Gave my ex a $100 loan

[ARCHIVED THREAD] - Gave my ex a $100 loan (Page 1 of 3)

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:08:51 AM EDT

To make Easter happen. We are separated and on our way to divorce. I bust my ass and barely make bills every month. Apparently she told my kids (3 daughters 9,14, and 15) that they aren't getting " easter baskets" til Tuesday morning. I gave her money with the understanding that it would cover dinner and Easter baskets for the kids for tomorrow morning. They're gonna wake up in the morning to nothing. How do I handle this situation? What do I say to the kids? I'm hurt and disappointed and feel like a failure...

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:11:16 AM EDT

[#1]

At 14 and 15, do they "need" an easter basket?

Perhaps the 9YO.

That $100 will go a long way to help make their easter nice. I wouldn't expect it back. Money spent on kids is money well spent. Good on you.

ETA: Did I misread, perhaps? Did you give her the $$$ and does it appear she's not spending it on the kids? Is that the situation?

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:15:35 AM EDT

[#2]

So she stole the money and isn't spending it on the Easter baskets or dinner?

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:15:47 AM EDT

[#3]

Jeeze.

What did she do with the $100?

Technically they might not "need" it. But who really does? I'm over 30 and my mom still got me a bag with a few pieces of candy.

OP if you do PayPal let me know i can send a few bucks. Go out in the morning and get some candy.

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:16:49 AM EDT

[#4]

Should have bought baskets then given them to your kids

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:17:55 AM EDT

[#5]

I don't think I'd do shit but count it as a lesson.

maybe handle it yourself in the future and give the Ex the items, not the money?

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:19:01 AM EDT

[#6]

Quoted:
To make Easter happen. We are separated and on our way to divorce. I bust my ass and barely make bills every month. Apparently she told my kids (3 daughters 9,14, and 15) that they aren't getting " easter baskets" til Tuesday morning. I gave her money with the understanding that it would cover dinner and Easter baskets for the kids for tomorrow morning. They're gonna wake up in the morning to nothing. How do I handle this situation? What do I say to the kids? I'm hurt and disappointed and feel like a failure...

View Quote

This isn't on you dude...

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:19:41 AM EDT

[#7]

Go to the local 24hr Walmart or Walgreens, buy the kids some baskets and drop them off to them.

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:19:58 AM EDT

[#8]

Maybe explain to them that their mother is the reason they have no Easter baskets? That's what I would do

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:21:16 AM EDT

[#9]

I have nothing I could say that would be productive or helpful.

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:21:21 AM EDT

[#10]

Quote History

Quoted:
I don't think I'd do shit but count it as a lesson.

maybe handle it yourself in the future and give the Ex the items, not the money?

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This.

She has just proven herself to be an irresponsible liar who just screwed you and your kids over. Fool me once.

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:23:23 AM EDT

[#11]

Your kids know theres no easter bunny right?

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:30:29 AM EDT

[#12]

$100 for Easter holy fuck. That sounds retarded. Why do kids need $30 Easter baskets? How about having dinner together?

People are convinced that spending money on retarded shit solves everything.

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:30:38 AM EDT

[#13]

I am sorry that your kids have a selfish mom. I know many selfish entitled females that care more about themselves than their kids. Society has taught them to be this way.

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:31:17 AM EDT

[#14]

Can you get the kids for easter?

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:35:21 AM EDT

[#15]

Quote History

Quoted:
Should have bought baskets then given them to your kids

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I agree

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:37:16 AM EDT

[#16]

Its the weekend, shouldn't they be with you

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:46:30 AM EDT

[#17]

Quote History

Quoted:
I am sorry that your kids have a selfish mom. I know many selfish entitled females that care more about themselves than their kids. Society has taught them to be this way.

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I mean she has to pay for her Marlboros somehow...

