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Posted: 9/23/2005 1:39:04 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 1:42:40 PM EDT by Combatvet]
My wife says to me today, "you should buy stock in Charmin, you use enough of that crap". So what I like my POPE to be clean and free of "debris". Is it just me or does anyone else have the dreaded "CHOCOPHOBIA". Or am I am just an anal retentive () clean freak?
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:40:36 PM EDT
Unless you use over 3 rolls a day, I see no problem.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:42:01 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:42:56 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Combatvet:
My wife says to me today, "you should buy stock in Charmin, you use enough of that crap". So what I like my POPE to be clean and free of "debris". Is it just me or does anyone else have the dreaded "CHOCOPHOBIA". Or am I am just an anal retentive () clean freak?



Tell her you'll put it in her poopy so she won't shit right for 3 weeks.

That way your useage will average out with hers, or lack thereof.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:43:00 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 1:46:36 PM EDT by SheepDog_556]
Personally, I'm not keen on a hand covered in shit, or in residual skid marks in my drawers....so I mummify my mits with TP and wipe until I have achieved a lusterous glisten on my cheeks.



Sheep
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:45:14 PM EDT
Grab a handfull of tp. Buff until a high luster is achieved.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:47:59 PM EDT
Tell your wife that you're going to start buying in bulk so she'll stop complaining.

While you're at it, show her this pic:



I asked my wife to "stock up", and that was what she brought home.

Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:48:25 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SheepDog_556:
Personally, I'm not keen on a hand covered in shit, or in residual skid marks in my drawers....so I mummify my mits with TP and wipe until I have achieved a lusterous glisten on my cheeks.



Sheep



+1
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:49:52 PM EDT
Why use TP at all? A bore brush, a few patches, and some CLP should do the trick much better...
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:51:53 PM EDT
I'm a bit of a neat freak too... but my wife still uses more than me.

Remind your wife that she "patty-pats" when you don't, too.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:55:01 PM EDT
If you learn to fold the TP the right way you will get 'more wipes per pull.'
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 1:55:31 PM EDT
On a serious note, those Pamper baby wipes work quite well on cleaning "stuff" regular TP can't reach. No shit!
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:08:52 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 2:10:11 PM EDT by chevypower]

Originally Posted By Combatvet:
My wife says to me today, "you should buy stock in Charmin, you use enough of that crap". So what I like my POPE to be clean and free of "debris". Is it just me or does anyone else have the dreaded "CHOCOPHOBIA". Or am I am just an anal retentive () clean freak?



My wife has said the same thing to me! I told her that I don't stop wiping until someone could eat off my ass. I've sat by people before and you can tell they aren't the most aggressive wipers. I refuse to be the stinky ass that no one wants to sit near! The wife buys it in bulk at Costco now so I'm always good to go!
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:10:48 PM EDT
TO ALL THE GUYS WHO ARE ABOUT TO COMPLAIN THAT THEIR WIFE USES TOO MUCH TP:

Remember, we gotta use it for both numbers. There's nothing to shake.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:13:12 PM EDT

Originally Posted By CJan_NH:
Tell your wife that you're going to start buying in bulk so she'll stop complaining.

While you're at it, show her this pic:

[urhome.comcast.net/~cjan99999/Charmin.JPG

I asked my wife to "stock up", and that was what she brought home.





Chili night?
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:13:41 PM EDT

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
TO ALL THE GUYS WHO ARE ABOUT TO COMPLAIN THAT THEIR WIFE USES TOO MUCH TP:

Remember, we gotta use it for both numbers. There's nothing to shake.



Better learn to "drip dry!"
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:18:17 PM EDT
No.

We use just enough to get the job done.



HH
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:30:53 PM EDT
Baby wipes.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:36:50 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 2:38:23 PM EDT by Merrell]

Originally Posted By CJan_NH:
Tell your wife that you're going to start buying in bulk so she'll stop complaining.

While you're at it, show her this pic:



I asked my wife to "stock up", and that was what she brought home.




Are those single rolls or doubles?


ETA: Using Bounty for TP is HARD CORE.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:36:57 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 2:37:51 PM EDT by napalm]

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
TO ALL THE GUYS WHO ARE ABOUT TO COMPLAIN THAT THEIR WIFE USES TOO MUCH TP:

Remember, we gotta use it for both numbers. There's nothing to shake.




Yeah, but how much do you need? It seems to me that a few sheets properly folded.... pat dry... buff to a high luster... and you're done.


I had this one girlfriend once.. man, that woman would go through a roll of TP a day.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:45:03 PM EDT

Originally Posted By napalm:

Originally Posted By GabbasaurusRex:
TO ALL THE GUYS WHO ARE ABOUT TO COMPLAIN THAT THEIR WIFE USES TOO MUCH TP:

Remember, we gotta use it for both numbers. There's nothing to shake.




Yeah, but how much do you need? It seems to me that a few sheets properly folded.... pat dry... buff to a high luster... and you're done.


