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Posted: 5/22/2001 6:03:43 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/22/2001 6:02:42 PM EDT by M4]
I have a good friend who called me and told me about some serious stuff that's been going on in his life. His fiance of 5 years left him 6 days ago, which was also his very best friend(he thought). She was screwing around on him and he found out. It was a total shock to him, and he feels like he's lost everything that was truly important to him. The circumstances have just left him feeling sick to his stomach. She gave him no signs that there was any trouble, and up til the end, she kept him thinking everything was going great. When she got busted, she turned on him and blamed him for her lies and infedelity, truly evil woman. He may have been a fool to place his happiness in one person, but he's a passionate guy and a really good person. The world does need SOME people like that. She packed up and left the same day. Never saying she was sorry, never expressing regret of any kind. It's wiped him out. He lives in a place where he hasn't been for long, and has literally no friends there. I live a long, long ways away, and just can't get time immediately to see him. He's REALLY depressed, and just has no explanation for what's happened. He's totally alone, and has no outlet for his pain. He just sits at home and can't find the strength to do much except worry and stress about his loss. I told him all that I could over the phone, you know the drill. But I really want to point him in some direction so he can get all this out of his mind long enough to just relax a little. Do you people have any tips I could pass along? I really feel that if he doesn't get some comfort in his life, even a little, he's just going to slip in to a really damaged state. Like I said, this guy is really just a solid person and was a GREAT friend to his girl. I want to offer some usable advice other than the trite "Hang in there". Any ideas? Thanks.
Link Posted: 5/22/2001 6:10:16 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/22/2001 6:12:48 PM EDT by raven]
Hmm...depressed after he was betrayed and dumped by the woman he loved? Turns out she never really loved him? Depression after a big loss like that is totally natural, and it happened 6 days ago? That's not long at all. He'll probably be depressed for at least a couple of more weeks. If he wasn't prone to depression before this happened, I wouldn't be too worried.....but if he's seriously expressed suicide get him help. Otherwise he'll get over it in a few weeks or months. Happens to everyone. Hang in there. Also, the woman just showed her true colors so he's better off without her. Everything happens for a reason. Losing her might be the best thing that's happened to him. I know that's not very helpful, so I recommend a book called "As you Think" or "As a Man Thinketh". A really old self-help book from the 19th century which explains that how you feel is mandated by how you think. You can control your thoughts and that controls your outlook on life and happiness. Imbrog|io seriously needs to read it. Pronto.
Link Posted: 5/22/2001 6:13:32 PM EDT
Have someone you know who went thru a messy divorce call him. I think almost everyone has had their world come crashing down at one time or another. LET HIM GRIEVE, this is worse than a death in the family. Support him as best you can. 'That which does not kill me, makes me stronger.' This is a true statement, but it takes time. Where does this guy live? Some of us on the boards may be able to help.
Link Posted: 5/22/2001 6:16:36 PM EDT
As the Beatles said, "Happiness is a warm gun." Or as Conan's father said, "No one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts. [Points to sword.] But this... this you can trust." But seriously, he was over invested in an individual he did not know. He was infatuated with the idea of her which was clearly distinct and different from the reality. He needs admit his mistake, let go of it and not become bitter and cynical, and seek again the ideal that he thought he had found. Does not sound as if she was worth the grief. Drive on!
Link Posted: 5/22/2001 6:22:25 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/22/2001 6:42:35 PM EDT by EdAvilaSr]
Link Posted: 5/22/2001 6:27:35 PM EDT
Well said Ed.
