Now I'm a retired officer, so don't bear me any ill will for this.  
> Cops and Radar:
>
> This guy is flying down the road and he comes over the top of a bridge.
Sure
> enough, on the other side there is sitting a cop with a radar gun.
>
> The cop pulls the guy over, walks up to the car and asks, "What's the
> hurry?"
>
> The guy replies, "I'm late for work."
>
> "Oh yeah", says the cop, "what do you do?"
>
> The guy responds, "I'm a rectum stretcher."
>
> The cop says "What!?!?!?  a rectum stretcher, and what does a rectum
> stretcher do?"
>
> The guy says, "Well, I start with one finger, then I work my way up to two
> fingers, then three, then four, then my whole hand, then I work until I
can
> get both hands in there and then, I slowly stretch it until it's about 6
> foot wide"
>
> The cop asks, "What the hell do you do with a 6 foot xxxhole?'
>
> The guy replies, "You give him a radar gun and park him at the end of a
> bridge..."

so true!

An IRS agent is auditing a rabbi.  He asks the wise cleric "What do you do with all of your candle stubs?"  The rabbi says "I send them to the candle factory and every month they send me a free box of candles."  The auditor quickly scribbles some notes on his legal pad.

He looks up and asks another question: "What do you do with your left over matzah crumbs?"  "Well I sent them to the baker and every week he sends me some free matzah balls." says the rabbi.  The IRS agent begins to scribble some more notes on his pad.

Then then rabbi quickly asks "I also have a lot of used foreskins... do you want to know what I do with them?"  "Certainly" says the auditor.

"Well I gather them up and send them to the IRS and every year they send me a little prick like you!"