I had this one girlfriend once.. man, that woman would go through a roll of TP a day.


3-4 max. Unless, well....
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:47:27 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Merrell:

Originally Posted By CJan_NH:
Tell your wife that you're going to start buying in bulk so she'll stop complaining.

While you're at it, show her this pic:

home.comcast.net/~cjan99999/Charmin.JPG

I asked my wife to "stock up", and that was what she brought home.




Are those single rolls or doubles?


I don't know-that's a great question

I'll find out when I get home.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:49:33 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Sydwaiz:
If you learn to fold the TP the right way you will get 'more wipes per pull.'



With an avatar to prove the theory?

You get a +1.





- BG
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 2:54:58 PM EDT

Originally Posted By SheepDog_556:
Personally, I'm not keen on a hand covered in shit, or in residual skid marks in my drawers....so I mummify my mits with TP and wipe until I have achieved a lusterous glisten on my cheeks.



Sheep



I try to keep from getting it on my cheeks.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 3:14:36 PM EDT
Wife uses 1 roll per day, can never remember that she used the last of it the last time she was in there. So once a day at least .... HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE­EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE­EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Of course I chuck it back there like a football pass at the superbowl.

A lack of planning on her part does not constitue a ASS LEAVING THE COUCH emergency on my part.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 3:16:48 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 3:17:09 PM EDT by Merrell]

Originally Posted By azcopwannabee:
Wife uses 1 roll per day, can never remember that she used the last of it the last time she was in there. So once a day at least .... HONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE­EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Of course I chuck it back there like a football pass at the superbowl.

A lack of planning on her part does not constitue a ASS LEAVING THE COUCH emergency on my part.



If ya really wanna have some fun with the better half, lift the lid and cover the bowl with saran wrap, making sure no wrinkles show... then carefully put the lid back down. Loads of fun!



(extra points for smearing vaseline on the seat!)
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 3:26:00 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Merrell:
ETA: Using Bounty for TP is HARD CORE.



Bah. Try making a mad dash for the can (when ya gotta go, ya gotta go), sitting down and beginning to take care of business only to discover that the only wiping material is the newspaper you brought to read. Or worse yet, just the empty toilet paper tube. You will be pining for Bounty.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 3:27:17 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Doucheatron3000:

Originally Posted By Merrell:
ETA: Using Bounty for TP is HARD CORE.



Bah. Try making a mad dash for the can (when ya gotta go, ya gotta go), sitting down and beginning to take care of business only to discover that the only wiping material is the newspaper you brought to read. Or worse yet, just the empty toilet paper tube. You will be pining for Bounty.




well there always are the guest towels...

Link Posted: 9/23/2005 3:32:29 PM EDT
Bidet motherfucker, do you use it?
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 3:45:19 PM EDT
Heck, get one of the cheap handheld shower massagers from Walmart. One or two passes with TP to get most of it, put it on pulse and go through the car wash, and one more TP pass to dry.

I really don't think TP actually cleans you, it mostly dries it on.

If you got dog shit smeared in your hair, would you be happy to clean it with a paper towel?
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 5:46:31 PM EDT

Originally Posted By DDiggler:
Heck, get one of the cheap handheld shower massagers from Walmart. One or two passes with TP to get most of it, put it on pulse and go through the car wash, and one more TP pass to dry.

I really don't think TP actually cleans you, it mostly dries it on.

If you got dog shit smeared in your hair, would you be happy to clean it with a paper towel?



That's just about the nastiest thing I've ever read...wonder what time Walmart closes..
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 5:53:07 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 6:02:33 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 6:07:43 PM EDT
Why have I never thought to wet my TP before I use it?

OH, I know. I'm not a snob. LOL


Link Posted: 9/23/2005 6:17:12 PM EDT

Originally Posted By TheLibertarianMind:
Why have I never thought to wet my TP before I use it?

OH, I know. I'm not a snob. LOL





Nah, just a stinky brown-striper.

Link Posted: 9/23/2005 6:19:06 PM EDT
About the first month of my marriage, my husband was overwhelmed by the amount of toilet paper I used. He insisted that all I needed was one square of tissue.

It went something like this (all while tears of embarrassment are welling in my eyes): Hubby stands holding a square of tissue like some kind of product model, "This is a square of tissue," he says, folds it in half two times and rips one corner off so that when he unfolds it, the square has a hole in the middle. He acts out wiping himself after sticking his finger in the hole, then takes the piece torn out of the middle and mimes cleaning under his fingernail with it. Um... joke went flat on me. Sometimes, I wonder about that guy...
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 6:20:34 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 6:33:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 6:33:33 PM EDT by daydreamer]

Originally Posted By SP1Grrl:

Originally Posted By daydreamer:
About the first month of my marriage, my husband was overwhelmed by the amount of toilet paper I used. He insisted that all I needed was one square of tissue.

