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Posted: 8/22/2017 6:06:51 PM EST
My parents got divorced when I was 19. Mom remarried a couple years later to a decent man (step dad) that had an adult son and daughter my age. Step Dad was also divorced so him and my mom started with equal money and both worked mid management at same company with similar pay.
Step sister got married, had kids young and used my Mom as a baby sitter so her and husband could go party every weekend.
Step Bro got dishonorable discharge for selling drugs in military and came home to live with my Mom and his Dad. He was an ass to my Mom but she did everything to help him and my step sister. Eventually he moved out.

Over the next 20 years step siblings depended heavily on their Dad and my Mom. Mom and step Dad also helped Step sisters kids financially as they matured.
During this time I required no assistance at all, did not have a child and helped them all for free.

Mom and step Dad create will, 1/2 for me and other 1/2 divided between step sis and bro.

Then the last 10 years. Step Dad health never good and getting worse. Heart issues, diabetes, bad hip, obese. My Mom in perfect health spent her retirement years being a 24/7 nurse to prevent him going to nursing home. Step siblings were no help and my Mom depended on me to be the Man for her since her husband no longer could. At same time I had a child that my Mom never got to spend time with because she was the constant nurse.

Step dad dies, Mom is bitter at step kids for never being there unless they wanted something. She changes will to I get 100%. Mom starts having dementia and now I am spending all my free time taking care of her. Step siblings and adult step grand kids are zero help. Mom volunteers for assisted living and sells house, but falls and hits her head. Dementia goes into overdrive and nursing home required. I finish sale of her house, give furniture to step siblings that finally show up for free stuff. They never visit her at nursing home or ask about her.

6 months later my Mom dies from dementia. At funeral step siblings amazingly attend, but ask me if I will honor their fathers wish of them getting 1/2 the money. OMG. My Mom is not even in the ground yet. I give them a bs non answer.

Now, 4 months later. My step sister has txt me several times asking if I have the money yet. Which I have most but not everything settled. I am planning to give them a sizable amount of money but maybe not 1/2. Today she txt she wants to see the paperwork, like bank statements. I am thinking F that, I am giving you a gift and you have never done anything for me, my Mom or your Dad. I have continued to blow her off with bs answers so far.

For arguments sake, total $ amount is $100K. What says hive. Give away $50K, $25 for each step sibling? More, less? I'll try to add a poll, only done it once before. Thanks for reading my wall of text. Picture of Mom.
Attachment Attached File
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:09:54 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2017 6:11:52 PM EST by JordanJP]
Originally Posted By AR_Dale:
My parents got divorced when I was 19. Mom remarried a couple years later to a decent man (step dad) that had an adult son and daughter my age. Step Dad was also divorced so him and my mom started with equal money and both worked mid management at same company with similar pay.
Step sister got married, had kids young and used my Mom as a baby sitter so her and husband could go party every weekend.
Step Bro got dishonorable discharge for selling drugs in military and came home to live with my Mom and his Dad. He was an ass to my Mom but she did everything to help him and my step sister. Eventually he moved out.

Over the next 20 years step siblings depended heavily on their Dad and my Mom. Mom and step Dad also helped Step sisters kids financially as they matured.
During this time I required no assistance at all, did not have a child and helped them all for free.

Mom and step Dad create will, 1/2 for me and other 1/2 divided between step sis and bro.

Then the last 10 years. Step Dad health never good and getting worse. Heart issues, diabetes, bad hip, obese. My Mom in perfect health spent her retirement years being a 24/7 nurse to prevent him going to nursing home. Step siblings were no help and my Mom depended on me to be the Man for her since her husband no longer could. At same time I had a child that my Mom never got to spend time with because she was the constant nurse.

Step dad dies, Mom is bitter at step kids for never being there unless they wanted something. She changes will to I get 100%. Mom starts having dementia and now I am spending all my free time taking care of her. Step siblings and adult step grand kids are zero help. Mom volunteers for assisted living and sells house, but falls and hits her head. Dementia goes into overdrive and nursing home required. I finish sale of her house, give furniture to step siblings that finally show up for free stuff. They never visit her at nursing home or ask about her.

