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Posted: 1/10/2006 8:12:37 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 8:14:58 AM EDT by Searcherfortruth]
My ex has to start paying child support in 6 months. She hasn't paid a dime since she left me almost 2 yrs ago now.

I don't have to drive for visitation, another point she was fighting for. That means on her visit weekends she will have to drive nearly 800 mile for pickups, & drop offs.

She had filled a counter suite against me trying to have me put in jail for contempt of court since I denied her the court decreed visitation for almost a years. I did so because she got remarried to a shaddy guy & wouldn't even tell me his real name so I could do a background check & make sure my son would be in a safe envrionment when with the ex. That & her abbusive mother had moved in with them.

The judge told her she couldn't prove it so no dice. I won't be going to jail

After court she tried to apoligize to me for all the hurt she had caused me, & I basicaly told her to stuff her apoligy. She stood infront of the court & told all her same old b.s. lies, & I was sick of them & her.

She countered with, well were both still Christians, & I said in a semi raised voice as I started to walk away, then stop lying!

I felt/feel so good today knowing court is finally done, & I got 99% of what I wanted.

I don't expect she'll be making many of those 800 mile weekend drives eithe. Just the gass cost is going to hurt her.

If this post makes me look like an ass, then so be it. If you judge me for my feeling the way I do, you have probably never gone through what I have. Have a good day anyways.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:16:27 AM EDT
Unfortunately its the kids that will pay. They also have to be in the car with her for 800 miles.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:18:09 AM EDT
Hopefully this will provide you with some closure on this difficult matter. Congrats
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:19:20 AM EDT
Congrats on your victory! If I had the extra funds to go after my kids I would in a heart beat. Not so much the child support thing, I know I could do a better job in raising my 3 kids. My ex does not put their best interest first and she uses them to her advantage and mak herself look good. I have one kid struggling in school because he does not get the parental help from his mom and step dad as sports are more important than school. It really pisses me off and that's just the tip of the ice berg with my ex and her stupidity.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:19:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 8:20:49 AM EDT by Searcherfortruth]

Originally Posted By ARDOC:
Unfortunately its the kids that will pay. They also have to be in the car with her for 800 miles.



My son, who is 8, will get tired of the driving pretty quickly. My lawyer told me yesterday, that it's not my responsability to make him go with her, just to tell him he is supposed to. That means if he really doesn't want to go, she will have to drag him kicking & screaming to the car.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:23:22 AM EDT
I'm glad things worked out for you.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:28:19 AM EDT
There are no winners in your situation, but congratulations for your victory.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:28:51 AM EDT
Congrats!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:29:55 AM EDT
Thank you all!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:30:15 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:30:19 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 8:31:12 AM EDT by Kharn]

I don't have to drive for visitation, another point she was fighting for. That means on her visit weekends she will have to drive nearly 800 mile for pickups, & drop offs.
pWn3d.

Am I understanding it right that its 200 miles each way, or is it longer?

Kharn
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:32:37 AM EDT
Good to hear someojne isn't getting screwed over by women.

Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:33:19 AM EDT
Damn I almost NEVER hear of fathers NOT getting the screw job from the custody courts.

Excellent!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:33:44 AM EDT
Good work!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:33:55 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BlammO:
There are no winners in your situation, but congratulations for your victory.



Generally, I agree with that sentiment. The children always come out losing a parent. But I have been following SFT's dilema for awhile and I think he did what he needed to do for the good of his son.

SFT I applaud your dedication as a father. I am glad it worked out the way you wanted.

Take care and stay safe.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:38:50 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BlammO:
There are no winners in your situation



Well said.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:39:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By bulldog1967:
Damn I almost NEVER hear of fathers NOT getting the screw job from the custody courts.

Excellent!





+1
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:40:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ARDOC:
Unfortunately its the kids that will pay.



