User Panel
User Panel
User Panel
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:05:27 PM EDT
[#1]
(borrowed from someone else in another thread)
Them: Hi, I'm with MCI and I'd like to help you save on long distance rates. You: We don't have a phone. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:07:32 PM EDT
[#2]
or "What are you wearing??" "How about undergarments??"
A buddy says; "Hang on a moment" and sets the phone down and walks away... |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:09:50 PM EDT
[#3]
Here's the one I used earlier tonight:
"Hello, is ______ there?" "Who the hell is this?" "May I please speak to " "WHO THE HELL IS THIS STOP CALLING ME MOTHER FUCKER!!" click |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:13:25 PM EDT
[#4]
Ask them their name and home telephone. They will ask WHY? You reply with " So I can call you at home and bug the piss out of you, like you are doing to me!" If I don't have time for the above reply. My all time favorite is: " Get a real job!" That really pisses them off! [:D] |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:24:26 PM EDT
[#5]
When ever they ask for me by my full name I know it's [i]one of them[/i]. I just say "no, he's not here, can I take a message?". They always say no and hang up. Short and sweet.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:29:56 PM EDT
[#6]
sfoo, that was me. Not 1/2 an hour ago I got to use it again, this time it was somebody with AT&T instead of MCI.
For my next trick, I think I'm gonna just respond "Huh" after every sentence they speak. Them: "Hello sir, how are you this evening." Me: "huh?" Them: "I said, Hello sir, how are you this evening" Me: "Huh?" I imagine I could get it to go on for quite a while. You can also always answer with "QUE?" It's that or go into the bathroom and sit on the toilet making "sploosh" noises while flushing the toilet repeatedly. It's getting pretty darned predictable around this house of mine, usually between 6-9pm those assholes call. Lots of wrong numbers these days too, somebody in the phone book with a name similar to my dad's must be in big time debt cause people keep calling asking for this dude. I'm kinda thinkin about trying to jack the guy over, tell the creditors that all the money was used for crack cocaine and filthy hookers. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:31:30 PM EDT
[#7]
Them: Hello? May I please speak to (total basdardidation of my name)?
Me: Why yes, that's me. Them: I'd like to talk to you about investment opportunities in midwest commodities. Me: Midwest commodities? who told you there was any money in midwest commodities. Them: Well market statistics show that - Me: But you're totally misinformed! The real money making oportunites are in running guns South, and bringing drugs North!! Them: Ahhem. Well. You see. I'm calling about - Me: You gotta listen to me! I'm giving you the straight shit here... Do you even know what the return rate is on - Them: CLICK...... |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:34:44 PM EDT
[#8]
It's simple, hang up on them.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:37:45 PM EDT
[#9]
My phone number is unlisted and under the listed name is not mine! So it useally starts with asking for someone whom of coarse is not me, so I say No so an so is not hear(then the silence and the automatic call). Then somebody comes on male or female Blah bata bing bata blah.
Then I ether hang up or ask have you talked long enough to get your money for this call and if yes then I say Thank You but No thank You. Then Hang up! I always want to think it could be my daughter,or maybe yours that is having to do this to feed the kids. I hate it but with all the really bad shit going on right now,Its just as small thing! Bob [8D] |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:43:06 PM EDT
[#10]
"No, he is not here, diss ist Haans, vott can Haans do for you? Can Haans tack eine message? Hullo? Are you still dere? [i]Ach, verdammt.[/i]"
|
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:48:20 PM EDT
[#11]
Them: Hello, Is Mr.Slick there?
Me:Yes, this is him. Them: Id like to tell you about (enter crap here) Me:Have you seen my cat? Them:Huh? We were just calling to tell you... Me:Hes small, black with white spots, I think he's lost. And another: Them: Is Mr.Slick there? Me: No.... Them:When would be a better time to call back? Me: Uh..Im just staying here....the door was open and I needed a place to stay...your not gonna tell anybody Im here are you? (continue on until amused enough or until they hang up) And one more: Them: Is Mr.Slick there? Me: No, do you know where he is? That sumb]tch owes me money! You knw where he is dont you? All Confuse them quite well. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:48:48 PM EDT
[#12]
You guys are mere children playing games on the phone.