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:52:51 AM EDT

[#18]

I stopped giving my exwife cash for stuff if I could just buy it for my sons and give it to them myself - gifts, clothes, shoes etc. She's not a total shitbag, but does stuff like use their money for stuff and then never pays them back, presumably groceries/food/bills since she's not into drugs or drinking. Shes the kind who hates working for money apparently.

My sons are 13/15 and don't know all the details of why their parents got a divorce, but have a pretty good idea their mom isn't straightforward about our divorce or what I pay for when it comes to them. They were surprised to hear that I've been paying their mother child support for the last 8 years or have been financially responsible for 100% of their health insurance and medical bills per the divorce decree ( at my insistance, since she sure as fuck wouldn't be paying for anything, no excuse to not take them to the doc when they needed to go if I was paying for it). Apparently that's never come up when she told them she didn't have the money to take them to the doctor when they were sick, or in my 15 year old's case - coughing nonstop due to allergy induced asthma. Took the older one myself to the walk in on one of my weekends with them after asking her to do it for over a month. When I took them home to her and informed her of his diagnosis, she told me she had the same thing and was prescribed an inhaler a couple months before. My son got a lesson on what sort of person his mother was that day.

Ex's are ex's for a reason, you can't fix all their fuckups and at some point the kids will see them for what they are. You've just got to be a good parent and do whats right by your children. Sometimes that's not giving the ex cash because you know it won't be spent like it should, and sometimes it's biting your tongue when you want to tell the kids what a self absorbed,retarded drama queen piece of shit their mother is.

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:54:51 AM EDT

[#19]

ThiS is why ever holiday there is stuff here for my boys, the easter bunny, leprechaun, santa, etc. Always come here whether they are here or not so that when they return they have something to look forward to. I dont trust the ex to do the right thing

Posted: 4/16/2017 1:57:13 AM EDT

[#20]

Quote History

Quoted:
Maybe explain to them that their mother is the reason they have no Easter baskets? That's what I would do

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You never bad mouth the other parent. It shows lack of class and kids will remember this. They already know the score anyway.

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:01:51 AM EDT

[#21]

Quote History

Quoted:

I mean she has to pay for her Marlboros somehow...

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Or she put it into her lawyer fund.
I hope you and your daughters manage to have a good Easter regardless.

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:09:34 AM EDT

[#22]

Quote History

Quoted:
I stopped giving my exwife cash for stuff if I could just buy it for my sons and give it to them myself - gifts, clothes, shoes etc. She's not a total shitbag, but does stuff like use their money for stuff and then never pays them back, presumably groceries/food/bills since she's not into drugs or drinking. Shes the kind who hates working for money apparently.

My sons are 13/15 and don't know all the details of why their parents got a divorce, but have a pretty good idea their mom isn't straightforward about our divorce or what I pay for when it comes to them. They were surprised to hear that I've been paying their mother child support for the last 8 years or have been financially responsible for 100% of their health insurance and medical bills per the divorce decree ( at my insistance, since she sure as fuck wouldn't be paying for anything, no excuse to not take them to the doc when they needed to go if I was paying for it). Apparently that's never come up when she told them she didn't have the money to take them to the doctor when they were sick, or in my 15 year old's case - coughing nonstop due to allergy induced asthma. Took the older one myself to the walk in on one of my weekends with them after asking her to do it for over a month. When I took them home to her and informed her of his diagnosis, she told me she had the same thing and was prescribed an inhaler a couple months before. My son got a lesson on what sort of person his mother was that day.

Ex's are ex's for a reason, you can't fix all their fuckups and at some point the kids will see them for what they are. You've just got to be a good parent and do whats right by your children. Sometimes that's not giving the ex cash because you know it won't be spent like it should, and sometimes it's biting your tongue when you want to tell the kids what a self absorbed,retarded drama queen piece of shit their mother is.

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Damn good post brother! I should know better than to give her cash, but when she says "it's for the girls" it makes me retarded, I just want my kids taken care of, you know?

