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10/20/2017 1:01:18 AM
9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 9/27/2005 3:27:04 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 3:28:02 PM EDT by slt223]
One of my friends is about one rung shy of Nicholas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas. Been through grade school with him, now we are 25 y/o. He is in an acoholic state of vegitaion by 7pm every night now. I mean completely inoperable. He drinks misserably, not socially. It kills me to watch this, and I can't take it any more. If anyone has dealt with this, please share with me how you helped your friend beat alcohol.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:30:08 PM EDT
Intervention, professional help, or he will die.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:31:08 PM EDT
Hate to tell you this, but you won't be able to help him until he's ready for the help.
He needs to hit bottom first, and sometimes that bottom is death.

Sucks but it's true.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:32:04 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Yankee1911:
Hate to tell you this, but you won't be able to help him until he's ready for the help.
He needs to hit bottom first, and sometimes that bottom is death.

Sucks but it's true.



Yep.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:34:15 PM EDT

Originally Posted By roboman:

Originally Posted By Yankee1911:
Hate to tell you this, but you won't be able to help him until he's ready for the help.
He needs to hit bottom first, and sometimes that bottom is death.

Sucks but it's true.



Yep.



+eleventy billion.

You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themself first.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:41:39 PM EDT
Alcohol poisoning killed my 1st wife. I tried and tried to help her. An alcoholic can't be helped if they don't want the help. Sometimes they may even resent the attempt at help.

This happened 4 yrs ago. I still miss Ginger.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:43:26 PM EDT
I'm sorry to hear that, but the sad truth is that your friend is the one that must initiate recovery. He may go to a treatment facility if he's pressured, but in those scenarios the odds are against him. He must want to quit on his own, you can talk to him about it but ultimately he'll only get well when he's absolutely ready.

All you can do is be a good friend until that day. Let him know that -if and when he's ready to stop- that he can always talk to you about it and that you will help him get into treatment. Just throw it out there and leave it alone, bring it up every once in a while just so he knows, but never make it the primary reason for your visit.

Hope this helps.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:45:31 PM EDT
Until he comes to the conlucsion on his own that life is worth more than drowning in a bottle every night there is nothing you can do for him. Sorry man, it sucks to watch someone you care about self-destruct.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:46:58 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Yankee1911:
Hate to tell you this, but you won't be able to help him until he's ready for the help.
He needs to hit bottom first, and sometimes that bottom is death.

Sucks but it's true.





+ 1 Billion
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:48:26 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:51:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 3:57:45 PM EDT by Makarov_Mami]

Originally Posted By Zack3g:

Originally Posted By roboman:

Originally Posted By Yankee1911:
Hate to tell you this, but you won't be able to help him until he's ready for the help.
He needs to hit bottom first, and sometimes that bottom is death.

Sucks but it's true.



Yep.



+eleventy billion.

You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themself first.


The sad truth. And I know how much it hurts to see someone you care about destroy themselves, while you sit helplessly by.

My ex had alcohol poisoning so close together that he was earning frequent flyer miles in detox. Still, nothing would help until HE decided he was ready to quit.

Prayers sent for your friend.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 3:55:38 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Yankee1911:
Hate to tell you this, but you won't be able to help him until he's ready for the help.
He needs to hit bottom first, and sometimes that bottom is death.

Sucks but it's true.




What he said.


...Im--"Balming"--Fluid...


Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:13:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By slt223:
He is in an acoholic state of vegitaion by 7pm every night now. I mean completely inoperable. He drinks misserably, not socially.



Disable his car so he can't kill anyone. I always hate it when rock bottom involves an innocent person dying at the hands of a drunk driver.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:14:58 PM EDT
Fucking shit! You all just confirmed what I thought. This will be a helluva up hill battle. He is one proud SOB, that resists help. Please everyone wish me luck to save this kid...I will need it.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:25:09 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 4:27:25 PM EDT by Reload_em]

Originally Posted By Yankee1911:
Hate to tell you this, but you won't be able to help him until he's ready for the help.
He needs to hit bottom first, and sometimes that bottom is death.

Sucks but it's true.



My brother died at 36 from alcohol, he was never ready for help.

Some people can't be saved. I know it sounds pretty damn harsh, but I lived it so I know that it is true.

