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Posted: 7/27/2012 4:57:32 PM EDT
As a toddler he taught others to walk.

Once while sailing around the world, He discovered a short cut.

He's never found a penny that wasn't heads up.

if he were to pass you on the street and not say, "hello" you would still feel like he stopped and asked you about your day

His charm is so contagious vaccines have been created for it.

Every time he goes for a swim dolphins appear.

He identifies UFOS.


 
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 5:07:11 PM EDT
All we know is... He's called the Stig!
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 5:18:34 PM EDT
Best first post I've ever seen!

Link Posted: 7/27/2012 5:22:19 PM EDT
Cuba imports their cigars from him.
Years ago, he built a city out of blocks, today over 600,000 people live and work there.
He is the only man, to ace the rocshert test.
Alien abductors, probe him.
If he were to give you directions, you'ed never get lost, and arrive five minutes early.
His legend precedes him, the way lighting precedes thunder.

Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:10:42 PM EDT
Quoted:
Cuba imports their cigars from him.
Years ago, he built a city out of blocks, today over 600,000 people live and work there.
He is the only man, to ace the rocshert test.
Alien abductors,get probed by  him.
If he were to give you directions, you'ed never get lost, and arrive five minutes early.
His legend precedes him, the way lighting precedes thunder.



Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:18:54 PM EDT
Quoted:
Cuba imports their cigars from him.
Years ago, he built a city out of blocks, today over 600,000 people live and work there.
He is the only man to ace the rocshert rorschach test.
Alien abductors, probe him.
If he were to give you directions, you'ed never get lost, and arrive five minutes early.
His legend precedes him, the way lighting precedes thunder.
Fixed
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:22:00 PM EDT
He once tried to lose at chess just to know how it felt but his opponent died from shock immediately and lost by forfeit.

The IRS pays him every April

When he walks into a strip club, the dancers tip him
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:23:39 PM EDT


You know he'd shoot whiskey into his neck with a syringe?



He was a son of a bitch.


 
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:25:17 PM EDT
If he were to pat you on the back, you'd list it on your resume



When he's in Rome, they do as he does



He's been known to cure narcolepsy just by walking in a room



His organ donation card also lists his beard



He's a lover not a fighter, but he's also a fighter so don't get any ideas






 
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:30:03 PM EDT
His blood smells like cologne.
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:31:45 PM EDT
-He once brought a knife to a gunfight, just to even the odds.

-He has won the lifetime achievement award...twice.

-He once taught a German Shepard how to bark in Russian

-He lives vicariously through himself.

-If he we're to punch you in the face, you'd have to fight off the urge to thank him.

-Sharks Have a week dedicated to him.
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:33:31 PM EDT
Quoted:
The IRS pays him every April


OH OH! Are we talking about people on EIC?
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:33:50 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:35:04 PM EDT
He once went to a psychic - to warn her.
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:36:58 PM EDT
His mother has a tattoo that says son.
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:38:46 PM EDT
If he were to visit you at your home, your property value goes up

He is allowed to recline his seat and make phone calls while the plane is taking off.

A red light camera once caught him speeding...the judge asked him to autograph the picture

He once made chili with beans, and everyone from Texas asked for the recipe

He carries a Glock 1911

He can SIIHPAPP and not get banned

When he donates blood to the Red Cross a bidding war ensues

The stock market invests in him

He can grill a perfect criss-cross pattern on his steaks, in a microwave

He is the only one who can ban Ed Sr.

Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:41:55 PM EDT
He has inside jokes with people he just met.

Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:43:01 PM EDT
If he were to tell you "have a good day"......... you would

The aztec calender has his cinco de mayo party chiseled in

He gives his guardian angel, a sense of security
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:43:16 PM EDT
He can lead a horse to water and make it drink.
He once ordered a Big Mac at BurgerKing...and got one.
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:46:36 PM EDT
Curiosity tried to kill him once then apologize and politely left.

When people pet him, they pur
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:50:00 PM EDT
He once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 7:55:55 PM EDT
Sasquatch takes pictures of him.
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 8:00:48 PM EDT
Little known fact, his real name is Bill Brasky.
 
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 8:02:30 PM EDT


You guys need to stop.

Link Posted: 7/27/2012 8:03:14 PM EDT
Some say that all his pot plants are called Steve...
And that he has a life size tattoo of his face...
On his face...
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 8:04:37 PM EDT
When you watch cable, you feel like a loser.

When you feel like a loser, you attend seminars.

When you attend seminars, you feel like a winner.

When you feel like a winner, you go to Vegas.

When you go to Vegas, you lose everything.

