depression. Its minor things that don't amount to anything but something triggers the anxiety and I cant get it to go away, even when I stop and think to myself this is no big deal. I'm a believer, so I'm trying to trust in the Lord and get through this. Prayers |
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Posted: 10/28/2022 12:26:00 AM EDT
[#3]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: Lay awake all night struggling with thoughts of wanting to end it. On a rational level as a psych nurse I know every response to every 'yes' response on the risk scale. I know it would devastate my kids ad loved ones. I know how much losing a loved one to suicide hurts. Knowing all those things and dealing with patients who've felt this way doesn't negate or diminish how much pain I'm feeling inside. My oldest son got married today. His wedding was postponed/rescheduled three times in the last year because of Covid, venue restrictions, illnesses and scheduling conflicts. Monday he and his fianc abruptly decided to do a pop up civil ceremony in a park a couple hours away, just immediate family, not even bridesmaids or groomsmen. I got off early from work, rushed home, changed, and my daughter and I rushed to get to the park. Ex wife is there with her new husband, the guy her friends found on Tinder, the guy she had a year long affair with behind my back, the guy she ran off with when our oldest daughter tried to commit suicide after being sworn into keeping the affair secret. Ex had demanded her new husband officiate the wedding. I wasn't told. First I knew was when I asked where the minister was and new husband stood up in front of the bride and groom. He made a speech about husbands and wives loving each other, honoring each other and (seriously) building a home and a family and keeping it strong, healthy and whole and never letting anything destroy it. My daughter was freaking out, I was growing numb. Both families were lined up on either side of bride and groom. My kids, my in laws, grandparents and great grandparents on our side. I was put at the end, wasn't allowed to stand next to my ex wife as father of the groom. Why? I wasn't given a reason, just told not to 'ruin' the wedding. A fat woman with harsh makeup was photographing everyone and had placed us all in our positions. I wasn't sure who she was, but heard her name and started scrolling through my phone. Six months ago I got a data dump from new husband's ex wife, the one he left to be with my wife. That's where I vaguely remembered this woman from. I have pictures and texts between her and my ex wife, she is someone they met on Tinder as a threesome partner. I have text messages between her and my ex, graphic horrific shit. This is who my ex brought to the wedding to coordinate and take pictures. I ended up walking back to my car as soon as the ceremony was completely. I was in my car crying as the photography etc was being done. My two oldest daughters came over, really upset that new husband was the officiant. They tried to hug and comfort me abs I tried to keep it together. My ex father in law came over, asked if I was ok, I told him I didn't really see that one coming and hearing new husband say the stuff he did really did a number on me. He nodded and said he thought it was hypocritical and shitty of them. My son came over abs told me he loved me. Said his mom pushed it in him when the original officiant cancelled. He asked me to call him Saturday. Everyone left to go to a reception at ex wife's house. I sat in the car with my daughter, cried a bit, and finally managed to pull myself together. Drive home and lay awake all night. My oldest daughter knew who the Tinder woman was (my wife actually told her about it, wtf) and she told her brother and sister. I have no idea why to say to them. Around midnight my ex texted me. She said 'I know it was emotional for you. I hope you're ok. I'm sorry you were hurting'.  Your ex does this on purpose. You know this, yet you still want to pretend your a family. She's sick and sadistic and it seems like you are co-dependent on her poor treatment of you. Your just prolonging the agony, focus on the fact that your kids love you and the world sees your ex for what she is. You need to see her for what she is as well. That person you thought you loved only existed in your head. Jeese, she even manipulated your own sons wedding. She's a toxic person all of you would be better off having nothing to do with. Think about the effect being her doormat is having on your kids, look at how she manipulated your son! |
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Posted: 10/28/2022 7:09:03 AM EDT
[#4]
You’re 100% right. I wish I could excise every part of my brain that knows her, remembers who she was, every memory I ever had of who she was and what our 22 years together was like.
Last night I was bartending. Slow night, less than a dozen customers. My son came in with my daughter at 8, and she brought me dinner cause she’s just an amazing kid. My son and his wife and another couple sat at the bar and chatted with me until 11, then I took my daughter home. My tip jar had a $50 bill in it. I found out it was from my son. My daughter said he snuck it in there when I wasn’t looking because he knew I needed the money. That killed me. Woke up to a message from the ex, she wants the kids home early Sunday so they can prepare for Halloween, she made sure I knew she and the new husband are having a huge party for their first wedding anniversary (they got married on Halloween). I always take my kids trick or treating, but she doesn’t want me there obviously. Last year I took the kids trick or treating while she was out of town. We were going house to house when my ex texted me letting me know she’d married the guy. None of my kids or I knew they were doing it, but her entire family and two of my cousins from MY side of the family and 100 of our friends were there. I know she does it to rub my face in it, just like at my sons wedding. She has to have approval, acceptance and celebration of everything she does. |
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Posted: 10/28/2022 7:31:27 AM EDT
[#5]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: You’re 100% right. I wish I could excise every part of my brain that knows her, remembers who she was, every memory I ever had of who she was and what our 22 years together was like. Last night I was bartending. Slow night, less than a dozen customers. My son came in with my daughter at 8, and she brought me dinner cause she’s just an amazing kid. My son and his wife and another couple sat at the bar and chatted with me until 11, then I took my daughter home. My tip jar had a $50 bill in it. I found out it was from my son. My daughter said he snuck it in there when I wasn’t looking because he knew I needed the money. That killed me. Woke up to a message from the ex, she wants the kids home early Sunday so they can prepare for Halloween, she made sure I knew she and the new husband are having a huge party for their first wedding anniversary (they got married on Halloween). I always take my kids trick or treating, but she doesn’t want me there obviously. Last year I took the kids trick or treating while she was out of town. We were going house to house when my ex texted me letting me know she’d married the guy. None of my kids or I knew they were doing it, but her entire family and two of my cousins from MY side of the family and 100 of our friends were there. I know she does it to rub my face in it, just like at my sons wedding. She has to have approval, acceptance and celebration of everything she does. Don’t let her have any power over you…….. she is enjoying it, but I’d take the kids trick or treating myself and tell her to shove it……. I despise sadistic people |
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NC, USA
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Posted: 10/30/2022 6:34:44 AM EDT
[Last Edit: joker581]
[#6]
Edited-joker581
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Posted: 10/30/2022 6:14:09 PM EDT
[Last Edit: WILSON]
[#7]
@9mmSkeeter, PLEASE don't take the (drunken) Saturday night crowd seriously. At all!