Put in a search for Tom mabe telemarketers revenge And tremble in the Presence of the MASTER! You can also steal his MP3's on Morpheus or whatever. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 7:51:09 PM EDT
[#13]
I am the master of f#cking with telemarketers. I haven't heard of a trick yet that I haven't already tried. For example:
"Hello, may I speak with..." "You must be the guy who's f#ckin' my wife! I'm gonna git you!" Or for anyone calling up asking for a donation, I'll lead them along: "So, would you like to make a donation to our group?" "Sure! I'll charge a $1000 donation. Let me get my credit card out of my wallet..." (unplug phone line from the wall) If the suspect mispronounces my last name: "May I speak with Mr. Icantpronounceanythingphonetically?" "Sorry, that's not the proper pronunciation of my last name." (click) Sometimes, I'll just answer the phone: "Hello?" (insert sales pitch here while I've set the phone down and walked off) For credit card companies, there's always the Monty Python tactic: "We'd like to offer you this so-called Platinum card with all of these crappy features you will never use!" "Oh, you see, I've already got one." "You've already got one?" "Oh yes, it's very nice." I just recently got caller ID. I had the choice of blocking anonymous callers. I couldn't bring myself to do it, because A) who else calls me but telemarketers and B) it's too much fun when I'm bored! the_reject |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 9:20:00 PM EDT
[#14]
Quoted: You guys are mere children playing games on the phone. Put in a search for Tom mabe telemarketers revenge And tremble in the Presence of the MASTER! You can also steal his MP3's on Morpheus or whatever. [url]http://www.tommabe.com/album.php[/url] Number four is great. So is "pooped a J" Scott |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 9:25:55 PM EDT
[#15]
I always say " Can you hang on for just one minute"
Then I go take a piss, smoke a cig, serf the net, go see if anything is in the fridge to eat, yada yada yada, then pick the phone up to see if the idiot is still there. One time they were still on the phone, so I listened to them, acted like I was interested, and told them to hang on one more minute. Then I left to go to Taco Bueno to eat. They were not on the phone when I got back. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 10:04:24 PM EDT
[#16]
One that my brother pulled was pretty good. A woman from a (LIBERAL) newspaper calls trying to get him to subscribe.
Saleswoman: sir can I interest you in the (Liberal Rag) Brother: I cant believe you! SW: Sir? B: I cannot believe you would work with this newspaper. SW: why not? B:Because they support rape. SW:How do you figure that? B: Well they are Anti 2nd Amendment and they feel that people should be unarmed. And as you well know because you sound like an intelligent woman, that when a woman is unarmed and confronted by a rapist, how is she supposed to defend herself? SW: Inever thought of that B: So are "we" going to look for a new job tomorrow? |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 11:37:54 PM EDT
[#17]
There is always a delay after you pick up the phone and say Hello. Computers are dialing the numbers while the moron working there waits for someone to answer. If no-one answers your "hello" within a second, hang up.
If it's anyone important, they'll call back |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/3/2002 11:45:30 PM EDT
[#18]
One guy I know has a new one I hadn't heard before. When the sales drones call, ask for what ever, he just repeats (until they hang up):
"I don't speak English." |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 12:21:28 AM EDT
[#19]
...Exactly why I don't have a land line...
|
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 12:45:56 AM EDT
[#20]
Quoted: ...Exactly why I don't have a land line... So how are you getting on the 'net these days? Satellite? |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 12:47:01 AM EDT
[#21]
And while I'm here...why not go for the whole Bud WHAZZZZUPPPP!!! or even funnier, JIIIHHHADDDD!!!! bits with the caller?
|
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 12:48:19 AM EDT
[#22]
Quoted: Quoted: ...Exactly why I don't have a land line... So how are you getting on the 'net these days? Satellite? Cable. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 12:52:14 AM EDT
[#23]
Quoted: Cable. Didn't realize they'd strung it into the boonies that far yet. [:D] Still hasn't made it to my part of the world, though. [:(] |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 1:05:43 AM EDT
[#24]
I usually just let the machine answer everything. One time a chick was selling home security systems...
