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Posted: 12/21/2003 2:20:25 PM EDT
I have been at my current job for 1/2 year now, & I got an unexpected bonus from my boss. I got a large honey smoked ham, a Earth clock, & unbeknownst to her 5 Benjamin's. I know this may seem greedy, but should I keep my mouth shut, or tell her. If I tell her she will be all for a 50/50 split, & to tell the truth I don't want to split it. So should I go against my own wishes to make her happy? She is really a good wife, but in truth I don't think she would use her half for something that would last as long as say an AK-47!
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 2:29:03 PM EDT
Overheard on another forum:

"I've got an opportunity to get some this weekend from the hot office mailboy... do you think I should tell my husband?"


Honesty, the best policy.

Divy it up, and give her a chunk.  Don't treat everything in your marriage as adversarial, or it will be.

We have the long thread on this board right now about whether the guy's wife is cheating on him.  If honesty is expected of the wife there, I don't see why it shouldn't be expected of you, here.

Just my $0.02.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 2:30:37 PM EDT
Seems only fair to give her the hunnie bee, at least, & maybe split it 50/50.

Two questions:

1.  How would she handle it if the tables were turned?

2.  How would you want her to handle it if the tables were turned?
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 2:35:02 PM EDT
DO like I do, tell her and give it all to her.

My wife gives me back at least 50% and a lot of times more. I have never regreted telling her or sharing it with her.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 2:35:24 PM EDT
One thing I've learned in a successful marriage for 30 years is never ever lie to your wife.  That doesn't mean you have to tell her everything.[;)]

Tj
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 2:42:54 PM EDT
What the hell is it with you people and your spouses...

Why WOULDN'T your tell your wife?

Do you guys wear tin-foil to protect against them too?

Link Posted: 12/21/2003 2:46:57 PM EDT
Christmas bonus?  What Christmas bonus?  All I got for a bonus was a clock and a ham.

(repeat as necessary)
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 2:51:45 PM EDT
Of course you should tell her.  You are excited about it...right?  You love her....right?  Share your exitement over your unexpected cash.  Go out for a nice evening.

I was married once...honesty and respect is the only way to go...too bad my ex never learned this.

Go out on the town and live it up one night.  $500 on one night can go a long, long way.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 2:54:21 PM EDT
I  need to add, If you are asking, you already know the answer......
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 2:58:47 PM EDT
Should you tell her?  Did she at any time in the last six months do ANYTHING that helped you make an impression, helped you feel like doing that little something extra,... that got you that bonus?  

I thought so  too.  Share it!
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 2:59:42 PM EDT
As if you even have to ask.

[b]Ephesians 5:25   Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;[/b]

Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:03:54 PM EDT
YOU worked for it, YOU earned it.  If YOU decide to get something nice for her to surprise her the way you were surprised, then that's a great idea.  
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:08:06 PM EDT
Ahhh, there is nothing like dishonesty in a healty relationship.  [rolleyes]
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:16:36 PM EDT
I just read this post to her without telling her the author. Talk about a mistake she is as we speak in a huge rant about how the wife should get it all. I shared some of the other post, & she just went wild, & warned me if I got $500 & didn't say anything about how much trouble I would be in when she found out!
I said I liked the give her $100 option, & she blew a fuse. Oh well, I can kiss this bonus goodbye. $500 isn't worth the headache she will make my life if I don't give it to her.[:(]
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:19:14 PM EDT
Your relationship blows.  In mine, I'd tell her and then mention what I had in mind to spend it on.... she'd go along with whatever, since it was MY money, but since we share everything, I'd spend some of it on her.  Something smaller, but if I made an extra $500 she'd get probably no more than $100 for something she wanted.  I'm lucky, my gal isn't as needy as most.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:20:12 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/21/2003 3:20:51 PM EDT by Delta_3_63]
Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:
I just read this post to her without telling her the author. Talk about a mistake she is as we speak in a huge rant about how the wife should get it all. I shared some of the other post, & she just went wild, & warned me if I got $500 & didn't say anything about how much trouble I would be in when she found out!
I said I liked the give her $100 option, & she blew a fuse. Oh well, I can kiss this bonus goodbye. $500 isn't worth the headache she will make my life if I don't give it to her.[:(]
View Quote


Too right.