 99% majority of members here are genuinely good people. Try to ignore the assholes who show up pre-toxicated on the weekends.  |
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Posted: 10/31/2022 8:47:17 PM EDT
[#8]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By cyclone: Don’t let her have any power over you…….. she is enjoying it, but I’d take the kids trick or treating myself and tell her to shove it……. I despise sadistic people Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By cyclone: Originally Posted By RevolverRO: You’re 100% right. I wish I could excise every part of my brain that knows her, remembers who she was, every memory I ever had of who she was and what our 22 years together was like. Last night I was bartending. Slow night, less than a dozen customers. My son came in with my daughter at 8, and she brought me dinner cause she’s just an amazing kid. My son and his wife and another couple sat at the bar and chatted with me until 11, then I took my daughter home. My tip jar had a $50 bill in it. I found out it was from my son. My daughter said he snuck it in there when I wasn’t looking because he knew I needed the money. That killed me. Woke up to a message from the ex, she wants the kids home early Sunday so they can prepare for Halloween, she made sure I knew she and the new husband are having a huge party for their first wedding anniversary (they got married on Halloween). I always take my kids trick or treating, but she doesn’t want me there obviously. Last year I took the kids trick or treating while she was out of town. We were going house to house when my ex texted me letting me know she’d married the guy. None of my kids or I knew they were doing it, but her entire family and two of my cousins from MY side of the family and 100 of our friends were there. I know she does it to rub my face in it, just like at my sons wedding. She has to have approval, acceptance and celebration of everything she does. Don’t let her have any power over you…….. she is enjoying it, but I’d take the kids trick or treating myself and tell her to shove it……. I despise sadistic people Don't let that bitch rob you of that experience. FUCK THEM...dude... You take them and if its your time with them...do it and be with them. fuck her
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Posted: 10/31/2022 9:01:15 PM EDT
[#9]
I could use some prayers because my anxiety and depression kicked in a bit.
It was triggered because my brother and I work in a juvenile prison. He works with special ed kids so its mainly two or three kids and he tutors them in math and science so they can pass their GEDs. I do the vocational welding and machining program and I only have 6 kids total getting their certs. Today was a cluster fuck and we both ended up getting canceled and doing the core classes because of severe staff shortages and also teacher shortages. I ended up in a room with 14 kids who are hard core offenders and my brother ended up in a room with 18 and their wasn't any other teachers or staff other than two security guards and the superintendent. Today wasn't a good day as I worried for my brother. It took the decision of the warden to cancel school today but it was anxiety and sweat pouring blood sucking stress as I worried for my brother. There was 2 fights and it wasn't good as they couldn't call in other staff. State police finally had to intervene as my brother and I slipped away from the rooms they were locked in. riot gears and everything. We plan to not go back to work and the other teachers walked out also, they want staff and security backup to full operation before we go back... but god damn...this anxiety really hit me..... it wasn't for my own safety...it was for my brother ....yeah he is a Navy dufus vet.....but something inside felt so helpless as he was in the other room and can't do anything about it.... 
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Posted: 11/1/2022 7:03:19 AM EDT
[#10]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Jozsi: I could use some prayers because my anxiety and depression kicked in a bit. It was triggered because my brother and I work in a juvenile prison. He works with special ed kids so its mainly two or three kids and he tutors them in math and science so they can pass their GEDs. I do the vocational welding and machining program and I only have 6 kids total getting their certs. Today was a cluster fuck and we both ended up getting canceled and doing the core classes because of severe staff shortages and also teacher shortages. I ended up in a room with 14 kids who are hard core offenders and my brother ended up in a room with 18 and their wasn't any other teachers or staff other than two security guards and the superintendent. Today wasn't a good day as I worried for my brother. It took the decision of the warden to cancel school today but it was anxiety and sweat pouring blood sucking stress as I worried for my brother. There was 2 fights and it wasn't good as they couldn't call in other staff. State police finally had to intervene as my brother and I slipped away from the rooms they were locked in. riot gears and everything. We plan to not go back to work and the other teachers walked out also, they want staff and security backup to full operation before we go back... but god damn...this anxiety really hit me..... it wasn't for my own safety...it was for my brother ....yeah he is a Navy dufus vet.....but something inside felt so helpless as he was in the other room and can't do anything about it.... Done…….. you guys stay safe no matter what |
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Posted: 11/1/2022 1:21:04 PM EDT
[#11]
Tired. Working on being better but have been exhausted from the start. Making initial forward movement has been especially draining. Tired of being everyone else’s rock and putting my own self care off. Now that I am trying to make myself a priority and telling others no has been hurtful. To me because I can’t keep hurting myself like this but also because people are entitled and seem to not give a fuck about you u leas you are doing something for them. God forbid I put myself first. I feel bad that I can’t keep up with being a helper. Also don’t like the idea of being diseased.
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Posted: 11/2/2022 6:10:03 AM EDT
[#12]
I broke down crying this morning at about 2am. I took my kids trick or treating on Halloween with their grandparents. It just reminded me of what my life used to be like.
I came home from work yesterday, hugged my daughter, we had dinner, I did some chores then I finally went to bed. For the thousandth time I thought about what my life used to be like. I have three dollars to my name, and when I get paid Friday the whole amount is going towards my electric bill and gas to get me back and forth from work until the next paycheck. I woke up around midnight and honestly prayed that if I fell back asleep maybe God would do me a solid and let me die of a stroke or an MI before I woke up. Every time I look in the mirror I’m overwhelmed by the thought that everyone I ever loved or cared about is far happier and better off with me gone from their lives. |
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Posted: 11/2/2022 11:37:38 AM EDT
[#13]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: Every time I look in the mirror I'm overwhelmed by the thought that everyone I ever loved or cared about is far happier and better off with me gone from their lives. |
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Posted: 11/2/2022 5:07:58 PM EDT
[#14]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By YXZ1000R: damn i needed that. thank you. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By YXZ1000R: Originally Posted By lvjeffro: You come to the conclusion that you want to end your life and you have a family??? WTF...How do you take care of them dead??? What a selfish prick...You would escape your pittilly little problem, and cause your family a lifetime of grief??? WTF woman...Men dont quit, especially when they have a family...Buck up soldier and get your shit wired tight most ricky fucking tick, or I will come out to wherever you may dwell, and kick your living loving ass... damn i needed that. thank you. I hope you are doing better my friend...Love you, no homo!!! |
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Posted: 11/3/2022 12:18:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: pctech]
[#15]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: I broke down crying this morning at about 2am. I took my kids trick or treating on Halloween with their grandparents. It just reminded me of what my life used to be like. I came home from work yesterday, hugged my daughter, we had dinner, I did some chores then I finally went to bed. For the thousandth time I thought about what my life used to be like. I have three dollars to my name, and when I get paid Friday the whole amount is going towards my electric bill and gas to get me back and forth from work until the next paycheck. I woke up around midnight and honestly prayed that if I fell back asleep maybe God would do me a solid and let me die of a stroke or an MI before I woke up. Every time I look in the mirror I’m overwhelmed by the thought that everyone I ever loved or cared about is far happier and better off with me gone from their lives. @RevolverRO I don't know you personally, but I joined Arfcom around the same time period you did and have always enjoyed reading your posts. You seem like a really good guy who has been put through absolute hell over the past few years. I'm really sorry that you are still hurting. I know others have said it, but I think it needs repeating (over and over again, if I'm being honest) .... Your ex-wife is an evil manipulative person who is mentally torturing you for the fun of it. It's sadistic and it's wrong. You don't deserve it. No one deserves to be treated the way she is treating you. Somehow you have got to find a way to move on with your life. I know it's hard, incredibly hard, I really do. I am still struggling with how to move on myself. My divorce was just finalized back in September after an almost 10 year relationship. My (now) ex-wife had a new boyfriend 3 months after our separation started and 3 months after that she signed an apartment lease with him. They have been living together ever since. Me on the other hand, I have been completely alone and single for the past 16 months. I never in a million years could have imagined that she would replace me so quickly or so easily. It hurts. Anyway, getting back to you. Sadly, the family you once had is gone and there is nothing you can do to fix it. Your ex-wife is no longer the same person you married and created that family with. That person no longer exists. These are just facts of life. I know it hurts. That said, you still have your wonderful children that will always be your family and you will always be their father. No one can take that away from you. I'll be honest man, I am worried about you. Please don't do anything that you can't take back. You seem to have some great kids who will need to have their dad in their lives. I have a good friend who lost his father to suicide and he has never been the same since. Going through something like that really changes a person. If you ever want or need to talk, send me a PM and I'll send you my phone number. Sometimes just talking or texting with someone, even a stranger, can be a big help. Take care my friend. |