Actually I wish HIM luck, because HE will need it......
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:35:14 PM EDT

Originally Posted By slt223:
Fucking shit! You all just confirmed what I thought. This will be a helluva up hill battle. He is one proud SOB, that resists help. Please everyone wish me luck to save this kid...I will need it.



All you are going to do is frustrate the shit out of yourself. Nothing you can do will "save" him.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 4:57:09 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 5:04:39 PM EDT by twonami]

Originally Posted By Yankee1911:
Hate to tell you this, but you won't be able to help him until he's ready for the help.
He needs to hit bottom first, and sometimes that bottom is death.

Sucks but it's true.


known plenty of drunks and dopers and that's the only way they figure it out.
ETA: recovery rate is something like 10 out of 60 and the rest either going back to treatment or dying.
You may want to explore AL-ANON
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:11:12 PM EDT
you can't beat addiction until you want to, whether it's blow or liquor it's impossible to help the unwilling.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:38:58 PM EDT

How do you help an alcoholic?


You don't. They help themselves.

It's like trying to teach a pig to sing; you waste your time and piss the pig off.

Oh, you might stage an intervention or something to try and shock him into taking a good long look at himself, but the bottom line is that he'll never sober up unless he decides he wants to.

Good luck with your friend.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:46:51 PM EDT
Nothing you can do but try to find what is lying underneath and try to put his life in a positive light. Hopefully he will see the good and want to change. Until he wants to change, he is gonna stay that way.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:57:07 PM EDT
This is obvious, but make sure you confront him when he's sober...
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 5:58:11 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/27/2005 5:58:21 PM EDT by jquillen1985]
Get him a membership at ARF.com, apparently.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 6:05:01 PM EDT
... Had a good friend of mine drink himself to death many years ago. We were buddies growing up from high school and both went on to get jobs at a new aerospace company that came to town.

... No one could reach him to save him. Was an only child of parents that were also friends of mine.

... Just a year or so prior, he suffered a horrible divorce, acquaintances at work were passing him up the ladder and he just gave up on life. The last few months he started working (or was assigned) night shift so management wouldn't have to deal with his behavior.

... Sadly, his last hours on earth were locked in a bathroom at work waiting for shift's end to clock out. Was found comatose by colleagues that had suspected him there. The next morning his condition had worsened so bad that we felt his folks should be contacted. They were at their cabin up north.

... Amazingly, the Director of our division decided things were urgent enough to scramble our search & rescue helicopter to retrieve his parents from their summer home a 100 miles away. He passed on later that day.

... Somehow, I made it into Dave's estate and his folks left a bunch of his shit off at my house in the following weeks. I haven't gotten rid of his stuff but I've never unpacked or used it either. A pathetic episode of the lives close to him.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 6:33:24 PM EDT
My friend had to get his ass kicked by bouncers and waking up in the hospital before he quit drinking.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 6:55:54 PM EDT
I come from a long line of alcoholics. Until he realizes that alcohol controls his life, and decides that he doesnt want that, he will not change. He may not live that long.
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 7:00:58 PM EDT
Yeah, I've dealt with it. My two youngest brothers are alcoholics, I didn't have anything to do with them for over 15 years. I tried and tried to get them sober. Nothing worked, so I said fug'em, they're dead. Two years ago my youngest brother got sober with help from Teen Challenge of Michigan. They took away his booze and showed him the Lord. Whatever, he's still sober today as far as I know. The other one is still dead as far as I'm concerned. Fug him. That's how I deal with it. Cold you say? Yes it is but he won't even admit he has a problem, thinks it's everyone else who has the problem. Fuck him, he died 15 years ago.


AB
Link Posted: 9/27/2005 7:16:01 PM EDT

Originally Posted By WildBoar:
Nothing you can do but try to find what is lying underneath and try to put his life in a positive light. Hopefully he will see the good and want to change. Until he wants to change, he is gonna stay that way.



This was my thinking exactly. I got a good idea of why he is depressed, but the situation is complicated, and has been so for a few years now. He knows he is no dick bag, and not too dumb either. I hope he sees what I'm talking about, and why I'm talking to him about it. Thanks for all your input.
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