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9/22/2017 12:11:25 AM
Posted: 5/12/2003 6:19:31 PM EDT
This post is being written by my alter-ego, Tyler... "S" and I started going out in HS over 11 years ago. I broke up with her when I was on my way to college. After about 3 weeks there, I realized I made a terrible mistake. When I tried to get back together with her, she said she didn't trust me, and that we (I) had alot of rebuilding to do. I could have "went for it", but I was impatient. We didn't get back together then. Fast forward a year. I still felt as though I had made a mistake, and missed her like Hell. Joined the Navy. Still missed her. I had a few relationships. So did she. We ALMOST got back together once. Before coming home on leave, we were writing again, reminising about the old days. When I got home on leave, "S" told me she was in love, and it was one of those things. This new guy was the one. A year passes. I still feel as though she is "The one that got away...". She calls me, tells me she can't see them lasting, and she breaks it off. I get out of the Navy (I was in for 6 years), and we get back together. She was at school finishing her masters. She finished her masters, and was accepted to stay on at that same school for her pHD. What does she do? DROPS that pHD program and takes on ONE hour from where I live/work. (This was a big sore spot too. She wanted my opinion on if she should stay at the original school or move, and I wasn't going to give it to her...) We have been together for almost 2 years now. I don't know how I feel. On one hand, she has begun to drive me crazy. After about 1 weekend together, I am ready to head for home. If I am away from her for about 2 weeks, I miss her. I DON'T want to get married. I have only seen about 3 good ones in my life. Everyone else I know that is married is miserable. This weekend, she told me she thinks I love her, but I am not IN LOVE with her. (I am paraphrasing here...) I told her (Sunday) I don't EVER want to get married. It is a retarded institution, and I can be AS, if not MORE dedicated to one person without all the hub bub. Honestly, I don't know. I think what has kept me in this thing is the fact I remember how much I missed her all these years. Maybe I Do love her. Maybe I just,... I don't know. All I know is I don't know what to do.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 6:26:32 PM EDT
So, do I hurt inside just because I feel bad for breaking it off with someone who used to be a good friend? Do I feel bad because I am jealous someone else might be with her? What I THINK it is is that I realize how bad it was w/o her (How much I missed her), and that is why I've kept this up for so long. Breaking up with someone has always been a hard thing for me to do. Things have been FINE, as long as she stayed content with the way things were. I loved her, she loved me. Both of us are faithful to each other. Our relationship is/was fine. She would visit one weekend, I'd visit the next. She gets along with my relatives, etc. Things seemed fine as they were. Marriage benefits the woman. I'll shut up now, before I get bitter about that whole darn institution...
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 6:29:24 PM EDT
Originally Posted By TylerMcNamara: I told her (Sunday) I don't EVER want to get married.
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I've said that before. That chases 'em right to the exit.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 6:41:22 PM EDT
This weekend, she told me she thinks I love her, but I am not IN LOVE with her.
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The fuck does that mean? I often think women are completly batshit insane.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 6:47:05 PM EDT
You're asking the wrong bunch of guys for advice on women.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 6:48:23 PM EDT
This weekend, she told me she thinks I love her, but I am not IN LOVE with her. (I am paraphrasing here...)
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Got up the nerve to tell a woman once that I was in love with her (which I was). She insisted that I loved her but couldn't possibly be IN love with her (I do know the difference BTW). We were good friends, had a lot in common and it would have been a good time (but not a lifetime thing) for both of us. She insisted that her past (she had survived a rape) would make it impossible for her to really love someone. I got a wedding invitation from her less than a year after we went our seperate ways. Who the fuck can figure out most women?
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 6:48:30 PM EDT
break up, relationships are supposed to be with someone you enjoy. if she drives you crazy after after 1 weekend together , why would you want to put any more effort into your relationship. was she your first love or first one to have sex with? this might be why you cant seem to let go.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 6:50:45 PM EDT
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 7:02:38 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Airwolf: She insisted that I loved her but couldn't possibly be IN love with her (I do know the difference BTW).
