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Posted: 6/8/2009 4:57:23 PM EST
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,and are things people actually said in court, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place... Some peoples kids!

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
you
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do..
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I
get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed
on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?
WITNESS: Oral..
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, I suppose it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 4:58:31 PM EST
Why?

- Clint
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 5:01:38 PM EST
[Last Edit: 6/8/2009 6:10:55 PM EST by blackeye]
Some of that stuff is pretty funny.

Link Posted: 6/8/2009 5:22:59 PM EST
very nice - i'll bet there are a lot more of these i guess i will have to use the force (google) and find some more
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 5:25:34 PM EST
Lol

I too have been privy to some DUMB lawyer questions.

But, as they told me, they have to be repetitive to get the information correct.

Meh
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 5:26:05 PM EST
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, I suppose it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.



Now that there is funny!!!
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 5:26:41 PM EST
I couldn't do it, I'd be laughing my arse off.
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 5:59:13 PM EST
Seen these before, but these are all still pretty damn funny!
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:08:40 PM EST
awesome
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:11:01 PM EST
I might as well start it



I'll just leave this deer

Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:17:47 PM EST
[Last Edit: 6/8/2009 6:18:09 PM EST by kaizer27]
I'll just leave this beer



...and away we go fools!
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:22:02 PM EST
I'll just leave this MIR

Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:22:37 PM EST
I'll just leave this rear...

Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:27:30 PM EST
[Last Edit: 6/8/2009 6:30:07 PM EST by zaskar017]
i'll just leave this pier


Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:31:18 PM EST
My all time favorite threads on arfcom!!!
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:34:17 PM EST
I'll just leave this queer..

Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:36:06 PM EST
[Last Edit: 6/8/2009 6:40:43 PM EST by matthelimech]
oops
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:40:32 PM EST
I'll just leave this fear.

Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:41:37 PM EST
[Last Edit: 6/8/2009 6:42:37 PM EST by Bushylover]
I'll just leave this Speer (used to eliminate "fear" )


Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:46:26 PM EST
[Last Edit: 6/8/2009 6:46:41 PM EST by Chris_C]
Originally Posted By Beamy:
I'll just leave this MIR

http://esamultimedia.esa.int/images/mir-2-low.jpg


No, no..just leave this Mir:

Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:47:54 PM EST
There was something a while back very similar to this but it was pilots/tower, pilots/crew. Does anyone have know what I'm talking about? Please post it if you do.
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:48:41 PM EST
i'll just leave this tear

Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:48:59 PM EST
Originally Posted By basp2005:
There was something a while back very similar to this but it was pilots/tower, pilots/crew. Does anyone have know what I'm talking about? Please post it if you do.


Most of them are fake...
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:49:33 PM EST
I'll just leave this sneer

Link Posted: 6/8/2009 6:56:11 PM EST
[Last Edit: 6/8/2009 6:57:19 PM EST by Chris_C]
NVM..you all can do it...think.
Link Posted: 6/8/2009 7:10:16 PM EST
I'll just leave this Samir

Link Posted: 6/9/2009 7:16:13 AM EST
I'll just leave this steer... here...

Link Posted: 6/9/2009 7:19:06 AM EST
I'll just leave this gear...


DOH!
Link Posted: 6/9/2009 7:21:11 AM EST
Voodoo one was great.
Link Posted: 6/14/2009 5:04:48 AM EST
i'll just leave this spear

Link Posted: 6/14/2009 5:10:33 AM EST
I'll just leave this leer...


Link Posted: 6/14/2009 5:40:48 AM EST
[Last Edit: 6/14/2009 5:41:36 AM EST by MichiganMafia]
I'll just leave this Lear

Link Posted: 6/14/2009 5:47:16 AM EST
I'll just leave this bier.

Link Posted: 6/14/2009 5:51:02 AM EST
I'll just leave this FLIR...
Link Posted: 6/14/2009 5:53:06 AM EST
I'll just leave this cheer

Link Posted: 6/14/2009 6:24:30 AM EST
I'll just leave this ear.
Link Posted: 6/14/2009 6:25:22 AM EST
I totally thought this was going to be a thread about fucking on a school bus.
Link Posted: 6/14/2009 6:26:20 AM EST
Hey the OP is the liar who is screwing that guys wife who is also a bus driver.

Someone put up a link...
Link Posted: 6/14/2009 6:28:39 AM EST
Originally Posted By sporter:
Hey the OP is the liar who is screwing that guys wife who is also a bus driver.

Someone put up a link...


Link Posted: 6/14/2009 6:30:10 AM EST
[Last Edit: 6/14/2009 6:34:24 AM EST by www-glock19-com]
Ill just leave this sear
Link Posted: 6/14/2009 6:35:23 AM EST
Originally Posted By adalon:
Originally Posted By sporter:
Hey the OP is the liar who is screwing that guys wife who is also a bus driver.

Someone put up a link...


http://a292.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/113/l_cf051e9f1c8af2100169ad76214d2e1b.jpg


http://www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=886337
Link Posted: 6/14/2009 6:37:05 AM EST
I'll just leave this Weir

Link Posted: 6/14/2009 6:38:39 AM EST
OP,

You need to have some decency about you and slink off somewhere.
Link Posted: 6/14/2009 6:49:28 AM EST
Originally Posted By sporter:
Originally Posted By adalon:
Originally Posted By sporter:
Hey the OP is the liar who is screwing that guys wife who is also a bus driver.

Someone put up a link...


http://a292.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/images01/113/l_cf051e9f1c8af2100169ad76214d2e1b.jpg


http://www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=886337


Link Posted: 6/14/2009 6:53:03 AM EST
I'll just leave this veer

Link Posted: 6/14/2009 7:15:30 AM EST
I'll just leave this ear

Link Posted: 6/14/2009 7:32:35 AM EST
I'll just leave this Fleer.

Link Posted: 6/14/2009 7:45:21 AM EST
The OP is not really a pilot. Just an adulterer who wishes he was a pilot.

Rot in hell.
Link Posted: 6/14/2009 7:49:59 AM EST
Originally Posted By Primos:
The OP is not really a pilot. Just an adulterer who wishes he was a pilot.

Rot in hell.


Link Posted: 6/14/2009 7:55:43 AM EST
[Last Edit: 6/14/2009 7:56:08 AM EST by Primos]
Originally Posted By LE6920:
Originally Posted By Primos:
The OP is not really a pilot. Just an adulterer who wishes he was a pilot.

Rot in hell.




Check out his other threads about his lady friend who's married and twice his age. He's a piece of shit. And not a pilot or anything close to it. Probably just a flight sim wannabe.
Link Posted: 6/14/2009 7:59:02 AM EST
you should leave this year
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