6 months later my Mom dies from dementia. At funeral step siblings amazingly attend, but ask me if I will honor their fathers wish of them getting 1/2 the money. OMG. My Mom is not even in the ground yet. I give them a bs non answer.

Now, 4 months later. My step sister has txt me several times asking if I have the money yet. Which I have most but not everything settled. I am planning to give them a sizable amount of money but maybe not 1/2. Today she txt she wants to see the paperwork, like bank statements. I am thinking F that, I am giving you a gift and you have never done anything for me, my Mom or your Dad. I have continued to blow her off with bs answers so far.

For arguments sake, total $ amount is $100K. What says hive. Give away $50K, $25 for each step sibling? More, less? I'll try to add a poll, only done it once before. Thanks for reading my wall of text. Picture of Mom.
https://www.AR15.Com/media/mediaFiles/413906/mom_school-287772.JPG
View Quote


$20k apiece, keep $60k for you. If you have to. And if you're feeling generous.

Personally I wouldn't give them shit and I would explain the reasoning behind it as "mom and I took care of your dad, then I took care of mom, and the will was updated to reflect her wishes."
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:10:54 PM EST
I wouldn't give them anything.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:10:54 PM EST
you will end up in court. 100% guaranteed. it will be ugly. Get ahead of it now with your attorney.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:11:13 PM EST
Your step dad wanted your mom to have the money. She then willed it to you. She gave up HER life for him.
Fuck them, take the money and ignore them.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:11:19 PM EST
I'm sorry for your loss. Your mom was a beatiful woman. I would not give them anything. They will never be satisfied.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:11:29 PM EST
honor your moms will and be done with it.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:11:41 PM EST
You're a fool if you give them one red cent. Your step-father's wishes were made before he needed 10 years of care that your step-siblings completely ignored. I would honor your mother's wishes and stop talking to your step-siblings.

Start a 529 plan for your kid's education.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:12:49 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2017 6:16:59 PM EST by Badlatitude]
Id give them their 25% each and look at it as a cheap way of buying your peace and quiet. Then literally never speak to them again


Or give them what you feel is their share each (IE enough to shut them the fuck up) and be done with them out of the money. Its none of their business how much you actually got. You are buying them out of your life forever


Im in the reverse situation where I do everything, father died and she got it all. Her kids suck and she fucked up and canceled the wrong life insurance policy so I got fuck all.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:13:17 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2017 7:08:01 PM EST by jphi455]
Whatever the Will states.

ETA - If, out of the goodness of your heart, you want to gift your step-siblings some of it then go for it. I wouldn't do over the $15k max though.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:13:20 PM EST
A $5 bill in a plain envelope. Fuck those leeches.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:14:58 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By dorobuta:
you will end up in court. 100% guaranteed. it will be ugly. Get ahead of it now with your attorney.
View Quote
This.

And give them nothing.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:15:37 PM EST
I'd speak to an estate attorney and stop speaking to the step-siblings.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:16:59 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By Baldmonk:
honor your moms will and be done with it.
View Quote
This. There is a reason it's called a will.

Give the will to the lawyer, tell them the lawyer is carrying out your mother's wishes and they can speak to the lawyer for matters regarding the will.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:17:42 PM EST
Sorry for your loss, that being said if the will says 100% yours tell them to get fucked! Now that parents are deceased you have no ties to them anymore.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:17:44 PM EST
I'd sent them pics of my new vacation property I'd bought. But that's me.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:17:54 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2017 6:19:05 PM EST by LePew]
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By dorobuta:
you will end up in court. 100% guaranteed. it will be ugly. Get ahead of it now with your attorney.
View Quote
I'm gonna agree with this. IANAL but know enough to know you need one. NOW.

