Posted: 4/9/2006 7:28:14 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 4/9/2006 7:30:44 PM EDT by Searcherfortruth]
I know what is rite, & I know what is wrong.
I have been single for nearly 2 yrs. My ex left me for another man, long story I don't care to discuss on this post.
I know what the bible says about premarital sex, or fornacation. I know what I'm supposed to do, but it conflicts with what I want because I am a living man. I desire to have sex with a beautiful woman, a lot.
What I don't want is to get married again just so I can have sex. Sexuality is a God made part of our physical make up. So the thought of having sex is normal & the desire to do so is a fairly strong need/desire.
I haven't dated yet, partly because I have been taking the time to let myself heal from the pain I felt at losing my wife, & also because I'm scared I will fall into sex with a woman, & violate my own belief of what is rite or wrong.
I feel that even though I'm screwed, either way, at least if I did find a woman who was willing I would be, at least throughly screwed.
A friend whom I trust(a woman) told me that with as demanding as women are these days, I probably couldn't find a woman who would consider marriage if they didn't know I was good in the sack with them before they commited. I can see the truth of that, & it scares me to think it may well be true.
So what in heavens name, as man am I supposed to do?
Buddy, I dont know the solution for you, but you're certainly not going to find it on an internet forum.
There are a lot of good Christians on this site who might have some help for me. Thanks anyway.
Well, if you're a man of your convictions, stick with it. If you're not, dont.
Or are you looking for something else here?
tagging.....! Just so I can see how you guys work.
Ok, so you’re an upright Christian man
who wants to live an upright Christian life.
So where do you go to find an upright Christian LADY?
Sure there are ho’s in church. But like any temptation you need to avoid them.
The cool thing about church is anyone that is involved with it has their history
Out in the open. It’s hard to hide in church. So you can weed out the ho’s and
Help out your church community at the same time.
You say you can’t have sex because the bible says it’s wrong.
So don’t have sex. Just don’t do it. I don’t care if you want to
Your not keeping from doing it because you want to. Your keeping
From doing it because you love Jesus and want to keep his commandments.
Forget the wife. She was not the right sort for you anyway. The good news
Is she divorced you because she was unfaithful. So if you’re following the bible
You can remarry without committing adultery.
So riddle me this batman…
Who would be looking for the type of man you are?
if you can't love the type woman who would love you then stay single
I've got a good one for you....what are you looking for age wise?
Oh and yes she all OEM .....
Stoner Student, 32 to 42 but a little younger or older is also doable. I'm not stuck on age, even though I do have a preference.
As far as meeting a woman in church, that's where the ex came from. Not that that rules out all women from church. I do know the divorce rate is the same in the church as it is in the world.
I have kept myself from doing wrong many times contrary to what I wanted to do, so I wouldn't hurt God. I also have a 8yr old son I'm raising as a single parent, & I must set the right example for him as well. I'm not trying to be better than anyone else, I'm just a man trying to do my best for God & family.
Thanks for all ideas & helpful comments.
And you didn't lose a wife. I'm guessing you didn't cheat. That's not your fault. I'm trying to deal with this whole situation too. It's hard. I don't think we can take the bible so literally. That's my excuse and I'm sticking with it! Can we nuke morals from orbit?
You're single and lonely. I believe you. Because of my marital situation, I'm often "married and lonely" if you know what I mean. No, I'm not cheating and not going to cheat. My point is that I can empathise.
You are absolutely right that sex drive is a natural part of having a body and being a man. God intended it to be that way. He's also made it clear that we are to save sexual intimacy for marriage. Sex is meant to be a strengthening bond between man and wife. It can be a romping good time as well as an intimate emotional connection between the couple.
Is it a struggle to go without sex? You bet. A very frustrating one. This is a classic example, however, of putting the Lord first and oneself second. Do what you know to be right by the Lord, and He will make sure that any sacrifices are worth it.
I don't mean to be too personal, but you sound like you're recovering emotionally from a breakup and you're feeling cautious about relationships. Don't let this cloud your judgement. While sexual attraction is natural, that doesn't excuse us from God's laws. God wants us to channel that energy in a very specific environment: within the bounds of matrimony.
As far as women go, yes many are becoming very sexually aggressive. Be very, very cautious of sexually aggressive people. Save yourself for a woman who can/will also strive to keep God's laws regarding virtue and you will find yourself a much happier man in the long run.
If a woman expresses sexual interest, politely but directly ask her to save it for the proper environment. If she refuses/rejects you for that, she isn't the woman you want. Move on and find someone better.
