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Posted: 3/16/2006 5:14:04 AM EDT
Charismatic: Only 1 - Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal: 10 - One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the
spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None - Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None - Candles only. (Of guaranteed origin of course.)

Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three
committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad
and fried chicken.

Episcopalians: 3 - One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks,
and one to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons: 5 - One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how
to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or
against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you
have found that light bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a
poem or compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next Sunday
service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions,
including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way, long-life and tinted, all of
which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined - Whether your light is bright, dull, or
completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or
tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service
and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene: 6 - One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church
lighting policy.

Lutherans: None - Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

Link Posted: 3/16/2006 5:21:01 AM EDT
Very funny, O_P!

I'm going to copy and paste this into an email to our friends...they'll get a big kick out of it!



HH
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 5:22:44 AM EDT
As a Nazarene, I can only say that is dead on...
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 5:23:00 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 5:50:41 AM EDT
Clearly you have discriminated against other forms of religion such as Scientology and a host of others.

Which begs the question, does Tom Cruise even know how to change a lightbulb?
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 5:53:10 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 5:53:12 AM EDT
How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.
.

THAT'S NOT FUNNY!
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 5:54:03 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Lancelot:
Clearly you have discriminated against other forms of religion such as Scientology and a host of others.

Which begs the question, does Tom Cruise even know how to change a lightbulb?



Tom Cruise is in the closet, and is thus unable to find the lightbulb to change it.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 5:54:26 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/16/2006 5:55:08 AM EDT by BeetleBailey]
O_P - thank you!



*copy.. paste.. sent to pastor
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:01:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By PAEBR332:
As a Nazarene, I can only say that is dead on...



me too
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:07:03 AM EDT
What about the JW's?
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:08:23 AM EDT


Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:12:58 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/16/2006 6:13:57 AM EDT by CajunMojo]

Originally Posted By -RotorDemon-:
What about the JW's?



2 to hold the bicycle up and one to stand on it and change the bulb

ETA: i THINK those are the guys with the bikes, lol
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:17:39 AM EDT
Am I allowed to burn, kill and destroy due to the outrageous jokes you have mad about Christians?
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:22:21 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Tromatic:
Am I allowed to burn, kill and destroy due to the outrageous jokes you have mad about Christians?

Someone needs to fit the Muslims in that joke somehow...
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:24:53 AM EDT
Atheists

None, they don't believe in light.

GM
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:25:04 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/16/2006 6:25:52 AM EDT by PAEBR332]

Originally Posted By FAL:

Originally Posted By Tromatic:
Am I allowed to burn, kill and destroy due to the outrageous jokes you have mad about Christians?

Someone needs to fit the Muslims in that joke somehow...



Muslims: 0 - The darkness is the will of Allah. Insh' Allah
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:29:47 AM EDT
The Baptist entry looks spot on.

You ought to add an entry for :



Christian Identity: 13 - One person to change the bulb, and twelve to draw down on "the new guy", who is obviously an ADL infiltrator that has come to "extinguish the light of truth".

Posted in a good-natured way, of course.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:30:19 AM EDT
I don't get it.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:31:59 AM EDT

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:
Atheists

None, they don't believe in light.

GM



Sure we do.

We just don't need the assistance of an invisible man in the sky to fix it. The solution, as with everything else, is right here on Earth. Right here, right now.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:45:22 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/16/2006 6:45:51 AM EDT by BeetleBailey]

Originally Posted By M4:
I don't get it.



Other than just wanting to attract attention, is there another reason for going out of your way to crap in this thread?

(my apologies beforehand to O_P)
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:56:56 AM EDT
Muslim: 1 to change the light bulb, 100,000 to riot against the infidels who obviously brought harm to the light bulb, insulting Muhammad.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 6:58:42 AM EDT

Originally Posted By M4:

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:
Atheists

None, they don't believe in light. hr


Sure we do.

We just don't need the assistance of an invisible man in the sky to fix it. The solution, as with everything else, is right here on Earth. Right here, right now. hr


+1 Exactly right.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 7:03:50 AM EDT
Do you know how many Vietnam vets it takes to change a light bulb?

­

No you don't, man! You weren't there!
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 7:04:14 AM EDT
How many ARFCOMmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

NONE; they just sit there in the dark, complaining about it.

Link Posted: 3/16/2006 7:04:48 AM EDT

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:

Originally Posted By M4:
I don't get it.



Other than just wanting to attract attention, is there another reason for going out of your way to crap in this thread?

(my apologies beforehand to O_P)



He is the Blue Eyed Devil, and being such, it is to be expected that he desires to do the will of his father.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 7:15:49 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/16/2006 7:18:27 AM EDT by M4]

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:

Originally Posted By M4:
I don't get it.



