Hello wonderful ladies of ARFCOM...

 I have been trying to get my wife involved in shooting and carrying her firearm on her on a regular basis. I am overseas now, and before I left I tried to train her and get her to carry her pistol so that she would be conditioned to carrying it by the time I left so that she would be able to protect herself.

No deal..

 I came home on leave to find that her pistol was in an unused purse in a clothes basket in the floor of our bedroom... GAH!! Not only did that tell me she didn't care about carrying it, she didn't think that it was a big deal to secure it, either.

I'm at a loss, ladies. I don't know what else to do. She doesn't want to train with it(but she likes to shoot it) and she doesn't have any desire to carry it on her person. I understand the whole conceal-carry with tight fitting clothes issue, so I bought her a purse to carry it in. She carried it for a while, then she switched purses.

HELP!!

Some people (not just women) don't replace the batteries in their smoke detectors, wear their seatbelt , make sure all the doors and windows in the house are locked, or check the brake fluid in their cars.
I don't understand that type of person so there is no way I can give you any advice on helping your wife find reason.  Sorry.
But I can tell you that carrying a weapon and the decision to take a life in defense of your own is a very personal one.  She/He has to do that for themselves.  IMO you can't arm your wife just to make you feel secure.  Better that she have a ball bat that she WILL use than a firearm that she won't/can't use.

Again, this is just my opinion, take it for what it's worth.  

BTW what branch of the service?  Not that it really matters, just curious.

Gonna have to agree with Green_Ammo here.
There is nothing that can be said or done to get her to carry unless she is truely ready.
The one thing that kept me from carrying as I should have years ago, was the whole idea that I may have to take someone elses life and at that point, I was not prepared for that. There is no magical way to get someone prepared for those consequences, it is a mind thing. Some Women have a much harder time attaining that frame of mind. And yes concealed carry issues do arise also with women, but those issues can be overcome with some work.

Carrying a firearm every day and on your person requires a certain personal awareness that just isn't natural to some folks.  Perhaps, it is unsafe for people who leave their purses behind in restaurants, lock keys in their cars with the radio on, etc. to carry a firearm regularly.

First thank you for your service and your wife's sacrifice of having you gone.  That must have been very difficult on you both.

Second I agree with Green Ammo.  You might tell her that there's nothing more sexy than an indepent, intelligent woman that's able to stand up and defend herself and her family.  You might also point out that 99.9% of all women who are raped, robbed, pilfered, plundered etc are unarmed.  You should also say while walking away, well we all know what the right thing is to do but all you can do is lead the horse to water, its up to the horse to drink.

Patty

I have told my boyfriend this before.  While I love shooting, and enjoy guns, I could NEVER carry one.  I understand the reasons for it, and he carries 100 % of the time, and I'm positively fine with that, and feel completely safe with him.

However, I am a VERY emotional person.  I know this about myself.  I'd love to think I could carry, and use it only in a self defense or threat situation.

But a little part of my brain keeps telling me, "Nope.  You know damn well someone somewhere would just tick you off, and you'd blow his brain away."

May never happen.  But I can imagine it.  And like they say, if you can imagine it, you can become it.


Now this might not, and probably is not your wife's reason for not carrying.  But whatever her reason, there's no convincing her or making her carry if she either doesn't care, or doesn't want to.

Daisy, I hear ya.  I'm a hot headed Irishwoman.  I am constantly worrying about being responsible and I can't tell you how many times I've thought to myself "I wonder if that Asshat would still be saying that to me if he knew I had a 1911 in my pocket."  However I've never [THANK GOD] have had to draw down on anyone.  I did threaten a man once.  I told him if he touched me one more time I'd drop him like a ton of bricks.  I never mentioned my gun but evidently he got the picture.  When I went to the academy they taught me to fire in the kill zone automatically.  I know if I ever draw my piece and pulled the trigger I would have a dead person on my hands.  That's a lot of responsibility and its one that I'm comfortable with.

Patty

Quoted: IMHO, girls do not enjoy the noise of a firearm.  Start with something fun to shoot, like .22 pistol.  Adn something fun to shoot at, like eggs, watermelons, turtles, etc. Make it enjoyable and she might be more interested in it. TRG

They aren't in season and to shoot at one otherwise would be a waste.  But Spotted Owls and goats.....