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:09:46 AM EDT

[#23]

All the kids are to old for that shit anyway....you should have taken the girls out to dinner. Let the know their mom sucks, by the fact that their mother doesn't have or do anything on this special day....no need for you to say a word. You just fucked yourself over giving her money....but sounds like you are use to it and are still in the blame yourself for her actions phase.

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:09:49 AM EDT

[#24]

OP, $100 is a cheap price to pay for the lesson you just learned. It cost me way, WAY more to finally get it through my thick skull that my ex was not to be trusted with money, *especially* for the kids.

Don't badmouth her, don't even mention it to your girls - they will figure things out soon enough.

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:11:47 AM EDT

[#25]

Quote History

Quoted:

You never bad mouth the other parent. It shows lack of class and kids will remember this. They already know the score anyway.

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As much as she deserves it, I don't badmouth her to our kids....

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:13:46 AM EDT

[#26]

Quote History

Quoted:
Jeeze.

What did she do with the $100?

Technically they might not "need" it. But who really does? I'm over 30 and my mom still got me a bag with a few pieces of candy.

OP if you do PayPal let me know i can send a few bucks. Go out in the morning and get some candy.

View Quote

People like you restore my faith in humanity. Good on you man!!!!

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:17:07 AM EDT

[#27]

Quoted:
To make Easter happen. We are separated and on our way to divorce. I bust my ass and barely make bills every month. Apparently she told my kids (3 daughters 9,14, and 15) that they aren't getting " easter baskets" til Tuesday morning. I gave her money with the understanding that it would cover dinner and Easter baskets for the kids for tomorrow morning. They're gonna wake up in the morning to nothing. How do I handle this situation? What do I say to the kids? I'm hurt and disappointed and feel like a failure...

View Quote

Drive to Walmart right now, 'cuz they're open 24 hrs/day. Buy some filler and something useful but cheap to go in them(*). Spend $1.88 on a bag of plastic eggs, and $2 on a bag of jelly beans. Fill the eggs. Drive over to her house, put the baskets on the porch, and scatter the eggs around her yard.

Don't do it for her or for you, do it for your kids.

It may be awfully tough financially, but if you can in any way stretch it, do it. At some point later on in their lives, your kids are going to start examining how their mom and dad acted during their (your kids') childhood. You always want "Dad" to the mature, reasonable, responsible, accepting one in their memory.

I know two different families where the mother literally brain-washed the children that the dads were evil. In both cases, the Dad just always took the high road, never talked bad, was always good with the kids, etc.. As the kids neared and reached adulthood, in both cases they realized that their mom was crazy and vindictive, and their dad was actually a reasonable human being, and the kids all ended up telling their mother to shove off, and have spent the rest of their lives being close to their fathers. You can do it, man. Even if it's tough now, play the long game.

(*) Depending on the age of your kids, crayons and paper, a wiffle ball & bat, knock-off nerf guns, there are all kinds of good, fun toys for them to play with that are ~$5 or so.

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:20:24 AM EDT

[#28]

Quote History

Quoted:
$100 for Easter holy fuck. That sounds retarded. Why do kids need $30 Easter baskets? How about having dinner together?

People are convinced that spending money on retarded shit solves everything.

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I dunno, I spent about $90 on my kids' Easter baskets. But instead of the stupid, worthless crap in the pre-made ones, they got board games, Nerf darts, books, etc., stuff that's actually good for kids. As far as candy goes, they each get two Cadbury eggs, and one very small chocolate bunny, 'cuz reading and playing are better than sugar!

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:23:15 AM EDT

[#29]

IMHO.....it really isn't a loan. Kiss it good bye.

Aloha, Mark

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:39:44 AM EDT

[#30]

Quote History

Quoted:

Damn good post brother! I should know better than to give her cash, but when she says "it's for the girls" it makes me retarded, I just want my kids taken care of, you know?

View Quote

BTDT. You're willing to put aside how you feel about her if the kids are going to benefit (in theory)

I'll help the ex sometimes if I don't have to go out of my way, paying child support early, or giving one of my sons money to pay for something like "church camp" or piano lessons.

