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Posted: 8/22/2001 7:41:42 PM EST
Well brothers... lemme let it all out.. WTF?!? At work I am on a team. Well everyday we go down stairs and have breakfast, lunch we usually have together, etc.. Seems I just suck. I comment on something... everyone gets a blank face, awkward silence, then move on.. everytime I tell a joke I swear I can hear an auditable thud in the background. I talk to them and they get that face.. that.. "ok, whatever, leave me alone" etc.. I am used to this. I went to school where everyone was either a ghetto gangster rapper type or a trendy preppy "yeah Pearl Jam and Bush RULES!!" shitheel. I was the Metallica (back when they were cool) T-Shirt wearin guitar playing computer geek slacker.. I am used to having no friends. Now I have very few friends because I really don't open myself to too many people. I have a few and I love them very much. I am open to making new friends, and people have said I have a great personality and that a lot of people like me.. While working it seems everytime I talk to the rest of my team they huff and puff.... like "oh god.. what now.." When everyone is busy... I simply get ignored.. very rudely to be exact, like walking past me not making eye contact while I am talking. While watching some DVD to test everyone will be watching and I'll come over and comment on the movie playing.. strange looks.. ignore.. They invite me to lunch, breakfast, movies (we do all this as a team, even movies) all the time. I have come to the conclusion they do this because they feel obligated too. Today we had a quarterly... some big party at the lake.. etc.. I follow everyone up there, tons of people, etc.. I ask one of my team members "so is that one of those walls of Velcro you jump on?" Him: "I don't know" ::does not make eye contact:: And walks up to someone else and asks how's it goin. I go to the keg, say "hey everyone, what's up?" "nothin." ::gets beer and walks away:: So I left after being there for 10 minutes, came home, took a nap. (not bad, only worked for 4 hours today!) Maybe I am just a dipshit? (well actually I am) but people can at least tolerate me. My last job more people went to my going away lunch than people that went to the going away dinner for 3 people retiring. I was a PC tech so I got to know everyone and I felt I could be open with my wacky personality. I get e-mail all the time from my old co-workers saying it's not the same without me, etc.. Even at IBM I got along with everyone a lot better, I could at least make them laugh. I like to make people laugh.. I just can't seem to do this at my new job. When I ditch everyone for say.. lunch. I always get "hey where were you?" and stuff.. I don't fucking want to be around them if they don't want me around them. I am not going to push myself on anyone and be that guy that everyone goes "oh here he comes.. ugh..." I am getting the cold shoulder. I am going to give it back from now on. But what do I do as far as my team goes? What if I get shit like "Frank is not a team player" and they take it personally. Or maybe they will label me the loner gun nut that could snap at any moment. (that could be good for job security, haha!) I just don't know what to do.. tomorrow I'm gettin my breakfast and takin it up with me to my cubicle. I'll play it off as "I had stuff to do) but that can only go so far. Ugh... -Frank (the spank)
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 7:49:18 PM EST
Print out this thread and leave it somewhere they'll all see it.
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 7:50:31 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 7:51:59 PM EST
Geez, and I thought I was the only misfit libertarian on this board!
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 7:52:23 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2001 7:51:56 PM EST by Confederate]
I work the graveyard shift, and I am "the team", I have worked here for five years, when rarely I have to come in on day shift, I'm treated like a stranger, but I don't mind pretty much getting used to it. If possible try night shift, whole different mentality, you would probably do well, good luck.(And yes, you do suck)
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 7:52:46 PM EST
but, do you swallow?
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 7:52:48 PM EST
Sorry Frank-------Did you say something??[:)]
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:01:00 PM EST
Next time you are at lunch, movie, etc. with you entire team and no one else-ask them. "Why are you guys shutting me down?" or something to that effect. You don't say how long you've been there. Did someone they liked get replaced by you? Did they get the idea that you have stabbed someone in the back? Better to get it out in the open now. I know its hard, though. If bad enough you may need a fresh start. I would say that virtually every job I've had I either liked or disliked based on the people I worked with and not the actual job I did.