And splitting 50% between the two of them won't prevent it either.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:17:59 PM EST
Would they have a legal claim to any of the money? Talk to your attorney op

If not, it's up to you if you think they deserve anything. Me personally from reading that- fuck em no money
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:18:10 PM EST
Your duty as executor is to do your best to honor the wishes of the departed.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:18:17 PM EST
No matter what you do they will be unhappy and ungrateful. I figure they owe you. You earned it so keep it.

I had a similar problem. One brother was cut out of the will totally by his parents. Older sister was in charge of everything and she split everything three ways equally with him included. He was still pissed anyway and refused to talk to us for 25 years.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:18:24 PM EST
If you want to say fuck you and give them zero be prepared for a costly legal battle.
Otherwise 10K each to buy yourself peace and quiet, and have a lawyer draw up something to have them sign. Then delete all their contact info and literally never talk to them ever again.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:18:42 PM EST
Nothing, honor your moms wishes and gifting anything above the 14k a year limit could have tax implications to you or your heirs later.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:21:19 PM EST
Honor what you Momma wanted and lawyer up bc they will come a calling. But don't give those leeches anything.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:23:03 PM EST
Either give them half or give them nothing.

If you give them less than half, that could be used against you later in court that you thought they had a right to something outside of what was prescribed in the will.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:24:43 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By WinstonSmith:
Your duty as executor is to do your best to honor the wishes of the departed.
View Quote
+1

That is why we have wills, after all.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:25:54 PM EST
Get a lawyer. If they call refence them to said lawyer. Don't give them anything unless the court orders it.

I wouldn't give them a damn thing.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:27:23 PM EST
I do estate litigation. I have at least three or four big case a year like yours a year. I make a lot of money. That is all.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:28:47 PM EST
Dishonor your mothers wishes to give money to some shitheels?

Why is this even a question?
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:29:20 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By dorobuta:
you will end up in court. 100% guaranteed. it will be ugly. Get ahead of it now with your attorney.
View Quote
This.  

A gift check will just be used for an attorney to get more.  

Find one versed in estate law and let them do their job.  

Stop contact with leeches.   
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:29:45 PM EST
I would not ignore the directions of my mother about HER money.

They would get nothing.

If she was alive would you give them the money? No. So they get nothing now.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:30:47 PM EST
I would not give them jack

but if you feel the need to give them the 50% charge for everything. as executer you don't work for free, mark down all the time you spend on it calculate your hourly earning and take that payment and any other expenses(lawyer, paperwork, funeral expenses etc.. off the top before you do the 50/50 split
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:30:53 PM EST
Lawyer up and if you decide to give them any money make them agree in writing that that is all they get.

And take all the legal fees out of what you plan to give them.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:30:57 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By hawkeyefb44:
Would they have a legal claim to any of the money? Talk to your attorney op

If not, it's up to you if you think they deserve anything. Me personally from reading that- fuck em no money
View Quote
The two obvious claims are that the parents had a contract to make a Will and she breached it by altering the disposition and then lack of capacity.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:31:28 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2017 6:34:39 PM EST by bubbagumpshrimp]
I'm sorry for your loss. Your Mom looked like a very nice lady.

I would speak with an estate attorney. Part of me says that you should just stick to her will and give them nothing. The other part of me thinks that you should ask an estate attorney what they are likely to get (if anything) if they drag you into court. If there's even a legal basis for them to do so.

Keep in mind that the step-daughter wants to see paperwork on all of the assets. Odds are that she's not going to be content with any number you throw out there.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:34:11 PM EST
Don't give them anything. You're going to be the asshole either way... might as well honor your mom's wishes.

If they hadn't mentioned it, some money would be a nice gesture... in this case politely tell them to get fucked.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:34:18 PM EST
Sorry for your loss and the impending bull shit. Don't try to the right thing, they would never do it for you.

Lawyer up, end all contact. Have lawyer explain that newer will replaced older version. Plan to get sued, counter sue them. Give them nothing.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:35:53 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By FrankDrebin:

The two obvious claims are that the parents had a contract to make a Will and she breached it by altering the disposition and then lack of capacity.
View Quote
Yup. That would be my concern.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:36:39 PM EST
Sorry for your loss, OP.