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USA
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Posted: 11/3/2022 10:59:35 AM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: Every time I look in the mirror I’m overwhelmed by the thought that everyone I ever loved or cared about is far happier and better off with me gone from their lives. First off, sorry for your suffering. I've been in a similar situation and it just sucks beyond comprehension. Second, your self worth depends on no one besides the value you give yourself. Even if your statement is true (which seems doubtful given your other posts about your kids), you're the one who can give value to yourself. Stop giving other people power. It literally does not matter one iota what anyone thinks about you, or says about you, or feels about you. Frankly, you're better off without that cunt exwife and better sooner rather than later to be rid of her. Like I said, I've been similarly depressed and my conclusion was this: If I'm at rock bottom to the point where I really don't want to live, I need to change pretty much everything I can. It could be anything, but change things. Although I can't recommend it for everyone, you may want to look into some sort of psychedelic therapy, whether that's mdma or mescaline or whatever. Getting a new perspective on yourself and stepping away from the BS to view it from further away can be hugely helpful. If you've got nothing to lose, then you've got nothing to lose. Try to change things, and hang in there until you can/do. All the best man. |
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Posted: 11/3/2022 11:26:35 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Intune]
[#17]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: I broke down crying this morning at about 2am. I took my kids trick or treating on Halloween with their grandparents. It just reminded me of what my life used to be like. I came home from work yesterday, hugged my daughter, we had dinner, I did some chores then I finally went to bed. For the thousandth time I thought about what my life used to be like. I have three dollars to my name, and when I get paid Friday the whole amount is going towards my electric bill and gas to get me back and forth from work until the next paycheck. I woke up around midnight and honestly prayed that if I fell back asleep maybe God would do me a solid and let me die of a stroke or an MI before I woke up. Every time I look in the mirror I’m overwhelmed by the thought that everyone I ever loved or cared about is far happier and better off with me gone from their lives. “I have everything I need to enjoy my here and now — unless I am letting my consciousness be dominated by demands and expectations based on the dead past or the imagined future.” — Ken Keyes, Jr. Man, don’t beat yourself up and don’t let your ex help you do it. Don’t have “conversations“ with your ex. All you need from her and all she gets from you is time and dates of where the kids need to be. “Hi, I need the kids here at 6 on Halloween because we’re having...” “Alright, they’ll be there, bye.” She will fight your new attitude big time and try to blame you for being an unreasonable asshole. Oh, well. Too bad, so sad. She will project that you are the asshole WHATEVER you do. No more. She doesn’t get to entertain herself by manipulating you anymore. Hang in there, you can do this and it will free you to move on! |
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Posted: 11/8/2022 2:44:18 PM EDT
[#18]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: Lay awake all night struggling with thoughts of wanting to end it. On a rational level as a psych nurse I know every response to every ‘yes’ response on the risk scale. I know it would devastate my kids ad loved ones. I know how much losing a loved one to suicide hurts. Knowing all those things and dealing with patients who’ve felt this way doesn’t negate or diminish how much pain I’m feeling inside. My oldest son got married today. His wedding was postponed/rescheduled three times in the last year because of Covid, venue restrictions, illnesses and scheduling conflicts. Monday he and his fiancé abruptly decided to do a pop up civil ceremony in a park a couple hours away, just immediate family, not even bridesmaids or groomsmen. I got off early from work, rushed home, changed, and my daughter and I rushed to get to the park. Ex wife is there with her new husband, the guy her friends found on Tinder, the guy she had a year long affair with behind my back, the guy she ran off with when our oldest daughter tried to commit suicide after being sworn into keeping the affair secret. Ex had demanded her new husband officiate the wedding. I wasn’t told. First I knew was when I asked where the minister was and new husband stood up in front of the bride and groom. He made a speech about husbands and wives loving each other, honoring each other and (seriously) building a home and a family and keeping it strong, healthy and whole and never letting anything destroy it. My daughter was freaking out, I was growing numb. Both families were lined up on either side of bride and groom. My kids, my in laws, grandparents and great grandparents on our side. I was put at the end, wasn’t allowed to stand next to my ex wife as father of the groom. Why? I wasn’t given a reason, just told not to ‘ruin’ the wedding. A fat woman with harsh makeup was photographing everyone and had placed us all in our positions. I wasn’t sure who she was, but heard her name and started scrolling through my phone. Six months ago I got a data dump from new husband’s ex wife, the one he left to be with my wife. That’s where I vaguely remembered this woman from. I have pictures and texts between her and my ex wife, she is someone they met on Tinder as a threesome partner. I have text messages between her and my ex, graphic horrific shit. This is who my ex brought to the wedding to coordinate and take pictures. I ended up walking back to my car as soon as the ceremony was completely. I was in my car crying as the photography etc was being done. My two oldest daughters came over, really upset that new husband was the officiant. They tried to hug and comfort me abs I tried to keep it together. My ex father in law came over, asked if I was ok, I told him I didn’t really see that one coming and hearing new husband say the stuff he did really did a number on me. He nodded and said he thought it was hypocritical and shitty of them. My son came over abs told me he loved me. Said his mom pushed it in him when the original officiant cancelled. He asked me to call him Saturday. Everyone left to go to a reception at ex wife’s house. I sat in the car with my daughter, cried a bit, and finally managed to pull myself together. Drive home and lay awake all night. My oldest daughter knew who the Tinder woman was (my wife actually told her about it, wtf) and she told her brother and sister. I have no idea why to say to them. Around midnight my ex texted me. She said ‘I know it was emotional for you. I hope you’re ok. I’m sorry you were hurting’. I'd send her a thank you note for letting you know who she really is and not wasting anymore of your life. The past is gone, dead. People change , not always for the better so don't assume this is the person you married ....but it is who she became and it's not your fault. The point of that is don't think you are an idiot for marrying her , she chose the life she has now and her sense of morality probably does not match yours . My ex was extremely selfish and materialistic , probably a little narcissism too. I built her a house, pulled strings to get felonies expunged and get her nursing license put through, raised her son an when i quit meeting her demands I got the axe. I don't know if she cheated but I do know she was banging someone before the ink was dry on those papers , and telling them the same shit she told me when we met . I walked away from a 400,000.00 $ house that I built with nothing. did get my personal stuff and guns but that's it . Luckily no kids together. I wish I would have seen it from the start but I didn't . I feel your pain and despair. I wish I could tell you how to get over it but i'm still grappling with it myself. |
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Posted: 11/8/2022 4:06:28 PM EDT
[Last Edit: RevolverRO]
[#19]
What hurts the most is that the person she ‘was’ from 1998 to 2017 was kind, loving, a wonderful wife, mother and best friend. I don’t even recognize who she is now. I speak to the new-her only when dealing with the kids or legal issues that require communication. We don’t socialize or have any relationship. We were supposed to co-parent our kids and our oldest daughters therapist suggested that we try to do activities as a family as long as we could interact with each other in a positive way—this isn’t a problem for me, but she refuses unless new husband is the center of whatever activity we do.
