Hello, my name is sewer_urchin and I am a chain letter/email/bulletin/forward breaker. I have received countless bullshit letters and bulletins claiming something to the effect of: “If I don’t send this letter to 10,000 people in the next 5 minutes, you will have your genitalia lopped off and thrown into a meat grinder.” WTF? Why do you do this to me?

We have all received them in one form or another. Some promise great reward, while others are far more ominous. Who could forget the great forward from Microsoft founder Bill Gates? Who the fuck is going to believe that Bill Gates is going to give anyone $1,000,000 because an email tracker doesn’t work? Does anything from Microsoft work? Moreover, how the hell is he going to send me the cash when he doesn’t even know where I fucking live? How the hell is this Monday going to be the best day of my life when I have to put in a 24-hour shift at work, being elbow deep in depths of human suffering that day? OOOHHH!! Look here! If I repost this bulletin and send it to 3,203 friends within 1 second, I’ll attain enlightenment and nirvana! If I don’t some damn Anti-American Hollywood liberal shit bag that I don’t give a flying fuck about will die a gruesome death and I will be responsible. Greeeaaaaat. Kiss my ass Drew Berrymore, yer gonna hafta die. Bill Gates, I need that $1million because with all the bad luck I have built up, I'm gonna need it to pay my hospital bills. Sorry about the liver mom, but I only have 9,999 friends. I'm one short.

In the name of all that is sacred, stop with the bulletins/forwards/chain letters already. They aren’t funny, intelligent, or witty and when they are, they still don't make up for your dull personality. All they do is piss off the people you send them to. If you crave and long for contact with others pick up the fucking phone and talk to them. In fact, get off your ass and meet someone new. If you can’t think of anything original for fucks sake, don’t send a forward.  

By reading this forward, you will not receive anything. If you forward it, there is no reward. And if you think I am an angry person for writing this, absolutely nothing will happen to you. Now make a wish.
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HA HA! Loser! That kind of shit just ain’t happening! Make another wish you punk bitch!
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Get over it she/he doesn’t like you and never will! Make another wish you welfare sucking excuse for a human. Be realistic this time. Wish something like: “I wish I am not still living in my grandma’s basement when I’m 35.” Or something like that.
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Ok, you made a realistic wish? Scroll down for your answer.
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The answer is NO. What the fuck do I look like, a fucking Genie? Now forward this to all of your friends within 3 seconds or the evil monkey that is living in your closet will tear you to pieces as you drift off to sleep tonight. Oh wait, I forgot that you don't have any friends.

Good night and pleasant dreams.



I really want to send this to a girl who sends me at least three forwards a day. I don't really like her, but I want to hump her friend. Should I send it or should I just go Rober De Niro from Casino style on her hand?

it's "loser" with 1 'o'

But other than that, I like it

My computer has a "delete" key.  It seems to be the fastest and least energy consuming way of handling those type of e-mails.

Adds Sewer_Urchin to his list of contacts...................

Ummm...would you mind if I forwarded this?

I delete all forwards, even those from my mother.

Eventually I may have toi block her Email addy.


Sgatr15

You are just pissed because you never got those free kahkis from the Gap or the lifetime supply of M&Ms.

Loser.

This is mine:

Dear All,
Hello, my name is Basmati Kasaar. I am suffering from rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion idiotic chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her off to the traveling freak show.

Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send "his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, lookyhere! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in the magazine! What a bunch of ca-ca.

So basically, this message is a big howdy to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me stupid chain mail forwards. maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the chain which was started by Jesus in 5A.D. and was brought to this country by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.

If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times.

Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity.

THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS:
Chain Letter Type 1:
(scroll down)













Make a wish!!!














No, really, go on and make one!!!














Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! Wish something else!!!
















is your finger getting tired yet?














STOP!!!!
Wasn't that fun?  
Hope you made a great wish  

now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake ones, THIS one is TRUE!! Really!!! Here's how it goes:
*send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter.
*Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life.
*Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will firebomb your house.
Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!!

CHAIN LETTER - Type 2
Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the Little Starving Legless Armless Goat less Boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of bull****. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 people, you will die instantly. Thanks again!!

CHAIN LETTER - Type 3
Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and probably not as many sad geeks with nothing better to do. So this is how it works:

Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or something horrible will happen to you like:

Bizarre Horror Story #1
Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!!

Bizarre Horror Story #2
Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his boyfriend they both died and went to hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. This Could Happen To You Too!!! Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send this letter to all of your bored friends, and everything will be okay.


CHAIN LETTER - Type 4
As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every one of your friends.

Friends,
A friend is someone who is always at your side.
A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of ****, and
Your breath smells like you've been eating cat food
A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as a hat full of *******s
A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself
A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about your sad, sad life
A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think you should be raped by mad chimpanzees, then thrown to vicious dogs
A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English...* no, sorry that's the cleaning lady, A friend is not someone who sends you chain letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true.
Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again.

The point being?
If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only savior is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise your mom will come out of retirement for the making of Boogie Nights 2!

I got one the other day. It was a picture of a little girl who was found after the psunami in Phucket Thailand. Apparently her people were killed and she doesn't know where she is from. It is an attempt to locate someone who recognizes her.

Sometimes a 'forward' request has a purpose. If not, there is always a delete key. Sometimes y'all can worry about some dumb shit.