I had to go to the "big city" this morning to get a prostate cancer screening. As if this weren't bad enough, my mother got wind of this and she asked me, "Oh, while you're over there would you mind going to the (organic health food store) to get me some so-and-so and then would you mind going over so-and-so shopping center to find me a (cookware).
Ugh.
So after having to stand in line with a lot of other men to get poked, prodded, and a finger stuck up my ass I then have to go to the "Fag Row Shopping Center" (Pier 1, Bed Bath & Beyond, World Market, Starbucks, Panera, etc.) for the first requested errand.
Is it a requirement that every male Pier 1 has in its employ has to be a flaming turd burglar? Between that and having to be near throngs of skinny jean-wearing hipsters I thought I was going to throw up.
And then...I had to go to the belly of the liberal beast: THE ORGANIC HEALTH FOOD STORE. The smell of patchouli and Rachael Maddow was strong.
Good thing I was wearing my "Footprint of the American Chicken" T-shirt
Now somebody give me an I.V. of pure testosterone...STAT!!!!!