Talking with friends and family, she changed in 2018. That’s when she went on lexapro and it when she stopped being a Christian and got involved in witchcraft. Her new nursing friends in the ICU were all divorced or cheating on their spouses and they encouraged her to do the same. Three of the five affairs she had were with guys her Coven chose for her. The guy she left me for and married had been having an affair with the leader of the coven, but he was too freaky and violent for her and she said he’d be a ‘perfect’ match for my wife. I guess he was. He ties her up, beats her, whips her, bites her, all the things she wanted us to explore but I couldn’t engage in. She’s a freak and she resents my aversion to BD/SM and violence in general. The guy also has a fat fetish, she was 5’4” and 135lbs when we broke up, now she’s pushing 280 abs beset with health issues. Their creepy ‘third’ who they brought to the wedding is upwards of 300 lbs. I’m horrified by what she’s become. I know everyone has a freaky side and it takes all sorts of people to make the world go round but she’s really gone on a deep dive into the whole deviant/BD/SM and witchcraft thing. And anything I say regarding it sounds like ‘the crazy ex husband making stuff up’. |
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Posted: 11/8/2022 6:37:32 PM EDT
[#20]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: What hurts the most is that the person she ‘was’ from 1998 to 2017 was kind, loving, a wonderful wife, mother and best friend. I don’t even recognize who she is now. I speak to the new-her only when dealing with the kids or legal issues that require communication. We don’t socialize or have any relationship. We were supposed to co-parent our kids and our oldest daughters therapist suggested that we try to do activities as a family as long as we could interact with each other in a positive way—this isn’t a problem for me, but she refuses unless new husband is the center of whatever activity we do. Talking with friends and family, she changed in 2018. That’s when she went on lexapro and it when she stopped being a Christian and got involved in witchcraft. Her new nursing friends in the ICU were all divorced or cheating on their spouses and they encouraged her to do the same. Three of the five affairs she had were with guys her Coven chose for her. The guy she left me for and married had been having an affair with the leader of the coven, but he was too freaky and violent for her and she said he’d be a ‘perfect’ match for my wife. I guess he was. He ties her up, beats her, whips her, bites her, all the things she wanted us to explore but I couldn’t engage in. She’s a freak and she resents my aversion to BD/SM and violence in general. The guy also has a fat fetish, she was 5’4” and 135lbs when we broke up, now she’s pushing 280 abs beset with health issues. Their creepy ‘third’ who they brought to the wedding is upwards of 300 lbs. I’m horrified by what she’s become. I know everyone has a freaky side and it takes all sorts of people to make the world go round but she’s really gone on a deep dive into the whole deviant/BD/SM and witchcraft thing. And anything I say regarding it sounds like ‘the crazy ex husband making stuff up’. First we’ve heard of the whole witchcraft side of the things! Revolver, you dodged a bullet! Concentrate on your kids and try to forget her. Get your revenge by living an AWESOME life. |
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Posted: 11/10/2022 7:10:25 AM EDT
[#21]
Every day I grit my teeth and begin again. My daughter made me dinner last night—I was dragging my tail when I got home, still aren’t getting a full nights sleep. Fell asleep around nine, I think, just couldn’t keep my eyes open. Woke up at eleven pm and finally fell back asleep around three.
I know I’m not in a good place mentally. Stressing over every last penny, trying to pay my bills. Working the next four nights bartending, I don’t think my friend is going to keep the pub going after this weekend but I’m hoping to get enough to fill my propane tank for the winter. |
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WY, USA
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Posted: 11/15/2022 1:16:55 AM EDT
[#22]
Hello everyone,
I would love some advice or help or something. I’m 32 from Casper Wyoming. My wife is divorcing me after 14 years and 3 children together. My job has me travel all over all the time and it’s pretty tiring not being home for my family. I’ve been feeling so unmotivated and I guess just down particularly bad this past week. Hell I’m not even sure I know what I’m trying to ask maybe just saying stuff to get it off my chest. I don’t know. Thank you everyone |
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Posted: 11/15/2022 3:07:53 AM EDT
[#23]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Smd226: Hello everyone, I would love some advice or help or something. I’m 32 from Casper Wyoming. My wife is divorcing me after 14 years and 3 children together. My job has me travel all over all the time and it’s pretty tiring not being home for my family. I’ve been feeling so unmotivated and I guess just down particularly bad this past week. Hell I’m not even sure I know what I’m trying to ask maybe just saying stuff to get it off my chest. I don’t know. Thank you everyone I’m always open to lending an ear to a neighbor. Shoot me a message if you need anything, or just want to BS. |
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FL, USA
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Posted: 11/15/2022 3:01:05 PM EDT
[#24]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Smd226: Hello everyone, I would love some advice or help or something. I’m 32 from Casper Wyoming. My wife is divorcing me after 14 years and 3 children together. My job has me travel all over all the time and it’s pretty tiring not being home for my family. I’ve been feeling so unmotivated and I guess just down particularly bad this past week. Hell I’m not even sure I know what I’m trying to ask maybe just saying stuff to get it off my chest. I don’t know. Thank you everyone Sorry man. I went thru it 11 years ago. Very painful. Just try to be the best father you can be. Kids are going to need as much stability as possible. My relationship with God got stronger through the pain and for that I'm thankful. That's what got me thru... |
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MD, USA
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Posted: 11/17/2022 3:50:27 AM EDT
[Last Edit: edb66]
[#25]
I'm still breathing somehow. After being terribly sick since Dec. I went in the UMMC hospital Apr 14, they were gonna try a second time to unclog the shunt in my liver. That didn't work, so I got to stay in the ICU wondering if I was gonna live long enough for them to find me a liver. I was in and out of delirium and drugged up more than half the time.
They found one and did my transplant on May 24, many hours and many units of blood. Due to medical issues, I enjoyed a tube feed diet and 5 ice cubes an hour until late Aug. And I Got the Covid even after I got vaxxed. Then they told me I was going to the VA on Sept 5, so I went to the VA (across the street) where they. took all my personal belongings and put them in "safe storage" I got my shit back about a week later. It had been infested by bedbugs, which they tried to say I must have brought from home(I ain't been home since April!). So I got to hang there until Oct 6. The social worker found a sub acute rehab facility for me, it was also a nursing home, and a Ghetto Fabulous hellhole. I couldn't stand up when I got there, my right leg was so weak. I couldn't use my prosthetic anymore because I lost so much weight. |
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MD, USA
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Posted: 11/17/2022 4:20:34 AM EDT
[Last Edit: edb66]
[#26]
I weighed 126 pounds when I got there, my prosthetic was built for me at about 180 pounds, it just fell off when I put it on.