Link Posted: 5/22/2001 6:37:41 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/22/2001 6:37:57 PM EDT by M4]
Thanks for the replies fellas, I appreciate it. Can any of you think of something immediate that I could pass along? I've told him all about how time is his friend, and as enough time passes so will his dispair. The problem at the moment is short term relief, even just temporary relief from what he describes as A horrible feeling of being abandoned. I'm sure that in the future he wont hang it all out there for one person to crush his life, but that's his reality at the moment. He moved to this place with his girl so she could finish school. All the people he's met are through her because he works from home and hasn't had any opportunity to meet new people of any kind, other than her friends. None of these new "friends" have called since, she's told them, simply to garner sympathy that she's affraid of him! Now these people think of him as a possible threat to her! He would NEVER lay a hand on another person, I've known him for years and have know ex-girtlfriends of his. He would NEVER do that, but now that's how he's seen by these people. Like his girl hadn't done enough damage, she needed to totally alienate him from everyone else as well. What a BITCH!!!! So not only has he lost what he considered his very best friend for 5 years and his fience, he's been branded by her so others wont even go near him. I just was hoping to point him in a direction to help him in the short term. I told him that working out REALLY hard helps burn stress, it'll help him get some sleep, and he'll feel better. Trust me when I tell you that this guy is the LAST guy anyone would want to see so down, he's just a real stand up person. Is there ANYTHING else that I can suggest for the moment?
Link Posted: 5/22/2001 6:39:45 PM EDT
I think that something like this has happened to everyone at one point. I followed a chick half way accost the country once to get dumped a few weeks later. oh man she was hot 32-27-29 (and fu*ked like a porn star) anyhow this is how I always deal with this kind of thing. Go out find someone and fu*k them like a 2 dollar hoar. That always makes me feal better. But IM married now so I don't have to do that anymore. Women are Evil and Men are sheep. My wife's favorite saying
Link Posted: 5/22/2001 11:09:10 PM EDT
Tell him this story, it will make him laugh. A cute puppy is out playing in the park, when he notices a man mowing the grass. Having never seen a lawn mower before he is intrigued. He runs over to investigate and begins running around the lawn mower, barking and lunging as puppies often do. Soon he gets to close, and the mower snips off the very tip of his tail. He yelps in pain and becomes immediately enraged. He turns and snaps at the mower, and sadly it lops off his head. The moral of the story is: Don't lose your head over a little piece of tail.
Link Posted: 5/22/2001 11:51:28 PM EDT
I have some advice. Tell your friend to thank his lucky stars this happened before he married her because now there is now way she can take half his assets, his pay, their home, etc. If that's not enough, take him out for a beer and a trip to the local house of ill repute for a blowjob. I guess it's not always men who have a problem communicating, is it?
Link Posted: 5/22/2001 11:57:56 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/22/2001 11:57:41 PM EDT by Beagles747]
Just a thought here... If he were my friend I would see if he had any vacation time available from work and see if he could come out and see you. You would get to talk with him face to face and he would know he's not alone in the world. Plus being in a new place might take his mind away constantly thinking about it. And, if he is really depressed you would be able to keep an eye on his behavior to see if he's going to do anything foolish. Does he have any family near him at all? That's a real sucky situation, I hope he gets over her fast and moves on with his life. Like someone here already said stuff happens for a reason maybe Mrs. Right is waiting around the corner for this guy? John
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 12:35:39 AM EDT
Originally Posted By mattja: I have some advice. Tell your friend to thank his lucky stars this happened before he married her because now there is now way she can take half his assets, his pay, their home, etc.