Well, being a military instructor, I thought that I was more than qualified to teach her. I guess it's just ME teaching her that doesn't help... I dunno.

As for the purse...SHE picked it out..I just paid for it. She picked out her own CCW. I just paid for it.

She just doesn't seem that motivated to learn drills, mag changes, etc. 70% of all shots made under stress are missed, with a 7-round mag? Doesn't sound that great of odds.

I don't know. I just want her to be able to use the weapon effectively if she has to... and she's carried it before... why the change now?

Women are too complex...

Oh and TRG... PETA stands for PeopleEatingTastyAnimals

For the sake of argument, let's say you don't know how to drive.  All else in your life is as it is except for that one thing.
Who do you want to teach you?

a) Your wife

b) Your wife that is a qualified driving instructor

c) A stranger that is a qualified driving instructor


As for her not being motivated to learn how to defend herself, have you asked her why?
I, for one would be very interested in what her reasons could be.

Most women are not complex.  How is shopping for clothes, getting nails done, stressing over "get an ass crack tattoo or not" or "get this or that pierced or not"....complex??
It's not complexity, it's just 'victim' training.
There is no excuse for people in America to not take at least some responsibility for their safety, none.

I am so sick of men having to come in here and ask how to "wake up their women" and how to arm the ones that are still asleep.  Some of the women in here don't even have a clue so what hope is there for the rest of them?

It comes down to this, you can't put a gun in someone’s hand and expect them to do the right thing.  It's a mind set, some people have it and will fight for their life till death and some are just there... fodder, moving around without a care or a clue.  Sometimes bad things have to happen to wake people up, sometimes even that doesn't work.

I hope you don't feel I am speaking poorly about your wife.  It's not directed at your wife specifically but all women who forget about the stresses all men have over keeping women safe.  Especially when faced with their own dangers as you and many others are.

Be safe and God speed.

Quoted: I am so sick of men having to come in here and ask how to "wake up their women" and how to arm the ones that are still asleep.  Some of the women in here don't even have a clue so what hope is there for the rest of them?

If you think so highly of us then who do you even bother coming in here?

You want her to start carrying?  Start beating her up.  (Just kidding!  But hey, that's what MY ex did, and that got ME to start carrying!  But somehow, I don't think that was part of his gameplan!)

Quoted: Quoted: I am so sick of men having to come in here and ask how to "wake up their women" and how to arm the ones that are still asleep.  Some of the women in here don't even have a clue so what hope is there for the rest of them? If you think so highly of us then who do you even bother coming in here?

She doesn't come in much, and I sometimes enjoy her "in your face" ways.  What's fun about people like that is when they don't get all fired up when you do it back.

For Green_Ammo, while I sympathize with your point, you have to agree that when our people have to be scared to go to the grocery store then we're living in a war zone.  Do you really carry EVERYWHERE you go?

Quoted: Quoted: I am so sick of men having to come in here and ask how to "wake up their women" and how to arm the ones that are still asleep.  Some of the women in here don't even have a clue so what hope is there for the rest of them? If you think so highly of us then who do you even bother coming in here?

First of all I was here long before WS turned into what it is now.  Long ago I went searching for a site that I could go to as a woman and not get mired in the " I don't carry but I'm still a powerful woman" or "It's a personal choice" bullshit.   I came to AR15.com BECAUSE it was one of the very few sites that had a section dedicated to WOMEN SHOOTERS!  Women that shoot. Women that carry, all the time!  Women that shoot often and keep up on the skill.

I've shut the fuck up in here more than any of you will ever know or appreciate.  I've looked at the number of actual helpful posts verses the crap about "hey I just took a pic of my ass, wanna see?"  Or "I wanna Tatt, but damn I just don't know, what do you GUYS think?"  
Look!  Look at the posts started by actual females that are weapon related.  You of all people should know how hard it is to get women to take some responsibility for their own safety.  If you don't know by now, stick around.  There are a number of women here that know I was not, nor would I ever accuse them of not being more than competent in the use of firearms.  They didn't get offended, they knew I wasn't talking about them.
But, if you or anyone else here can't see that "Women Shooters" has NOTHING to do with women that shoot, then I stand corrected.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I am so sick of men having to come in here and ask how to "wake up their women" and how to arm the ones that are still asleep.  Some of the women in here don't even have a clue so what hope is there for the rest of them? If you think so highly of us then who do you even bother coming in here? She doesn't come in much, and I sometimes enjoy her "in your face" ways.  What's fun about people like that is when they don't get all fired up when you do it back. For Green_Ammo, while I sympathize with your point, you have to agree that when our people have to be scared to go to the grocery store then we're living in a war zone.  Do you really carry EVERYWHERE you go?

