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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 9/7/2010 2:14:28 PM EDT
So I have a buddy over for dinner, we make burgers with bacon inside. ie, you cook up a package of bacon, crumble it into nickle sized pieces and mix it with the ground beef. I was quite excited when he suggested this.

He does the thing where you squish the burgers with the spachela and makes the neat sizzle sound and some fire. There is a little spot in hell reseverd for people who do this. Quit fucking doing that. Your squeezing the juice/life out of the burger. Go put a serloin in a blender if you dont' like fat and flavor in your meat. Nothing ticks me off more. Yes, there are people at the party who think that's neat and makes you look like a professional because I'm sure all professional grillers know that grease and juice is bad for good burgers. This is getting old as I can see more and more bbq's where people cringe at this and some decent folk will even correct the unprofessional chef.

Also he overcooked them. You can get salmonella and cholesterol from burgers that aren't cooked well done. I just wanted to get that out in the open. Yes, medium well will drop you like a South American parasite. Your dick will fall off if your burger resembles anything other than a hockey puck.

Also I'm going to eat white high glucose buns, two slices of cheese, sugary bbq sauce, half a package of bacon, 2 beers and a vodka gimlet, but I'm very concerned about the little extra hamburger fat that medium gives you over well done. How about eating a salad if your so concerned about your health.

He had the nerve to make a vegitarian joke too. How the fuck can you overcook a burger and then make some snide comment about our misguided vegitarian brothers and sisters? (For the record, every vegitarian I've ever met has said that they prefer rare when they were meat eaters.) Let's make fun of soy burgers. I'm going cook the hell out of my beef and pretend that's how burgers should be cooked and then make a joke about soy burgers. I'm going to go deer hunting with a .32 and tell a guy with a .22 that he's using a weak round. Let's drive an Explorer and tell the Hummer people that they are wasting gas. Tell me about your pyramid scheme business you want me to join and tell me it's not Amway beause Amway sucks.

And he had the fucking nerve to sit there and tell me how good they were.

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:16:50 PM EDT
If you had him over for dinner, why weren't you cooking?
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:16:53 PM EDT
Cooked bacon added to raw hamburger = fail.

Dice the bacon raw and add to ground beef or for bonus points make your own hamburger by grinding together sirloin, bacon, and a little extra beef fat.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:20:54 PM EDT
Massive fucking fail. Lemme guess...he probably uses propane too...

Posted Via AR15.Com Mobile
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:21:06 PM EDT
Originally Posted By DzlBenz:
If you had him over for dinner, why weren't you cooking?


I give him the spatchela once in a while. I don't like going to his house because he has bitchy kids and a screaming wife.

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:21:52 PM EDT

Originally Posted By Angelshare1:
Originally Posted By DzlBenz:
If you had him over for dinner, why weren't you cooking?


I give him the spatchela once in a while. I don't like going to his house because he has bitchy kids and a screaming wife.

Well, we know what to do to prevent that, now, don't we?

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:22:28 PM EDT
Rant needs lots more swearin. 2/10.


Two pet peeves off the top of my head. A good friend of mine marintaes her steaks. All of them. In A1 sauce. Apparently she thinks that's how steaks are made, because she brags up her steak grilling skills all of the time. She marinated flippin T-bones a couple of weeks ago.

My father in law buys the cheapest chunk of steak he can find and cooks it well done. Doesn't ask how any wants theirs. Just cooks that shit until it's dry as a bone. Because that's how he likes it.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:24:28 PM EDT
Good rant.
You hit most of mine spot on.
Hint: Team comes with a free spellchecker.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:27:17 PM EDT
Mine is when people attempt to mess with my grill. Don't TOUCH the food. I am the cooker, not you.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:27:24 PM EDT
What pisses me off is people that pour the charcoal lighter fluid on the coals and as soon as the flames are two feet in the air they throw the burgers on and they are burned before the charcoal ever turns gray.
Faster than a microwave.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:30:17 PM EDT
You don't keep friends for very long, do you.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:30:43 PM EDT
So, why are you grilling pets? You can buy beef at the store.

I only have one friend who can cook on my grill. He is better at ribs than I am. He can come over and cook them any time. He even has a cute wife.

And no, I don't have pics.
Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:31:03 PM EDT
Sometimes I press the burgers, but it's not to piss off anyone or to make a show.

I don't want to eat all the grease, it's as simple as that. Just trying to keep the meat lean and healthy.

But then, I don't let any guys with grilling hangups observe me making dinner.

Link Posted: 9/7/2010 2:35:51 PM EDT
Originally Posted By DzlBenz:

Originally Posted By Angelshare1:
Originally Posted By DzlBenz:
If you had him over for dinner, why weren't you cooking?


I give him the spatchela once in a while. I don't like going to his house because he has bitchy kids and a screaming wife.

Well, we know what to do to prevent that, now, don't we?



Well, then he wants me to come over to his house so he can cook for me. I got the cool bachelor pad with cigars, booze, 42 inch plasma, Playboys. He's got the house that smells like diapers with kids crap all over. No I don't want to see your kids when it's drinkin and grillin time.
Link Posted: 9/10/2010 3:44:03 PM EDT
gotta see some pics or more storys
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