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10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 9/26/2005 9:26:04 AM EDT
Received this in an email. Thought you might enjoy it.

One Woman's Tale of Woe-

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors,razors, Nair and now...the
wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home,
fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that
would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I
should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So
I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one
of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you
peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever
else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard
can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically
inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing
each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them
together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to

1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across
my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can
do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,
fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the
kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot
on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax
strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half
of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek.
(Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
myself.........RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half
the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything
is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...........must stay
conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK,
back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that
has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body
hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the
hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down,
foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that
should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,
which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake.......remember my foot is
still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a
cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out
what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to
poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I
can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered
bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,
right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that
used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment
- I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether
regions glued together, is having them glued together and then
glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by
the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom
of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the
porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few
months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and
has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glue together to the

bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any
secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or
who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now.....I can hear her. I give her
the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of
the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone
else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to
scraping the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better
then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut,
stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving
the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity
has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my
saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on
and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and
scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I
really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works !!" I get a hearty
congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg
at this point.


Next week I'm going to try hair color......

Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:33:22 AM EDT
Would suck to be the guy in her life.

Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:35:40 AM EDT
Dear, God, that was funny!
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:40:43 AM EDT
That was hilarious!
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:42:24 AM EDT

Originally Posted By The_Reaper:
Would suck to be the guy in her life.




+1
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:43:22 AM EDT
IBGR.

In Before Gabby's Response!
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:44:22 AM EDT
Yeah, another reason why I am so happy to have been born with a pair of unlike chromosomes.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:46:41 AM EDT

Originally Posted By yellowjacket:
Received this in an email. Thought you might enjoy it.

One Woman's Tale of Woe-

All hair removal methods have tricked women with their promises of
easy, painless removal - The epilady, scissors,razors, Nair and now...the
wax.

My night began as any other normal weeknight. Come home,
fix dinner, play with the kids. I then had the thought that
would ring painfully in my mind for the next few hours: "Maybe I
should pull the waxing kit out of the medicine cabinet." So
I headed to the site of my demise: the bathroom. It was one
of those "cold wax" kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just rub the strips together in your hand, they get warm and you
peel them apart and press them to your leg (or wherever
else) and you pull the hair right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard
can it be? I mean, I'm not a genius, but I am mechanically
inclined enough to figure this out. (YA THINK!?!)

So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing
each other stuck together. Instead of rubbing them
together, my genius kicks in so I get out the hair dryer and heat it to

1000 degrees. ("Cold wax," yeah...right!) I lay the strip across
my thigh. Hold the skin around it tight and pull. It works!
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can
do this! Hair removal no longer eludes me! I am She-rah,
fighter of all wayward body hair and maker of smooth skin
extraordinaire.

With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the
kids, I sneak back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair
fighting championship. I drop my panties and place one foot
on the toilet. Using the same procedure, I apply the wax
strip across the right side of my bikini line, covering the right half
of my vagina and stretching down to the inside of my butt cheek.
(Yes, it was a long strip) I inhale deeply and brace
myself.........RRRRIIIPPP!!!!

I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!.... OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!
Vision returning, I notice that I've only managed to pull off half
the strip. CRAP!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP!! Everything
is swirly and spotted. I think I may pass out...........must stay
conscious...Do I hear crashing drums??? Breathe, breathe...OK,
back to normal.

I want to see my trophy - a wax covered strip, the one that
has caused me so much pain, with my hairy pelt sticking to it.
I want to revel in the glory that is my triumph over body
hair. I hold up the strip! There's no hair on it. Where is the
hair??? WHERE IS THE WAX??? Slowly I ease my head down,
foot still perched on the toilet. I see the hair. The hair that
should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax. CRAP!
I run my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body,
which is now covered in cold wax and matted hair.

Then I make the next BIG mistake.......remember my foot is
still propped up on the toilet? I know I need to do something.
So I put my foot down. DAMN!!!!!!!! I hear the slamming of a
cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Butt?? Sealed shut!