View Quote
Yea, this happened to a close friend of mine. His ol lady would fuck anything that moved. Turned out that she had 4 or 5 (I forgot exactly how many) abortions behind his back. He's now happily re married, and she's married to "bubba" getting slapped around nightly. Tell him, better now than later. Eric
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 4:22:38 AM EDT
I'd suggest that your friend volunteer for some charity work. It will ease his loneliness and give him some perspective on life's ups and downs.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 5:20:55 AM EDT
Last time that happened to me, I smoked a real phat hooter and saw my recruiter the next day. All turned out for the best. G/F who dumped me got prego by a friend just a few weeks after I was in basic. No time to think of her then. Just remember; the devil`s in the women.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 5:34:17 AM EDT
I just went through something like this. I moved to get married, settle down and boom. I felt like JFK in a parade, one min I'm happy and waving, next think I got a hell of a headache! Remind your friend that not all women are like that. On the other hand... don't trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 5:35:00 AM EDT
I also told him to stay away from mushy love music while this is going on. It's amazing how every song you ever ignored on the radio takes on a whole new meaning when you've been dumped like he has. Led Zeppelin I was absolutely made for guys in his position. Hope he'll liste to it.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 5:44:00 AM EDT
Beagles really got a good advice. Tell your friend to take sometime off. Go visit friends or family and talk about it. Your friend should not be alone in this state. We've all been there.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 6:09:20 AM EDT
Fiancée (for five years)? He should be thankful that they weren't married and that all she broke was his heart and not his financial back as well. Tell him that and that it's NOT his fault. Women love to turn stuff around on you. I know it's tough, but if that's the way she treated him and their relationship she wasn't worth it. There WILL be someone better out there.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 6:38:16 AM EDT
Where is he located? One of us can take him shooting and maybe introduce him around. Also, I suggest he buy a copy of Hayduke's "Getting Even:The Complete Book of Dirty Tricks".....for entertainment purposes, of course.[dracula]
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 7:03:04 AM EDT
Bummer! Hopefully he looks on the good side of things, and keeps his head together and moves on with life. Unfortunately shit happens, usualy to nice guys.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 7:05:25 AM EDT
As stated in a previous post... Buy a wedding ring!! Chicks GALORE!!!!. Seriously, I hope your friend feels better soon. Nuckles.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 7:05:51 AM EDT
When your dog dies, get a new puppy. Fastest way to get over it.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 7:52:43 AM EDT
I just had this happen to my best friend a few months back, only it was his wife of 9 years and they have two young kids. They'd moved far away and he didn't really have any friends there yet. I took a few days off and flew out there to provide moral support. Good thing I did, as by the time I got there things had turned ugly. She'd gotten a restraining order and he couldn't even get his clothes out of the house. My advice is, try to go out there and spend a few days -- the sooner the better.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 8:41:46 AM EDT
Tell him how ABSOLUTELY HAPPY my life is. That would even cheer up someone on death row.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 10:14:09 AM EDT
I have found a few things that keep me happy. One of them is I always try to keep something to look foreward to, long and short term. It doesn't have to be material either. I look foreward to doing plans I have made, I look foreward to meeting people or going places. Of course I do look foreward to the toys when I can afford them, like the LEGP! Like Ed said, time heals all wounds and having something to look foreward to makes it go a little easier. Make arrangements to go see your friend if possible, and then tell him to plan on when your comming. send him a small something and tell him to look for it in the mail. Ok sound trivial, but works for me. So does humor, some of the most simple things can be funny as hell at the oddest times, but it gets ya by. Wish him well Jack
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 10:24:37 AM EDT
Yeah, forgot to mention my story. I was in love with a chick who was bad news.She dumped my ass and moved in with another guy. Looked her up 5 years later. This guy gave her the clap, constantly cheated on her, and physically abused her (woke her up by punching her, for example). She thought she was commiserating, but that news actually made my day! Was happy to hear she suffered after the pain she caused me. [:p]
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 10:47:58 AM EDT