Yes dear, I carry EVERYWHERE I go.  And I don't know of "our" people you speak of?  You mean like our "people" that are raped and killed in every paper, everyday?  Those people?  Well I don’t speak for those people, and I never will.  There are victims waiting to happen everywhere, I don't concern myself with them.

If anyone thinks I don't get fired up about the  complacency of women and firearms, then I obviously have not been in here enough.  

As far as war zones go, you know nothing of them, so you don't get to comment on that.  You're safe in the clutch that other brave men and women have provided you.  You and others would do well to remember what you’ve been given so freely and with much sacrifice.

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I am so sick of men having to come in here and ask how to "wake up their women" and how to arm the ones that are still asleep.  Some of the women in here don't even have a clue so what hope is there for the rest of them? If you think so highly of us then who do you even bother coming in here? She doesn't come in much, and I sometimes enjoy her "in your face" ways.  What's fun about people like that is when they don't get all fired up when you do it back. For Green_Ammo, while I sympathize with your point, you have to agree that when our people have to be scared to go to the grocery store then we're living in a war zone.  Do you really carry EVERYWHERE you go? Yes dear, I carry EVERYWHERE I go.  And I don't know of "our" people you speak of?  You mean like our "people" that are raped and killed in every paper, everyday?  Those people?  Well I don’t speak for those people, and I never will.  There are victims waiting to happen everywhere, I don't concern myself with them. If anyone thinks I don't get fired up about the  complacency of women and firearms, then I obviously have not been in here enough.   As far as war zones go, you know nothing of them, so you don't get to comment on that.  You're safe in the clutch that other brave men and women have provided you.  You and others would do well to remember what you’ve been given so freely and with much sacrifice.

I want to make this VERY clear.  The decision not to carry is not a reflection of disrespect for our service men and women.  People make all kinds of contributions to our society; otherwise, there would nothing for our shepherding personalities to protect.  

[ETA: Our people meant US citizens on US soil.   I will have to agree, too, that I know little of war zones, I cannot begin to pretend to understand them or to know how people who have been in one feel.  (Just like, I can't imagine that I ever had the nerve to form opinions about childrearing before I had any.)  I only suppose you are agreeing then, that I do NOT live in a warzone, but that I should go armed all the time.  I do go armed, but not every moment.]

Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: Quoted: I am so sick of men having to come in here and ask how to "wake up their women" and how to arm the ones that are still asleep.  Some of the women in here don't even have a clue so what hope is there for the rest of them? If you think so highly of us then who do you even bother coming in here? She doesn't come in much, and I sometimes enjoy her "in your face" ways.  What's fun about people like that is when they don't get all fired up when you do it back. For Green_Ammo, while I sympathize with your point, you have to agree that when our people have to be scared to go to the grocery store then we're living in a war zone.  Do you really carry EVERYWHERE you go? Yes dear, I carry EVERYWHERE I go.  And I don't know of "our" people you speak of?  You mean like our "people" that are raped and killed in every paper, everyday?  Those people?  Well I don’t speak for those people, and I never will.  There are victims waiting to happen everywhere, I don't concern myself with them. If anyone thinks I don't get fired up about the  complacency of women and firearms, then I obviously have not been in here enough.   As far as war zones go, you know nothing of them, so you don't get to comment on that.  You're safe in the clutch that other brave men and women have provided you.  You and others would do well to remember what you’ve been given so freely and with much sacrifice. I want to make this VERY clear.  The decision not to carry is not a reflection of disrespect for our service men and women.  People make all kinds of contributions to our society; otherwise, there would nothing for our shepherding personalities to protect.   [ETA: Our people meant US citizens on US soil.   I will have to agree, too, that I know little of war zones, I cannot begin to pretend to understand them or to know how people who have been in one feel.  (Just like, I can't imagine that I ever had the nerve to form opinions about childrearing before I had any.)  I only suppose you are agreeing then, that I do NOT live in a warzone, but that I should go armed all the time.  I do go armed, but not every moment.]

