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11/20/2019 5:07:11 PM
Posted: 11/1/2006 4:24:20 AM EST
I'm getting married next October, and my fiance is already pestering me about picking a best man, groomsmen, etc. I'm trying to decide on a best man, and having a really tough time. I'm definitely looking for opinions from those who've been married or been a best man at a wedding...this is all new to me. The choices are:

A. Good friend of 10+ years, could probably be called my "best friend", one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. He's the obvious choice, based solely on that. However, he has serious problems with responsibility: he's deep in debt, pisses away his money, has trouble holding a job, drinks a lot, and is just generally flaky. He's not dishonest, though. I'm very afraid that he won't be able to handle any of the traditional best man responsibilities. As I understand it, the best man is basically supposed to be my "right hand man" in planning and executing this thing. I have a bad feeling he'd be little to no help, and I'd be have to hand-hold him through everything.

B. Good friend of 10+ years, probably my 2nd best friend. Also a great guy, but we don't hang out as much, mostly due to our work schedules - he's a local LEO and I travel 5 days a week. He's completely responsible - If I asked him to take care of something, I know he would, without me having to look over his shoulder. He's also financially secure, sober, etc.


Are the best man's responsibilities so minor that A could handle them, or do I need someone who's solidly reliable?
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 4:32:09 AM EST
The best man only needs to show up and stand up with you.

He should plan a bachelor party. He should give a toast at the reception. But neither of those things are required.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 4:37:14 AM EST
Be honest with yourself and your friends. If you have any doubt #1 will come through, go for #2. If #1 is a true friend, he will realize his shortcomings, and not be offended.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 4:38:11 AM EST

Originally Posted By Sukebe:
The best man only needs to show up and stand up with you.

He should plan a bachelor party. He should give a toast at the reception. But neither of those things are required.


Yep, not many responsibilities. Go with the big drinker. Your b-party will probably be a bit more fun than one organsied by a Cop.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 4:41:53 AM EST
Go with the reliable friend. The flaky one won't be able to afford good strippers at your bachelor party.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 4:42:32 AM EST

Originally Posted By stangleonthedangle:

Originally Posted By Sukebe:
The best man only needs to show up and stand up with you.

He should plan a bachelor party. He should give a toast at the reception. But neither of those things are required.


Yep, not many responsibilities. Go with the big drinker. Your b-party will probably be a bit more fun than one organsied by a Cop.


My fiance is scaring me with all these "checklists" she keeps finding on the internet. One of them is the "Best Man's Responsiblities Checklist", and it's about as long as my arm. Maybe we should simplify that a bit.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 4:48:04 AM EST

Originally Posted By Xyster7212:
My fiance is scaring me with all these "checklists" she keeps finding on the internet. One of them is the "Best Man's Responsiblities Checklist", and it's about as long as my arm. Maybe we should simplify that a bit.



That's F'n bullshit. Your only responsibility in this wedding thing is to show up on time, dressed, with the ring and relatively sober. The planning is the job of the bride, her mother and rest of the hens. The only part that you may want to consider planning is the bar at the reception. Women always screw up that part.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 4:51:28 AM EST
STOP!

Forget the whole best man thing...
what you need to be asking yourself is...

Do I really want to get married?


No pie.
No more friends.
No more guns.
No more money.
No more porn.

etc.. etc.. etc..

You'll probably still have to do your laundry, only now you'll get yelled at for doing it wrong. You won't be able to piss n' miss or leave the seat up anymore.... AND you'll probably have to do dishes.

AND YOU STILL WONT GET PIE!

Dude, Forrest, RUN MAN RUN!!

Link Posted: 11/1/2006 4:54:17 AM EST

Originally Posted By Sukebe:

Originally Posted By Xyster7212:
My fiance is scaring me with all these "checklists" she keeps finding on the internet. One of them is the "Best Man's Responsiblities Checklist", and it's about as long as my arm. Maybe we should simplify that a bit.



That's F'n bullshit. Your only responsibility in this wedding thing is to show up on time, dressed, with the ring and relatively sober. The planning is the job of the bride, her mother and rest of the hens. The only part that you may want to consider planning is the bar at the reception. Women always screw up that part.


If only it were that simple. Her parents are working crazy hours trying to get their small business off the ground, so they dont have the time or money to plan it all. The future bride and her friends will be doing most of the planning, but since I'm bankrolling most of it, I have to be heavily involved.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 4:58:51 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/1/2006 4:59:10 AM EST by Xyster7212]

Originally Posted By gonzo_beyondo:
STOP!

Forget the whole best man thing...
what you need to be asking yourself is...

Do I really want to get married?



