Hey look - I'm just an average guy.

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Hey look - I'm just an average guy.

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:15:14 PM EDT

I like to sit in bars and chat with my friendly new buddy here.

I sit here and watch football tournaments like everyone else.

I like to come here and have a cup of beer.

I'm just a regular guy.

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:16:09 PM EDT

[#1]

tool

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:16:17 PM EDT

[#2]

Why is it full and sitting on the bar?

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:18:59 PM EDT

[#3]

Quoted:
Why is it full and sitting on the bar?

Cause it appears as if he just spit Edwards out, and hasn't had time to take a drink to clear the taste from his mouth!

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:20:02 PM EDT

[#4]

Quoted:
Why is it full and sitting on the bar?

Cause he is pointing at the dude in the black hat,and wants to make sure that the bartender knows that he bought it before he drinks it!!

Cheap bastard!!!

Bob

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:21:12 PM EDT

[#5]

Rule One....No pointing in a Tavern.

MT

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:21:36 PM EDT

[#6]

For some reason this brought back an old memory:

Denis Leary's first song...

(Spoken)
Folks, I'd like to sing a song about the American dream.
About me, about you, about the way our American hearts beat way down
in the bottom of our chests. About that special feeling we get in the
cockles of our hearts, maybe below the cockles, maybe in the subcockle
area. Maybe in the liver. Maybe in the kidneys. Maybe even in the
colon, we don't know.

(Sung)
I'm just a regular Joe with a regular job.
I'm your average white suburbanite slob.
I like football and porno and books about war.
I got an average house with a nice hardwood floor.

My wife and my job, my kids and my car.
My feet on my table...and a cuban cigar.

But sometimes that just ain't enough to keep a man like me interested
no way
No, I've gotta go out and have fun at someone else's expense
Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I drive really slow in the ultra-fast lane,
While people behind me are going insane.

I'm an asshole
I'm an asshole

I use public toilets and I piss on the seat,
I walk around in the summertime saying "How about this heat?"

I'm an asshole
I'm an asshole

Sometimes I park in handicapped spaces,
While handicapped people make handicapped faces.

I'm an asshole
I'm an asshole

Maybe I shouldn't be singing this song
Ranting and raving and carrying on
Maybe they're right when they tell me I'm wrong...

NAAAAH!

I'm an asshole
I'm an asshole

(Spoken)
Know what I'm gonna do? I'm gonna get myself a 1967 Cadillac El Dorado
Convertible, hot pink, with whaleskin hubcaps and all-leather cow
interior and big brown baby seal eyes for headlights... yeah! And I'm
gonna drive around in that baby at 115 miles per hour, getting 1 mile
per gallon, suckin' down quarter pound cheeseburgers from McDonald's
in the old-fashioned non-biodegradable styrofoam containers and when
I'm done suckin' down those greaseball burgers I'm gonna wipe my mouth
on the American Flag and then I'm gonna toss the styrofoam containers
right out the side, and there ain't a goddamn thing anybody can
do about it. You know why? Because we got the bombs, that's why Two
words: Nuclear fuckin' weapons, OK? Russia, Germany, Romania, they
can have all the democracy they want...they can have a big democracy
cakewalk right through the middle of Tienamen Square and it won't make
a lick of difference, because we got the bombs, OK? John Wayne's not
dead, he's frozen! And as soon as we find a cure for cancer, we're
gonna thaw out the Duke and he's gonna be pretty pissed off. You know
why? Have you ever taken a cold shower? Well, multiply that by 15
million times, that's how pissed off the Duke's gonna be.
I'm gonna get the Duke and John Casavetti and Lee Marvin

and Sam Peckinpaw

and a case of whisky

and drive to Texas...(HEY, HEY HEY!>

Why don't you shut up and sing the song, pal?

(Sung)
I'm an asshole
I'm an asshole
A S-S H-O L-E
Everybody, A S-S H-O L-E
Arf, Arf Arf, Arf Arf, Arf Arf
Thoomph A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom A-thoom-thoom
Oooooooo

(Spoken)
I'm an asshole and I'm proud of it

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:21:41 PM EDT

[#7]

"Here pull my finger, Opps I let it go too soon!"

He tries but he's still not normal; I don't know many guys who have a "Cup" of beer.

Jerad

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:25:06 PM EDT

[#8]

I have more respect for a clown...

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:26:29 PM EDT

[#9]

I wonder if this too was a catered event, just like Wendy's.

What a Fucktard!

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:27:27 PM EDT

[#10]

What's a football tournament?

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:29:07 PM EDT

[#11]

I wonder who many customers that bar owner lost after he let that sack of shit in.

J

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:29:29 PM EDT

[#12]

I knew he was "just one of the guys" when I saw him shooting that shotgun. From what theyve said, he's been an avid hunter since he was just young man. Man, how cool is that

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:34:20 PM EDT

[#13]

You sure do look like that idiot John Kerry.

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:36:27 PM EDT

[#14]

[bartender] Hey I just pissed in that old guys beer.[bartender]

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:38:39 PM EDT

[#15]

Quoted:
I knew he was "just one of the guys" when I saw him shooting that shotgun. From what theyve said, he's been an avid hunter since he was just young man. Man, how cool is that

I hunted avids one time. Little things they are; much like snipe, so I heard. Never got one.

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:42:40 PM EDT

[#16]

Two guys and a turd are setting at the bar......

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:43:38 PM EDT

[#17]

-Kerry "I only drink chardonaay. Not a stinkin beer like that cowboy bush supportin gun totin yokel over there!"

Misspelled i know. I cant spell booze or non math words.

Posted: 9/27/2004 5:57:57 PM EDT

[#18]

WTF is it with that finger?

Every single photo that shows him with someone else has him pointing that nasty digit in the other fellow's direction.

Is it a prosthetic finger? Does he subconsciously want to be a proctologist? Is it a misplaced erection? An involuntary spasm caused by opening his mouth?

Somewhere, I'll bet there's a group of psychiatrists laughing their asses off, at his expense.