Usually is
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:41:24 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 8:41:57 AM EDT by Searcherfortruth]

Originally Posted By Kharn:

I don't have to drive for visitation, another point she was fighting for. That means on her visit weekends she will have to drive nearly 800 mile for pickups, & drop offs.
pWn3d.

Am I understanding it right that its 200 miles each way, or is it longer?

Kharn

.

I think she said 190 each way so it will be close to 800 per dbl round trip for her.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:42:34 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BlammO:
There are no winners in your situation, but congratulations for your victory.




Sad but true......I hope things stay as civil as possiable for the kids sake.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:44:00 AM EDT
You may have won but your son is the real victim here.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:46:52 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:47:18 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/10/2006 8:47:26 AM EDT by CSM]
Happy to see you got this victory. In celebration, you need to take your son shooting!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:50:19 AM EDT

Originally Posted By XDBACKUPGUN:
You may have won but your son is the real victim here.



Your not telling me anything I didn't already know.

It was not, however my choice. I had planned to never be a divorced person in my life. It didn't work out that way, because I refused to stay married to a woman who was living with a different man 180 miles away. I also would never give my son up. I would fight to the death to protect/raise my child.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:51:10 AM EDT
SFTT, congrats. And it is winning for the kids if you can provide a better more stable home for them. Stability is extremely important for kids. And sometimes if the other household is an improper invironment. then it's better if it is not gone to by the children.

You do it for spite, you are wrong. You do it because it the correct thing for the kids and I have no problem with it, because I have the same situation myself as far as the ex being a poor role model and unstable. [she does not see him because it's HER choice, we live in the same area.]
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:51:29 AM EDT
Congrats! It's so good to hear about a male getting the upper hand for a change.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:52:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:

Originally Posted By XDBACKUPGUN:
You may have won but your son is the real victim here.



Your not telling me anything I didn't already know.

It was not, however my choice. I had planned to never be a divorced person in my life. It didn't work out that way, because I refused to stay married to a woman who was living with a different man 180 miles away. I also would never give my son up. I would fight to the death to protect/raise my child.



gotta respect that
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:53:40 AM EDT

Originally Posted By XDBACKUPGUN:
You may have won but your son is the real victim here.



Absolutely not. At least not in the sense of the level of victim he'd have become if 'mom' had gotten custody.

www.fathermag.com/news/Case_for_Father_Custody.pdf
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:54:01 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Hokie:

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:

Originally Posted By XDBACKUPGUN:
You may have won but your son is the real victim here.



Your not telling me anything I didn't already know.

It was not, however my choice. I had planned to never be a divorced person in my life. It didn't work out that way, because I refused to stay married to a woman who was living with a different man 180 miles away. I also would never give my son up. I would fight to the death to protect/raise my child.



gotta respect that



Kick ass man!!! I had my boy for the last 6 years
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:54:51 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Hokie:

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:

Originally Posted By XDBACKUPGUN:
You may have won but your son is the real victim here.



Your not telling me anything I didn't already know.

It was not, however my choice. I had planned to never be a divorced person in my life. It didn't work out that way, because I refused to stay married to a woman who was living with a different man 180 miles away. I also would never give my son up. I would fight to the death to protect/raise my child.



gotta respect that


True.........I am not judging you by any means.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 8:56:50 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:

Originally Posted By ARDOC:
Unfortunately its the kids that will pay. They also have to be in the car with her for 800 miles.



My son, who is 8, will get tired of the driving pretty quickly. My lawyer told me yesterday, that it's not my responsability to make him go with her, just to tell him he is supposed to. That means if he really doesn't want to go, she will have to drag him kicking & screaming to the car.



Just curious about how this legally works.... if he decides that he really doesn't want to go with her, and you tell him that he's suppose to go (wink, wink; to your son only) in front of her, and she tries to drag him to the car; does he have to go? If she calls the law to witness or file a report and your son says that he doesn't want to go, does he have togo with her? Best of luck to you and yours.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:00:18 AM EDT

Originally Posted By XDBACKUPGUN:
You may have won but your son is the real victim here.