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:04:07 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2001 8:11:57 PM EST by gardenWeasel]
I was a PC tech
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[b]Corporations that base their "work environment" around "teams."[/b] In a corporate setting Team members do not care for anyone with experience outside of their given task. There are two possible reasons for your teams behavior. A: You told someone how much you started at and it is more than someone who has worked there longer. B: You have not told anyone how much you are making but everyone assumes that you are making more than they are. Both will get you thrown under the bus. All it will take is one member to announce a dislike for you and they will all follow suit in an evaluation.
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:05:12 PM EST
[:(] Dude that sucks. Women here in TX do that to me all the time. I know how you feel. [:(]
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:08:35 PM EST
Well you've certainly got a lot of friends here! Is it a possiblity that you might be a little more "on the ball" than they are? Maybe you're looked at as a threat to their advancement in the company.
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:09:13 PM EST
My parents told me that my twin brother died..............................now I wonder if he did or not.
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:09:46 PM EST
sorry to hear that, but atleast the hookers still show you love[whacko]
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:11:58 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:14:01 PM EST
Yeah, and hookers go away when you want them to. Good Luck, frank
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:14:45 PM EST
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:47:54 PM EST
Ah Ha........so that is what thats been!!!!!!!!! I should have known it was you bro.
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:49:59 PM EST
Hey man, that is what has happened my entire life, only I NEVER then nor now get invited to do ANYTHING, almost as if I am invisible. During high school my so-called "friends" would openly talk in front of me about going to parties and doing other things but never asking me if I would like to attend. It must be part of a never ending "pay it back" scheme.
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:52:25 PM EST
I guess I couldn't point blank ask them why they are treating me like a lamer because.. I guess they have a card saying "well we invited you to movies and lunch"... And I know when things get busy like it has been manners take a back seat. But this happens when we aren't busy... I am still new... So I don't know as much as them on our job. But I am to replace someone they all like very much... Yeah... the hookers show me the most love... ::sigh::
Stick up targets of yours with nice small groups in your work area and have lots of things from companies like Armalite delivered to you at work. Next thing you know people will at least pretend to like you.
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HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Good idea Phil, although it might have the reverse effect and I'll be fired.. from a distance, but still a good idea, LOL
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:53:37 PM EST
The problem, Frank, is your cow-orkers don't know you like we do. They probably think you're a just a dull computer geek, so all you have to do is show them how interesting you are. Pictures are nice. You can put together a little album to take into work and share personal moments with your cubical mates. Adding an interesting narrative always helps keep their attention - "This first one is the hooker I fucked last week. The cool thing is after I paid her she got up and left. Oh, and here I am shooting my semi-automatic assault rifle, loaded with Cop-Killer Bullets. This gun can shoot through schools...." You get the idea. Either way I don't think you'll have any problems with them ignoring you anymore. [:D]
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 8:59:39 PM EST
Originally Posted By TREETOP: Print out this thread and leave it somewhere they'll all see it.
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In your mom's bedroom!
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 9:18:28 PM EST
only I NEVER then nor now get invited to do ANYTHING
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Why just last night I invited you to dinner at a place of your choosing. So that's not a true statement. [:P]
Link Posted: 8/22/2001 10:05:17 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2001 10:01:03 PM EST by raven]
I felt that way until I went to St. John's College. [url]www.sjcsf.edu[/url] Then I found a place I totally fit in with. One of us described the students at St. John's as "The ones who sat alone at lunch time in the library". Hey! That's me!
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 1:55:08 AM EST
Sounds like you're the "new guy". It's human nature to treat the newbie like crap. Hang in there you won't be the new guy for long. I go to work to feed my family, I could give a rats ass if anyone doesn't like me. Hell, I don't like most of them.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 2:06:56 AM EST
Hey Frank, ya got a friend right here man![:D]
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 2:47:05 AM EST
[Last Edit: 8/23/2001 2:45:47 AM EST by Steve-in-VA]
Originally Posted By FrankTheSpank: I guess I couldn't point blank ask them why they are treating me like a lamer because.. I guess they have a card saying "well we invited you to movies and lunch"...
