I have not. We have some friends that are going through some problems in their marriage. While she would go to work in the evenings, he would lay on the couch and sleep instead of watching the kids (4 and 9). They complained to their mother. She confronted him and this led to a huge fight in which he declared that she could not find a better husband. She answered that with a line something to the effect of "maybe I already have someone in mind". She was not serious. At this point, he got pissed and started threatening to kill whoever it was she had in mind. He then promptly whipped out his dick and threatened to piss on her for not respecting him. Apparently, it was decided that she was not worthy of piss so he spit on her. Then he called her names that would land me in the grave (plus I would never call my wife names like that) then he spit on her again. Well, she kicked his ass out and is having problems taking him back without counseling and anger management classes. They have been married for 12 years. The only history between them is verbal abuse, cussing each other, from both sides. I talked to him and he feels like shit and knows what he did was inexcusable. He says he wants to stay with her. Do you guys think a person could recover from such an incident. I don't, but wanted some other opinions. I wonder if his actions are an indication that he will get physical and hit her later? They seem to be asking us for some guidance and I don't have a clue. I am leaning towards......stay the hell out of it and don't answer the phone. Any opinions?

Tell them that if they respect you they wont put you in this position.

And yes I have spit on my spouse, sort of. Does slobber count?[;D]

Some folks have issues, he has an entire subscription.

He threatened to urinate on her, and then spit on her, for not respecting him??????  Respect isn't automatic.  It's earned and he has to give her something worth respecting.  Until he's willing to admit that his behavior was wrong he won't listen to any advice you have to give.

Sounds like he's "redirecting", trying to make her the bad guy to take attention away from his negligence & laziness.  Either he has to take responsibility for his actions and correct his attitude, or there isn't any real chance of salvaging the situation.

Stay out and don't answer the phone.

I don't think I would ever fully respect somebody who spit on me ever again.

No, but I have licked my girlfriend for friendly reasons! [:P]


CJ

I'd stay out of it.  

That being said, if he would do something so vulgar to her, it is HE who has no respect for HER.

I know he's your friend, but it's guys who do whacked out shit like this that give the rest of us a bad name with women. JMHO

I have got to wonder if a man or woman treat their spouce like this, how worthy of my friendship would they be, or better, how worthy of a friend would they be??????

Only when we needed some lube [;)]

echo6

I don't think I have ever spit on another person, let alone someone that I love.

I have witnessed a former friend spit on his wife's back in a drunkened moment when she turned and walked away from him after a fight. I had never been so appalled in my life and haven't really spent much time with him since.

OMG!  I'd never take him back..you shouldn't get involved though.  Yes, I've spit on my husband...heehee but not for that kinda reason. [:D]

Sounds like he's going through a severe depression and needs some serious counceling. He doens't need to be near her or the kids if he's whippin his dick out and spittin on people. Especially if SHE is the only bread winner at the moment. They may still have a lot of genuine love for one another but he crossed the line when he did what he did. He can never take it back nor make up for it. That door will never close. He screwed the pooch. It's over, time for all parties to move on. I'd stay out of their business, but make sure she knows his eratic behavior will escalate because he doesn't feel good about himself, she reminds him of that just by her presence, let alone nagging(even justified). Eventually he will hit her I think, especially if he uses or drinks. He needs to stand up not get propped up. Spitting is hitting in NC from a legal stand point, and is worse from an emotional one imo.

No way.

It is hard to cut ties with friends. We all work with each other. Our wives work together at one place and I work with him at another. But I think you guys are right on. I will do my best to stay out of it. I am going to tell them to leave me out of it from now on.  

dave223,

I wasn't suggesting that you cut ties with this person, rather, simply giving you my own experience. FWIW, the guy in question is one of the most immature, classless people I know, and this made me realize how I didn't have time in my short life to waste on that sort of behavior.

Yes he works days 0800-1700. She works nights 12 hour shifts that require her to leave about the time he gets home. But our wives only work 3 or 4 days a week. Funny you mentioned the drinking...he started to drink about 6 to 9 beers a day a couple of weeks ago. Things are getting very stressful at work. I talked to him about it before the fight ever took place. He used the stress thing as his reasoning. She was voicing her displeasure with that as well the day of the fight. He is not an alcoholic or anything...he normally does not drink like that. Its really weird that he started..which is why I talked to him about it.

Oh boy have I ever and it wasnt mad at her at all. It was cause I was love her. [naughty]

She spits on me why not her.

[lol]crime of passion[lol]

If you're drinking 6-9 beers/day and you're not in college, you have a drinking problem.

Shit. [V] I feel sorry for the kids.

The guy's an abusive, alcoholic jackass. The woman might be abusive too. No one knows for sure what goes on in another's marriage.

But the kids are gonna be fucked up ROYAL. Do what you can for THEM.

I know man. The kids are really good little guys too. I got them out to our property a while back and they went nuts in the country. Respectful and smart little kids. They have some emergency couples counseling set up..so maybe that will work?

I misunderstood, I gathered he was jobless. Her crack about finding, or having found, someone new is manipulative BS like I just got rid of. I suspect she only said it to hurt him and that there was little behind it in the way of truth. Sounds like their marrige is fucked up like a soup sandwich. Christian morals aside, the worst thing they can do is stay together and fight like this in front of the kids. If he is drinkin that much daily he's a drunk. If it only started recently he can quit cold turkey with little effort. I'm sure you can smell it on him at work the next day, that's just the way alcohol works. It will begin to affect his job performance if has not already. If he really wants his entire life to fall apart at once tell him to keep drinking the way he is. Everybody has stress, some more than others but substances ain't the way to deal with it.
His first step has to be no more alcohol. His kids will learn the behavior from him and turn to it in times of stress too. That ought to snap him out of it. If it doesn't then you know he's too far gone and a total POS and to wash your hands of him. I don't know what to say about her. All women are crazy so....?

This isn't on the same scale relationship wise, but a couple months ago a girl I know at school broke up with her boyfriend.  He went out got drunk (during school) came back (during school) and started shit with her.  He spit cussed and was a general jackass until her brother happend to come by and see.  He got his nose broken, two black eyes (on top of the usual broken nose eye swelling) and a broken arm.  I came upon it as he broke the guys arm.  I think any [s]man[/s] boy, that can't control himself enough not to do anything physical should be castrated.

BTW, good call [b]BK1[/b].