When you lose everything, you sell your hair to a wig shop.



shit, wrong commercial...
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 8:44:12 PM EDT
He can make orange juice, out of apples
He once sent $1000 to a Nigerian scammer, and actually received his $5 million share of the loot.
At birth he cut his own umbilical cord.
He’s the only person to have come back from the Bermuda Triangle, with a souvenir.
He speeks fluent French, in Russian
Even his enemy’s list him as their emergency contact.
He has never lost a sock
He once challenged his own reflection to a staring contest. On the fourth day, he won.
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 8:48:00 PM EDT
Chuck Norris?
Link Posted: 7/27/2012 8:51:07 PM EDT
Quoted:
All we know is... He's called the Stig!


This

Link Posted: 7/27/2012 8:56:36 PM EDT
Mosquitos refuse to bite him out of respect.

He bowls overhand.





Stay thirsty, my friends!
Link Posted: 7/28/2012 1:18:04 PM EDT
Banks come to him to apply for loans.



He doesn't always read forums, but when he does, he prefers AR15.com.


 
Link Posted: 7/28/2012 1:34:59 PM EDT
when he farts it smells likes berries
when he's in england the queen bows to him
once he said "rain rain go away, come back another day" and it did
once he did jack shit for and day and the world nearly ended
once while in northern alaska he smiled at the beauty of the land and the sun shined for 6 months strait
once he stepped on a crack and it broke his daddy's back
when playing hop scotch he always wins
he is the only man to receive the usfda stamp of approval
Link Posted: 7/28/2012 1:42:55 PM EDT
He doesn't always shoot ARs, but when he does, he prefers Noveske.
Link Posted: 7/28/2012 1:53:15 PM EDT


Quoted:

He is the only one who can ban Ed Sr.



I thought this thread was about Ed SR.!

My favorite: He strongly practices the motto, "Safety third".

Link Posted: 7/30/2012 7:22:20 PM EDT
Super.
Link Posted: 7/30/2012 7:33:53 PM EDT
tagged for laughter  
Link Posted: 7/30/2012 7:35:04 PM EDT
His dick has a bigger dick than you.
Link Posted: 7/30/2012 7:59:59 PM EDT
He's won trophies for his game face alone.
Link Posted: 7/30/2012 8:01:25 PM EDT
A WalMart greeter once offered him a free pressure-washer.
Neighbors often give him hurby-curbies.
He blades at 46 degrees.
He bakes cookies in the shower.
He bought a safe at a yard sale.  With the combination.
Link Posted: 7/30/2012 8:05:18 PM EDT
Quoted:
A WalMart greeter once offered him a free pressure-washer.
Neighbors often give him hurby-curbies.
He blades at 46 degrees.
He bakes cookies in the shower.
He bought a safe at a yard sale.  With the combination.


Best yet.
Link Posted: 7/30/2012 8:08:37 PM EDT
Quoted:
A WalMart greeter once offered him a free pressure-washer.
Neighbors often give him hurby-curbies.
He blades at 46 degrees.
He bakes cookies in the shower.
He bought a safe at a yard sale.  With the combination.


Literally lol.
Link Posted: 7/30/2012 8:09:18 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/30/2012 8:11:04 PM EDT
Who ever came up with those commercials should get a promotion. Even more awesome than the Trunk Monkey.
Link Posted: 7/31/2012 4:14:34 AM EDT
Quoted:
He bought a safe at a yard sale.  With the combination.


Link Posted: 7/31/2012 4:23:49 AM EDT
Quoted:
A WalMart greeter once offered him a free pressure-washer.
Neighbors often give him hurby-curbies.
He blades at 46 degrees.
He bakes cookies in the shower.
He bought a safe at a yard sale.  With the combination.




His seeing eye cat has a seeing eye dog.

His range reports never get locked.

He made AROCK fuck himself.

His life preservers ARE bulletproof.



Sorry. My day job is not comedian.
Link Posted: 7/31/2012 4:30:28 AM EDT





Jonathan Goldsmith?  JONATHAN GOLDSMITH?!?



I always thought that was IAN HOLM in those commercials.  















 
Link Posted: 7/31/2012 4:48:39 AM EDT
- When he shakes somones hand, their credit score goes up.





Link Posted: 7/31/2012 4:53:28 AM EDT
Quoted:
Banks come to him to apply for loans.

He doesn't always read forums, but when he does, he prefers AR15.com.  


Link Posted: 7/31/2012 5:08:30 AM EDT
He once banned SYSTEM MESSAGE.


Link Posted: 7/31/2012 5:21:36 AM EDT
He can post BOTD in GD...

Geese fear him...
Link Posted: 7/31/2012 5:31:07 AM EDT
He once cut down a tree, with a lesser tree.

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