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4/1/2020 4:14:10 PM
4/1/2020 6:58:51 AM
Posted: 11/19/2008 12:09:10 PM EDT
In summary, I've had a friend for 16 years since we were in 6th grade. Absolutely no romantic feelings, but just really old friends.

We've always been the type of friends that could go weeks or months without talking, but she's gone through some rough times and I've always lent her a caring ear.

Then she got pregnant, and our perodic talking continued throughout as normal, with once her calling me with a flat tire just before she had the baby. I came, I changed in the rain, and we continued our periodic phone conversations.

Then she had the baby, and she told me a couple times I needed to come see the them and I wanted to, but I have a busy life, work, school, girlfriend, etc. and maybe I wasn't thinking but we've always been the friends that went forever without seeing each other so I was just thinking eventually we'd hook up like normal.

I called twice asking if she was free a couple weekends where my g/f and I could come by, but those times weren't good for her. 8 months went by of us talking normally as always, but a couple months ago she stopped talking to me.

Finally she sends a text saying, "You blew us off, it's been a year and you haven't come and seen us. We are fine, I want to be left alone so you can stop checking on me now." (Because I would still call every few weeks and leave a message, just like we always have).

For years she had a b/f and we never saw each other, and I have a g/f now and I never see her, but I always kept in touch like we have in the past, but now because she had a baby I'm the jerk for not coming to see her, yet whenever she needed me, I was there time and again.

So am I a total prick and need to work profusely to apologize? I already have saying life has just been busy, and I went through some medical stuff this past year, but she should know after 16 years of friendship just because I haven't seen her doesn't mean I don't care. It never mattered before for either of us who went without making time for the other, and maybe I took that for granted, but apparently this was the final draw.

She has a history of blowing off old friends when something goes wrong, but I never thought I'd be one of them.

What say you?
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 12:13:03 PM EDT
EJECT!!!

ummm... I don't know... shit happens, you said she has a history of blowing off old friends...
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 12:13:54 PM EDT
Originally Posted By REALM:"You blew us off, it's been a year and you haven't come and seen us. We are fine, I want to be left alone so you can stop checking on me now." (Because I would still call every few weeks and leave a message, just like we always have).



Here in lies your hint..she's moved on!

Link Posted: 11/19/2008 12:19:32 PM EDT
Her hormones are raging.  There's not much that you can do about it.

Link Posted: 11/19/2008 12:21:54 PM EDT
Hint:   You were her emotional tampon  for the entire time.   Now she directs that energy to the baby and whoever  she's fucking at the moment.   She's got a new security blanket now.  You were never her friend, just a pacifier.  

Blow her off.

Link Posted: 11/19/2008 12:27:59 PM EDT
Can't be friends with everyone for ever.  Let her have her tantrum and be done with her.
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 12:33:29 PM EDT
Originally Posted By REALM:
I called twice asking if she was free a couple weekends where my g/f and I could come by, but those times weren't good for her. 8 months went by of us talking normally as always, but a couple months ago she stopped talking to me.


Sounds like you tried, just not hard enough for her

People change, sometimes for the worster
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 12:40:53 PM EDT
When people birth themselves a child they tend to make dull friends from then on.  I say eject!
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 1:04:26 PM EDT
Why are you talking to Arfcom about this and not talking to her about it?
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 1:05:33 PM EDT
is she hot?
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 1:26:29 PM EDT
Originally Posted By AndrewS:
Why are you talking to Arfcom about this and not talking to her about it?


She stopped talking to me. 2 Months I called every now and then and she wouldn't pickup, finally she just sent that text blowing me off.

I'm kinda pissed to be honest, because out of all the times I've been there for her and gone out of my way, never asking anything in return other than friendship, she blows me off just like that because I haven't seen her in so long (which before the baby was never an unusual thing with us).
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 1:26:42 PM EDT
Is there a problem?  
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 1:27:31 PM EDT
Originally Posted By anjan9:
is she hot?


Pretty but not hot. I can't see her like that because we're too good of friends though so I may be biased.

Link Posted: 11/19/2008 1:29:52 PM EDT
Originally Posted By KA3B:
Is there a problem?  