Why is everyone a victim Do the best you can with what you have or your a victim of your own stupidity. Good one for you SearchforTruth!!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:09:17 AM EDT

Originally Posted By mags:

Originally Posted By XDBACKUPGUN:
You may have won but your son is the real victim here.

Why is everyone a victim Do the best you can with what you have or your a victim of your own stupidity. Good one for you SearchforTruth!!



Uhhhh, his son had absolutely no control of any aspect of the situation. The little boy certainly is not a victim of his own "stupidity", but the actions of others. Even though the world is full of losers claiming to be victims, that is not the case here. Perhaps understanding the situation a bit prior to grandstanding would be helpful.

Duhhh.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:10:24 AM EDT
At least the 'good guy' wins once in awhile in these types of cases.

Congrats!

HH
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:15:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ARDOC:
Unfortunately its the kids that will pay. They also have to be in the car with her for 800 miles.



Doc,

I agree and disagree with you on this. I agree that if she shows up, the kids will be tortured for an 800 mile trip with her. I disagree that the kids will suffer otherwise. Searcher has demonstrated to the court that she is indeed unfit to be a parent to these kids. She is in an abusive relationship with an asshat with who she won't even give his real name. If anything, I think the kids will be much better off having on good solid loving parent than a mom who is a POS upsetting the apple cart everytime she shows her face.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:21:33 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BlammO:

Originally Posted By mags:

Originally Posted By XDBACKUPGUN:
You may have won but your son is the real victim here.

Why is everyone a victim Do the best you can with what you have or your a victim of your own stupidity. Good one for you SearchforTruth!!



Uhhhh, his son had absolutely no control of any aspect of the situation. The little boy certainly is not a victim of his own "stupidity", but the actions of others. Even though the world is full of losers claiming to be victims, that is not the case here. Perhaps understanding the situation a bit prior to grandstanding would be helpful.

Duhhh.



She got bored with me, & tired of our financial problems. She used the time I was at work to develope several male friendships unbeknownst to me until it was to late.

She packed up the house while I was working a 16 hr shift & when I got home the house was just a bunch of junk piles. I was in shock for about 3 days, & on the 4th day I prayed God would bring my son mack to me.

2hrs later he was back in my arms in what I would call a miricle of God. My dad & I bumped into her & her boyfriend at a restaurant & follwed them till they stopped. I then retrieved my son & was promptly stopped by the pd & almost arrested for kidnapping.

I have had my son since then. Aug 18th 2004. I have sole custody, & she has visitation rites. She never fought for him, or even asked me for any kind of custody.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:55:54 AM EDT
It has been a very interesting story to follow. Although it's terrible that these events took place, I'm glad things are working right for you. It really gives you an appreciation of your son and your situation, doesn't it?
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:32:43 AM EDT
This is great news SFT!

"What a long, strange trip it's been"

And in the end your son will be a better person because of it.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:37:43 AM EDT
I'm glad court went well for you.

I can't believe it's been two years!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:40:40 AM EDT
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:48:24 AM EDT

Originally Posted By bulldog1967:
Damn I almost NEVER hear of fathers NOT getting the screw job from the custody courts.

Excellent!



+1 congrats!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:49:58 PM EDT
SFT, I CANNOT believe that it has been 2 years! Iremember when this all just started. I cant believe she actually thought she was gonna get away with all of this!

Congrats bro!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 9:56:20 PM EDT
I am thrilled for you.
Yeah, for your son there is a net loss but it could have been far, far worse for both of you.



Wish I could be there to have one with you!
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:15:48 PM EDT
Good for you and your son.

Yes, it will be hard on him but it would be even harder if she would have won. This you know.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:32:18 PM EDT


Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:42:31 PM EDT
My hats off to you, Searcherfortruth That is what I would have done if I were in Your shoes. As someone said in this post "It is the child that pays" Sad but true, but now I am sure that Your child will at least have a decent upbringing judging by Your character.
Link Posted: 1/10/2006 10:52:22 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DrFrige:
SFT, I CANNOT believe that it has been 2 years! Iremember when this all just started. I cant believe she actually thought she was gonna get away with all of this!

