These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts,and are things people actually said in court, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place... Some peoples kids!  

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something
you
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do..
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in
his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I
get a new attorney?
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed
on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did
you go to?
WITNESS: Oral..
_________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, I suppose it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.

Why?

- Clint

Some of that stuff is pretty funny.

very nice - i'll bet there are a lot more of these i guess i will have to use the force (google) and find some more

Lol

I too have been privy to some DUMB lawyer questions.

But, as they told me, they have to be repetitive to get the information correct.

Meh

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive
when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,
nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, I suppose it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.



Now that there is funny!!!

I couldn't do it, I'd be laughing my arse off.

Seen these before, but these are all still pretty damn funny!

awesome

I might as well start it
I'll just leave this deer

I'll just leave this beer




...and away we go fools!



 

I'll just leave this MIR

I'll just leave this rear...

i'll just leave this pier




 

My all time favorite threads on arfcom!!!

I'll just leave this queer..

oops

I'll just leave this fear.

I'll just leave this Speer (used to eliminate "fear"
)



 

No, no..just leave this Mir:

There was something a while back very similar to this but it was pilots/tower, pilots/crew.  Does anyone have know what I'm talking about?  Please post it if you do.

i'll just leave this tear

Most of them are fake...

I'll just leave this sneer

NVM..you all can do it...think.

I'll just leave this Samir

I'll just leave this steer... here...

I'll just leave this gear...


DOH!

Voodoo one was great.

i'll just leave this spear

I'll just leave this leer...

I'll just leave this Lear


 

I'll just leave this bier.

I'll just leave this FLIR...

I'll just leave this cheer

I'll just leave this ear.

I totally thought this was going to be a thread about fucking on a school bus.

Hey the OP is the liar who is screwing that guys wife who is also a bus driver.

Someone put up a link...

Ill just leave this sear

http://www.ar15.com/forums/topic.html?b=1&f=5&t=886337

I'll just leave this Weir

OP,



You need to have some decency about you and slink off somewhere.  

I'll just leave this veer

I'll just leave this ear

I'll just leave this Fleer.

The OP is not really a pilot.  Just an adulterer who wishes he was a pilot.

Rot in hell.

Check out his other threads about his lady friend who's married and twice his age.  He's a piece of shit.  And not a pilot or anything close to it. Probably just a flight sim wannabe.

you should leave this year