I guess not, but was simply seeking advice on if I was in the wrong here and should seek to rectify the situation more than I already have.  Sounds like most say no so I will heed the hive mind's advice. If she wants to throw away 16 years of friendship that easily, she must not have cared in the first place.

She's had issues her whole life from what I've seen, going back into her stubborn cave when someone makes her mad and getting rid of friends. Damn her pride, she just lost a friend that cared a hell of a lot about her.
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 1:30:06 PM EDT
I know she puts out; but is she hot?

or

Eject!

or

Well.....bye.



NN
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 1:37:04 PM EDT
Originally Posted By GonzoAR15-1:
Hint:   You were her emotional tampon  for the entire time.   Now she directs that energy to the baby and whoever  she's fucking at the moment.   She's got a new security blanket now.  You were never her friend, just a pacifier.


This dude speaks the truth.

Read the Ladder Theory (beginning with "Introduction" in the upper left) and report back.

Colin
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 1:54:12 PM EDT
Originally Posted By ColinDoyle:
This dude speaks the truth.

Read the Ladder Theory (beginning with "Introduction" in the upper left) and report back.
Colin


How I think that applies to a lot of people, it doesn't really work in this case cause we grew up together and intimacy would be like being with my sister (if I had one), LOL.
I got a couple of rather, ummm... large friends that I would no way in hell want to be with them, so I'd like to see what the Ladder Theory says about that one.

I haven't gone pining and bending over backwards for her, but whenever she needed someone I was there. I'm just that way with all my friends, but I think there is large merit to the comment that was made, that I was her emotional tampon and as soon as I piss her off she blows me off.

I don't need that, it's just sad if it took 16 years to emerge. Some people you think are lifelong friends, and then they turn on you.

I told my redneck neighbor I grew up with about it and he was like, "@#$#, I can go months without seeing you're ugly face and we pick right back up where we left off like it was yesterday.  @$#% that!"

Women are just different beasts than men. I got a girl I love to death though, but it's just sad when an old friend throws ya out like you were trash.
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 2:03:15 PM EDT
Didn't intend for my first post here to be all 'Dr. Phil', but seeing the advice you're getting, I've gotta throw my $0.02 in the other direction.  I've lost good friends over stupid shit and regretted it.  

Find out what she thinks you did wrong, and apologize (not necessarily in that order).  Don't end a 16-year friendship over something that might be a simple misunderstanding, even if it looks like that's exactly what she's doing.  

Who knows?  The text may really have been sent by a psycho-stalker boyfriend, and she might need you now more than ever.
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 2:07:19 PM EDT
She'll call you when the other guy ejects.
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 2:17:33 PM EDT
Send her a copy of the your original post.Maybe that will clear the air.
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 2:25:03 PM EDT
Dude...............  
Link Posted: 11/19/2008 2:28:20 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 11/19/2008 2:42:11 PM EDT by Lester_Burnham]
Originally Posted By Archangel6:
Originally Posted By REALM:"You blew us off, it's been a year and you haven't come and seen us. We are fine, I want to be left alone so you can stop checking on me now." (Because I would still call every few weeks and leave a message, just like we always have).



Here in lies your hint..she's moved on!



+1, fuck it she sounds nuts.  Sounds like she wants it all on her terms.  Honor her pleasant request and focus on your own relationship and move on with your life.  Female friends generally complicate "girlfriend" relationships anyway, especially when you're running out changing tires in the rain and shit.  Worry about, in this order:

1.  you
2.  family
3.  girlfriend

When I was younger I did all the "female friend" stuff, and honestly when it comes down to it, if you're not in a serious romantic relationship (i.e. "hitting it") it's not worth the time.  You always get the "damsel in distress" calls, but you don't get any benefits from it.  I'm not saying that as "sex", but more like do they call you in good times, just to hang out?  Or just call to see how YOU are doing?  You said you basically just leave her messages.  Where is she in the good times?  Other guys?  Flat tire, call REALM.  Bullshit.  Cut these type of people out of your life, they mean you no good.  And life is much too precious and short to deal with it.

ETA:  Finish your education.  That would be #2.5 on my list.  I put it below family, I did in the past put my family first and I did not finish college.  My life would have been a lot easier if I had.  But the circumstances I was in, at the age that I was, I have no regrets.  But for the most part, when you're young, girlfriends come and go, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of completing your education.
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