This thing is full of funny military-oriented humor and truisms.
I think you can still get it from amazon..."Your Other Left! Punch lines from the front lines", ISBN 0451212126, by Michael Hirsh.
post more, please.
Back in '93 while UDP in Iwakuni, Japan, we had a pilot land with his gear up. He didn't end up in a mass wreck, but needless to say the aircraft was beyond repair. How he did it without actually crashing is beyond my comprehension. He got transfered right after we got back to the states.
And no, I'm not kidding.....
Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Autoland not installed on this aircraft.
Problem Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
Solution Almost replaced left inside main tire.
Problem Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.
Solution Evidence removed.
Problem IFF inoperative.
Solution IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
Problem Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution That's what they're there for.
Problem Number three engine missing.
Solution Engine found on right wing after brief search.
Problem The autopilot doesn't.
Solution IT DOES NOW.
Problem Something loose in cockpit.
Solution Something tightened in cockpit.
Problem Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Solution Cannot reproduce Problem on ground.
Problem Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution Live bugs on order.
Problem DME volume unbelievably loud.
Solution Volume set to more believable level.
Problem #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.
Solution #2 Propeller seepage normal.
Problem #1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage.
Problem F/A's complain of numerous roaches in the galleys
Solution Roaches deplaned
Problem 3 roaches in galley.
Solution 1 roach killed, 1 wounded, 1 got away.
Problem Mouse in radio stack.
Solution Cat installed in radio stack.
Problem Weather radar went ape-%@#&!
Solution Opened radome, let out ape, cleaned up %@#&!
Problem Turn & slip indicator ball stuck in center during turns.
Solution Congratulations. You just made your first coordinated turn!
Problem Whining sound heard on engine shutdown.
Solution Pilot removed from aircraft.
Problem Pilot's clock inoperative.
Solution Wound clock.
Problem Autopilot drops a wing when fuel imbalance reaches 500 pounds.
Solution Flight manual limits maximum fuel imbalance to 300 pounds.
Problem #2 ADF needle runs wild.
Solution Caught and tamed #2 ADF needle.
Problem Lower Rotating Beacon half-full of water.
Solution Lower Rotating Beacon topped off.
Problem Approximately 2 each wires in bundle burned.
Solution Removed and replaced between 1 and 3 wires.
Problem No 2 engine oil overserviced.
Solution No 2 engine oil under-overserviced.
Problem Aircraft handles funny.
Solution Aircraft warned to straighten up, "fly right" and be serious!!.
Problem Target Radar hums.
Solution Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.
Same thing happened in the summer of 84. An A 4 jock from 211 IIRC. He was doing touch and goes and on one appraoch, apparently he ignored the gigantic orange and white "WHEELS" sign. He sat it down right on the wing tanks. The only real dmage other than the tanks was the underside of the nose.
A few weeks later as they trans Pac'd back to El Toro, one of them took fuel down the intake during an in flight re fuel. The plane was lost but the pilot was picked up by a Japanese fishing boat. They had a run of bad luck their last month.
Real write-ups in logbooks:
Pilot write-up: Suspected bird strike on canopy.
Me: Checked, found suspected bird guts on canopy and rotor. Cleaned suspected guts and inspected canopy and rotor.
The next one was by a pilot that had his head up his anal orifice all the time and was a real assho** to his maintenance people.
Pilot write-up: 20mm shoots 3 feet to the right at 1000 meters.
My corrective action: Aim 20mm 3 feet to left of 1000 meter target.
Col White agreed pilot was asshat but still chewed on me for that one! It was worth it.
There's a video around somewhere of a Flanker which landed gear-up. From the Russian Knights air display team. After it stopped, they craned it up, lowered the gear, set the aircraft down, and it flew home.