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Posted: 7/3/2015 6:52:20 AM EDT
... on the toilet bowl rim under the toilet seat. Luckily I was just taking a leak and saw him when I lifted the seat, but damn that caught me off guard.
I'll never drop a deuce without checking under the toilet seat again. God damn it.  |
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Posted: 7/3/2015 6:53:46 AM EDT
[#1]
Going to check mine now !!!!!!!!!!
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Posted: 7/3/2015 6:58:33 AM EDT
[#2]
Interesting stories like this should be posted between 2300 and 0200.
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:01:24 AM EDT
[#3]
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:02:31 AM EDT
[#4]
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:05:55 AM EDT
[#5]
The only way to ensure the spider doesn't bite your nuts during a future poop is to burn your house down right this minute.
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:12:57 AM EDT
[#6]
Quote HistoryQuoted: The only way to ensure the spider doesn't bite your nuts during a future poop is to burn your house down right this minute. Had I sat down and homeboy crawled up on me during my peaceful, relieving, vulnerable state... it would have been a very likely option. I've killed 4 spiders in the house today and yesterday. Weather warmed up and they must like the AC. They pop up in the summer time like crazy in this house, no matter how much I spray.
Drives me nuts. It's a rental and it's my last year here. |
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Posted: 7/3/2015 8:05:53 AM EDT
[#7]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Had I sat down and homeboy crawled up on me during my peaceful, relieving, vulnerable state... it would have been a very likely option. I've killed 4 spiders in the house today and yesterday. Weather warmed up and they must like the AC. They pop up in the summer time like crazy in this house, no matter how much I spray. Drives me nuts. It's a rental and it's my last year here. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
The only way to ensure the spider doesn't bite your nuts during a future poop is to burn your house down right this minute. Had I sat down and homeboy crawled up on me during my peaceful, relieving, vulnerable state... it would have been a very likely option. I've killed 4 spiders in the house today and yesterday. Weather warmed up and they must like the AC. They pop up in the summer time like crazy in this house, no matter how much I spray. Drives me nuts. It's a rental and it's my last year here. Spiders are damn hard to kill with poisons/insecticides. They are the Garey Busey of the insect world. |
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Posted: 7/3/2015 8:08:26 AM EDT
[#8]
Quoted:
... on the toilet bowl rim under the toilet seat. Luckily I was just taking a leak and saw him when I lifted the seat, but damn that caught me off guard. I'll never drop a deuce without checking under the toilet seat again. God damn it.
How much damage did the gunfire do to the toilet? |
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Posted: 7/3/2015 8:10:53 AM EDT
[#9]
Quote HistoryQuoted: How much damage did the gunfire do to the toilet? Quote HistoryQuoted: Quoted: ... on the toilet bowl rim under the toilet seat. Luckily I was just taking a leak and saw him when I lifted the seat, but damn that caught me off guard. I'll never drop a deuce without checking under the toilet seat again. God damn it. How much damage did the gunfire do to the toilet? I began to draw my g19 when he went super sonic speed around the edge when I first lifted the seat.. but then he stopped. So I grabbed a pack of baby wipes and just knocked him into the water and flushed. He's probably evolving to survive in water, reproduce, and now undrownable spiders will crawl from all my drains.  |
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Posted: 7/3/2015 8:14:16 AM EDT
[#10]
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Posted: 7/3/2015 8:16:52 AM EDT
[#11]
Quote HistoryHe handled that FAR better than I would have. The one on my toilet was a fraction of the size of that monster, and he didn't attack me. I like the "little" guy in the back! I couldn't use that restroom. I'd have nightmares. |
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Posted: 7/3/2015 8:17:25 AM EDT
[#12]
I bet that would break him of the habit too. Wolf spiders are good spiders. My grandmother had one living under the sill of her window on her front porch. Every night when we were leaving and my mother was saying goodbye I would be catching moths off the screen attracted by the light and placing them in his web. He'd come out and grab the moth and disappear back in his hole. His name of course was Mr. Wolf Spider. My grandmother called one morning to say she found her old wolf spider dead on the porch, it was a sad day. |
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Posted: 7/3/2015 8:18:06 AM EDT
[#13]
I would have expected something worse than a wolf spider in Mozambique
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Posted: 7/3/2015 8:20:45 AM EDT
[#14]
Was probably a grass spider, stop being a drama queen
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Posted: 7/3/2015 8:23:40 AM EDT
[#15]
Quote HistoryQuoted: Was probably a garden spider, stop being a drama queen I don't care what fucking kind of spider it is. If it's the size of a quarter and hiding out to munch my nuts or butthole, we've got a problem.  Spiders don't bug me in general. They can crawl on me if I'm out camping or hiking or working and I can calmly brush them off and no big d. But for some reason, there is a mental state change when I'm in my home and they start invading. If they wanna live here, they can pay rent, too.  |
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Posted: 7/3/2015 5:42:43 PM EDT
[#16]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I don't care what fucking kind of spider it is. If it's the size of a quarter and hiding out to munch my nuts or butthole, we've got a problem.
Spiders don't bug me in general. They can crawl on me if I'm out camping or hiking or working and I can calmly brush them off and no big d. But for some reason, there is a mental state change when I'm in my home and they start invading. If they wanna live here, they can pay rent, too.