M4- I went through this exacpt situation about 4 years ago. Dated and lived together for 3 years, planning on getting married the whole deal. Well she dumped me, for some lamo reason. And I swear it was like a mini divorce in a small town, everyone knew, and shit was constatly flying( mostly from her end) It took her moving for things to finally die out, but it seemed every few months it would start up again. I wound up moving an hour away and things are great now, met a new woman and Iam defiantely going to marry this one, the shoots guns all the time, totes a 357 wheel gun snubbie and can grease a John Deer if she needs to. tell you friend to move, since he recently got there, he really has not made any permanent attachments to the community. But most importantly it was friends that got me through the ordeal. Ilost many friends over this mess, but the true friends called and told me not to worry and they would be over to see me( I think they wanted my famous BBQ personally). My advice, hop a plane and go see him, get him moved, and have a "kill the paper targets" day at the range. That should help him, it did me. later james
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 11:00:00 AM EDT
i had a friend that a similar thing happened to .he did not get over it and it finally riuened his life.hey this sort of stuff happens,and their aint no eazy cure.just move on with it.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 11:17:44 AM EDT
This is what you need to do. Take some time off and take a one week trip to Amsterdam. After you have smoked some of the finest pot in the world and spent an entire week screwing every hot 19 year old dutch girl you see you will forget you ever had a life prior to this. This gf of yours will seem like a distant memory and you will be happy to be rid of her.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 11:50:26 AM EDT
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 12:08:40 PM EDT
Get a dog. Women are evil.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 12:28:07 PM EDT
You guys.... I want to thank every one of you for taking the time to reply to this thread. My friend has received the best advice from all your contributions as well as mine, and I think it can do nothing but help. There's a lot of B.S. that flies from all of our mouths from time to time, but it's really great that people I've never met personally take the time to share experiences and advice to a relative stranger. Again, you have my and my buddies greatest gratitude.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 12:45:14 PM EDT
Six months ago, after joining classmates.com, I get an e-mail from my HS sweetheart. This girl was blond, had a nice little figure, and an excellent pair of boobs. Great memories! Anyway, so we're talking on the telephone and she says after I moved away from LA to the Bay Area, she went around searching for me for a couple of years. Years? She said she even hired a private detective to find me (he must have been a pretty lame detective because I was just 400 miles away). She says she always loved me and that she really, really wanted to see me. Anyway, I wasn't married to my wife yet at that time, but we had been in a committed relationship for 4 1/2 years. So, this little voice in the back of my head is yelling “Last chance, better see her!” but the other little voice is saying, “No, you love your girl!” Kind of like Animal House, remember? Anyway, so I ask my friends about it and they say hell yes, this is your last chance, you better see her now! So, she says she’ll be in Sunnyvale on business, so we should meet and have lunch, etc. And then right before she hangs up, she says, “Oh, and by the way, I’m a lesbian now”. YES, WOMENZ ARE EVIL!
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 1:39:00 PM EDT
M4 - I commend you on your caring attitude for your friend. We know that bad stuff happens to good people, and there's NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING, that we can do to stop it from happening. That fact is little comfort to your friend, however.. The important thing is that he keep himself busy doing things that provide a distraction from thinking about the bad that has come his way. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly (you KNEW I HAD to throw this in) is to know that true happiness is found ONLY in a proper RELATIONSHIP with God, who will NEVER abandon us. I won't belabor that point any more, except to say that if your friend wants to discuss it more, feel free to give him my e-mail address, and I'd be glad to answer any questions, or help however I can in that regard. Peace.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 2:17:01 PM EDT
Get your friend a plane ticket to come to your place. He needs to be away from reminders of that woman's treachery. He should also demand and receive the engagement ring back. After all, she ended the relationship by failing to honor her commitment. A nice touch to add would be to file a RO against the witch. With the proceeds from selling the ring, he should buy a nice rifle and put a case of ammo through it. Then he might be able to pick up the pieces and move on.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 2:24:23 PM EDT
I agree with the dog idea. Get him a puppy. radioman
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 5:38:07 PM EDT
I second that. He should get the ring back. Even Judge Judy ruled if the woman breaks up or cheats causing the man to break up with her, the man gets the ring back.
Link Posted: 5/23/2001 5:48:36 PM EDT
Originally Posted By paspecops: Have someone you know who went thru a messy divorce call him. I think almost everyone has had their world come crashing down at one time or another. LET HIM GRIEVE, this is worse than a death in the family. Support him as best you can. 'That which does not kill me, makes me stronger.' This is a true statement, but it takes time. Where does this guy live? Some of us on the boards may be able to help.
View Quote
Been there, Done that......mucho pain, not only to myself but family as well.....my only advise.......PRAYER......otherwise...FRIENDS.......my e mail.....klosskt@yahoo.com......
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