I thought this was going to be kept on an IM basis but I see now that it's not.  I don't want to poop up this guys thread anymore than it has been already. (he is in a war zone ).  
But I want to clarify just one thing on your ETA.  I also meant US citizens on US soil.  
OUR people are getting hurt and killed everyday.
What I meant by "I don't concern myself with them" is that I'm not trying to seek out every women on the internet and cram my view of responsibility for their safety down their throat.  I don't do that.  
What I do expect is to come into Women Shooters and not see a bunch of crap discouraging new women that are interested in getting the training and using a firearm to protect themselves.  Or even worse, discouraging women that already carry into complacency and apathy.  
IMO this (Women Shooters) is not the place for that.  I could be wrong, but I always thought of it as a place to get to know other women that use firearms.  Get to know them and their kids and help when we can if something terrible comes up.  It's not a dating site or a place to discuss politically correct views on firearms or a women's worth in combat.

I truly apologize for the off topic tantrum.

BTT.  

If anyone has any need to IM me please feel free.  Sometimes there is a line of pissed off people before you, but I will get to you, promise.  (Sooooo much shouting)

I appreciate all the opinions, ephus, and general advice. I feel that it's important that she learn to shoot, carry, and be comfortable with it. I can't force it on her, it has to be a choice that she makes. I just hope that she makes the right decision. I know, as the husband, it is my job to protect her(Sorry ladies, I'm old school) but there may come a time where she has to protect me, or protect herself when away from me, and do so away from home. Kinda hard to do that without your own sidearm

I don't want to warrant any chances that may occur, or leave any openings unsecured, you know? I want to make sure that she's trained, ready, able, and WILLING.

Here's my .02 for all it's worth.....

I think guns are about like men for a woman, you know? You have to start small and work your way up (get your head out of the ditch) What I mean is, you usually start with hello my name is so-n-so before you ask what her bra size is.

So, taking that into consideration and her reactions thus far, she may feel a bit overwhelmed with the whole situation.

I respectfully commend you on the love and desire for your wife to learn about protecting herself. But, beyond firearms, may be the best way to start for her. Have you thought about maybe getting her into a local self-defense class? Or maybe even asking her if she would like to do a nice smooth and simple Tai Chi class with you, together?

Such things may give her the knowledge that she is stronger, both physically and mentally, then she may think she is, and that she may be able to handle a firearm when she's not in your presence.

Believe, me I know what it's like to be a military wife. Negative pressure doesn't really help in a lot of circumstances. Especially if you are the first to introduce her beyond the just looking of weaponry, and she has had no other contact with such previously, baby steps may be the way to go!

Good Luck!

Shan

Wow...all kinds of pissed on cornflakes in here!!!!!!

My .02?
I enjoy shooting (and intend to find time to do it more often) and I don't carry because it's MY choice not to.
Regardless of the reasons, I don't. My reasons are only important to me and I am sure that someone (or lots of someones) here could dress me up and down for that choice.
Do I give a rats' ass?
Nope.
You can't make someone carry. It's a personal choice.
As far as men and the stress they're under worrying about how to keep we womenfolk safe?
Can I get a
You want stress? Get a job...have kids...borrow more money than God ever intended you to borrow, 'cause  if you're worrying so much about the safety of your lady that it's become a source of stress, you need to fill that space between your ears with more important stuff to worry about. I am not saying concern over the safety of loved ones is a small thing...I'm sayin' if you're wound too tight over it, ya gotta cut back on the caffeine.


Or you could marry a chick who can kick ass like my hubby did

Quoted: I appreciate all the opinions, ephus, and general advice. I feel that it's important that she learn to shoot, carry, and be comfortable with it. I can't force it on her, it has to be a choice that she makes. I just hope that she makes the right decision. I know, as the husband, it is my job to protect her(Sorry ladies, I'm old school) but there may come a time where she has to protect me, or protect herself when away from me, and do so away from home. Kinda hard to do that without your own sidearm I don't want to warrant any chances that may occur, or leave any openings unsecured, you know? I want to make sure that she's trained, ready, able, and WILLING.

Exactly!  

Men are supposed to worry about the women they love, women about the men and both for their children.  Don't you ever feel bad about that, ever.