So I did physical and occupational therapy five or six days a week. My roommate threatened to kill me in my sleep one evening and they got me a different room the next day. They managed to cause me to miss two doctors appointments due to poor communication and lack of organization. They sent me to the ER via 911 one day because my morning labs showed low H&H. They retested twice at the ER and said I was fine and didn't need a transfusion. So now we had a problem, since I was going for a transfusion, they assumed I would be kept overnight for observation, and hadn't made arrangements to get me back. Someone (no idea who) arranged a private transport for me and told me they couldn't come before 8 A.M. They gave me a gurney in the ER to let me lie down just before 2 A.M. I was out like a light, the ambo showed at about 3:30 . I got back about 4, I hadn't eaten since 7 the previous morning. That lovely place released me Nov 4 , and I finally got home. |
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MD, USA
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Posted: 11/17/2022 4:28:34 AM EDT
[#27]
So I'm weak as shit and can barely get upright . I'm waiting on the prosthetic company working on rebuilding my leg, I need the custom built parts and those take time. But I get a little stronger every day. I'm still not sure the juice was worth the squeeze though.
Keep yer chins up guys! |
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ZWE
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Posted: 11/17/2022 8:45:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Obo2]
[#28]
Prayers for you all.
That is something that has helped with my own depression, everyday i wake up and before doing anything else thank God for all the gifts he has blessed us with. Doesn't matter if you think everything is horrible, find at least one thing to give thanks for even if it's wishful thinking. I thanked God for strength for a long time when i was weak, for peace when we are staring in the face of violence, for family, for being blessed with another day of this glorious creation... It doesn't particularly matter if you believe in God. You are all miracles, you are an ape filled with snakes made up from the dust of an exploded star capable of contemplating your own existence. Even if you think you are defective, you are one of the most advanced creations ever. If you can take steps to acknowledge the wonder around you and find anything to be thankful for each day it can have a profound impact on your outlook. Thank you for being strong and coming here for help. |
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Posted: 11/18/2022 9:36:18 PM EDT
[#29]
Help needed, quickly, my friend is having suicidal thoughts, please message for phone numbers
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Posted: 11/18/2022 9:40:28 PM EDT
[#30]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By turtlemaster: Help needed, quickly, my friend is having suicidal thoughts, please message for phone numbers I need someone else to talk to this dude, he is a goid man, very distraught right now. |
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Posted: 11/18/2022 9:43:51 PM EDT
[#31]
text exchange
 Attached File |
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FL, USA
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Posted: 11/18/2022 10:39:13 PM EDT
[#32]
sometimes you just need to catch your breathe....... sometimes feels like you cant
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Posted: 11/21/2022 3:15:48 PM EDT
[#33]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: What hurts the most is that the person she ‘was’ from 1998 to 2017 was kind, loving, a wonderful wife, mother and best friend. I don’t even recognize who she is now. I speak to the new-her only when dealing with the kids or legal issues that require communication. We don’t socialize or have any relationship. We were supposed to co-parent our kids and our oldest daughters therapist suggested that we try to do activities as a family as long as we could interact with each other in a positive way—this isn’t a problem for me, but she refuses unless new husband is the center of whatever activity we do. Talking with friends and family, she changed in 2018. That’s when she went on lexapro and it when she stopped being a Christian and got involved in witchcraft. Her new nursing friends in the ICU were all divorced or cheating on their spouses and they encouraged her to do the same. Three of the five affairs she had were with guys her Coven chose for her. The guy she left me for and married had been having an affair with the leader of the coven, but he was too freaky and violent for her and she said he’d be a ‘perfect’ match for my wife. I guess he was. He ties her up, beats her, whips her, bites her, all the things she wanted us to explore but I couldn’t engage in. She’s a freak and she resents my aversion to BD/SM and violence in general. The guy also has a fat fetish, she was 5’4” and 135lbs when we broke up, now she’s pushing 280 abs beset with health issues. Their creepy ‘third’ who they brought to the wedding is upwards of 300 lbs. I’m horrified by what she’s become. I know everyone has a freaky side and it takes all sorts of people to make the world go round but she’s really gone on a deep dive into the whole deviant/BD/SM and witchcraft thing. And anything I say regarding it sounds like ‘the crazy ex husband making stuff up’. You are FAR better off not having that in your life……… as far as the East is from the West. You don’t need that level of crazy. She is headed for a bad end, and you don’t need to let her drag you down with her |
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Posted: 11/23/2022 9:34:38 AM EDT
[Last Edit: RevolverRO]
[#34]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By cyclone: You are FAR better off not having that in your life……… as far as the East is from the West. You don’t need that level of crazy. She is headed for a bad end, and you don’t need to let her drag you down with her Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By cyclone: Originally Posted By RevolverRO: What hurts the most is that the person she ‘was’ from 1998 to 2017 was kind, loving, a wonderful wife, mother and best friend. I don’t even recognize who she is now. I speak to the new-her only when dealing with the kids or legal issues that require communication. We don’t socialize or have any relationship. We were supposed to co-parent our kids and our oldest daughters therapist suggested that we try to do activities as a family as long as we could interact with each other in a positive way—this isn’t a problem for me, but she refuses unless new husband is the center of whatever activity we do. Talking with friends and family, she changed in 2018. That’s when she went on lexapro and it when she stopped being a Christian and got involved in witchcraft. Her new nursing friends in the ICU were all divorced or cheating on their spouses and they encouraged her to do the same. Three of the five affairs she had were with guys her Coven chose for her. The guy she left me for and married had been having an affair with the leader of the coven, but he was too freaky and violent for her and she said he’d be a ‘perfect’ match for my wife. I guess he was. He ties her up, beats her, whips her, bites her, all the things she wanted us to explore but I couldn’t engage in. She’s a freak and she resents my aversion to BD/SM and violence in general. The guy also has a fat fetish, she was 5’4” and 135lbs when we broke up, now she’s pushing 280 abs beset with health issues. Their creepy ‘third’ who they brought to the wedding is upwards of 300 lbs. I’m horrified by what she’s become. I know everyone has a freaky side and it takes all sorts of people to make the world go round but she’s really gone on a deep dive into the whole deviant/BD/SM and witchcraft thing. And anything I say regarding it sounds like ‘the crazy ex husband making stuff up’. You are FAR better off not having that in your life……… as far as the East is from the West. You don’t need that level of crazy. She is headed for a bad end, and you don’t need to let her drag you down with her I know I’m better off. My brain tells me that all the time. When I was five, my parents divorced. When I was ten, my brother and I came home to an empty house one day. My mom had run off to live a life of disco, drugs, and partying with her friends. My brother and I went to live with my dad and his new wife. For the next seven years I didn’t go a day without being hit or slapped and told I was a piece of shit that didn’t deserve anything good n my life. At least once a week I got punched full on in the face hard enough to knock me down. When I was seventeen I stood up to my stepmom for the first time and blocked her punch, and my dad grabbed a shovel and broke my left arm. I walked out of the house and never looked back. In 1997 my then-girlfriend brought me to her home for Christmas Eve. Her sister, 4, and brother, 5, climbed all over me and her family embraced me as a member. That night we were back at our apartment and I remember just holding her in the dark and she noticed tears on my cheeks and I told her that it was the first time I’d had a happy Christmas since I was five years old. In 2002 I remember our first Christmas with our two month old son. I remember sitting on the sofa with my wife under one arm and our baby cradled in my other. I remember looking at the kids as we handed out presents, how her mom came and gave me a huge hug and asked if I wanted her to take the baby. I remember saying no, and I looked at my wife and said ‘I never want to stop holding him’. Every year since, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter...any holiday—I spent it with my family. I never had that growing up. Christmas 2019 she walked out and I gave my presents to the kids without her, went to grandma’s without her, and went home to bed alone and for the first time in twenty years, I felt completely and utterly alone. As horrible as her actions were, she once was the center of our family. We haven’t been the same since she’s left. I know she’s not the person I loved or married or raised a family with. Not anymore. But the absence of the person she WAS has hurt me, hurt my kids. I keep struggling day after day because honestly I don’t have any joy or happiness in my life. I love my kids and I keep going day after day because I know if I gave up and ended it, it would hurt them. So I go on for them. But at the end of the day my heart and soul are dead inside and I don’t see any happiness in myself, and that hurts because I remember how happy I was. |
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MO, USA
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Posted: 11/24/2022 11:48:25 PM EDT
[#35]
I absolutely hate the holidays. Even though I have a nice family to go visit.