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Well tell us, 'cause I sure don't.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 7:04:02 PM EDT
Originally Posted By sherrick13: If you are not willing to marry her, let her go so she can get on with her life.
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And you can make sure she is getting on with her life by hiding in her shrubbery with NVGs.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 7:04:02 PM EDT
Originally Posted By walttx: break up, relationships are supposed to be with someone you enjoy.
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But I DO enjoy our time together! I have accentuated the negatives in this post. there ARE good times too...
If she drives you crazy after after 1 weekend together, why would you want to put any more effort into your relationship.
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Thats the thing though! I jonesed for her for so long, that I think to myself, "If I DO break up, will I figure it out again after 3 mos apart?"
Was she your first love or first one to have sex with? this might be why you cant seem to let go.
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She was my first real relationship. No, she wasn't my first, and I wasn't her first. We didn't,... Ummm,... consumate things until this last relationship started...
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 7:05:28 PM EDT
Like I said, I just don't know. I'm hoping sor some of the non-male members of ar15.com to chime in on this one...
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 7:07:35 PM EDT
Originally Posted By SWS:
Originally Posted By TylerMcNamara: I told her (Sunday) I don't EVER want to get married.
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I've said that before. That chases 'em right to the exit.
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But WHY? She knows I can be as faithful to her! It would mean more if I spend a lifetime with her without holy vows hanging over our heads! (At least she knows I was with her for HER, not because I feel bad because I might break my vows to God...)
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 7:09:03 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Spade:
Originally Posted By sherrick13: If you are not willing to marry her, let her go so she can get on with her life.
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And you can make sure she is getting on with her life by hiding in her shrubbery with NVGs.
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OK slapnuts, you can either offer some constructive criticism, or quit posting. If I needed smarta$$ comments, I'd be posting on DUmbo.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 8:33:59 PM EDT
Oh Yea you came to the right place,we can sure give you some damn number one advice about women,course then we would have to kill you! Course you wouldn't be any the worse off! Bob [:D]
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 8:53:06 PM EDT
I make it that you are about 28 or 29 years old. Surely you have your shit together by now, but it doesn't sound like it from your post. Since you posted, IMHO you need a big dose of reality. All that "love but not in love" from her is about as wacky as the "I don't want to ever get married (ie: commit)" comment from you. Try celibacy for a while, I think that it's your only hope - -and while your at it - don't act like a love sick puppy unless you are willing to play the part on a long term basis (and don't be suprised when you get dumped on the side of the road, either). If you just want to get laid, then be honest with her (and yourself and say so). If you are unable to come to grips with your "feelings" then walk away and let this woman get on with her life - this isn't high school anymore. No flame - just a wake up call. X
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 9:01:47 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Spade:
Originally Posted By Airwolf: She insisted that I loved her but couldn't possibly be IN love with her (I do know the difference BTW).
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Well tell us, 'cause I sure don't.
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I love my brother, I am not however IN love with him... see the difference?
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 9:08:58 PM EDT
Originally Posted By TylerMcNamara: But WHY? She knows I can be as faithful to her! It would mean more if I spend a lifetime with her without holy vows hanging over our heads! (At least she knows I was with her for HER, not because I feel bad because I might break my vows to God...)