Lock your windows, lock and load, kiss the babies, kiss each other, sleep well.  That's all we can do.  Be prepared, be aware and be ready.  
If only it could be our CHOICE when someone comes in to kill us or do us harm.  I can hear it now.... "Stop you fool with nothing between your ears, STOP, this is not my choice!"
Hey, it just might work if we could throw some in with the pleas!

Unfortunately I see what you are up against.  I had at least seven violent crimes committed against me and my family before I was twelve.  Woke me the fuck up, I will tell you.  Fucked up my brother for life (he is younger, 33 yrs old now) and left my Mother the same "head in the sand" way she is to this day, now that we are taking care of her .(Although on two occasions if she had of armed herself during my Father's frequent absences, she could have protected us like a good mother should, like I would) Dad is a Nam Vet, uncle was POW couple others are MIA, same with Grand Da's in WWII.  Grand Ma's did there part on the assembly line or picking up the slack while the men were away. No question there that they don't know what stress is or having kids or whatever bullshit some people think of as stress.

But the point of this horrid walk down my rarely shared memory lane is that, my Mother will actually ask me "Do you have your gun with you?" when we are in a bad area and she feels threatened.  See, she expects me to be armed because I am armed and I woke the fuck up.  I went through hell and found that people that don't arm (protect) themselves are weak and they feed off the strength of others.  She went through the same thing and came out still expecting me or someone to defend her.

I really do hope your wife and some women wake up.  Seems like they don't want to be looked after like womenfolk, but are still unwilling to look after themselves. <---- well that seems to work for some, maybe I’ll start doing it anytime I can’t come up with a useful thought or comeback that doesn’t involve making myself look utterly stupid.

Best of luck to you and yours.  If you need to talk you can IM me.  

Quoted: Wow...all kinds of pissed on cornflakes in here!!!!!! My .02? I enjoy shooting (and intend to find time to do it more often) and I don't carry because it's MY choice not to. Regardless of the reasons, I don't. My reasons are only important to me and I am sure that someone (or lots of someones) here could dress me up and down for that choice. Do I give a rats' ass? Nope. You can't make someone carry. It's a personal choice. As far as men and the stress they're under worrying about how to keep we womenfolk safe? Can I get a You want stress? Get a job...have kids...borrow more money than God ever intended you to borrow, 'cause  if you're worrying so much about the safety of your lady that it's become a source of stress, you need to fill that space between your ears with more important stuff to worry about. I am not saying concern over the safety of loved ones is a small thing...I'm sayin' if you're wound too tight over it, ya gotta cut back on the caffeine. Or you could marry a chick who can kick ass like my hubby did

Stupidity never ceases to astound me.
Oh can't forget this

ETA:  Had to delete some stuff. Don't want to make anyone cry.

Quoted: Quoted: Wow...all kinds of pissed on cornflakes in here!!!!!! My .02? I enjoy shooting (and intend to find time to do it more often) and I don't carry because it's MY choice not to. Regardless of the reasons, I don't. My reasons are only important to me and I am sure that someone (or lots of someones) here could dress me up and down for that choice. Do I give a rats' ass? Nope. You can't make someone carry. It's a personal choice. As far as men and the stress they're under worrying about how to keep we womenfolk safe? Can I get a You want stress? Get a job...have kids...borrow more money than God ever intended you to borrow, 'cause  if you're worrying so much about the safety of your lady that it's become a source of stress, you need to fill that space between your ears with more important stuff to worry about. I am not saying concern over the safety of loved ones is a small thing...I'm sayin' if you're wound too tight over it, ya gotta cut back on the caffeine. Or you could marry a chick who can kick ass like my hubby did Stupidity never ceases to astound me. Oh can't forget this ETA:  Had to delete some stuff. Don't want to make anyone cry.

And people being jerks and playing schoolyard games on a gun site STILL astounds me!
Green Ammo, trust me...there's nothing YOU or any person on here could say that would make me cry...I really don't put that much value on the opinion of people on the internet...Yourself included.

Okay... I think I've gotten all I'm getting out of this thread.

This is one thing that we'll have to "Agree to Disagree on."

When my wife is ready, she'll do it on her own. She's getting closer, I'm just impatient.

Now please, SP1Grrrl or Mona.... Lock the Thread so no one loses their cool anymore than they have.

THANKS EVERYONE!!