Trust me, the horror stories on here have planted plenty of doubt. I ask myself that question every day...I'm plenty scared, but still sure I want to get married.

Link Posted: 11/1/2006 5:05:59 AM EST

Originally Posted By gonzo_beyondo:
blah blah blah


When I married my wife we combined our incomes and I was able to buy MORE stuff - so was she.

I get plenty of pie.
Lot's of friends - more now than when I was single.
Still buy guns.
Still have money.
I didn't have any porn when I meet my wife, so that has not changed.
Wife does the laundry, but I iron my work shirts.
Not big on piss n' miss - I like to live in a clean house.
Still leave the seat up. She leaves it down.
Nothing wrong with the doing dishes. Wife cooks, I clean up.

And I still get plenty of pie.


You need to find the right girl.

Av.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 5:10:34 AM EST
You've already made up your mind. One comment in your whole post told me so...

Make the choice formal that you already have in your head.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 5:11:27 AM EST
i know what you're going through. I'm getting married in feb. and my fiancee is on me like crazy... I'm taking care of the reception... and i'll give my opinion but everything else is on her... i don't know what i'm doing about a best man either though.... hoping my best friend from home can make it to hawaii- if so it'll be him..otherwise no idea... good luck man....

-Roth
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 5:26:47 AM EST

Originally Posted By Sukebe:

Originally Posted By Xyster7212:
My fiance is scaring me with all these "checklists" she keeps finding on the internet. One of them is the "Best Man's Responsiblities Checklist", and it's about as long as my arm. Maybe we should simplify that a bit.



That's F'n bullshit. Your only responsibility in this wedding thing is to show up on time, dressed, with the ring and relatively sober. The planning is the job of the bride, her mother and rest of the hens. The only part that you may want to consider planning is the bar at the reception. Women always screw up that part.


+1

Work and responsibilities for things that need to be done should be shared. But no one should ever expect to impose their hobbies on someone else.

For example, a house needs to be kept clean and everyone should share in the cleaning. But a house isn’t a dollhouse, if the wife wants it to look like one then it’s not your responsibility to color coordinate the cushions on the couch.

Yardwork needs to be done. But if one person decides they want to recreate the Hanging Gardens of Babylon in their backyard the other person shouldn’t be expected to do the work.

Obviously every family needs a firearm for self defense. But if one person decides to become a competition shooter they shouldn’t expect their spouse to sit at a reloading bench all night making ammo.

For a wedding you need the bride, groom, preacher, a couple witnesses, a license and a blood test. And that’s it. Most men who are getting married don’t want the wedding, they want the wife, and the ceremony is just something they have to go through to get one.

Women, some women anyway, seem to want the wedding more than the husband. All that ceremony, expense, flowers, more expense, fancy dresses, receptions, rehearsals, all of it, is just because the women want it.

OK, no problem there, I want a bass boat (which costs about the same as a wedding) but I wouldn’t expect my significant other to clean out the livewell.

Your job is to show up on time, semi sober, and say I do. It would also be nice if you could avoid making passes at the bride’s sister. Other than that, it ain’t your job.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 5:49:26 AM EST

Originally Posted By Avalon01:
Blah blah blah.
You need to find the right girl.


Stats seem to indicate most people don't find the right girl on their first marriage.


You can find the right girl and be happy, no need to mess it up with marriage.

You can find the right girl and head to Vegas, no need for all this expense and hassle to impress your friends. Wtf, seriously.

I consider marriage a mistake... even though I'm content after almost at 6yrs in a relationship... what reason do I have for government intervention at this point?

Big weddings are a bigger mistake, because what you spend would be better served as a downpayment on a house... or a chunk off the mortgage if you already have a house... or an investment... etc... Big weddings is much like lighting your money on fire for the sake of a glorified birthday party.

And besides, these days, marriage is for gays.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 5:59:30 AM EST
Both
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 6:02:35 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/1/2006 6:03:43 AM EST by HardShell]
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 6:05:58 AM EST
i was just at a wedding, late bridal party people will fuck everything and piss everyone off.

go for mr reliable, less stress is the key.
Link Posted: 11/1/2006 6:20:19 AM EST
[Last Edit: 11/1/2006 6:21:19 AM EST by Chokey]
For the first marriage, don't pick your brother when you're really not that close to him, especially when you have a best friend for 25 years of your life.

For the second marriage, don't pick your father just because it sounded like the right thing to do and then tell your best friend that has been there for the both of you (him and the bride), that you're gonna ask your father to be the best man. When your father says you should've asked your best friend to be the best man, don't go to your best friend and ask him to be the sloppy-seconds best-man, because more than likely he'll say no too.

In other words, don't piss off two long-time best friends.
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