In all these struggles, ask the Lord to help you and guide you.
With regards to virtue, take the Bible very literally. I don't recall Jesus, prophets, or the apostles being vague at all about the subject. They were absolutely serious on the matter and exceptionally literal.
Edited to add:
txwxgirl, I'm not trying to single you out. I just take God's laws seriously, especially regarding virtue.
So you had a very bad experience with the former wife whom you met in church? You are still a whole lot more likely to meet a quality lady in a house of worship than about any place else.
Have you talked with your pastor about this desire to meet a suitable lady?
I am wondering if your pastor could direct you in getting involved with volunteer projects and Bible study, musical, or discussion groups etc held at "sister churches" of your denomination in your area, so that you can meet a wider variety of women.
I know what you're saying, I almost posted something like this before but along a different lines. Probably the biggest stumbling block to me actually living for God is lust or sexual sins online.
I don't frequent porn sites or anything but the maxim types girls and sites are another thing. or simply movies and the sexual temptations this world has.
The biggest difficulty is not from a perverted sense but the fact that sexual desires can be like a drug that makes you toss and turn at nights, sometimes I feel like climbing the wall.
Sometimes there's even anger that you have this natural desire and there's nothing you can really do about it morally. I know the Bible says deny yourself and as much as I do or have in ways again the point being this is a natural desire that can be like a drug.
I consider my dogs and cats my family and to be honest I can't ever invision myself married and I enjoy being single from the free aspects.
But being single can mean being lonely at times, and even more it can be really difficult to go through difficult and trying times by yourself with noone to talk to, a lot of emotions get built up inside that would be better off let out.
And sometimes the low time even brings about doubt if God is there.
Anyhow, if you've ever browsed dating sites you see that there's a "lot" of lonely people everywhere and sometimes browsing those sites just makes me feel better, or like I haven't been "singled" out, no pun intended, by god to be by myself, and it makes me just say a prayer for all of them and appreciate all the blessings and family I do have.
So that's not really an answer but, you're not alone in these temptations or in lonliness.
I've been single for almost 20 years, haven't had a date in almost 10 years, ect., and haven't had sex since I was 19, and I'm 40 now. That was the only time I have and to be honest though I wish I hadn't then.
I don't really pray to God for any relationships along these lines, haven't for years anyway, but these things can present problems with faith and living right.
All the people with girlfirends or married should count your blessings in these regards.
God bless you through these times though. Don't have the answers but hope it works out for you.
I am a 19 year old guy who has never been married or had sex, but I know what your talking about being single and lonely and the desire for intimacy.
Back when the Bible was written men were going through puberty later and getting married earlier, and divorce was a rarity. Todays society is alot different, and it makes it very hand to be a pure christian man when impurity is literally a click away. But the word of God does not change, and that means we have to be strong. Remember the right thing is usually never the easy thing. It would be easy to find a loose woman and be satisfied for a season, but more pain will come in the end. Remember, Gods grace is sufficent, and its ok if you mess up 1000 times, and long as you always come back to God with a sincere heart of repentantce, and a desire to change.
Practicality wise use this as a time to grow closer to God. When you start to feel lonely pick up your bible and start to read, or go for a walk and have a "talk" with God. You will be amased at how much better you feel.
Remeber one of the most important qualities God values and patience, dont settle for anything less than whats perfect for you. There still are good women out there, they are just getting a little bit harder to find.
Sorry if I rambled.
Yup, just go do it! The best thing about being 35+ is that women want sex as much as you do...
A reminder to everyone including myself:
Do not be burdened by the guilt of your lust but constantly flee to the cross for forgiveness. And know that God is more ready to forgive for Jesus' sake than we are to ask.
I find that while I am guilty of breaking all of God's commandments, I am most aware and most ashamed of lust. Several of you have correctly discerned between lust (desire for what God has forbidden, namely, sex apart from God's terms for it), and sexual drive/desire (a God given part of our humanity, who made us male and female).
I will pray for you as I pray for myself that you may find a God fearing woman who will be a blessing to you and that you will be a blessing to her and that in the mean time He will strengthen your faith and resolve to obey Him.
"The God of peace shall bruise Satan under your feet shortly." Rom. 16:20
"[Ye] are kept by the power of God through faith unto salvation." 1 Peter 1:5
"Make me to go in the path of Thy commandments: for therein do I delight." Ps. 119:35
"He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strength is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Rom. 8:28
"He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?" Rom. 8:32
thank you for that