You and your mother sound like good people.

I would lawyer up and give them nothing.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:37:28 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By NYCsurvivor:
I'm sorry for your loss. Your mom was a beatiful woman. I would not give them anything. They will never be satisfied.
View Quote
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:38:06 PM EST
based on your story, I would give them nothing

maybe $10k each if they sign an agreement to end all legal horseshit
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:38:27 PM EST
If you are named executor it is your job to execute the will as written, it is not up to you to interpret it.

If the legally filed will names you as the sole beneficiary, that is what you are.

If you decide to give them a gift because you're a good ol' boy that is what it is , a gift from you and it has absolutely nothing to do with the estate.

Secure an attorney, probate the will as required if required and cease communications with the other parties regardless whether you intend to give them a gift or not.

Not a lawyer but with some pertinent experience.

My will specifically states that any contestants to the execution of my will as written are to receive $1 no more or less.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:41:11 PM EST
No matter how much you give them it will not be enough.

The leeches/vultures will never be satisfied. You will not be able
to appease them with any amount.

So Fuck it, give them nothing. (and use the money for a lawyer for yourself)
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:41:11 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2017 6:43:26 PM EST by Benjidoggie]
you Mom didnt want them to have anything. So Honor yoiur Mom's wishes. Give the Step's your lawyers number.


ETA: If you give them money you will have to pay gift tax.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:43:44 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By autococker07:
This.  

A gift check will just be used for an attorney to get more.  

Find one versed in estate law and let them do their job.  

Stop contact with leeches.   
View Quote View All Quotes
View All Quotes
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By autococker07:
Originally Posted By dorobuta:
you will end up in court. 100% guaranteed. it will be ugly. Get ahead of it now with your attorney.
This.  

A gift check will just be used for an attorney to get more.  

Find one versed in estate law and let them do their job.  

Stop contact with leeches.   
This. You needed an aggressive elder and estate attorney months ago.

And sorry for your loss. It sounds like you did right by your Mom and Step-Dad all the way to the end. I'm sorry their memory will be tainted by this.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:45:02 PM EST
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'd probably give the step siblings money. They were your stepfather's kids and he died assuming that there would be some provision made for them. While the contempt you and your mom have/had is more than reasonable, I don't know that it invalidates his wishes.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:45:04 PM EST
ZERO to them right now, give yourself time to think about it.

Have a trust created IMMEDIATELY by a competent attorney to receive the money.  If you have to receive as an individual fund the newly formed trust with the money IMMEDIATELY upon receipt.  Asset shielding, discretion over disbursement, avoid personal lawsuits.

A qualified trust/estate attorney will explain why the above makes sense.  Been there, done this.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:45:42 PM EST
Its not your money, its your mom's money amd her wish was you get it all. She made a conscientious decision and stuck to it. Honor her last wish. Donate half to charity if you have moral issues.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:45:52 PM EST
Discussion ForumsJump to Quoted PostQuote History
Originally Posted By JordanJP:


$20k apiece, keep $60k for you. If you have to. And if you're feeling generous.

Personally I wouldn't give them shit and I would explain the reasoning behind it as "mom and I took care of your dad, then I took care of mom, and the will was updated to reflect her wishes."
View Quote
I would go something $5K to each. When they take it you know that they will not try to contest anything.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:46:05 PM EST
[Last Edit: 8/22/2017 7:15:12 PM EST by die-tryin]
Pay $500 to a good estate lawyer, hand him everything and tell siblings any issues or anything they disagree with, talk to the lawyer and stop contact.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:46:30 PM EST
Fuck them. Tell em to piss off.
Link Posted: 8/22/2017 6:48:23 PM EST
Keep in mind that what ever you do give them will not be enough in their eyes. They will squander what they get, then sue you for more.

I am sorry that you are in this situation. I would say that it is a no win situation.


Hold your head high that you provided the best for your Mother when she needed it.
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