I show up alone. |
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Posted: 11/25/2022 2:11:07 AM EDT
[#36]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By 58Eldorado: I absolutely hate the holidays. Even though I have a nice family to go visit. I show up alone. Embrace it. I have an alcoholic baby mama with two kids. It ain’t fun. Enjoy your family. |
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GA, USA
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Posted: 11/26/2022 10:59:03 PM EDT
[#37]
Without an essay, I love you guys. I've been struggling. I just ask for prayers. I'm not ready or willing to check out and there isn't enough space to lay it out, but if I could get a little support it would be awesome. Thank you.
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Posted: 11/26/2022 11:55:55 PM EDT
[#38]
Praying for you, your pain is temporary
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Posted: 11/26/2022 11:57:09 PM EDT
[#39]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By kaizer27: Without an essay, I love you guys. I've been struggling. I just ask for prayers. I'm not ready or willing to check out and there isn't enough space to lay it out, but if I could get a little support it would be awesome. Thank you. Sending an IM. |
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Posted: 11/28/2022 10:47:03 AM EDT
[Last Edit: cyclone]
[#40]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: I know I’m better off. My brain tells me that all the time. When I was five, my parents divorced. When I was ten, my brother and I came home to an empty house one day. My mom had run off to live a life of disco, drugs, and partying with her friends. My brother and I went to live with my dad and his new wife. For the next seven years I didn’t go a day without being hit or slapped and told I was a piece of shit that didn’t deserve anything good n my life. At least once a week I got punched full on in the face hard enough to knock me down. When I was seventeen I stood up to my stepmom for the first time and blocked her punch, and my dad grabbed a shovel and broke my left arm. I walked out of the house and never looked back. In 1997 my then-girlfriend brought me to her home for Christmas Eve. Her sister, 4, and brother, 5, climbed all over me and her family embraced me as a member. That night we were back at our apartment and I remember just holding her in the dark and she noticed tears on my cheeks and I told her that it was the first time I’d had a happy Christmas since I was five years old. In 2002 I remember our first Christmas with our two month old son. I remember sitting on the sofa with my wife under one arm and our baby cradled in my other. I remember looking at the kids as we handed out presents, how her mom came and gave me a huge hug and asked if I wanted her to take the baby. I remember saying no, and I looked at my wife and said ‘I never want to stop holding him’. Every year since, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter...any holiday—I spent it with my family. I never had that growing up. Christmas 2019 she walked out and I gave my presents to the kids without her, went to grandma’s without her, and went home to bed alone and for the first time in twenty years, I felt completely and utterly alone. As horrible as her actions were, she once was the center of our family. We haven’t been the same since she’s left. I know she’s not the person I loved or married or raised a family with. Not anymore. But the absence of the person she WAS has hurt me, hurt my kids. I keep struggling day after day because honestly I don’t have any joy or happiness in my life. I love my kids and I keep going day after day because I know if I gave up and ended it, it would hurt them. So I go on for them. But at the end of the day my heart and soul are dead inside and I don’t see any happiness in myself, and that hurts because I remember how happy I was. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: Originally Posted By cyclone: Originally Posted By RevolverRO: What hurts the most is that the person she ‘was’ from 1998 to 2017 was kind, loving, a wonderful wife, mother and best friend. I don’t even recognize who she is now. I speak to the new-her only when dealing with the kids or legal issues that require communication. We don’t socialize or have any relationship. We were supposed to co-parent our kids and our oldest daughters therapist suggested that we try to do activities as a family as long as we could interact with each other in a positive way—this isn’t a problem for me, but she refuses unless new husband is the center of whatever activity we do. Talking with friends and family, she changed in 2018. That’s when she went on lexapro and it when she stopped being a Christian and got involved in witchcraft. Her new nursing friends in the ICU were all divorced or cheating on their spouses and they encouraged her to do the same. Three of the five affairs she had were with guys her Coven chose for her. The guy she left me for and married had been having an affair with the leader of the coven, but he was too freaky and violent for her and she said he’d be a ‘perfect’ match for my wife. I guess he was. He ties her up, beats her, whips her, bites her, all the things she wanted us to explore but I couldn’t engage in. She’s a freak and she resents my aversion to BD/SM and violence in general. The guy also has a fat fetish, she was 5’4” and 135lbs when we broke up, now she’s pushing 280 abs beset with health issues. Their creepy ‘third’ who they brought to the wedding is upwards of 300 lbs. I’m horrified by what she’s become. I know everyone has a freaky side and it takes all sorts of people to make the world go round but she’s really gone on a deep dive into the whole deviant/BD/SM and witchcraft thing. And anything I say regarding it sounds like ‘the crazy ex husband making stuff up’. You are FAR better off not having that in your life……… as far as the East is from the West. You don’t need that level of crazy. She is headed for a bad end, and you don’t need to let her drag you down with her I know I’m better off. My brain tells me that all the time. When I was five, my parents divorced. When I was ten, my brother and I came home to an empty house one day. My mom had run off to live a life of disco, drugs, and partying with her friends. My brother and I went to live with my dad and his new wife. For the next seven years I didn’t go a day without being hit or slapped and told I was a piece of shit that didn’t deserve anything good n my life. At least once a week I got punched full on in the face hard enough to knock me down. When I was seventeen I stood up to my stepmom for the first time and blocked her punch, and my dad grabbed a shovel and broke my left arm. I walked out of the house and never looked back. In 1997 my then-girlfriend brought me to her home for Christmas Eve. Her sister, 4, and brother, 5, climbed all over me and her family embraced me as a member. That night we were back at our apartment and I remember just holding her in the dark and she noticed tears on my cheeks and I told her that it was the first time I’d had a happy Christmas since I was five years old. In 2002 I remember our first Christmas with our two month old son. I remember sitting on the sofa with my wife under one arm and our baby cradled in my other. I remember looking at the kids as we handed out presents, how her mom came and gave me a huge hug and asked if I wanted her to take the baby. I remember saying no, and I looked at my wife and said ‘I never want to stop holding him’. Every year since, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter...any holiday—I spent it with my family. I never had that growing up. Christmas 2019 she walked out and I gave my presents to the kids without her, went to grandma’s without her, and went home to bed alone and for the first time in twenty years, I felt completely and utterly alone. As horrible as her actions were, she once was the center of our family. We haven’t been the same since she’s left. I know she’s not the person I loved or married or raised a family with. Not anymore. But the absence of the person she WAS has hurt me, hurt my kids. I keep struggling day after day because honestly I don’t have any joy or happiness in my life. I love my kids and I keep going day after day because I know if I gave up and ended it, it would hurt them. So I go on for them. But at the end of the day my heart and soul are dead inside and I don’t see any happiness in myself, and that hurts because I remember how happy I was. Are you a believer? |
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Posted: 11/28/2022 10:35:05 PM EDT
[#41]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By kaizer27: Without an essay, I love you guys. I've been struggling. I just ask for prayers. I'm not ready or willing to check out and there isn't enough space to lay it out, but if I could get a little support it would be awesome. Thank you. Good wishes back at you -- with prayers. Those of us on this board don't typically know each other -- but we can care about each other. I truly hope you can find peace. I absolutely believe there is a wonderful afterlife -- we need to tough this life out to get there. |
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Posted: 11/30/2022 4:37:05 AM EDT
[Last Edit: Dolor]
[#42]
Supposed to go on a date tomorrow. She cancelled last minute. Haven't been on a date in years. Sort of got my hopes up a bit and got a little too excited. Idk felt like a highschool kid again when I asked her out and she said "yeah I'd really like that". Just sort of made me feel special for a bit.
