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Posted: 10/6/2005 5:11:57 PM EDT
I have been spending too much time on ARFCOM so I am going to take a hiatus.  I had this thread saved up for a rainy day and I suppose it is a good bang to go out on.  It is kind of long but trust me, it is worth your time to read.

Okay.  This occured a couple of months ago.  It has taken that long to admit that it actually happened.

If anyone remembers the couch tossing thread from this summer - the following conversation happened immediately later in the day.  I must preface this by saying that I went on one date with this girl at the beginning of the summer but I have been friends with her since then (she has bad taste - and my other girlfriend leaves me too fatigued).

To recap: my female friend asked me to help her move out of her apartment complex.  We had some difficulties moving her couch, decided to get drunk at 11AM and ended up throwing the sucker over her balcony.  In this giddy and somewhat inebriated state we headed to Steak n' Shake to get some food to soak up the alcohol.

While we were there I brought up the fact that I was considering buying a single action revolver but that I could not really convince myself it was necessary.  My friend (let's call her Lucy since that is nothing near her real name) took interest when I started describing the model I wanted.  Ruger Super Blackhawk, stainless steel finish, .44 Magnum with the 7 and 1/2 inch barrel.

"Ooooh.  7 and a half inch barrel.  I like that!"
"Really?  So you would like to shoot it if I got it?"
"Yeah.  Actually I would do a lot more than shoot it."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, 7 and a half inches!  I wouldn't mind a having a little fun with that."
(slowly grasping what she is talking about) "OH MY GOD!"
"What?  What?  What's so wrong about that?  I mean, it's long and hard and steel . . . "
"OH MY GOD . . . wait!  Isn't the girth a little small?  I thought girth was more important?"
"Not for me.  I love length."
"You're going to hell for thinking that.  You wouldn't do it with the pistol loaded would you?"
"Oh no, that's not what I meant."
"You're going to hell anyway."

I left for Athens a few hours later and arrived in the evening.  When I got up in the morning I went to the gunstore and bought a Ruger Super Blackhawk, stainless steel finish, .44 Magnum with a 7.5" barrel.

I called Lucy and left a message on her phone the next day.  "Hey Lucy it's Roland.  I just want to let you know that I bought you a dildo."  This was in jest.

She calls back the next day somewhat miffed.  "What do you mean you bought me a dildo?"  I told her about buying the revolver and how pretty it was.  She told me that I was going to hell.

We bantered back and forth on the topic for a few more days and phone conversations.  Then she called one day and said that her parents were going to be out of town for a few days and she wanted to know if she could borrow my revolver.  I told her she was going to hell.  She repeated the request and implied that she was serious.

The next time I saw her (we were going to a Braves game - a very hot redhead but also a fun girl) I gave her the revolver.  And a boresnake with Hoppes and patches, along with instructions how to disassemble the gun and clean it thoroughly.  

About two weeks later she returned the gun to me with the gun clean and the cylinder out of the frame.  She could not reassemble it.

"Here it is.  I couldn't get the cylinder back in."
"So you DID go to hell!"
"I'm not saying.  I'm not ever going to tell you whether I did or not.  I'll just let you wonder."
"It appears clean . . . "
"Because I cleaned it."
". . . but I wouldn't put it past you to clean it and partially disassemble it just to make me THINK that you had actually gone to hell."
"Exactly.  So you will never really know."

I took the gun out for dry firing a few days later.  As I was working on my sight picture I noticed something funny.  The front sight seemed discolored.  When I examined it closely I saw that the serrations in the front sight were partially filled with some sort of . . . residue.  It had not been there before I had lent the revolver.  

Caught red-handed!  Or something like that.

I called her.   "Hi Lucy, it's Roland, just calling to tell you that I know for a fact that you went to hell.  And I am not going to tell you how I know."

And so memories fade into oblivion and I continue to tell myself that none of that happened.  I never told my best friend this story until today.  Lucy has told no one.  As she said, she felt really dirty after she did it.  But a good kind of dirty.  But that she wouldn't do it again because she would feel dirtier for it.  But a good kind of dirtier.

Why do I bring this up several months later?  Well folks, here's your punchline and your sigline.  Keep in mind that this has not been discussed by Lucy since it transpired.  I was talking with her last night about selling my XBOX and buying some holsters with the money.  I told her about how I have multiple holsters for many of my guns but that I need to save up and get at least one good rig for my revolver.  

"But you do have a holster for your revolver!"
"No I don't.  What are you talking about?"
"Well, your revolver had a holster . . . for a little while."

Thank you and good night.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:15:12 PM EDT
lol...wow.  wtf?    
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:16:29 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:16:48 PM EDT
This guys life really is a sit com!

Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:16:50 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:17:46 PM EDT
Wow, if it came from anywhere but Athens, I'd call you a damn liar.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:18:24 PM EDT
After all that, the only question I have is...

Did you buy it at Franklin's?
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:18:59 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 10/6/2005 5:19:30 PM EDT by Alien]

Masturbation with a gun?  

Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:19:47 PM EDT
this has to be one of the weiridst things i can recall reading.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:20:27 PM EDT
You lose man points for not spraying your winky silver and installing a front site on it.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:21:23 PM EDT
that's uhh...kind of disgusting...and I thought I was a freak for trying the "stealth move" on my girlfriend (after she screamed at and berated me of course).
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:21:47 PM EDT
At least it wasen't the "guys who live upstairs" using it for a sex toy....
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:22:45 PM EDT
"This on time at gun camp.."
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:24:28 PM EDT
Lucy Freeholie, I got a pis-tol she can put in her holster anytime, chick I know named it bigfoot.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:25:04 PM EDT
Shouldn't all your firearms be baptized?
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:26:39 PM EDT
I can believe that....
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:27:55 PM EDT

Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:29:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By KA3B:
At least it wasen't the "guys who live upstairs" using it for a sex toy....

Do we know for a fact that he didn't?  "residue" could be many things...he may have rode that wheelgun like Roy Roger's on "Trigger".
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:30:46 PM EDT
Sounds like fun, get a double barrel 10 gauge. She would love that
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:47:10 PM EDT

Once again THIS THREAD IS USELESS WITHOUT PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:54:43 PM EDT

Originally Posted By torstin:
this has to be one of the weiridst things i can recall reading.


Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:55:51 PM EDT

Originally Posted By MrMurphy:

Once again THIS THREAD IS USELESS WITHOUT PICS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


btw, I was never here
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 5:59:27 PM EDT
... "this one time at band camp"
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:04:20 PM EDT
Just damn.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:04:35 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Alien:

Masturbation with a gun?  

I remember reading an article several years back on salon.com that covered that very subject. Seemed to be a group of lezes that were into that...
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:05:12 PM EDT
Does that help prevent Rust ????
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:09:15 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:11:36 PM EDT
Strangest thread ever, next to the gourami.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:16:28 PM EDT
This is so fucked up it has to be true... SHE IS A WINNER!!!!
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:33:43 PM EDT
This makes me wonder..................  

Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:37:10 PM EDT
20-25 pages...
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:41:33 PM EDT

I'm going to shower.

I feel dirty after reading that.

Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:45:16 PM EDT
you didn't try to get in on the action
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:45:22 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Winston_Wolf:
... "this one time at band gun camp"

Fixed it for you, Winston!  
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:51:10 PM EDT

Originally Posted By zipper:
Does that help prevent Rust ????

Hmmmm!  Comparative analysis, "Maiden Oil" vs. FP10 as a lubricant!
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:51:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By mjrowley:
20-25 pages...

Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:53:35 PM EDT
This seems so unhealthy on SO many levels....
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:54:38 PM EDT

I'm not sure yet if that's a good wow or a bad wow.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 6:55:05 PM EDT
If you are not married and didnt hit that your Sir are worthless
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:02:47 PM EDT
Tag, gotta see how far this one will go.

Ill never look at a girl the same way again.  When one bends over I can just imagine thinking to myself what size uncle mikes holster she is equivalent to.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:13:33 PM EDT
I am so dissapointed to be saying this, but THIS THREAT IS WORTHLESS WITHOUT PICS!!!

At least give us something to help us get a better mental image!!!

Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:16:27 PM EDT
You did the first half of the arfcom reply (well sort of) now post pics!
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:19:38 PM EDT
All I can say is, I'm not surprised.

I knew a girl named Michelle that was just as dirty.

Ah Michelle, where did you go off to...
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:20:54 PM EDT
mother of god.. I've heard of some twisted things being used, but dayum....
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:24:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:24:39 PM EDT
I'm going to hell for reading this.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:29:24 PM EDT

Lots of detail though
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:31:45 PM EDT
The only problem I can see with this is the fact of the front sight.  Not only the serrations, but the sight itself would cause lacerations to the inside and that would most definitely not be pleasureable.  If not for that, I could believe it.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:37:49 PM EDT
Can't wait for the photoshop.  I think you may have found a wierd new fetish here.
Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:47:23 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Dave15:
You lose man points for not spraying your winky silver and installing a front site on it.

Link Posted: 10/6/2005 7:54:37 PM EDT
the only gun I need to holster is the one sittin between my legs.

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