I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out
what to do and think to myself "Please don't let me get the urge to
poop. My head may pop off!" What can I do to melt the wax?
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I
can stand into the bathtub, get in, immerse the wax-covered
bits and the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off,
right???
*WRONG!!!!!!!*
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than that
used to torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment
- I sit. Now, the only thing worse than having your nether
regions glued together, is having them glued together and then
glued to the bottom of the tub...in scalding hot water. Which, by
the way, doesn't melt cold wax. So, now I'm stuck to the bottom
of the tub as though I had cement-epoxied myself to the
porcelain!! God bless the man who had convinced me a few
months ago to have a phone put in the bathroom!!!!!

I call my friend, thinking surely she has waxed before and
has some secret of how to get me undone. It's a very good
conversation starter - "So, my butt and who-ha are glue together to the

bottom of the tub!" There is a slight pause. She doesn't know any
secret tricks for removal but she does try to hide her laughter from me.
She wants to know exactly where the wax is located, "Are we talking cheeks or hole or
who-ha?" She's laughing out loud by now.....I can hear her. I give her
the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the side of
the box. YEAH!!!!! Right!! I should be the joke of someone
else's night. While we go through various solutions. I resort to
scraping the wax off with a razor . Nothing feels better
then to have your girlie goodies covered in hot wax, glued shut,
stuck to the tub in super hot water and then dry-shaving
the sticky wax off!! By now the brain is not working, dignity
has taken a major hike and I'm pretty sure I'm going to need
Post-Traumatic Stress counseling for this event.

My friend is still talking with me when I finally see my
saving grace....the lotion they give you to remove the excess wax.
What do I really have to lose at this point? I rub some on
and OH MY GOD!!!!!!! The scream probably woke the kids and
scared the dickens out of my friend. It's sooo painful, but I
really don't care. "IT WORKS!! It works !!" I get a hearty
congratulation from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
grief and despair....THE HAIR IS STILL THERE.......ALL OF IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
So I recklessly shave it off. Heck, I'm numb by now.
Nothing hurts. I could have amputated my own leg
at this point.


Next week I'm going to try hair color......








Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:47:33 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:50:27 AM EDT
God I hope my wife is willing to be smooth down there.

Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:52:14 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:53:30 AM EDT
In Before The Gabby Post

Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:53:40 AM EDT
Never knew GabbasaurusRex was such a good writer.....
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 10:02:03 AM EDT
I have a similar story about a rotary nose hair trimmer....not for the weak.



roy d....fur free...at least as far as a nostril can be!
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 10:06:38 AM EDT


Glad I don't have to do that!
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 10:12:54 AM EDT
Tagging for the Gabby post
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 10:14:04 AM EDT
My sister in-law came over rolling one day. come to find out that her boyfriend used something called nadds to remove the hair from his boys. He left it on too long and got Chemical burns On his twig and berries.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 10:15:20 AM EDT

Originally Posted By ProfessorEvil:
Never knew GabbasaurusRex was such a good writer.....



I didn't know she had my email address! (The story came through my email.)
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 10:17:57 AM EDT


ouch
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 10:24:48 AM EDT
tag for later reading
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 10:26:40 AM EDT

Originally Posted By skv:
My sister in-law came over rolling one day. come to find out that her boyfriend used something called nadds to remove the hair from his boys. He left it on too long and got Chemical burns On his twig and berries.



Never put something designed to melt hair on your junk.........
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 10:34:19 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 10:37:04 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SP1Grrl:
Uh oh.

PAGING GABBY!!!

She has the best wax story, ever.



Yeah, Gabby's was very entertaining, although this one sounds a hell of a lot more painful.

+1 on painful rotary nose trimmer stories, although never as bad as this disaster.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 10:42:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By SP1Grrl:
Uh oh.

PAGING GABBY!!!

She has the best wax story, ever.




pffft.. she's a quitter.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 11:40:23 AM EDT
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 11:46:22 AM EDT
funny crap -

Link Posted: 9/26/2005 12:26:19 PM EDT
Remember the Nads commercial on TV? The green snot looking goop the lady spreads on, applies a strip of cloth and yanks off?

Well, my daughters, 15 and 13 at the time, talked their Mom into getting them some.

I remember hearing the screams from the bathroom as they each did the first yank.

That was the end of Nads usage in our house.

