So my friend got clipped and was taking his test, then he told his recent one night stand the results.

Revenge for all the stomach dropping moments of the "i think I'm pregnant" calls/text

In!

NOT mine.
Just sayin

I had an airheaded ex call to say she thought she was pregnant.  Why?  She had a really light period.  

I had to explain to a 25 year old woman how I was sure she wasn't pregnant.  She went to her doctor to confirm.  facepalm.jpg

 
Tell her to call Maury...could be funny.

Doesn't it take quite a few ejaculations after the vasectomy before you start shooting blanks?

I got that call once.  me: "well tell the dad congrats" her friend for her: "that's you".  me: "well you better start calling some of the other guys she slept with too".  her: "you are the only one it could be".    me: "they need a lot of money, maybe you shouldn't have it".  her: "all they need is love".

Drama, drama, at the hospital, almost signed a birth certificate if she would have signed my hand written, non layer approve (nor would it have ever been) letter that just asked that she let me graduate before having to pay up. She wouldn't sign my BS doc so I didn't sign the birth certificate that could still be siphoning off money today.

She was a bit off and I knew she had some past threats on a daycare she worked at so told her if it was mine, I'd take it and they would give it to me with here past.  She got scarred and wanted to get a lawyer to keep that from happening.  I paid half, she paid half.  Layer did not come through.  Next she wanted a paternity test.  Sweating bullets for the next couple of weeks.  Day of results arrives.  99.99x~ percent chance I could not be the father.  Perma smile for a good while.  Wanted to call her and say a lot of things but never spoke to her again.  Only saw her once after that, working as a checkout girl at a grocery store.

Did learn a two bit lawyer that answers his residence door in his underwear will return you money, cash, for services not rendered after the fact, right on the spot.

Feel bad for the kid and the next guy that received her call.

the rabbit done died

Had an ex try to extort/scam me with the "im pregnant' bullshit around 2 months after I told her to get the fuck out.

She came over, acted like we needed to have a talk and said shes pregnant but she wanted to get an abortion since we're not together so my half would be $500. Went on about how she has a day scheduled, can I get the cash, etc.

She didn't know what to do when I looked at her and told her (knowing 100% she was full of shit or it was 10000% not mine) that I wanted to keep and raise the child.

Surprisingly enough, I never heard from that skank again.

Ah, unwanted pregnancy humor! Always a good time!!!

No idea. He was told to test quite some time after.

They did say it wasnt instantly effective and still not to trust it until after 2 tests. Testing a few weeks apart.

In my younger days I had a few scares but the worst happened just a few years ago. I was dating a 49 year old woman that missed several periods. The "change" was setting in and that was the first time she had missed, we both freaked a little bit over that.

My doc told me to wait 2 weeks before doing anything fun, then he pointed at my wife and said "then YOUR job is to punch his ticket at least 15 times before he comes in for the test at the 60 day mark.  And more is better."

I really liked that doctor.