. Whatever though people are people. They got their own issues and reasons. |
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Posted: 11/30/2022 11:35:16 AM EDT
[#43]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By cyclone: Are you a believer? Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By cyclone: Originally Posted By RevolverRO: Originally Posted By cyclone: Originally Posted By RevolverRO: What hurts the most is that the person she ‘was’ from 1998 to 2017 was kind, loving, a wonderful wife, mother and best friend. I don’t even recognize who she is now. I speak to the new-her only when dealing with the kids or legal issues that require communication. We don’t socialize or have any relationship. We were supposed to co-parent our kids and our oldest daughters therapist suggested that we try to do activities as a family as long as we could interact with each other in a positive way—this isn’t a problem for me, but she refuses unless new husband is the center of whatever activity we do. Talking with friends and family, she changed in 2018. That’s when she went on lexapro and it when she stopped being a Christian and got involved in witchcraft. Her new nursing friends in the ICU were all divorced or cheating on their spouses and they encouraged her to do the same. Three of the five affairs she had were with guys her Coven chose for her. The guy she left me for and married had been having an affair with the leader of the coven, but he was too freaky and violent for her and she said he’d be a ‘perfect’ match for my wife. I guess he was. He ties her up, beats her, whips her, bites her, all the things she wanted us to explore but I couldn’t engage in. She’s a freak and she resents my aversion to BD/SM and violence in general. The guy also has a fat fetish, she was 5’4” and 135lbs when we broke up, now she’s pushing 280 abs beset with health issues. Their creepy ‘third’ who they brought to the wedding is upwards of 300 lbs. I’m horrified by what she’s become. I know everyone has a freaky side and it takes all sorts of people to make the world go round but she’s really gone on a deep dive into the whole deviant/BD/SM and witchcraft thing. And anything I say regarding it sounds like ‘the crazy ex husband making stuff up’. You are FAR better off not having that in your life……… as far as the East is from the West. You don’t need that level of crazy. She is headed for a bad end, and you don’t need to let her drag you down with her I know I’m better off. My brain tells me that all the time. When I was five, my parents divorced. When I was ten, my brother and I came home to an empty house one day. My mom had run off to live a life of disco, drugs, and partying with her friends. My brother and I went to live with my dad and his new wife. For the next seven years I didn’t go a day without being hit or slapped and told I was a piece of shit that didn’t deserve anything good n my life. At least once a week I got punched full on in the face hard enough to knock me down. When I was seventeen I stood up to my stepmom for the first time and blocked her punch, and my dad grabbed a shovel and broke my left arm. I walked out of the house and never looked back. In 1997 my then-girlfriend brought me to her home for Christmas Eve. Her sister, 4, and brother, 5, climbed all over me and her family embraced me as a member. That night we were back at our apartment and I remember just holding her in the dark and she noticed tears on my cheeks and I told her that it was the first time I’d had a happy Christmas since I was five years old. In 2002 I remember our first Christmas with our two month old son. I remember sitting on the sofa with my wife under one arm and our baby cradled in my other. I remember looking at the kids as we handed out presents, how her mom came and gave me a huge hug and asked if I wanted her to take the baby. I remember saying no, and I looked at my wife and said ‘I never want to stop holding him’. Every year since, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter...any holiday—I spent it with my family. I never had that growing up. Christmas 2019 she walked out and I gave my presents to the kids without her, went to grandma’s without her, and went home to bed alone and for the first time in twenty years, I felt completely and utterly alone. As horrible as her actions were, she once was the center of our family. We haven’t been the same since she’s left. I know she’s not the person I loved or married or raised a family with. Not anymore. But the absence of the person she WAS has hurt me, hurt my kids. I keep struggling day after day because honestly I don’t have any joy or happiness in my life. I love my kids and I keep going day after day because I know if I gave up and ended it, it would hurt them. So I go on for them. But at the end of the day my heart and soul are dead inside and I don’t see any happiness in myself, and that hurts because I remember how happy I was. Are you a believer? I’ll be honest, I’m struggling with my faith. I’ve prayed and contemplated my faith and it’s really been hard reconciling what she did and how things have unfolded. |
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MO, USA
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Posted: 11/30/2022 8:44:59 PM EDT
[#44]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Dolor: Supposed to go on a date tomorrow. She cancelled last minute. Haven't been on a date in years. Sort of got my hopes up a bit and got a little too excited. Idk felt like a highschool kid again when I asked her out and she said "yeah I'd really like that". Just sort of made me feel special for a bit. . Whatever though people are people. They got their own issues and reasons. They do that all the time. Lie right to your face, and think nothing of it. I fucking hate it. I cannot comprehend how people can behave that way. |
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Posted: 12/2/2022 8:13:40 AM EDT
[#45]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: I’ll be honest, I’m struggling with my faith. I’ve prayed and contemplated my faith and it’s really been hard reconciling what she did and how things have unfolded. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By RevolverRO: Originally Posted By cyclone: Originally Posted By RevolverRO: Originally Posted By cyclone: Originally Posted By RevolverRO: What hurts the most is that the person she ‘was’ from 1998 to 2017 was kind, loving, a wonderful wife, mother and best friend. I don’t even recognize who she is now. I speak to the new-her only when dealing with the kids or legal issues that require communication. We don’t socialize or have any relationship. We were supposed to co-parent our kids and our oldest daughters therapist suggested that we try to do activities as a family as long as we could interact with each other in a positive way—this isn’t a problem for me, but she refuses unless new husband is the center of whatever activity we do. Talking with friends and family, she changed in 2018. That’s when she went on lexapro and it when she stopped being a Christian and got involved in witchcraft. Her new nursing friends in the ICU were all divorced or cheating on their spouses and they encouraged her to do the same. Three of the five affairs she had were with guys her Coven chose for her. The guy she left me for and married had been having an affair with the leader of the coven, but he was too freaky and violent for her and she said he’d be a ‘perfect’ match for my wife. I guess he was. He ties her up, beats her, whips her, bites her, all the things she wanted us to explore but I couldn’t engage in. She’s a freak and she resents my aversion to BD/SM and violence in general. The guy also has a fat fetish, she was 5’4” and 135lbs when we broke up, now she’s pushing 280 abs beset with health issues. Their creepy ‘third’ who they brought to the wedding is upwards of 300 lbs. I’m horrified by what she’s become. I know everyone has a freaky side and it takes all sorts of people to make the world go round but she’s really gone on a deep dive into the whole deviant/BD/SM and witchcraft thing. And anything I say regarding it sounds like ‘the crazy ex husband making stuff up’. You are FAR better off not having that in your life……… as far as the East is from the West. You don’t need that level of crazy. She is headed for a bad end, and you don’t need to let her drag you down with her I know I’m better off. My brain tells me that all the time. When I was five, my parents divorced. When I was ten, my brother and I came home to an empty house one day. My mom had run off to live a life of