I got laid off a month ago.

I called the unemployment office this morning to determine my check status because I had not been paid yet. (glad I am not dependent on it because it has taken a month to get my first check)
I got off the phone and was happy because I found out money was on the way.
My wife asked me if I was ok and I replied "Yeah I just want my money!"
She asked if I was having trouble with the bills.
I replied "No, I just ordered a bunch of homebrew stuff and gun stuff off the internet yesterday and I want the government to pay for it."
She smiled and said, "oh now you really do sound like you're unemployed"

Cool story bro.

For those who may have their panties in a bunch; Unemployment is very different than welfare, and I accepted a new job and start Monday, but I would have been a fool not to claim unemployment in case it took longer to find a job.

Good.  Every dollar of unemployment that goes to someone who doesn't need it is a dollar going to someone who probably spent a lifetime paying for it.

I have no problem helping people get back on their feet.

Well, it is part of the money you have been and will be continuing to pay. Congrats on the new job.

"heeeey! Where my chek?"

Me neither; my beef is with people that refuse to get off their duffs because "the .gov gives me free shit anbd stuff". I have been unemployed, so I know what is like to be beating the concrete to find a job; it ain't like that Thorougood song "Long as I get my money next Friday" kinda deal.

You know the rules, cowboy.