She's currently getting divorced again, so I try to cut her a little slack. I don't ever give her cash, but no problem trading weekends or meeting someplace other then the usual halfway point. She's 138 miles away, and drives 60ish miles most time to meet me on Fri & Sun. That's fucking huge for me, time wise.

My current wife, thinks the ex plays me and dislikes her in general

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:42:03 AM EDT

[#31]

What you have posted is a global failure of mankind. It always seems to go down like this - a group or person says they need money for a specific item. More often than not if you give them the cash, all or some will get diverted from the stated cause to that person/groups agenda priorities.

Never give cash! Provide the needed items the money was requested for. Not local, order via Amazon or Walmart and have it delivered to the Kids address. Thieving mother tries to return stuff for refund, money is refunded back into your CC account, not her hands.

US Foreign aid: We should be shipping US made goods to where they are needed vrs handing out checks to let local governments buy from lowest bidder provider (after skimming a percentage.).

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:45:49 AM EDT

[#32]

Quote History

Quoted:
Your kids know theres no easter bunny right?

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WHAT???

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:46:03 AM EDT

[#33]

Tell you ex to shit some fucking easter baskets or you want them for all holidays from here on out.

Wait till Christmas and see what she pulls.

Edit: I made my 1 year old son an easter basket for $8 dollars with peices from walmart. She is on drugs.

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:48:46 AM EDT

[#34]

OP you should've just dropped off the baskets yourself if you wanted them to have them. Ex sounds like a complete and utter failure.

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:49:06 AM EDT

[#35]

Easter baskets are for 5 year olds, not 15 year olds!

Posted: 4/16/2017 2:49:23 AM EDT

[#36]

Quote History

Quoted:

Drive to Walmart right now, 'cuz they're open 24 hrs/day. Buy some filler and something useful but cheap to go in them(*). Spend $1.88 on a bag of plastic eggs, and $2 on a bag of jelly beans. Fill the eggs. Drive over to her house, put the baskets on the porch, and scatter the eggs around her yard.

Don't do it for her or for you, do it for your kids.

It may be awfully tough financially, but if you can in any way stretch it, do it. At some point later on in their lives, your kids are going to start examining how their mom and dad acted during their (your kids') childhood. You always want "Dad" to the mature, reasonable, responsible, accepting one in their memory.

I know two different families where the mother literally brain-washed the children that the dads were evil. In both cases, the Dad just always took the high road, never talked bad, was always good with the kids, etc.. As the kids neared and reached adulthood, in both cases they realized that their mom was crazy and vindictive, and their dad was actually a reasonable human being, and the kids all ended up telling their mother to shove off, and have spent the rest of their lives being close to their fathers. You can do it, man. Even if it's tough now, play the long game.

(*) Depending on the age of your kids, crayons and paper, a wiffle ball & bat, knock-off nerf guns, there are all kinds of good, fun toys for them to play with that are ~$5 or so.

View Quote

This. There is time

Posted: 4/16/2017 3:16:55 AM EDT

[#37]

My girls are 17 and 20, I still buy them valentines gifts and easter baskets. They look forward to it. Each basket has a bag of jelly beans, dove chocolate or m&m's, some peeps and a coloring book. It may seem silly to others but, hey, they are my girls.
If I were you I'd fill a basket for each. If you can't be with them today leave them on the porch and call your oldest and tell them to look on the porch.
You'll catch hell from your ex but who cares, it for the kids.
Also, never give money away that you can't afford to not get back.

Eta: I also added some bubble wands this year, they use them to play with their cats and dogs. As kids they also liked sidewalk chalk. The completed basket usually doesn't cost more than 10 bucks per basket. Skip a meal and let the kids know YOU care.