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Don't do that. Frank, do you even like any of these ppl? Does not sound like it. Sounds like it's all business and semi-required "team" activity. Treated as such and don't give too much credence to it; it's just business, milk it for what it's worth. Along those lines, why should you care what these ppl think of you? I've "known" you (as much as you can on a board) since the old ar15.com days and you are funny and articulate. We don't agree on a lot of shit, but you are not a loser. Should you care whether these ppl laugh at your jokes or hold you in high esteem? Hell, no. Be comfortable in your own skin and they can take you or leave you. I bet with that attitude you will be more relaxed, less stressed and have a better time. Worry about the important stuff, not whether co-workers "like" you. F*ck them.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 3:42:23 AM EST
Frank, You need to have more confidence in yourself. Don't worry about what other people are thinking. Just enjoy yourself and don't sweat the little things. Who cares if your teammates don't like you. As long as you get your job done, you'll be ok. Besides, you only have to see them 8 hours a day. Some things about new hires that I have seen that has pissed off the old guys: 1) Act like a know it all 2) Makes more money than the older guys but still think that they are being underpaid Also, perhaps someone at work has read your post about you using the escort service? I don't mind but some people do. Sometimes, it's better to keep those things private (I do enjoy the posts though) since you never know who reads them. Good luck!
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 3:49:06 AM EST
sorry, Frank, but Imbroglio has cornered the market on the lonely, loser, lousy with the ladies persona. I know Imbroglio - and you sir, are NO Imbroglio. [;)]
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 4:13:29 AM EST
[Last Edit: 8/23/2001 5:31:06 AM EST by Wadman]
To echo others' sentiments, are you sure you want to be that friendly with these people? Instead of letting them shun you, shun them instead. Work related communication aside, there's probably not that much you want hear about anyway. I'm not saying you should become the office misanthrope (although that might attract attention in its own right). Just give a basic "Good morning" to nearby cube dwellers and move on. Don't wait for a reply. Personally, I've always tried to separate "work" people from friends. Only occasionally will I participate in some off-hours activity. I see enough of these people during the week anyway. I need to do more with real friends. ------------------------------------------------------ And whatever you do, don't ask them what you've done to deserve the cold shoulder. That's about the same as admitting fault and will only make things worse.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 4:18:03 AM EST
My company is very tough on newbies too. If you can make it one year, it gets better. Good luck,
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 4:23:00 AM EST
frank, i thought i was the only office outcast! i'll send you a copy of my "desk of: the invisible boy" plaque that's on my computer. i think its because people are scared of the "gun culture"... the three people here who are newer than me show me NO respect, and i'm one of two people that started this firm!!! anyway, i have stopped trying years ago, and low and behold, they all started being nice to me, starting conversations, asking about my w/ends, etc. i'm thinking its because they think i'll snap and go postal if left to my own devices for too long. at any rate, i still don't like them, i'm just "civil" with everyone, "good morning", "good night", that sort of thing. it seems like you have plenty of "real" friends right here regardless. [:D]
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 4:26:14 AM EST
Cube dwelling team collectives???? Resistance is futile.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 4:36:36 AM EST
[Last Edit: 8/23/2001 4:45:20 AM EST by Dolomite]