Other than just wanting to attract attention, is there another reason for going out of your way to crap in this thread?

(my apologies beforehand to O_P)



I said I don't get it...as in the differences between the Christian groups OP mentioned.

And since this was posted in GD and not in the religious forum, it's fair game. Get over it Sally.

Link Posted: 3/16/2006 7:23:14 AM EDT





seems OP knows his denomenations
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 7:25:26 AM EDT




That's good stuff.

Link Posted: 3/16/2006 7:33:04 AM EDT

Originally Posted By FAL:
Muslim: 1 to change the light bulb, 100,000 to riot against the infidels who obviously brought harm to the light bulb, insulting Muhammad.



this sounds about right
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 7:34:57 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Lancelot:
Clearly you have discriminated against other forms of religion such as Scientology and a host of others.

Which begs the question, does Tom Cruise even know how to change a lightbulb?



How many scientologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the ritual costs $10,000.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 7:35:59 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/16/2006 7:36:09 AM EDT by DK-Prof]

Originally Posted By happycynic:

Originally Posted By Lancelot:
Clearly you have discriminated against other forms of religion such as Scientology and a host of others.

Which begs the question, does Tom Cruise even know how to change a lightbulb?



How many scientologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the ritual costs $10,000.




And they'll sue the maker of the defective lightbulb.

Link Posted: 3/16/2006 7:39:24 AM EDT
Slightly off topic....how many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

None!

They just define darkness as the new standard.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 7:52:12 AM EDT

Originally Posted By FITTER:
How many ARFCOMmers does it take to change a lightbulb?

NONE; they just sit there in the dark, complaining about it.




Either that or say to hell with it since we have all these fancy shmancy Surefire weaponlights and such. Who needs a light bulb when we have The Beast. MJD
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 8:12:07 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/16/2006 8:13:56 AM EDT by John_Wayne777]

Originally Posted By happycynic:
How many scientologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the ritual costs $10,000.



See? This is the type of offensive discriminatory statement that comes from people unfamiliar with the religion.

Before the person could change the light bulb they would require at least four seperate e-meter readings and then there would have to be at least 3 followup sessions with counselors about the issue for 350 dollars each, followed by a stay at a two week long intensive retreat to help you become clear of the thetans that are convincing you it is dark which will cost an additional 25,000 dollars.

Scientologists also believe that plants have feelings. (I am not making that up...)

Link Posted: 3/16/2006 8:26:36 AM EDT

Originally Posted By John_Wayne777:

Originally Posted By happycynic:
How many scientologists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the ritual costs $10,000.



See? This is the type of offensive discriminatory statement that comes from people unfamiliar with the religion.

Before the person could change the light bulb they would require at least four seperate e-meter readings www.sptimes.com/photos/10251998/scientologymeter.jpg and then there would have to be at least 3 followup sessions with counselors about the issue for 350 dollars each, followed by a stay at a two week long intensive retreat to help you become clear of the thetans that are convincing you it is dark which will cost an additional 25,000 dollars.

Scientologists also believe that plants have feelings. (I am not making that up...)




Of course, by the time they finish all of that, the Mexican housemaid will have already taken care of the problem.

Link Posted: 3/16/2006 8:27:29 AM EDT
Hilarious!!!!!!!As a Pentecost we will also be laying hands upon the one changing the bulbs to inpart annointing to change the bulb.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 9:02:50 AM EDT
How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?

There's no answer. 500 will deny that the bulb had a manufacturer and 500 will criticize and belittle others who recognize that it did. In the end, nothing will change.

Link Posted: 3/16/2006 9:06:27 AM EDT

Originally Posted By M4:

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:
Atheists

None, they don't believe in light.

GM



Sure we do.

We just don't need the assistance of an invisible man in the sky to fix it. The solution, as with everything else, is right here on Earth. Right here, right now.



What a narrow minded viewpoint.

Link Posted: 3/16/2006 9:19:28 AM EDT

Originally Posted By red65:

Originally Posted By M4:

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:
Atheists

None, they don't believe in light.

GM



Sure we do.

We just don't need the assistance of an invisible man in the sky to fix it. The solution, as with everything else, is right here on Earth. Right here, right now.



What a narrow minded viewpoint.




Odd, atheists feel it's narrow minded to cling to 2000 year old mythology, written by people who didn't know any better. To each their own.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 9:34:33 AM EDT

Originally Posted By Old_Painless:

Baptists: At least 15 - One to change the light bulb, and three
committees to argue about the color of the new light bulb, approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad
and fried chicken.


Link Posted: 3/16/2006 9:37:38 AM EDT

Originally Posted By M4:

Originally Posted By BeetleBailey:

Originally Posted By M4:
I don't get it.



Other than just wanting to attract attention, is there another reason for going out of your way to crap in this thread?