ME---I have a good system now. HER---May I ask what system? ME---Sure. I have 6 Rott's and a large amount of semiautomatic weapons. HER---silence...............click. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 1:35:12 AM EDT
[#25]
Quoted: Quoted: Cable. Didn't realize they'd strung it into the boonies that far yet. [:D] Still hasn't made it to my part of the world, though. [:(] I got to see Treetops new house today, and meet Mrs.Treetop. "Boonies" is definatley NOT a word that I would use to describe his place! |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 1:37:05 AM EDT
[#26]
Quoted: One that my brother pulled was pretty good. A woman from a (LIBERAL) newspaper calls trying to get him to subscribe.... LMAO! I'll have to remember that one next time The LA Times calls me to subscribe. I usually tell them, "No thanks, I don't need any bird cage liner." |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 5:41:53 AM EDT
[#27]
I keep them at bay between the unlisted #'s and the answering machine. I work nights, so I have the ringers shut of on the phones too.
I never give out the voice #. When pressed I give out the data/fax/alarm system # If they press the correct buttons they can even talk to my alarm system and it will talk back. [BD] |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 6:40:47 AM EDT
[#28]
Quoted: Quoted: ...Exactly why I don't have a land line... So how are you getting on the 'net these days? Satellite? Cable modem... |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 10:53:16 AM EDT
[#29]
"Hello."
"Is the person who is in charge of the long distance phone buying decision at home...?" "Well, yes, but he can't come to the phone right now. He's dead." -Shocked silence- "This is the county coroner- who is this calling? Did you know the deceased? Did you call earlier tonight, before the crime?" "Well... uh... well..." "Perhaps you better take this number of your list, son." (Works just as well for:) "Can I speak to Mr. Johnson." "No, he's dead." (Repeat). |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 11:01:59 AM EDT
[#30]
i just say that person is not here rarely hear back.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 11:08:08 AM EDT
[#31]
Quoted: "Hello." "Is the person who is in charge of the long distance phone buying decision at home...?" "Well, yes, but he can't come to the phone right now. He's dead." -Shocked silence- "This is the county coroner- who is this calling? Did you know the deceased? Did you call earlier tonight, before the crime?" "Well... uh... well..." "Perhaps you better take this number of your list, son." ach, i thought i originally thought of that one!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [:(] it works, too. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 11:11:37 AM EDT
[#32]
My friend brought one of the tom mabe cd's to school, they are pretty damn funny. This one carpet cleaning service called and he's like "Oh my god I can't believe you called, listen. Can you get blood out of the carpet? Cause I got it everywhere, its on the carpet, its on the couch, the drapes, it's EVERYWHERE."
|
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 11:13:58 AM EDT
[#33]
One of the good laws that a Tennessee legislature did a few years ago was pass a "No Telemarketers If You Don't Want Them Law". Just enter your phone numbers on the Tn Gov website and..poof..no more annoying calls. The number of calls dropped from almost everyday to zero....
|
|
|
|
Posted: 7/4/2002 11:16:11 AM EDT
[#34]
There was also a funny one from tom mabe where a funeral home called and he convinced them that he was suicidal and was going to kill him self.
|
|
|
|
Posted: 7/5/2002 12:24:41 AM EDT
[#35]
this isn't funny, but it works
"please take me off your calling list" they're required by law to no longer call you after that, at least in NY, not sure if it's a national law |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/5/2002 7:27:12 AM EDT
[#36]
Hello?
This is Dawn Dumb with ABC Mortgage Company and I .... MORTGAGES?!?! Oh man I've been wanting to buy some. Whatcha got? Anything in the $300 to 500 K? Click...hummmmmmm |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/5/2002 7:49:51 AM EDT
[#37]
I usually tell them that I'll buy their product if they will do one thing. When they ask what, I tell them they have to jump up on their desk and scream at the top of their lungs, "I'm sick of these motherfuckers on the phone and I'm fixing to kill everybody in this room".
