I screwed with a solicitor without trying. I think I'm going to hell for it.

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[ARCHIVED THREAD] - I screwed with a solicitor without trying. I think I'm going to hell for it.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:29:17 PM EDT

I was mowing the lawn earlier today. I was using foam shooting ear plugs shoved into my ear canals deep, and safety glasses.

I noticed a guy walking towards my house. He was eying me, then the front door, then me, then the front door.

I stop and take a couple of steps towards him. I point towards my ear and say "I can't hear you".

I wasn't about to take the ear plugs out to talk to a solicitor. I was hoping he would just go away.

He points towards his ear and mouths something, but I literally can't hear shit with the ear plugs in, and the mower a couple feet from me.

I take a few steps closer, turn my head, and point towards the ear plug. I turn to face him, and say louder "I can't hear you".

He points to his ear and mouths something again. Now I'm getting pissed.

I see he is holding a stack of note card size papers. He hands me one. It was a combination of hand written and type. I hold it far enough away so I could read it, but it was gibberish.

He literally yanks it from my hand, turns it over and puts it back in my hand. I was holding it upside down. Oops.
If it wasn't a bad copy of a copy, and didn't have hand written shit on it, I probably could have figured it out faster.

It started out "Hi, my name is Steve and I'm deaf".

I'm pretty sure I turned red from embarrassment, but I couldn't help but chuckle because I had just made a scene about not being able to hear.

The guy grabbed it from my hand and left. Pissed.

I saw the word "donate". I'm not sure what else was on it.

I'm going to hell.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:32:15 PM EDT

[#1]

I literally dropped my beer because of my post. It's spilled all over the carpet. So you owe me half of a Modelo.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:35:56 PM EDT

[#2]

Don't feel bad OP, in fact fuck'em. Seems like he's racist against your hearing impairment. Damn racists.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:36:12 PM EDT

[#3]

Deaf people should be banned .

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:36:26 PM EDT

[#4]

That's funny. But in the grand scheme of things, he was probably just a solicitor .

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:38:16 PM EDT

[#5]

That's so fucked up, but so funny at the same damn time.

Bravo, OP.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:38:42 PM EDT

[#6]

Visualize............... two deaf guys yelling at each other on the front lawn.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:38:58 PM EDT

[#7]

I've done similar things...one time I was with my wife and I was pissed at these black ladies who were parking in the handicapped parking spot and nothing looked wrong with them and I voiced my opinion out loud so they could here me....then I saw that one of them was actually crippled and pulled out her walker contraption as I slowly drove by...

Yep I felt like a big douche. My wife slapped me

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:39:17 PM EDT

[#8]

Quote History

Quoted:
That's funny. But in the grand scheme of things, he was probably just a solicitor .

View Quote

Probably. I mean, he sounded like Chewbaca. But I thought it was just the ear plugs.

I suppose anyone can fake being hearing impaired.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:40:15 PM EDT

[#9]

that is possibly the funniest thing i've read in months.

needs a video though

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:42:07 PM EDT

[#10]

Lol

I'd have felt like a dick, but it's not like it was done on purpose.... Shit happends

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:43:12 PM EDT

[#11]

Dibs on OP's stuff.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:45:47 PM EDT

[#12]

I don't see where being deaf means you can't have a normal productive life... There is many a day I wish I couldn't hear the BS going on around me.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:47:00 PM EDT

[#13]

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:49:36 PM EDT

[#14]

I had one call me on the phone asking for donations to take the retarded kids to the Circus. I told him that he was a no good bastard and that those kids had a herd enough life without him trying to put them in a circus. He stuttered and sputtered as he tried to tell me that he wasn't going to put them in....I called him a heartless son of a bitch and hung up on him.

I was young. My only defense.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:49:43 PM EDT

[#15]

He probably wasn't really deaf you know.

I saw a cardboard sign beggar at an intersection the other day pacing around with a limp.
If your leg hurts so much you have to limp, you won't be pacing around aimlessly.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:52:05 PM EDT

[#16]

I was sanding a car in the driveway with a compressor running. I would stop and slap the sandpaper in my hand in a clapping motion to release the dry paint from the paper.
I looked up to see the trash guy saying something to me and looking very pissed. I couldn't hear him over the compressor and he kept on repeating himself so I walked out to see what he was going on about.

When I got close enough to hear him he was yelling "clap all you want I make a hundred dollars a day"

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:55:48 PM EDT

[#17]

I have had s deaf man hand me one of those little flowers with nothing but a note saying "I am deaf but but I will take no hand outs. I am looking for work and will do whatever odd job you need done for a fair wage. Whether or not you can help me out God bless you."