The grief over this could live on far past the point where the $500 and whatever it was spent on is long forgotten.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:24:25 PM EDT
Tell her and split it 50/50.If you try to keep it all and she ever finds out you will pay many times over.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:26:57 PM EDT
Sh might notice it on your income tax return...ever think of that?
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:33:35 PM EDT
To guard against any selfishness that might be present ... why not

(What you got) minus (what she thinks should be hers) equals (what she gets)?
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:37:11 PM EDT
Yes, tell her!  She many times will say buy that gun, guitar, car, you have been talking about.
                                           [coffee]
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:38:36 PM EDT
Originally Posted By TomJefferson:
One thing I've learned in a successful marriage for 30 years is never ever lie to your wife.  That doesn't mean you have to tell her everything.[;)]
View Quote


Exactamundo!  There's a world of difference between lying & not volunteering info.  If she asks you point blank if you got a cash bonus that's one thing, if you bring home the bonus ham & clock & she [u]assumes[/u] that's all your boss gave you TFB.
If all the bills are paid up & there's no pressing family need for the $$$ (car repairs, etc) then I wouldn't say a damn thing.  Though if you do have kids you might consider socking some of the $$$ away for a rainy day.  If no kids maybe you should still stash the money....a new AK might be hard to explain where it came from.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:38:50 PM EDT
Did she earn that money?  If not than foget that ho!  But you an AK and if da bitch don't like it go old testement on her ass. weeh chaaa!
She needs to show the man some respect.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:43:50 PM EDT
Originally Posted By rugerman1022:
Did she earn that money?  If not than foget that ho!  But you an AK and if da bitch don't like it go old testement on her ass. weeh chaaa!
She needs to show the man some respect.
View Quote


Yeah, she was probably only supporting him in everything he does, you know, making him lunches, giving out, being domestic, etc etc.   she doesn't deserve any of it, no way.   [;)]
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:53:45 PM EDT
Originally Posted By KEA:
To guard against any selfishness that might be present ... why not

(What you got) minus (what she thinks should be hers) equals (what she gets)?
View Quote



In my case, the math is pretty basic:$500-$500=0

EVERY SINGLE YEAR there is a fight over my bonus. WITHOUT FAIL!

One year I announced that I was taking about 1/3 of it with a catch. Every snivel, whine or look was going to cast her $100 out of her share. In 1 minute and 24 seconds, she whined her way out of her share!I had the whole bonus!

Heard about that for months.

I actually tried to opt OUT of the bonus plan last July simply to avoid the fighting. HAH! They said I HAD to take the money.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 3:59:58 PM EDT
keep it to yourself!
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 4:03:19 PM EDT
Awe man, you even had to ask? [v]
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 4:04:21 PM EDT
Whether your keep it or give it to her, just be glad you got it.  Where I work at we will be lucky to get a smoked ham.



    Vulcan94
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 4:06:22 PM EDT
I just read this post to her without telling her the author.
View Quote


Unless your wife has serious short term memory problems, you are toast.

Honesty is the best way to sustain a relationship.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 4:09:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/21/2003 4:12:04 PM EDT by sgtstinger]


Originally Posted By GreyGhost:
Tell her and split it 50/50...

View Quote


That's what I'd do, especially after her rant.

I'd probably have said to give it ALL to her originally, but after her rant, it's as if she feels that [b]she's entitled[/b] to something that [b]YOU earned.[/b]

I ain't "down" with that...
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 4:11:45 PM EDT
Give all of the bonus to your wife - think of it as a tithe to the Goddess Mrs. Searchfortruth!  It will come back to you ten times over.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 4:11:51 PM EDT
I split my small bonus with the wife.
There are two extra presents under the tree and we both donated what was left to the Cancer Care Unit that helped her step-father live out the last three months of his life.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 4:12:47 PM EDT
LOL...this thread hits real close to home. Sometimes I feel the same way Searcher. I feel greedy and that Sig is screaming my name, REAL LOUD TOO. In the end though, honesty is always the best policy most of the time. [lol] Split it with her and save your half, that AK will be yours in no time.