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The reason I'm faithful to my wife is NOT because of my vows, they are just an affirmation of what was already there. I understand that you don't need to be married to be faithful, but why are you so against marriage? BTW, if she drives you nuts but you can't handle being without her, then get married, your in love. Women WILL drive you nuts, its a scientific thing. Thats no reason to pick the other option! [puke]
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 9:13:01 PM EDT
[Last Edit: 5/12/2003 9:17:13 PM EDT by Gunslinger808]
TMcN: You know damn well you love her otherwise this would be a shoulder shrug issue. After 21 years of marrage I have one understanding of women, (write it down!) They are easier to love when you are away. When I am TDY I can think of only one thing (her), but after a week at home I some times find myself wishing she would STFU! It's a hell of a dillema, Bottom line question is, are you happier with or away from her? Good lays are easy, good friends are a fortune. Edited to add: For someone thats not sure, You sure are putting up a good argument for staying together! READ YOUR OWN COMMENTS
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 9:13:49 PM EDT
hey TM...as the old saying goes..."ya cant live w/ em...ya cant live w/out em". in a way this is true, because, life and ESPECIALLY relationships are about sacrifice and compromise. if you arent willing to accept that. no relationship..and life itself are going to be hard and cruel for you. time to sac up bud, you either want to be w/ her or you dont. shit...or get off the pot.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 9:21:24 PM EDT
Umm, OK, here goes. After 11 years it is either time to shit or get off the pot! I think that you both really need to get on with your lives and that requires at least two distinct things at this point: 1. An affirmative decision based upon some if not all of the following-logic, reason, emotion, prayer, consultation w/ respected friends & family members, and deep individual and mutual introspection 2. A unwaivering and heart-felt commitment to that decision. As for the institution of marriage, that is obviously a personal decision on your part, but try not to get to hung up on all of the pomp & circumstance that society attaches to it. If you love someone and want to make it legal and official, then get married. It is a signal to both your spouse, your family, and the world that you are serious and are entering into a commitment. Most of the problem with marriage, as defined by society, is that people do not hold it in a serious regard. It is treated like a contract that can be relatively easily broken, and the vows forgone as soon as they become to tough a burden to bear. I am not exactly sure that you would be any more or less dedicated to her if you were or were not married. Exchanging vows should be treated like swearing a blood oath between two people supremely committed to one another. I am not exactly sure that just saying that we are a couple carries the same weight, but hey, to each his own. HTH.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 9:29:32 PM EDT
I had a girl I was in love with and thought was "the one who got away". This started around age eleven or twelve and continued until I was twenty. We'd write each other, call each other, go out, etc. She lived about fourty miles farther up in the woods than I do/did. We had relationships with other people, then would meet, usually unexpectedly, and would be attracted like magnets (Not just sexually, either). At nineteen or twenty, she moved to the same town as me. We started dating and ended up getting married. Problem was she looked very attractive, not just physically, when we were apart and met occassionally. Marriage, and even long-term dating with her wasn't fun. I was in love with what I thought she was, not who she really was and is. As a song from that time put it; I bought me an illusion An I put it on the wall I let it fill my head with dreams And I had to have them all But oh the taste is never so sweet As what you'd believe it is- Well I guess it never is It's these prejudiced illusions That pump the blood To the heart of the biz TS
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 9:31:21 PM EDT
Originally Posted By Spade:
This weekend, she told me she thinks I love her, but I am not IN LOVE with her.
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The fuck does that mean? I often think women are completly batshit insane.
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Congratulations, YOU understand women. [:D]
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 10:00:43 PM EDT
Definantely not the best place for relationship advice. So here's mine. http://www.dirtysanchezthemovie.com Dirty Sanchez will not be denied!
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 10:54:20 PM EDT
Originally Posted By TylerMcNamara: I DON'T want to get married. I have only seen about 3 good ones in my life. Everyone else I know that is married is miserable. Then for your sake and hers, let it go... This weekend, she told me she thinks I love her, but I am not IN LOVE with her. (I am paraphrasing here...)
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Paraphrasing? Hell yeh, lol- If only they were as mercifully brief and concise.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 10:54:59 PM EDT
Originally Posted By TylerMcNamara: I DON'T want to get married. I have only seen about 3 good ones in my life. Everyone else I know that is married is miserable. Then for your sake and hers, let it go... This weekend, she told me she thinks I love her, but I am not IN LOVE with her. (I am paraphrasing here...)
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Paraphrasing? Hell yeh, lol- If only they were as mercifully brief and concise.
Link Posted: 5/12/2003 11:30:32 PM EDT
I do not give out marital advise without a pic of said g/f. [}:D]
Link Posted: 5/13/2003 2:08:25 AM EDT
Get married, you might as well be as misserable as the rest of us, otherwise, you will never be one of the guys!!
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