I paid him $20.00 to weed the flower beds. He did a good job too. Never saw him again though.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:58:23 PM EDT

[#18]

Had one slide up on mom right quick like and try that... I bellowed "BIG MISTAKE MOTHERFUCKER!" he jumped.
He tried to put that note card shit in my hand and I tore it up called him a faking ass motherfucker and he should run really fucking fast or I was going to cave his fucking skull in.

I had my mouth covered and he had no hearing devices but he hauled ass super fast knowing I was on to his bullshit.

Posted: 4/26/2014 5:59:50 PM EDT

[#19]

Quote History

Quoted:
I was sanding a car in the driveway with a compressor running. I would stop and slap the sandpaper in my hand in a clapping motion to release the dry paint from the paper.
I looked up to see the trash guy saying something to me and looking very pissed. I couldn't hear him over the compressor and he kept on repeating himself so I walked out to see what he was going on about.

When I got close enough to hear him he was yelling "clap all you want I make a hundred dollars a day"

View Quote

At 5 days week, that's $26,000/year.
He's living the dream.

Posted: 4/26/2014 6:02:30 PM EDT

[#20]

Lol. I giggled.

Posted: 4/26/2014 6:04:25 PM EDT

[#21]

Glad I've never done something so stupid!

Like the time I asked one of my employees when she was going to have her baby.....she says "He's in the car, I had him last month".

or when I asked a New Commit in the prison what he was smuggling in that fold of skin on his neck.....he says "It's a cancerous tumor, I have maybe 6 months to live".

Yup, I am a real smooth operator.....lots more........

Posted: 4/26/2014 6:06:07 PM EDT

[#22]

So when he was walking away you shut the mower off and yelled "HEY ASSHOLE"! Right?

I'll bet he would have at least flinched.

Posted: 4/26/2014 6:09:10 PM EDT

[#23]

Quoted:
I'm going to hell.

View Quote

Maybe but not from that! LOL

Screw those "please help me because I'm poor and spend all day walking around begging for money" assholes. I get them all the time at my business.

As if there aren't 87,000 social programs to help the needy and job programs for disabled people. I bet they make better money panhandling for their "disability" than they could working (probably drawing SSD too).

Posted: 4/26/2014 6:12:42 PM EDT

[#24]

classic

Posted: 4/26/2014 6:23:37 PM EDT

[#25]

Quote History

Quoted:
I had one call me on the phone asking for donations to take the retarded kids to the Circus. I told him that he was a no good bastard and that those kids had a herd enough life without him trying to put them in a circus. He stuttered and sputtered as he tried to tell me that he wasn't going to put them in....I called him a heartless son of a bitch and hung up on him.

I was young. My only defense.

View Quote

That sounds like a good Monty Python skit.

Posted: 4/26/2014 6:42:52 PM EDT

[#26]

was somewhere eating and a guy came in and handed out cards to everyone, then started to get upset when nobody handed him money. Finally somebody read the whole thing and figured out he was asking for donations. I think everyone handed them back, maybe 1 person gave him money.

Posted: 4/26/2014 8:44:42 PM EDT

[#27]

Quote History

Quoted:
Visualize............... two deaf guys yelling at each other on the front lawn.

View Quote

Posted: 4/26/2014 9:20:45 PM EDT

[#28]

Have a buddy that works for the city driving dump truck. This job is never popular when working a residential area. The workers can't get it done fast enough to suit the residents, but as my buddy notes - If you drive quickly you'll get complaints lobbied.

The one guy wrote in to complain and then actually flagged my buddy down in front of his house as he was pissed at the traffic and felt they needed to slow down.

The guy climbed up to the window and lights into my buddy for driving his dump truck to damn fast through the neighborhood. When he paused for a reply my buddy put on a hair - lip monotone sans enunciation. Grimacing convincingly and essentially yelling in the guy's face it went something like this:

Buddy: (Shouting for effect) "HUH!? Yu hav ta speek slower. Um def! (As he points to his ear) I CAN RED YOU LIPS!

Guy: "Oh. .. Um, pleeeeease.... (clasps hands in begging fashion) sloooow....(waves his hand toward ground) down... whiiile.... driiiving.... (makes motion of cranking on steering wheel) pasttt..... (waves arm up and down street in wild fashion) houssessss. ...(makes a triangular tip in the air over a square)

Buddy: Nah THAT SLO! I M DEF! NOT RETARD'D...

Guy: Oh.... (Repeats his request a little quicker and more fluidly)

Buddy: YAY! WE WORK GUD ON URE ROAD SIR! FINISH VARY SUN! DANK OOO FOR SUPPOOT!

Guy: OK! YOU... HAVE... GOOD. .. DAY. ... TOO!

