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Posted: 7/31/2005 4:55:43 PM EDT
A Literature Test Gone Bad Due To Bad Chemistry!

Subject: English professor assigns a joint venture creative writing project.

Remember the book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus"?
Here's a prime example offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:

"Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story.
The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her
immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story.
You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me.
The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the
story and send it back, also sending another copy to me.
The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to! keep the story coherent.
There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say
must be written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of my English students:

Rebecca (last name deleted), and Gary (last name deleted).



(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home,
now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times,
that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl.
His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma
started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron! on now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
"A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator.
"Polar orbit reestablished. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.
The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.


He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang
of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him.
Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers
of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning.
The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window,
dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with
no newspapers to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder
at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become
a woman?" she pondered wistfully.


Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles
above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles.
The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament
Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough
firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated
their diabolical plan.

The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid Laurie and 85 million other Americans.
The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to
veto that treaty!

Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"


This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.


Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary
equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F--KING TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"








Go drink some tea - whore.


A+ - I really liked this one
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 8:44:22 AM EDT
True or myth, that is some funny shit!  But I suspect it isn't quite true, as it reminds me too much of that other exchange I've read.  You know, the IRL stream where the guy and gal are having cyber-sex?

But still, funny shit!
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 9:02:35 AM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 9:09:40 AM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 12:18:59 AM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 2:01:15 PM EDT
That is total quality right there!
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 4:59:47 PM EDT

I love it!
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:03:34 PM EDT
At first I thought "eh, too much text to read." but then I read it. Glad I did, it's so true!
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:09:12 PM EDT
That's some good shit!
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:12:12 PM EDT


I love it!

Me too.
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:13:55 PM EDT
This really old.  I saw this about 5-6 years ago.

That said

It still brings a smile to my face.  Good find.
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:15:34 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:18:04 PM EDT

ETA: Dupe police-- Its new to me and very funny.
Either provide a link to the dupe or STFU. Thanks
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:27:43 PM EDT
haha that is great.  i hope its true, that would make it even better
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:43:08 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:50:04 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:50:35 PM EDT
I see but one inescapable conclusion -

America was destroyed when we allowed womens suffrage.

Link Posted: 7/31/2005 5:53:55 PM EDT

Great read!

Link Posted: 7/31/2005 6:07:31 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 6:23:28 PM EDT
I'll never think of cham tea the same again.
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 6:26:09 PM EDT
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 6:26:34 PM EDT
Go drink some tea - whore.
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 6:54:43 PM EDT
If the chic was hot and the guy was that much of a sci-fi nerd ass he'd have probably made every effort to play along with her story in the hopes of getting in her pants.

"A+..." That was the funniest part.
Link Posted: 7/31/2005 9:12:10 PM EDT

True or myth, that is some funny shit!  But I suspect it isn't quite true, as it reminds me too much of that other exchange I've read.  You know, the IRL stream where the guy and gal are having cyber-sex?

But still, funny shit!

I execute standing position 12 from the Kama Sutra...
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