(my apologies beforehand to O_P)



I said I don't get it...as in the differences between the Christian groups OP mentioned.

And since this was posted in GD and not in the religious forum, it's fair game. Get over it Sally.




Christian denominations are like your shirts - they are all a little different. Well, some are way different.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 9:40:53 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/16/2006 9:41:17 AM EDT by PAEBR332]
A joke about Protestant denominations:

A Protestant was rescued from a desert island. He had been stranded there for years all by himself. When the rescuers found him, they also found three small huts. The rescuers asked him about the three huts.

"Well, the smallest hut on the right is my home. The one on the left is my church. The hut in the middle is the church I used to attend..."
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 9:41:27 AM EDT
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 9:45:29 AM EDT
The Mormon one would have really been funny about 120 years ago when it could have been applicable.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 9:46:49 AM EDT

Originally Posted By M4:

Originally Posted By red65:

Originally Posted By M4:

Originally Posted By goodmedicine:
Atheists

None, they don't believe in light.

GM



Sure we do.

We just don't need the assistance of an invisible man in the sky to fix it. The solution, as with everything else, is right here on Earth. Right here, right now.



What a narrow minded viewpoint.




Odd, atheists feel it's narrow minded to cling to 2000 year old mythology, written by people who didn't know any better. To each their own.




Christians and atheists have exactly the same amount of objective proof that their viewpoint is correct -

no proof at all. It's all a matter of personal beliefs.

Yet somehow atheists have the smug idea that their unproven beliefs are somehow “scientific” and “open minded” and intelligent.

And of course they make sure you know how much more intelligent and mature they are than you are.

I have some bad news for you:

Science = the current set of guesses that haven’t been disproved yet.

Someday scientists will smugly laugh at what the current batch of scientists believe is the Truth.

The opinion that the human mind can be used to unlock the mysteries of the universe contains a logical flaw - it “begs the question” – it assumes that the human mind has the capacity to understand the mysteries of the universe.

Could it be possible that nobody will ever know the answers?

But of course this is all just the blathering of a Christian. You probably chuckle at my ignorance.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 9:55:51 AM EDT
It takes 0 Christians to change a lightbulb .........

"Let there be Light! And there was light ....."

Link Posted: 3/16/2006 10:13:44 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/16/2006 10:20:14 AM EDT by M4]

Originally Posted By red65:

Christians and atheists have exactly the same amount of objective proof that their viewpoint is correct -

no proof at all. It's all a matter of personal beliefs.

Yet somehow atheists have the smug idea that their unproven beliefs are somehow “scientific” and “open minded” and intelligent.

And of course they make sure you know how much more intelligent and mature they are than you are.

I have some bad news for you:

Science = the current set of guesses that haven’t been disproved yet.

Someday scientists will smugly laugh at what the current batch of scientists believe is the Truth.

The opinion that the human mind can be used to unlock the mysteries of the universe contains a logical flaw - it “begs the question” – it assumes that the human mind has the capacity to understand the mysteries of the universe.

Could it be possible that nobody will ever know the answers?

But of course this is all just the blathering of a Christian. You probably chuckle at my ignorance.



You made a lot of assumptions, none of which could possibly be based on my post. I simply didn't elaborate. Though you did quote my post.

In the future if you care to pontificate about my views/beliefs/lack of.....I'd suggest you take the time to actually inquire as to what those are specifically, rather than leap to the most condescending, negative conclusions you can arrive at. You're assertions about atheists, are illustrated rather clearly about YOU in your own post.

As for me? You simply have no idea.

Science is the current set of guesses that hasn't been disproved yet? Wow.

I'll reach for that single 2000 year old book and find all the answers...those folks really had a solid handle on how things worked back then, and science ever since, has simply clouded the lucid understanding of the workings of the planet by those who had all the answers.....TWO THOUSAND YEARS AGO.

Mmmmm k.

Back to O.P.'s thread...sorry for the diversion.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 11:07:36 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 3/16/2006 11:09:34 AM EDT by BeetleBailey]

Originally Posted By GryphonX:
It takes 0 Christians to change a lightbulb .........

"Let there be Light! And there was light ....."




awesome

ETA: M4 - have you read that 2k year-old book? Why don't you try it? If you do and you learn nothing - just think, you have nothing to loose, and wisdom to gain if nothing else. I'll ship you one if you'd like.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 11:17:26 AM EDT
How about this? How many athiests does it take to change a lightbulb? We don't know because its never happened. By the time they stop pontificating on how much smarter they are then everyone else lightbulbs will be obsolete.
Link Posted: 3/16/2006 11:23:58 AM EDT

Originally Posted By M4:
Back to O.P.'s thread...sorry for the diversion.



I was just trying to share a little joke.
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