Frank, I used to be a Californian. Before that I was a Wisconsinite. I am now a Wisconsinite and will probably stay that way til I die, unless they don't pass some sort of CCW here in the next couple of years - I might be tempted to move to some other state that does - but that's another story. Anywho... I remember walking off base for the first time in San Diego. I had just graduated from boot camp and was feeling pretty good about shit. There I was, wearing my new uniform and walking down the sidewalk past a strip mall. As I approached the driveway I stopped to let a car exit onto the street. Inside the car was this pretty blonde girl. I smiled at her, and as she drove by she screamed: "GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE WAY!" and threw a beer bottle at me. First impressions are important, ever hear that one? Well, that first impression of California and Californians has never let me down - they're like dogs raised by people that just don't give a damn - impulsive, unpredicatable, unpolite, and self-centered. Stupidly, I moved back to LA 8 years later, this time as a civilian. I ended up in Hermosa Beach because I felt that was the coolest place to be in within the metro area. For the most part, nice people and a great place to escape the LA mentality. Anyway, I was making decent bucks from a challenging job with lots of responsibilties, had a free company car, and living on the beach in Southern California. To put it briefly, I was miserable. I had zero friends - zero people I could trust (except for a few cousins in the area). I lasted less than two years before I became completely sick of California. It was all O.J., earthquakes, and hideous traffic - topped off with the most pissy, insincere flakey excuses for human beings I've seen anywhere on the planet (and I've been to 18 different countries on four different Continents). So, don't worry about these people if they don't talk to you. The problem is obviously their's and not yours. And [b]DON'T[/b] ask them what you've done to "alienate" them; first, because they can't be alienated, and secondly, because it makes you look needy. This will only make them despise you more (a Machiavellian concept). [b]Just be yourself[/b], and if they can't handle that, well, that's their malfunction and not the fault of the AR-15 owner/operator/enthusiast. Also, remember to start each day with a thorough hot shower, followed by the application of some sort of deodorant. Good Luck.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 4:40:16 AM EST
Frank, I think Steve in VA & Kin got this one right. It's not a requirement that they like you or you like them. It's work. Friendship helps, but it's not everything. Respect is much better! Do your work and be yourself. Don't do anything to screw with them just because they are rude losers. Be your nice 'ol self all the time and it won't matter what they are like. Just because they are rude doesn't mean you have to be.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 4:41:36 AM EST
It don't mean shit! Be a man! In combat your team IS your life but your job is just your job bro'. If you want my advice,quit trying to fit in so much, and be yourself.Pretty soon they will be asking you things like"what the fuck is that!? a velcro wall!?" Then resist the temptation to be a dickhead like them, be a straight guy and say yeah It really sucks!
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 5:07:57 AM EST
There are two types of people in this world. Thinkers and followers. The ratio is 1000 followers to every 1 thinker. If you are unique, and/or a different person from them, yup. You will be ostracized. They will either view you as entertainement, and. like you (the desire to entertain is a coping mechanism for those who don't fit in) or view you as weird, and not like you. I am in your boat, but instead of dancing for their entertainment, I belittle them with their own stupidity, and make them look like asses. I make them uncomfortable around me. I make them hate me. I push shit in their faces they don't want to face, and make them squirm. Lately, I have completly shrunk into an anti-social shell, and I live there comfortably. I have totally resigned myself to the fact that 90% of all people aren't capable of having a conversation with me, so I accept that. But instead of feeling bad about being different, or smart, I enjoy reminding them how stupid they are. Fuck em. Fuck em all. You probably have more to offer in your shit than they have to offer all together, so why give a rats ass about people like that? I'm done. FTW
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 5:31:20 AM EST
FLUFFY LITTLE BUNNIES! Think of the little bunnies! Good bunnies get carrots - Think of all the scampering happy bunnies! Lots and lots of bunny love! [thinking]
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 5:32:18 AM EST
If they know you are are shooter and like guns you already have one strike against you. If you are also a creative / independent thinker at work well thats strike two. If you enjoy the shooting sports as much as I do then you have need to keep your work and play separate. Try not to discuss firearms too much much at work, you will need to talk about the usual crap like football, baseball, and whatever Dan Rather said on the news last nite. Save your shooting stuff for your special circle of friends that know and understand. Just an idea....