It went something like this (all while tears of embarrassment are welling in my eyes): Hubby stands holding a square of tissue like some kind of product model, "This is a square of tissue," he says, folds it in half two times and rips one corner off so that when he unfolds it, the square has a hole in the middle. He acts out wiping himself after sticking his finger in the hole, then takes the piece torn out of the middle and mimes cleaning under his fingernail with it. Um... joke went flat on me. Sometimes, I wonder about that guy...



Holy crap...my grandfather used to say that, except he MEANT it.



If I hadn't been a newlywed, the dry performance (as though he meant it) would have added to it's hilarity; however, as it was, (sniff, sniff) he was a cad.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 8:12:44 PM EDT
Only problem with wetting the TP is the little dingleballs that roll off and stay behind. Then when you're washing your ass in the shower you come across one and think "WTF?" only to realize what it is after you fling it on the shower floor. I'll wet the TP when it's really messy or feels like battery acid.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 8:17:28 PM EDT
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 8:22:21 PM EDT
A nice pulsating flexible hose shower head will help keep Mr Rosy Red so clean you will squeak when you walk
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 8:36:13 PM EDT
Why don't we have an ass like a cat? They don't have to wipe. Only humans need to wipe.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 8:43:11 PM EDT

Originally Posted By JeromeAvers:
Why don't we have an ass like a cat? They don't have to wipe. Only humans need to wipe.



They SHOULD wipe, but they don't. Cats have nasty asses. And nothign is worse than a dog wiping its ass on the carpet. A girl I see thinks it is cute when here little rat dog wipes his ass on the carpet. Nasty motherfucker.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 8:49:10 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 8:49:19 PM EDT by NimmerMehr]
The depth of this place is truly astouding.
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 8:50:07 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 8:50:43 PM EDT by Gloftoe]
Link Posted: 9/23/2005 9:34:15 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/23/2005 9:35:30 PM EDT by roboman]
Try getting a bad case of Bud Mud after a long night of drinking when you're sitting in the middle of the woods hunting the next day.

I had to tear my boxers off and into pieces to wipe my ass.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 12:42:16 AM EDT

Originally Posted By roboman:
Try getting a bad case of Bud Mud after a long night of drinking when you're sitting in the middle of the woods hunting the next day.

I had to tear my boxers off and into pieces to wipe my ass.




Been there, done that, bought the friggin t-shirt!
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 12:55:41 AM EDT
They say I use too much, but if that's the case... THEN SO DO THEY.

I COULD use less but, I'm content with not getting any shit on my hands.

I find that instead of folding the TP, you should crumple/roll it into a ball and wrap that ball with the last foot of TP. It's got less finger to anus action that way and seems to use even less than before.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 12:58:53 AM EDT

Originally Posted By thelastgunslinger:

Originally Posted By JeromeAvers:
Why don't we have an ass like a cat? They don't have to wipe. Only humans need to wipe.



They SHOULD wipe, but they don't. Cats have nasty asses. And nothign is worse than a dog wiping its ass on the carpet. A girl I see thinks it is cute when here little rat dog wipes his ass on the carpet. Nasty motherfucker.



Better than your girlfriend wiping her ass on the carpet like that huh? Now THAT would be nasty!

Bad thing using baby wipes if you have septic.. I know families that don't flush paper. They throw it in the trash can in the bathroom. "Welcome friends!" Septic sucks..

Link Posted: 9/24/2005 2:13:55 AM EDT
[Last Edit: 9/24/2005 2:15:57 AM EDT by Boom_Stick]

Originally Posted By cmjohnson:
Anyone who wipes DRY is NASTY. You can't clean yourself with dry paper no matter what.

The sink is in easy reach. A little dampening of the last pass via the sink, using quality TP
that isn't susceptible to easy breakthroughs, leaves your butt clean enough to kiss. Maybe not
clean enough for a DEEP kiss, but clean, nonetheless.

My GF and I both are very into being squeakly clean. It's NICER no matter what we do or don't do,
so when whe shower, we scrub everything until we're practically sterilized from head to toe.

Everyone should do that.

I don't care who you are and how deeply in love you may be, a whiff of ASS during intimate
encounters is a real turn-off. So scrub that butt!
CJ


Thats why the three "S"s are in the order they're in. I dont go but once a day, and it's right before I hit the evening shower.

Wett'in the TP is going a little too far though. If I gotta wipe with dry TP......well, shit happens! I'll deal with it later. Cant take a shower at work.
Link Posted: 9/24/2005 3:05:37 AM EDT
Cats don't need to wipe because they lick their assholes clean. I don't think that would be an option, even if we could.

I just find it hard to believe that we're now in the 21st century and everyone still cleans themselves by pawing at their asses with wadded up paper. Of course, look at what TP costs at the store, and it's considered a 'staple.' I'm sure that we've come up with better methods, but Big TP has kept it all quiet.

We need to figure out exactly how the three seashells work, a la 'Demolition Man'.
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