Link Posted: 12/21/2003 4:16:26 PM EDT
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 4:22:37 PM EDT
SFT..

i'm with zippy...

except dont tell her where or why..you got the $$

take her out on the town..spend half on her..
you wont regret it..
she'll never forget it..

surprise her..with a "fine, fine" weekend..in the near future..

this will go along way for future..."issues".

always have cards to play on..

hell, you can take some really nice weekend trips on that kind of cash...



Link Posted: 12/21/2003 4:38:14 PM EDT
You have only 3 options.

A- Selfish: Say nothing and spend it all on yourself.
B- Shrewd: Give her half the cash and hope she buys you something with it.
C- Magnanimous: Buy her something with half the money.

I personally would always choose option C.
But maybe you should take the advice of some others a step further and just give her a 10 spot and smack her on the ass.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 5:06:31 PM EDT
Yes! Tell her. If you love her.
AB
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 5:17:15 PM EDT
OK, I have not SEEN a check since I got married 8 years ago.

There are 2 kinds of money as far as a WIFE is concerned."our money and my(wife) money"

In all fairness, I get to buy whatever i wish if we have enough.

Plenty of ammo to.

If you have to hide money from her you need to be single.

I never had as much or been worth as much until I brought in my lifes partner.

Let the Men bring in the meat and the Women keep the nest, it is nature's way and it works.

Give her all of it.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 5:23:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/21/2003 5:29:46 PM EDT by Energizer]
Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:
I just read this post to her without telling her the author. Talk about a mistake she is as we speak in a huge rant about how the wife should get it all. I shared some of the other post, & she just went wild, & warned me if I got $500 & didn't say anything about how much trouble I would be in when she found out!
I said I liked the give her $100 option, & she blew a fuse. Oh well, I can kiss this bonus goodbye. $500 isn't worth the headache she will make my life if I don't give it to her.[:(]
View Quote


WTF is her problem??? She didn't earn it. It was a gift to YOU, not her. Why the hell does she think she should get it all??? When she gets a gift, does she hand it over to you immediately? I thought not.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 5:27:02 PM EDT
Originally Posted By albob:
Yes! Tell her. If you love her.
AB
View Quote



[b]Bullshit!!![/b]

This sounds like a P.W.'d excuse to me.
We do not get Christmas Bonuses where I work, but we do get profit sharing every quarter and a 5th and final year end check at the end of the year, we will get it in Feb.
In the 11 years I have been there I have never said a word about these checks, and my wife knows nothing about them. Besides I [b]WORK[/b] there not her, I bust my ass 250+ working days a year, not her. If she wants one she can get a job there, but I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon.

Now if I decide to spend this money on her, that is my choice, not hers. If she knew about it, it would be gone on some goofy asses craft  crap.


[b] Keep it for yourself[/b]

Link Posted: 12/21/2003 5:40:12 PM EDT
Uh oh.[?]
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 5:41:36 PM EDT
PS, SFTT: I would have this thread deleted NOW!
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 5:42:32 PM EDT
Four years ago I forgot to tell my wife how much I actually got and spent the unannounced amount, $100, on her.
This year with less than 1 year at her current job she got a $600 bonus that we were not  expecting. She never told me about it.
Last night a large wrapped box appeared under tree with my name on. Instead of a name tag there is her bonus check stub taped on it with her name crossed off and mine in place.
Unless your planning on getting a divorce already, tell her unless your are a total smuck.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 5:55:39 PM EDT
Originally Posted By jerry48430:
Four years ago I forgot to tell my wife how much I actually got and spent the unannounced amount, $100, on her.
This year with less than 1 year at her current job she got a $600 bonus that we were not  expecting. She never told me about it.
Last night a large wrapped box appeared under tree with my name on. Instead of a name tag there is her bonus check stub taped on it with her name crossed off and mine in place.
Unless your planning on getting a divorce already, tell her unless your are a total smuck.
View Quote


I can see how this can sometimes be a good approach, however, when his wife ranted about how she should get it ALL ("Talk about a mistake she is as we speak in a huge rant about how the wife should get it all.") , that is the determining factor here since it shows her greed-- I would keep it and tell her I kept it all.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 5:55:53 PM EDT
Give the wife a piece of the bonus. I always shared windfalls with the wife and after she passed, I gave the g/f something extra when I got a cash award.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 6:19:20 PM EDT
SFT, what the hell is wrong with your wife?  I can see her wanting some of it, but demanding the whole thing for herself is crazy.  I think you're not telling us something, like your roof has a big hole in it and you want to blow the extra cash on ammo.  THAT I could understand, but the scenario you just gave isn't realistic!
Or she's an Uberbitch.  Only you know.
Link Posted: 12/21/2003 6:19:55 PM EDT
Every time I come into an unexpected amount of cash I always give my wife a certain percentage.  How certain I am on the percentage depends on the amount. [:)]

When I walk in the door and hand her a 'hundo, she knows I had a great day. She never asks how great as she knows it had nothing to do with her or her money, I'm just feeling good and want to share.