At that my buddy continued as he normally would.

The guy came out later and flagged him down again. Climbs up to the window and hands him a Coke!

In his next complaint to the city he bitches the whole project out, but then says to my buddy's supervisor, "All except that deaf guy that drives one of the big Orange dump trucks.. He's a real hard worker. A nice guy. I'm not complaining about him. "

Supervisor: Who?

Guy: That big guy with the shaved head. "[Recalls my buddy by his name]"

Supervisor: Sonava!

(Later has a spirited discussion on the radio with my buddy)

Posted: 4/26/2014 9:25:29 PM EDT

[#29]

If people come to YOUR door for something, they have no right to complain about anything.

Posted: 4/26/2014 9:28:29 PM EDT

[#30]

Sounds like you need this guy on speed dial:

Posted: 4/26/2014 9:29:39 PM EDT

[#31]

Quote History

Quoted:
Sounds like you need this guy on speed dial:

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/12/11/article-2521843-1A063E2C00000578-16_634x529.jpg

View Quote

LOL!

Posted: 4/27/2014 3:37:55 AM EDT

[#32]

Quote History

Quoted:

I literally dropped my beer because of my post. It's spilled all over the carpet. So you owe me half of a Modelo.

View Quote

Very good beer, dark or regular ? And pretty funny story.

Posted: 4/27/2014 3:46:32 AM EDT

[#33]

This means "No, I'm not interested. Thanks." For future reference.

Posted: 4/27/2014 3:51:47 AM EDT

[#34]

Quote History

Quoted:
Visualize............... two deaf guys yelling at each other on the front lawn.

View Quote

Wonder how that sounds?

Saint Peter isn't letting me anywhere near that gate

Posted: 4/27/2014 3:53:54 AM EDT

[#35]

Quote History

Quoted:
Probably. I mean, he sounded like Chewbaca. But I thought it was just the ear plugs.
I suppose anyone can fake being hearing impaired.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:
Probably. I mean, he sounded like Chewbaca. But I thought it was just the ear plugs.
I suppose anyone can fake being hearing impaired.

Quoted:

This means "No, I'm not interested. Thanks." For future reference.
http://img.4plebs.org/boards/pol/image/1396/92/1396924692857.gif

jfc I'm in tears with that gif, the fucking tongue

Posted: 4/27/2014 4:06:35 AM EDT

[#36]

Don't ever give those deaf peddlers money. Most of those deaf panhandlers can work, they just make more money begging so they do that. Some others are being exploited by human trafficking rings.

Posted: 4/27/2014 4:29:13 AM EDT

[#37]

He's not a solicitor. He's a beggar.

ETA: His action of snatching the flyer from your hand is a civil suit of battery. I'd be pissed.

Posted: 4/27/2014 4:36:11 AM EDT

[#38]

Quote History

Quoted:

At 5 days week, that's $26,000/year.
He's living the dream.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
I was sanding a car in the driveway with a compressor running. I would stop and slap the sandpaper in my hand in a clapping motion to release the dry paint from the paper.
I looked up to see the trash guy saying something to me and looking very pissed. I couldn't hear him over the compressor and he kept on repeating himself so I walked out to see what he was going on about.

When I got close enough to hear him he was yelling "clap all you want I make a hundred dollars a day"

At 5 days week, that's $26,000/year.
He's living the dream.

At least it's honest work.

Posted: 4/27/2014 4:38:18 AM EDT

[#39]

Quote History

Quoted:
Glad I've never done something so stupid!

Like the time I asked one of my employees when she was going to have her baby.....she says "He's in the car, I had him last month".

or when I asked a New Commit in the prison what he was smuggling in that fold of skin on his neck.....he says "It's a cancerous tumor, I have maybe 6 months to live".

Yup, I am a real smooth operator.....lots more........

View Quote

I had a guy come to my office and tell me he had suffered a seizure, so I asked him: "What's shakin dude?"

Posted: 4/27/2014 4:40:44 AM EDT

[#40]

This thread rocks.

I have a driveway so steep the mailman drives up it to deliver shit and not even the Mormons come to my door.

Posted: 4/27/2014 5:47:32 AM EDT

[#41]

That dude probably wasn't even deaf

Posted: 4/27/2014 5:56:18 AM EDT

[#42]

Quote History

Quoted:
That dude probably wasn't even deaf

View Quote

My wife had someone come up to her at the State Fair claiming to be deaf. His schtick fell apart when she started using sign language.

Posted: 4/27/2014 8:43:42 AM EDT

[#43]

i once jokingly asked a kid in my class what he was getting me for Christmas - when he said "nothing" and walked away my wife reminded me he is a Jehovah's Witness and they do not celebrate holidays.