Never had any takers. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/6/2002 7:51:55 AM EDT
[#38]
When my caller ID says the call is coming from "UNAVAILIBLE", I always answer in a loud serious voice:
"NETWORK OPERATIONS" "...uh is Mr.Derek45 there?" "THIS IS NETWORK OPERATIONS, YOU SHOULDN'T BE CALLING THIS NUMBER ! ! " "...uh, what's network..uh...is Mr....uh...is this a residence??" "THIS IS NETWORK OPERATIONS ! !" click. If I'm bored, (in a sincere voice) I'll tell them to try and find a better job, "Pizza drivers make pretty good tips do you have a car? They don't require any skills either." |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/6/2002 7:55:35 AM EDT
[#39]
1st interstate bank calls, "Please hold, I'll go find him"
minutes later "You still holding, let me go find him" They hang up between 5-10 minutes later. Worst part is they now keep calling back every day, thinking I'm really interested. I keep doing the same thing. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/6/2002 8:13:04 AM EDT
[#40]
Indiana also has the "No Call List". We used to get at least 2 calls a day, now we might get one a week.
There is now one documented case of the gov't doing something correctly (though it probably is costing 6 trillion dollars). csx76 |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/6/2002 8:53:57 AM EDT
[#41]
Feedback (not the vocal kind) is always loads of fun. when a human answers you back turn on the speakerphone on the base (usually the handset is left active, perfect for our intentions) then place the handset near the base's speaker. SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH.
turn it off and listen to them for a second. if you hear them curse turn it back on. ;) rinse and repeat until they hang up. reason this works is they wear headsets which places the speaker directly on the ear. and its a pain to yank off quick enough. used to work phone techsupport so i had to wear the headset deals. much more comfortable then using a handset all day long. course the other good on is Windows XP has a built in text-speech program. use microsoft sam voice. slow it down to about 10% speed. sounds like a retarded computer. you can have much fun with this. course you could always make them wonder about your sexual pratices. tell them your gerbial(spell it Gerbal for it to sound right) is stuck in the dark side. ;) ive never been one to tell them to put me on a do not call list. way to much fun screwing with them. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/23/2002 8:45:04 AM EDT
[#42]
OMG. This was the best laugh I've had in weeks! I was falling out of my chair!! Thanks to all.
This isn't funny either, but I ask them how in the hell they got this number- its a cell phone. I'm not kidding either..they called me on my cell phone- which happens to be my only phone. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/23/2002 8:51:04 AM EDT
[#43]
If you want to f with 'em and get them to really stop calling.
1. ask for the manager 2. get the name of the telemarketing company NOT the company they are calling FOR. 3. get the location of the telemarketing company 4. tell them this is the third time their company has called and asked to speak with the woman of the house and refused to speak with the man, therefore if anyone from their company calls back you will file a "stalking" charge against their company. goodbye. works for me, and its fun to hear 'em shit their pants. |
|
|
|
Posted: 7/23/2002 9:32:46 AM EDT
[#44]
99.999% of them use computers to dial the numbers and connect an available telemarketer when you answer, so I use their own computers against them.
Their computers are programmed to drop numbers from their lists if those numbers are invalid. They judge this by those three tones you get when you dial a number that is not in service. Stick those tones as the first thing on your answering machine outgoing message, and let the machine answer everything for a while and most of your t-m calls will go away... |
|
|
Win a FREE Membership!
Sign up for the ARFCOM weekly newsletter and be entered to win a free ARFCOM membership. One new winner* is announced every week!
You will receive an email every Friday morning featuring the latest chatter from the hottest topics, breaking news surrounding legislation, as well as exclusive deals only available to ARFCOM email subscribers.
AR15.COM is the world's largest firearm community and is a gathering place for firearm enthusiasts of all types.
From hunters and military members, to competition shooters and general firearm enthusiasts, we welcome anyone who values and respects the way of the firearm.
Subscribe to our monthly Newsletter to receive firearm news, product discounts from your favorite Industry Partners, and more.
Copyright © 1996-2024 AR15.COM LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Any use of this content without express written consent is prohibited.
AR15.Com reserves the right to overwrite or replace any affiliate, commercial, or monetizable links, posted by users, with our own.