Congrats bro!



+1
Link Posted: 1/11/2006 4:55:56 AM EDT
Thank you everyone, I couldn't be happier.

I guess the only thing the judge did I didn't like but I caused it. I had told my ex if she jerked me around with driving & a few other things I would move back to Wi, or even to Alaska, & she told the judge.

He siad I can't move out of the county without his permission. I don't think it would be hard to get though, as long as I could show I had a good reason for moving.

My ex sent my mom an e-mail last night saying she wouldn't be using any of her visitations in January, so it begians.

She didn't ask if she could see him after court on Minday, witch is typical od her past behavior. Even though she had to drive the 190 miles to be here for court, she never saked how he is doing, or gave me a message to give him. How sad for my son. How bad of her.

It actually won't be a full 2 yrs til Auf 14th. That's the day she left me, but I'm just 2.75 months from being divorced for a full yr.

Thanks again everyone for the kind thoughts, prayers, & other incouragments. Searcher for Truth

Link Posted: 1/11/2006 5:36:20 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:
Thank you everyone, I couldn't be happier.

I guess the only thing the judge did I didn't like but I caused it. I had told my ex if she jerked me around with driving & a few other things I would move back to Wi, or even to Alaska, & she told the judge.

He siad I can't move out of the county without his permission. I don't think it would be hard to get though, as long as I could show I had a good reason for moving.

My ex sent my mom an e-mail last night saying she wouldn't be using any of her visitations in January, so it begians.

She didn't ask if she could see him after court on Minday, witch is typical od her past behavior. Even though she had to drive the 190 miles to be here for court, she never saked how he is doing, or gave me a message to give him. How sad for my son. How bad of her.

It actually won't be a full 2 yrs til Auf 14th. That's the day she left me, but I'm just 2.75 months from being divorced for a full yr.

Thanks again everyone for the kind thoughts, prayers, & other incouragments. Searcher for Truth




On the plus side for your son... You have proven, beyond a doubt, that you love him more than anything and are willing to take great risk to ensure the two of you remain together. Too bad his mother didn't love him enough to do whatever it took to remain with him as well. (Like accepting boredom as a normal part of life and doing things more constructive to relieve boredom than screwing around.) It may take a while for him to realize that, depending on his maturity level. In the end though, he will realize how much his father loves him.

Kent
Link Posted: 1/11/2006 5:52:03 AM EDT
Who gives a crap what any of us has to say, think, or feel about your situation.

Remember, don't run the kid's mom down in front of your kid. She's still mom and will always be mom.

Be a bigger man. You still have to deal with her for at least 10 more years.(until kid is 18) Then maybe weddings, biths, and funerals.

Enjoy the relief, but try to get the kid back into a "normal situation" ASAP. You'll end up paying more for counseling than you would have in child support if you don't.
Link Posted: 1/11/2006 6:31:58 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 1/11/2006 6:37:00 AM EDT by u-baddog]
Searcherfortruth I drink from the cup of victory in your honor.

1. Keep detail records of all payments both missed and recieved. Keep check numbers and dates. This will come in handy in 10 years when you bring her to court for back child support.
I was involved in a custody battle the father did not pay court ordered child support for 10 years for 3 kids. 75.00 a week x 10 years + 10 years of interest = he had sell his house or go to jail. The mother never hassled the dad for the money past the 1st year. After that she just kept detail records in accordance with the laws in her state (MA). She waited untill the last child was 18 than she hit the courts and sued the dad. 3 months later she was sitting on a 100K.

2. Make a plan on what to do when she doesnt return the child on time. You know its going happen she will be too tired for the long drive back and call you to come get him. Decide now what your reaction will be when she asks you to pick him up. Have contacts with her local law dogs if you need to enforce the court order.

Once again
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