disco, drugs, and partying with her friends. My brother and I went to live with my dad and his new wife. For the next seven years I didn’t go a day without being hit or slapped and told I was a piece of shit that didn’t deserve anything good n my life. At least once a week I got punched full on in the face hard enough to knock me down. When I was seventeen I stood up to my stepmom for the first time and blocked her punch, and my dad grabbed a shovel and broke my left arm. I walked out of the house and never looked back. In 1997 my then-girlfriend brought me to her home for Christmas Eve. Her sister, 4, and brother, 5, climbed all over me and her family embraced me as a member. That night we were back at our apartment and I remember just holding her in the dark and she noticed tears on my cheeks and I told her that it was the first time I’d had a happy Christmas since I was five years old. In 2002 I remember our first Christmas with our two month old son. I remember sitting on the sofa with my wife under one arm and our baby cradled in my other. I remember looking at the kids as we handed out presents, how her mom came and gave me a huge hug and asked if I wanted her to take the baby. I remember saying no, and I looked at my wife and said ‘I never want to stop holding him’. Every year since, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter...any holiday—I spent it with my family. I never had that growing up. Christmas 2019 she walked out and I gave my presents to the kids without her, went to grandma’s without her, and went home to bed alone and for the first time in twenty years, I felt completely and utterly alone. As horrible as her actions were, she once was the center of our family. We haven’t been the same since she’s left. I know she’s not the person I loved or married or raised a family with. Not anymore. But the absence of the person she WAS has hurt me, hurt my kids. I keep struggling day after day because honestly I don’t have any joy or happiness in my life. I love my kids and I keep going day after day because I know if I gave up and ended it, it would hurt them. So I go on for them. But at the end of the day my heart and soul are dead inside and I don’t see any happiness in myself, and that hurts because I remember how happy I was. Are you a believer? I’ll be honest, I’m struggling with my faith. I’ve prayed and contemplated my faith and it’s really been hard reconciling what she did and how things have unfolded. I understand…….. I think at times we all struggle with our faith. I can tell you I have at times. My ex cheated on me…… not long after we were married, and it did a number on me. I asked why, I hurt for a long time and couldn’t make any sense of it all…… I think that was one of the lowest times of my life. I cannot give you the answers you seek, but I will tell you never give up and never give in. Keep your faith and continue to seek Christ in every thing. It’s tough. I wanted to just throw my hands up and quit. I am a very flawed person and to quote my friend amos1909, the chief of sinners. But I can tell you no matter what, God does love you and wants the best for you…….. that’s hard to fathom even for me many times. But it is true. And remember those kids you talked about. They love and care for you……. Losing you would devastate them. Though it’s tough, keep going and keep praying……. Never give up. If you need to talk, any of us are only an IM away……. I will talk to anyone who wants to talk or unload. Feel free to reach out…… and I will also pray for you |
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Posted: 12/8/2022 2:09:52 AM EDT
[#46]
I don’t know if this is appropriate or not, if not a mod can please delete.
But @jos51700 I saw your two posts on different threads. You have like minded friends here. If you need to talk to someone please post here or IM me or anyone in this thread. Im certain you’re loved by many and your life is worth celebrating Originally Posted By jos51700: My existence after death will be exactly what my existence is in life: nothing. Originally Posted By jos51700: I'm not good at, or for, anything and the world will be a better place when it is rid of me. |
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MO, USA
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Posted: 12/8/2022 10:33:45 PM EDT
[#47]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By JaredC1: I don’t know if this is appropriate or not, if not a mod can please delete. But @jos51700 I saw your two posts on different threads. You have like minded friends here. If you need to talk to someone please post here or IM me or anyone in this thread. Im certain you’re loved by many and your life is worth celebrating @JaredC1 I appreciate it, but I'm fine. I hate the holidays and struggle with seasonal depression some days. This year's been shitty but I'm not suicidal. It can enter my mind some days but I don't believe in committing suicide, I know I just gotta get through the next three weeks and the damned Christmas crap will be over for another season. Arfcom is a great resource when I'm down. Lots of folks with it way worse than me posting here and getting support reminds me that I can muscle through it. And, y'know, midcap. Thank you for checking up on me. |
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Posted: 12/8/2022 10:35:19 PM EDT
[#48]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By jos51700: @JaredC1 I appreciate it, but I'm fine. I hate the holidays and struggle with seasonal depression some days. This year's been shitty but I'm not suicidal. It can enter my mind some days but I don't believe in committing suicide, I know I just gotta get through the next three weeks and the damned Christmas crap will be over for another season. Arfcom is a great resource when I'm down. Lots of folks with it way worse than me posting here and getting support reminds me that I can muscle through it. And, y'know, midcap. Thank you for checking up on me. Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By jos51700: Originally Posted By JaredC1: I don’t know if this is appropriate or not, if not a mod can please delete. But @jos51700 I saw your two posts on different threads. You have like minded friends here. If you need to talk to someone please post here or IM me or anyone in this thread. Im certain you’re loved by many and your life is worth celebrating @JaredC1 I appreciate it, but I'm fine. I hate the holidays and struggle with seasonal depression some days. This year's been shitty but I'm not suicidal. It can enter my mind some days but I don't believe in committing suicide, I know I just gotta get through the next three weeks and the damned Christmas crap will be over for another season. Arfcom is a great resource when I'm down. Lots of folks with it way worse than me posting here and getting support reminds me that I can muscle through it. And, y'know, midcap. Thank you for checking up on me. Glad you are ok and that your replied. I’m not a huge fan of the holidays either. Take care man. |
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Posted: 12/10/2022 10:10:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: Combatcanine0508]
[#49]
For those that drink hard for one reason or another...I mean bottle a day.
Lets just say it does not take long to kill your liver. It happens faster then one thinks. Shit is not fun. Having your abdomen drained 7 times in one year in ER because you have 5 letters of fluid that Is compressing your diaphragm so you can't catch your breath when you lay down...oh and the pills are fun to take just to take a leak regularly. Understand that even with transplant if eligible, life sucks after from what I hear from ER Doctors. Oh I forgot to mention don't go down that road boys and girls |
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MO, USA
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Posted: 12/11/2022 12:21:00 AM EDT
[#50]
Quote HistoryOriginally Posted By Combatcanine0508: For those that drink hard for one reason or another...I mean bottle a day. Lets just say it does not take long to kill your liver. It happens faster then one thinks. Shit is not fun. Having your abdomen drained 7 times in one year in ER because you have 5 letters of fluid that Is compressing your diaphragm so you can't catch your breath when you lay down...oh and the pills are fun to take just to take a leak regularly. Understand that even with transplant if eligible, life sucks after from what I hear from ER Doctors. Oh I forgot to mention don't go down that road boys and girls What size of bottle? |
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