At our garage sale we sold a bed frame and dresser to some Amish in a buggy - I tried to throw in the matching mirror and they wouldn't take it, even for free. When they drove off my wife reminded me they didn't use mirrors as it was against their religion.

She needs to start telling me these things before I speak.

Posted: 4/27/2014 8:46:23 AM EDT

[#44]

Quoted:
I was mowing the lawn earlier today. I was using foam shooting ear plugs shoved into my ear canals deep, and safety glasses.

I noticed a guy walking towards my house. He was eying me, then the front door, then me, then the front door.

I stop and take a couple of steps towards him. I point towards my ear and say "I can't hear you".

I wasn't about to take the ear plugs out to talk to a solicitor. I was hoping he would just go away.

He points towards his ear and mouths something, but I literally can't hear shit with the ear plugs in, and the mower a couple feet from me.

I take a few steps closer, turn my head, and point towards the ear plug. I turn to face him, and say louder "I can't hear you".

He points to his ear and mouths something again. Now I'm getting pissed.

I see he is holding a stack of note card size papers. He hands me one. It was a combination of hand written and type. I hold it far enough away so I could read it, but it was gibberish.

He literally yanks it from my hand, turns it over and puts it back in my hand. I was holding it upside down. Oops.
If it wasn't a bad copy of a copy, and didn't have hand written shit on it, I probably could have figured it out faster.

It started out "Hi, my name is Steve and I'm deaf".

I'm pretty sure I turned red from embarrassment, but I couldn't help but chuckle because I had just made a scene about not being able to hear.

The guy grabbed it from my hand and left. Pissed.

I saw the word "donate". I'm not sure what else was on it.

I'm going to hell.

View Quote

I want some foam shooting ear plugs, I think it would be a big hit on the range, shooting foam all over the place.

Posted: 4/28/2014 9:30:33 AM EDT

[#45]

Quote History

Quoted:

I want some foam shooting ear plugs, I think it would be a big hit on the range, shooting foam all over the place.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
I was mowing the lawn earlier today. I was using foam shooting ear plugs shoved into my ear canals deep, and safety glasses.

I noticed a guy walking towards my house. He was eying me, then the front door, then me, then the front door.

I stop and take a couple of steps towards him. I point towards my ear and say "I can't hear you".

I wasn't about to take the ear plugs out to talk to a solicitor. I was hoping he would just go away.

He points towards his ear and mouths something, but I literally can't hear shit with the ear plugs in, and the mower a couple feet from me.

I take a few steps closer, turn my head, and point towards the ear plug. I turn to face him, and say louder "I can't hear you".

He points to his ear and mouths something again. Now I'm getting pissed.

I see he is holding a stack of note card size papers. He hands me one. It was a combination of hand written and type. I hold it far enough away so I could read it, but it was gibberish.

He literally yanks it from my hand, turns it over and puts it back in my hand. I was holding it upside down. Oops.
If it wasn't a bad copy of a copy, and didn't have hand written shit on it, I probably could have figured it out faster.

It started out "Hi, my name is Steve and I'm deaf".

I'm pretty sure I turned red from embarrassment, but I couldn't help but chuckle because I had just made a scene about not being able to hear.

The guy grabbed it from my hand and left. Pissed.

I saw the word "donate". I'm not sure what else was on it.

I'm going to hell.

I want some foam shooting ear plugs, I think it would be a big hit on the range, shooting foam all over the place.

You know what I meant.

Posted: 4/28/2014 9:43:07 AM EDT

[#46]

I see deaf guys twice a year with those same cards in Wendys and other fast food places.

Posted: 4/28/2014 9:46:27 AM EDT

[#47]

>"Hi, my name is Steve and I'm deaf".

my sides

in orbit

Posted: 4/28/2014 9:55:56 AM EDT

[#48]

The "deaf card" is an old gypsy traveler trick around here.

The first time I saw it was back in college. I managed a restaurant and one of these sleezebags made it onto my dining room. My head waitress had him by the sleeve and kicked out the door before I even knew he was there. He had left several of the cards on customer's tables and then was coming back around to collect "donations" and get the hell out of there before anyone knew he was there.

My waitress called the cops and they brought him around to the back door of the kitchen to talk to me. He was already in handcuffs...

...funny, he wasn't nearly as polite as he was in my restaurant. And from the way he was cussing my waitress I'd have to guess that he experienced a "miracle" and could suddenly hear again.

Quoted:
was somewhere eating and a guy came in and handed out cards to everyone, then started to get upset when nobody handed him money. Finally somebody read the whole thing and figured out he was asking for donations. I think everyone handed them back, maybe 1 person gave him money.

View Quote