The box is still under the bathroom sink. I suppose the jar is still in there, but I haven't figured out a use for it yet. Apply to the inside of a tire to stop up slow leaks? Glue shingles down that have been blown up by storms? Any suggestions?
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 5:02:55 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/26/2005 5:08:18 PM EDT by GabbasaurusRex]
*Sigh...*

Originally posted by GabbasaurusRex:

Originally Posted By leelaw:
Alright, I am bringing the results on behalf of Gabbasaurus who has crawled into a corner and rolled herself into a ball, rocking back and forth.

Pain: MUCH!

Effectiveness: 98%

Target area eliminated: 75% (Gab: "Now I understand why some girls keep landing strips")

As you can see, the operation was prematurely terminated when the agressor and targets came to an agreement to halt the agressor's slaughtering on account of pain.

Boyfriend's assesment: Looks good, but we've still got 25% to go.

Further note: Hearing protection is recommended to the waxer, as well as body armor. Sedatives might be beneficial, Vicodin better.

And now you know....


This is exaggerrated only in that there were no sedatives involved (big mistake) and there was no fetal position.

My throat is sore from screaming.

I tried a little patch on my arm to test what it felt like. Ripping a band-aid off was more painful than the arm test, so I figured it wouldn't be so bad. I was SORELY mistaken.

I decided to try applying it in three sections, one at a time. By the time the wax cooled I knew there was no way I'd be able to do it, so I recruited my wax boy. I held a pillow over my mouth just in case. Good thing I did. Normally I'm pretty tolerant of pain, but I was screeching like a ring wraith as soon as he yanked at the first strip. The wax breaks easily if you leave it on for too long, therefore making more times he had to yank and more window-shattering howls from me.

By the time we had gotten all the main areas done, all we had left to do was the landing strip. I couldn't take anymore. As soon as wax boy started mixing the wax to do the last portion, I swore I would kill him if he even thought about it. Thus, I am left with a landing strip and now understand why some irls choose to keep it. I still think it looks stupid but I'm not about to complain.

To all the ladies out there who have considered waxing: LET A PROFESSIONAL DO IT THE FIRST TIME. Huge mistake to try and do it myself seeing as how they would have been quick, efficient, and worth the money. The hair grows in finer each time, so the second time would have been best to try if I wanted to attempt it myself.

To all the gentlemen out there who want to know what kind of pain I'm referring to: duct tape your nads. Then pull.

Link Posted: 9/26/2005 5:07:19 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 5:08:47 PM EDT
That was soo funny! I hope my wife didnt hear me burst in to laughter!
Ohh, I mean i'm sorry that you had a poor experience with your quality waxing product. BTW what brand was it so I can screen the bathroom products.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 5:14:17 PM EDT
Wouldn't shaving be less painful?
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 5:15:10 PM EDT
Post-Gabby post. Darn, I'm too late.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 5:15:33 PM EDT

Originally Posted By zeekh:
Wouldn't shaving be less painful?


Yes. Definitely. I kissed my Mach III after that experience.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 5:16:09 PM EDT
Wasn't there a video on bigboys.com or some other video server that was a long series of chicks getting waxed? It was funny as hell.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 6:14:30 PM EDT
tag for the wife
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 6:24:47 PM EDT
Gentlemen. If, for some ungodly reason, a female in your household decides to do this kind of sick, masochistic shit... Just go into the other room, and remain quiet. Very quiet. Do not laugh. Do not snicker. For God's sake, do not point.

Some of them don't take kindly to mid-wax ridicule. And some of them seek revenge.

And that is all I will say. I try to block the painful memories.

Link Posted: 9/26/2005 8:52:09 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:03:19 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Troy:
Gabby, I *did* pass on the recommendation to have a professional job done the first time...

After that, you can maintain it yourself at home with much less trouble.

-Troy


Ya. Weel, after that experience, my razor looks a lot friendlier.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:13:02 PM EDT
Tag. The wifes got to read this.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:21:29 PM EDT
=1
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:36:55 PM EDT
I know i shouldnt laugh but damn thats some funny shit.

Reminds me of that scene in that one mel gibson movie where hes waxing his legs and goes damn women are crazy.
Link Posted: 9/26/2005 9:38:42 PM EDT
I love these threads. They help keep my ammo & toy supply current.

Support your local Laser/Electrolysis, permanent & painless, hair removal specialist.

MsParshooter has been doing this for over 10 years now.
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