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Posted: 9/8/2004 6:15:25 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:17:30 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:17:40 PM EDT
The Shriners Hospital is a good charity notwithstanding what you might think about masons.
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:18:03 PM EDT

One way, First Class, window seat.

Yup, you're on your way.

Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:19:13 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/8/2004 6:22:19 PM EDT by kpel308]
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:21:08 PM EDT
try this one, "huh, WHAT WHAT, I CAN"T HEAR YOU, then tell them you have to find your hearing aid. One lady waited for like 5 minutes.
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:23:28 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:26:05 PM EDT
When you get burned in hell dont ask the Shriners for help.


You're too old.
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:28:16 PM EDT
I give telemarketers one chance. If they persist after I say no, then I break out the "FCC rule book" wherein I state (truthfully) that Arkansas is a "No Rebuttal State" and that he/she is violating FCC rules. I then tell them that if the manager did not inform them of this, that they should tell the manager about it because the FCC doesnt play around.

The acronymn "FCC" usually elicits that "OH SHIT" pause. Its great. And its great because I was a telemarketer. I was one of those Discover Card bastards calling from West Teleservices, otherwise known as the left pinky toe of Satan.
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:28:53 PM EDT
I'll pay your penance for you tomorrow.
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:29:45 PM EDT
You are mean and probably hurt someone's feelings
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:29:49 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:30:03 PM EDT
Before I switched to wireless I used to have fun with them all the time. If a woman would call I would try to have phone sex with her. I would ask her what color panties she was wearing or ask her what makes her hot. They usually hang up in a hurry.
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:32:39 PM EDT
God will forgive you

(however the Shriners won't)

Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:33:51 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:34:59 PM EDT
I usually tell the telemarketer that if they will stand up on their desk and yell as loud as they can, "I'm sick of this shit and I'm getting my gun and killing everybody in this room" I will buy their vinyl siding, credit card offer, insurance. Haven't had a taker yet.

Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:36:32 PM EDT
I always ask for their personal phone number so I can call them back at a more convenient time.

Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:40:24 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/8/2004 6:42:01 PM EDT by TheRedGoat]
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:42:57 PM EDT

Very nice!
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 6:46:35 PM EDT
We don't ever get telemarketers calling my house anymore. However at work, we get these stupid ass TONER PIRATES! Yes, they try and dupe you into buying their expensive laser printer cartridge by making you think they're the company you lease your printers and copiers from. They ALWAYS have some stupid ass excuse to ask for the model # of your machine like their computers crashed and they have you on the books, or records got deleted, etc. I love fucking with them. They pretty much always hang up the milisecond they realize you are on to them though. It's fun fucking with them while they think you're being duped though.
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 7:00:43 PM EDT
..on a bobsled .....
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 7:07:51 PM EDT
Oh yeah, you'll smoke a turd in Hell for that one!
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 7:29:51 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/8/2004 7:31:39 PM EDT by Tonster]
I found a VERY effective way to stop telemarketers by accident a while back(and didn't really want to share it but here it goes!!!)
I had a friend calling me back that I used to get in trouble with in my youth...we used to get harassed by a certain local JBT(he really was a nice guyBTW!!!) so I answer what I thought was his return call to me...
I answered in my bubba(country) voice "Officer xxx from the xxx police dept fraud department...
I get the most scared"I'm really sorry well take this number off our records. Sorry"
I have to admit this has cut out almost all my sales calls.
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 7:35:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/8/2004 7:36:27 PM EDT by purplecheese]

Originally Posted By MoparMike:

The acronymn "FCC" usually elicits that "OH SHIT" pause. Its great. And its great because I was a telemarketer. I was one of those Discover Card bastards calling from West Teleservices, otherwise known as the left pinky toe of Satan.

My friend, you just gave yourself a front row seat to hell. Can I join?
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 7:36:43 PM EDT

Originally Posted By captainpooby:
When you get burned in hell dont ask the Shriners for help.



You're too old.

Link Posted: 9/8/2004 8:38:21 PM EDT
That was harsh...

real harsh...

Definately some pitchforks in your future.

- BG
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 8:41:59 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/8/2004 8:42:26 PM EDT
Schriners is one of less than 5 places I give money to. They fixed my club foot when I was little. Am now 100% and it didn't cost my parents a dime.

Link Posted: 9/9/2004 3:22:46 AM EDT
You fucked with the Shriners, who are high-level masons.

Great. Now your credit cards will be cancelled, you'll lose your job, and you'll be pulled over constantly.

That's what you get for fucking with the global masonic conspiracy!!!!!

However, it is possible that you'll smoke a turd in Hell considering all the good they do for kids.

Link Posted: 9/9/2004 3:45:37 AM EDT
[jesse jackson] Remove yo self to the bear pit for proper chastization followed inmedeaitely by a funeralization where you will proceed direct to hell for your inappropitate comments. [/jesse jackson]
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 3:48:45 AM EDT
The Poll has multiple yeses. Fix it so we can vote more than once!!
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 6:10:32 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 6:32:29 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 6:35:27 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 6:38:43 AM EDT
I had one call, and do this when my wife is not around.

Ask them what they are wearing, ask them they're favorite sexual position etc.
Thong or grannies, etc.

Always fun

Link Posted: 9/9/2004 6:39:59 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 6:44:46 AM EDT
I fuck with every telemarketer that calls

Here's a general transcript of my script.

Them: Hi can I speak with Mr NoVaGator

Me: Sure...speaking.

Them: I'm calling from xxxx and wanted to see if

(ok...here is the critical part....as soon as they pause for a comma or a half breath, I say, in a very agitated tone:


Them: uhhhh, no.

Me: Sorry, continue.

Them: Blah blah blah (let them continue their whole script)

after they're done, wait ....do nothing...until they say

Them: hello, are you still there?

Me: Sure. I'm sorry, can you repeat that.

(then just loop back to step 1 - see how many times you can get them to go through it)
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 7:06:16 AM EDT
All telemarketers are satans foot soldiers.

They should ALL be damned, rochambeaued, and slapped in the head.

You done good!
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:33:16 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:42:40 AM EDT
You are sooooo going to hell..... but not for that - it's only a +1.
Link Posted: 9/9/2004 8:47:39 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/9/2004 8:51:15 AM EDT by Torf]

Originally Posted By HiramRanger:
Yeah, you're a fuckwad. Drive some of this crippled kids and burn victims back and forth to a hospital for their treatment and maybe you won't think its so funny. I have the honor of driving the shuttle between Albany and Springfield for the local Shriners. Those kids have more courage and integrity than you'll ever have.

The standards for you moderators must really be slipping!
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