I did not marry a minch.

I just wish she would walk in the door and hand me a 'hundo every now and then...

Bob

Link Posted: 12/22/2003 1:16:29 AM EDT
I'd at least get her something nice w/ some of the $$$$.  You don't have to 50/50 the bonus to have a good marraige, but You know your wife better than we do.  What do you think she would consider fair?  Are you the types that have seperate bank accounts, or do you 50/50 the family finances?  If I were in your situation, especially it being the Holidays, I would get her a nice present, give it to her on a day that's not Christmas, to make it more of a suprise, and tell her about the bonus.  If you got a bonus, thought enough of her to get her something w/ part of it, and suprised her w/ a gift from it, she probably won't care how much they gave you and what % of that you spent on her gift.
Link Posted: 12/22/2003 1:25:23 AM EDT
Originally Posted By Searcherfortruth:
I have been at my current job for 1/2 year now, & I got an unexpected bonus from my boss. I got a large honey smoked ham, a Earth clock, & unbeknownst to her 5 Benjamin's. I know this may seem greedy, but should I keep my mouth shut, or tell her. If I tell her she will be all for a 50/50 split, & to tell the truth I don't want to split it. So should I go against my own wishes to make her happy? She is really a good wife, but in truth I don't think she would use her half for something that would last as long as say an AK-47!
View Quote


If you don't know what to do then you have a real problem. The fact that you are thinking about [b]not[/b] telling her says a lot about you (Good or bad? [b]You[/b] choose!). Just my not-so-humble opinion and worth what you paid for it. [;D]




[devil]
Link Posted: 12/22/2003 2:08:23 AM EDT
I got an unexpected bonus also. I told the wife about it and her reply was..."You earned that money now go buy that gun part you have been wanting"

So....I went to the local funshow and came home with a new upper!

BTW....I made sure that to get all the things she wanted on her christmas list this year.
Link Posted: 12/22/2003 2:34:42 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 12/22/2003 2:35:34 AM EDT by Bobby_the_Hun]
I'm not married, so no advice from me....OH WTF ? I'd donate the HAM to a local food bank, the clock stays in my office/on my desk and the cash buys ammo for for all my firearms.[}:D]
Link Posted: 12/22/2003 4:10:32 AM EDT
Let me state this for the record! My wife is a wonderful partner. She works hard at home, & does in home day care 5 days a week. She is not an itch in the least. I love her & respect her. We have been married 13 years + now & I have never hidden a single thing from her, ever. I was thinking about the money & I got to dreaming of saving for a gun in the future, or some of the items I want that go with my gun hobby, a couple of K's of ammo, a meerschaum pipe, my ccl, stuff like that & when I added it all up my 5 was spent. I thought of starting a savings account for a future cruise or some other type of trip for us. I just wanted to control where the money went. I don't think I was being greedy, just maybe a little selfish as I don't get many decent wads of cash all at once. She does let me get the toys I really want even if I have to wait months or years to afford them. As I type, I'm waiting for my M-4 upper to come back from GG&G, & then the whole rifle is off to Walter Birdsong for a Green-T finish. She ask for very little, & I always indulge her when she wants something as well.
I sold my H&K USP to buy her some sapphire earings one year. We love each other, & the fact I asked if I should tell her doesn't say anything bad about her or me. Her rant was not typical, & if she had known it was my post would have made her see things a little differently I hope. We have been kida tight with money this year, as I was jobless for 4 long painfull months.
Anyway I told her we had a quick disagreement, more about me not telling her than anything else, & she said she wanted me to have it all. I'm going to buy a pipe, & put the rest into a savings account for a cruise for us on our anniversary.  
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