Posted: 5/28/2002 8:14:43 PM EDT
60 above - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wooly hats. Chicago people sun bathe.
50 above - New Yorkers try to turn on the heat. Chicago people plant gardens.
40 above - Italian cars won't start. Chicago people drive with the windows down.
32 above - Distilled water freezes. Lake Michigan's water gets thicker.
20 above - Californians shiver uncontrollably. Chicago people have the last cookout before it gets cold.
15 above - New York landlords finally turn up the heat. Chicago people throw on a sweatshirt.
0 degrees - Californians fly away to Mexico. Chicago people lick the flagpole and throw on a light jacket over the sweatshirt.
20 below - People in Miami cease to exist. Chicago people get out their winter coats.
40 below - Hollywood disintegrates. Chicago's Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door.
50 below - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Chicago people get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg.
60 below - Microbial life survives on dairy products. Illinois cows complain of farmers with cold hands.
460 below - ALL atomic motion stops. Chicago people start saying. . ."Cold 'nuff for ya??"
500 below - Hell freezes over. The Chicago Cubs win the World Series
67 degrees F. Mayor Daily suffers brain damage and proposes more gun control.
When I was living in Chicago, people would talk about how bad winters are there and how cold it got, and the snow. I just laughed at them. Chicagoans don't have a friggin clue what winter is. Compared to North Dakota winters Chicago is like Palm Beach.