Posted: 4/16/2017 3:19:46 AM EDT

[#38]

My ex cunt is trying to keep me from seeing my kids tomorrow

Posted: 4/16/2017 3:22:30 AM EDT

[#39]

You have paypal?
If so send me an email with your paypal address and I'll send you some money to do something nice for your kids tomorrow (Easter Sunday - Still Saturday here)

Posted: 4/16/2017 4:49:57 AM EDT

[#40]

Quote History

Quoted:
OP, $100 is a cheap price to pay for the lesson you just learned. It cost me way, WAY more to finally get it through my thick skull that my ex was not to be trusted with money, *especially* for the kids.

Don't badmouth her, don't even mention it to your girls - they will figure things out soon enough.

View Quote

Lesson isn't over, he's still going to get raped in the divorce even though he sounds like the more responsible one.

Posted: 4/16/2017 5:11:57 AM EDT

[#41]

Quoted:
To make Easter happen. We are separated and on our way to divorce. I bust my ass and barely make bills every month. Apparently she told my kids (3 daughters 9,14, and 15) that they aren't getting " easter baskets" til Tuesday morning. I gave her money with the understanding that it would cover dinner and Easter baskets for the kids for tomorrow morning. They're gonna wake up in the morning to nothing. How do I handle this situation? What do I say to the kids? I'm hurt and disappointed and feel like a failure...

View Quote

Its Easter so I wont even bother reading the standard issue GD shitheads that no doubt have someone to blame or make some political/economic statement out of it.
Sometimes you're just down on your luck. But you know what OP?
1)It eventually happens to everyone.
2)It does get better.
We bought a couple Kinder eggs, a larger one and some small little Ldil bunnies. Not because of the money, maybe spend like 20 bucks on the stuff, but because we're trying to eat healthier so we made a homemade strawbery cake instead as the main Easter treat. We're also trying to raise them to appreciate other things, rather than just wanting marketing crap.
I hope you're kids got at least some candy for Easter and that you get to spend some time with them.
Happy Easter man.
ETA: I would try to get a least a few Kinder eggs (they are like 1 or 2 bucks if I'm not mistaken) get over there, hide them around the house and tell them "hey, I guess that stupid bunny did show up after all."

Posted: 4/16/2017 5:13:22 AM EDT

[#42]

And keep track of how much money you are giving her mine tried to say I wasn't paying anything before the papers were signed but I had all the paperwork where I transferred money to her account and had cancelled checks. It sux but get used to it divorce sucks ass

Posted: 4/16/2017 5:14:37 AM EDT

[#43]

Don't give bums money. Offer food or work for cash. The ones who truly need it will respond accordingly. Same with useless exes. Also, eggs and bunnies are fucking retarded. Would never teach my kids that crap.

Posted: 4/16/2017 5:27:36 AM EDT

[#44]

still grateful I never bred.

Posted: 4/16/2017 5:35:43 AM EDT

[#45]

Quote History

Quoted:
Don't give bums money. Offer food or work for cash. The ones who truly need it will respond accordingly. Same with useless exes. Also, eggs and bunnies are fucking retarded. Would never teach my kids that crap.

View Quote

The self righteousness on this forum never ceases to amaze me.

Posted: 4/16/2017 5:40:50 AM EDT

[#46]

Quote History

Quoted:
Should have bought baskets then given them to your kids

View Quote

Posted: 4/16/2017 6:19:32 AM EDT

[#47]

Quote History

Quoted:
The self righteousness on this forum never ceases to amaze me.

View Quote View All Quotes

View All Quotes

Quote History

Quoted:

Quoted:
Don't give bums money. Offer food or work for cash. The ones who truly need it will respond accordingly. Same with useless exes. Also, eggs and bunnies are fucking retarded. Would never teach my kids that crap.

The self righteousness on this forum never ceases to amaze me.

indeed

Posted: 4/16/2017 6:21:22 AM EDT

[#48]

Pro Tip: Easter merchandise and candy is heavily discounted after Easter. Peeps can be found for pennies on the dollar. I provide you with this information so you can prepare for next year.