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Was probably a garden spider, stop being a drama queen I don't care what fucking kind of spider it is. If it's the size of a quarter and hiding out to munch my nuts or butthole, we've got a problem.
Spiders don't bug me in general. They can crawl on me if I'm out camping or hiking or working and I can calmly brush them off and no big d. But for some reason, there is a mental state change when I'm in my home and they start invading. If they wanna live here, they can pay rent, too.
Wolf spiders DO pay rent. They eat other spiders and creepy-crawley things, things that you don't want around. They just look ugly. So what do you want, a wolf spider in a tutu? |
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Posted: 7/3/2015 5:54:26 PM EDT
[#17]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
I don't care what fucking kind of spider it is. If it's the size of a quarter and hiding out to munch my nuts or butthole, we've got a problem.
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Was probably a garden spider, stop being a drama queen I don't care what fucking kind of spider it is. If it's the size of a quarter and hiding out to munch my nuts or butthole, we've got a problem.
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Posted: 7/3/2015 6:06:43 PM EDT
[#19]
Catch it! Eat it!
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Posted: 7/3/2015 6:25:14 PM EDT
[#20]
I had a wolf spider in the garage, and I think I killed him by feeding him a boxelder bug.
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Posted: 7/3/2015 6:29:43 PM EDT
[#21]
KILL IT WITH FIRE.jpg
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Posted: 7/3/2015 6:31:24 PM EDT
[#22]
Sorry that happened to you OP, that would ruin me for life.
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:36:44 PM EDT
[#23]
How about this one?
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:38:13 PM EDT
[#24]
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:47:33 PM EDT
[#25]
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:48:04 PM EDT
[#26]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
Spiders are damn hard to kill with poisons/insecticides. They are the Garey Busey of the insect world. Quote HistoryQuoted:
Quoted:
Quoted:
The only way to ensure the spider doesn't bite your nuts during a future poop is to burn your house down right this minute. Had I sat down and homeboy crawled up on me during my peaceful, relieving, vulnerable state... it would have been a very likely option. I've killed 4 spiders in the house today and yesterday. Weather warmed up and they must like the AC. They pop up in the summer time like crazy in this house, no matter how much I spray. Drives me nuts. It's a rental and it's my last year here. Spiders are damn hard to kill with poisons/insecticides. They are the Garey Busey of the insect world. Nothing Survives This: 
Makes many many gallons. Spray at all thresholds/windows that open. Spray around your house about 3 feet out, hose down your basement/dark/damp areas. Re-apply after a month or two in high traffic areas, otherwise, once a year. No more bugs inside. Dries clear and is safe for pets, but not fish. Anything with more than 4 legs or less than 2 is dead. It leaves micro-capsules that adhere to the surface to keep killing. Kills in seconds if sprayed directly on insects. Liquid God or Liquid Smite is about the best term I can think of for it. |
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:48:42 PM EDT
[#27]
The spider in ear and spider jumping onto guy's foot from toilet seat are fakes.
Wolf spiders, while creepy, are extremely beneficial and harmless to humans. They are also scaredy cats and rarely bite except when hurt. Once I freed a giant wolf spider from one of those tape guns for packaging I had in my house. It had all 8 legs and cephalothorax stuck, so I got a butter knife and slowly pried her from the tape. At first she freaked out and started thrashing around, just trying to get away. Down to her last couple of legs, I was trying to get one free that was really stuck. She lunged and tried to bite the butter knife, I could hear her little fangs clicking on the metal. I backed off and let her calm down, then finished freeing her without further incident. All in all I'd say she was rather patient. I let her loose in the garden. |
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:54:31 PM EDT
[#28]
Got one of these chilling above me on the ceiling right now. Spiderbro is best bro.
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:55:34 PM EDT
[#29]
These things are to be expected in Mozambique.
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Posted: 7/3/2015 7:59:38 PM EDT
[#30]
If you really want to freak yourself out go out in the yard and put your flashlight right between your eyes (shining away) and look around in the yard. Report back after the expeeriement.
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Posted: 7/3/2015 8:03:35 PM EDT
[#31]
Harmless spider in the toilet, meh.
We had a fucking snake come out of ours. 
Let me paint the picture for you. I was maybe 13 or 14 at the time, out in west texas. Apparently this snake was a crafty spelunking sort and wound his way up the pipes from the septic system all the way into the house...and poked his head up outta the toilet while one of our ranch hands was using it. Everyone said he was full of shit. But everyone checked and rechecked every time they used it. Fine, no harm no foul. Couple weeks later, snake pops back up from the toilet again. Snake didn't survive that encounter. He got his head popped off with a .22 
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Posted: 7/3/2015 9:14:28 PM EDT
[#32]
Quote HistoryQuoted:
If you really want to freak yourself out go out in the yard and put your flashlight right between your eyes (shining away) and look around in the yard. Report back after the expeeriement. That is amazing how reflective their eyes are isn't it. See them 20 - 30yds away with today's high lumen lights |
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Posted: 7/4/2015 2:59:13 AM EDT
[#33]
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Posted: 7/4/2015 3:01:59 AM EDT
[#34]
Jumping spider is first and only approved arfcom spider.
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