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 5:38:25 AM EST
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 6:13:04 AM EST
Frank, You've gotten good advice already from the rest of the crew. As for me, I'll take respect over friendship any day at work. Remember, respect is gained & not gathered. It could take some time yet. Do your best at your job, and don't friggin worry about what the people around you think. You can't change it anyways!!! It's a job that pays the bills - that's all. Having said all that, I did work for a landscape architecture firm for 2 years, and never could fit in. I was miserable. When I finally walked away from that place, I realized how unhappy I was, and that I should have walked out a hell of a lot earlier. My own personal lesson from that? NEVER AGAIN!! Do what's right for Frank - fvck the rest of 'em.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 6:22:51 AM EST
Thank you everyone. This is really good advice and I feel a lot better. Again, thank you all. This was really good for me.. Oh and I was eating breakfast and reading all your posts. When it's time for everyone to go down for breakfast I'm gonna head to the lab and start my work :)
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 6:37:37 AM EST
Frank, Number ONE rule of employment, don't make friends with coworkers! I've always kept my "work life" seperate from everything else. It can get ugly if work people find out personal things about you, then decide not to be friends anymore, then all your personal dirt is now public office information. You might not realize it, but these people are doing you a favor! Acting like this has further alienated me from my coworkers, and management, as they think I'm some sort of freak for not wanting to divulge all sorts of personal information, which in my mind, just reaffirms my decision even more! However, if you do want to be friends with them, get them hookers! [sex]
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 6:47:04 AM EST
Maybe it's the Swastika tatooed on your forehead.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 8:21:42 AM EST
Originally Posted By sfoo:
only I NEVER then nor now get invited to do ANYTHING
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Why just last night I invited you to dinner at a place of your choosing. So that's not a true statement. [:P]
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That is true - I was there. I also invited you down memory lane and welcomed you to Fantasy Island. Keep up on your meds and everything will be fine.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 8:45:30 AM EST
Frank Don't give them the cold shoulder, but don't worry about stuff either. Sounds like you have run head on into a clique mentality. Maybe these guys have secrets from the old days? Murders they all had a part in? Weird sexual relationships with who knows what? It's hard to say. You'll be all right in 25 or 30 more years. Hang in there and don't worry. But man, what's with these hookers? Don't be a trick Frank. That one post about Raven and the strangers and worrying about her safety scares the shit out of me, brother. Seriously though you can't make everybody like you but you can make them respect you esp at work. Dave
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 9:05:04 AM EST
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 9:12:48 AM EST
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 9:29:49 AM EST
!WHEW! I thought I was the only one that polished their bullets and gave them names!!! Frank: You know, every "team" has a leader - why not challenge him (or her) to a shank fight? Just duct tape some old phone books to your appendages and torso, grab a broken mop handle with a rusty nail through it, and get busy! Just remember to go for the eyes if/when they're presented to you! Once you're "The Hammer", I'll bet things'll go a lot better for ya :D
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 9:31:49 AM EST
Frank, man, I WISH I had your problem. I'm the anti-social guy who doesn't want to be bugged. I don't like calls, I don't like uninvited visits, I like to be left alone. But I'm the guy everyone wants to talk to and be friends with. Probably from my appearance, I look like the hip surfer dude, who probably has some cool tats under his sleeves to match the tan. No. I'm actually the bookworm who likes to read and study and prefers peace and quiet to loud rock and roll. I would love to sit by myself at work and read a book or mag while I ate and have the crew somewhere far far away. And I have to be nice and deal with company because I never got into being the ego kind of shove-off guy. Night shift was great. Wish I could get transfered back. Maybe I should get a job in morgue.
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 9:57:54 AM EST
"HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Good idea Phil, although it might have the reverse effect and I'll be fired.. from a distance, but still a good idea, LOL"
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Mark on the targets "750 yards" Now they better fire you from a phone ;) Riz
Link Posted: 8/23/2001 10:05:11 AM EST
[Last Edit: 8/23/2001 10:06:05 AM EST by DVDTracker]
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